"Merry Christémas!..."
South-East Island. 6:34pm. (No 6:67pm obviously, but thank goodness for maths and addition ig 🔥🫢...)
Jemima's "Convenience Store" was more of a large theatre or hall with comfy rows of seating for the audience and a main stage, where people could enjoy their various entertainments like watching musicals, movies, shows and performances in the venue.
On this day, the majority of normal people were of course enjoying the true spirit of Christémas, singing Carols and enjoying time with their loved ones and families celebrating the birth of Jesús and more or less enjoying their time off.
However. As you might expect, being a grandmaster veteran reader of this novel, what we were about to describe was... not a normal Christémas experience.
For one thing, the "Church of the Seven Deadly Sins" was definitely not normal, nor was it comprised of normal people, and they were certainly *not* singing Carols…
Instead, Karens - Cursed Carols - were being sung, and now everyone was getting off… *ahem,* that is to say, going off, to get themselves ready, in anticipation for the highlight of the evening…
*Excerpts from the 'Karens' sung*
[Note: These songs are an in-world parody and are solely intended to provide a wicked window into the rather concerning 'Church Services' of the 'Church' of the Seven Deadly Sins. This novel does not condone the denigration of any real-world religion or religious beliefs. Not to be emulated and do not try at home!]
"Silent Knight"
"Silent Knight… a splendid sight…
They've got so much charm… it's such a delight~
On an 'excursion', it starts off real mild
Skilled with their 'lance', it gets increasingly wild~
…Asleep now in satisfied pe-ace~
After a swe-et re-lease…"
"..."
"..."
___
"We Three Men of Culture"
"We Three Men of Culture are~
Taking some time to enjoy from afar~
Only fans, with lots of hands~
We're in love with an AV star…"
(…)
[We sincerely apologise for any potential trauma caused by these passages…]
(Continuing on.)
___
...After these 'Karens' were sung, the highlight of the evening was to be "The Unholy Play", which apparently featured a young up-and-coming "Puppet Master" by the name of Jemima…
The Play was scheduled to start at 6:45pm 👀, and would consist of a 'Puppet Show' projected onto the stage using 3D Holographic Technology.
Currently, the stage was set, there was an air of expectant excitement permeating the place, and as the starting time drew closer, the crowd began to settle down and seat themselves, getting comfortable with their snacks and popcorn to enjoy the show.
In addition to the main congregation of the "Church of the Seven Deadly Sins", there were also a few 'special guests' in the crowd tonight as well.
That's right.
As per the Dark Rizzards' plan, Itvashim and Hugo had arrived punctually, they themselves 'acting' on the intel that one of their EVP Blueprint targets, Jemima of the ARSES, would be putting on the "Unholy Play" today...
As a result, this would be their chance! They would pretend to be part of the Congregation, wait until the show kicked off, and then! They would go backstage, and hijack Jemima's piece of the EVP Blueprint whilst she was preoccupied with the performance…!
As always, it was a pernicious plan.
Hmm... That said, as they shuffled through the doors of the venue, they noticed that the majority of the audience - they seemed to be 'church-goers'? - seemed to be rather... old?!
Luckily, Itvashim didn't stand out too much - after being 'aged' by Pope Doris - and so, he was able to more or less blend in with the oldies, all he needed to do was unwrap himself a walking stick, a nice cane from his stash of stolen Amazoné and Téamu supplies and voila! He fit right in.
Unfortunately, Hugo wasn't quite so fortunate, and as a result, he had realised that, in order for the plan to work, he needed to disguise himself better in order to maintain his (currently and in more ways than one)... 'low' profile.
Christémas… Disguise… Could it be?!?!
Well of course, brilliant esteemed reader, you got it right once again!!!
'Secret Santa' was officially a thing, and Hugo had thrown aside his pride, as well as his usual clothes, and now, thanks to his hastily opening the appropriate purloined Amazoné and Téamu package, he had donned the vintage, classic red and white outfit, replete with the... floppy hat and white beard!!!
Oh. It was hot!
That is to say, before we get any incorrect ideas about Hugo and Secret-Santas in general, that the inside of the hall was quite warm that evening, and Hugo quickly felt himself getting damp, *moist*, and all in all again questioning his life choices as the evening dragged on...
"...Mommy… what's wrong with that Santa?" A young girl was walking past with her mom and happened to notice Hugo, who was definitely not looking jolly. In fact, he was scowling and sweating profusely, his Santa's hat all askew, and his costume was as wet, bedraggled and... as limp, as… various other things that can only be implied but not exactly mentioned in order to keep things 'PG' as usual.
"Now now dear~. It's not polite to stare." The mom was rather diplomatic as she tried to shoo her kid away from what appeared to be a very grumpy Santa indeed.
Another young boy with his parents however knew that Christémas only came once a year, and well, Santa was basically famous right?! So he had to take the opportunity!
"Oh look! It's Santa…!"
He ran up to Hugo, who was trying to blend in with a Christémas tree in order to be in prime position to grab the EVP Blueprint when the show began.
"-Hey Santa, Can we get a picture?!"
"No~!"
Well, this was immediately straight up what Hugo wanted to say, but unfortunately, he was starting to draw people's attention with his grumpiness.
Some of the older members of the Church of the Seven Deadly Sins were even muttering and giving him surreptitious glares and side-eyes, as his... 'downer' vibes were detracting from their enjoyment!
He had to keep a... low profile for a while longer.
"Ho ho ho." As a result, Hugo tried to crinkle his eyes and put on a jolly expression.
Unfortunately, owing to his poor mental and internal condition, it wasn't that effective, and just made him look like he was now in pain and constipated.
His partner-in-crime, The Grand Dark Rizzard Itvashim, with his elite attention to detail, saw that Hugo was letting 'the team' down, and knew he had to be ruthless.
He slowly shuffled over accentuating his 'old man' act, and, when he roughly estimated that no one was looking too closely, gave Hugo a sharp whack! with his cane (but not his candy-cane, to be clear.)
"Bro...! Get your sh** together. We're on a mission here." Itvashim hiss-whispered hoarsely in his old man voice.
Hugo grimaced, but forced himself to give a grin, before turning to the young boy.
"Why of course. By all means. Let's all take a photo…"
"Hohoho."
"Merry Christémas...!" Hugo said to the swarm of children and parents that were now beginning to throng around him.
He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. 🫢
"..."
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