Added Pain
Keifer's POV
I'm going crazy. I don't know if I can take this anymore.
"Seriously? Are you planning on drinking all the alcohol in your Mini bar?"
I didn't bother myself to look. I know it's Honey.
"You don't care if I drink it. I have a lot to buy." I said
and took a sip from my glass.
This is the only way I can endure what I did. I feel like every time I don't talk to her, my heart is being pulled out of my body. I need to be numb.
"Whatever. Your girlfriend hasn't been to school for two days.
And she still doesn't seem to be planning on going to school today."
I knew this might have happened. It's my fault. She seems to have lost the
will to study because of what happened.
Even our classmates have lost the will to answer my
calls. Rory is the first person I tried to call but he's not answering his phone.
I did the same thing to the others but they are always killing me or not answering my calls.
Yuri and Ci-N are the only ones who answered my call but they only say the same thing. They keep asking what my problem is. I don't know them.
I hung up the call.
"What are you planning? Are you going back to London?" Honey asked me.
I shook my head. "Not yet."
I'm not yet strong enough.
I haven't even fixed my anger management issue. That's what I should fix first before the others.
But with so many problems going on with me now, I'm confused about what to prioritize.
"Hey Keifer... I'm the one struggling with what you're doing."
"You don't have to stay here if you can't stand seeing me like this."
She laughed a little, causing me to look at her. She's
starting to annoy me.
"You said you will be strong enough to protect your
family and love ones. But here you are looking more miserable than your
girl." He arched a brow. "...now tell me how this drunk man in front of me
can save his family and love ones."
I dropped the glass I was holding.
She's right.
Sometimes what this woman says makes sense.
I thought she was just acting and being mean. How could I fight and protect Jay-jay and my siblings if I looked miserable.
I chuckled in disbelief. I was able to push her away to get myself together and to make sure she was safe. I had things to do instead of just sitting here and drinking.
"You're talking to me with sense, right?" I said and sipped the remaining wine in my glass.
"We've been together for a long time but you're only realizing it now?"
I dropped the glass and stood up. I faced her and smiled slightly.
"I realized a long time ago that you have no brains."
I immediately walked past her after saying that. I knew she would get angry and
would just throw me out. After leaving the bar, I immediately looked for a maid.
Most of them are avoiding me. They know that I don't like many people
around me. What's worse is that I don't know their names.
I only know the Head Housemaid and Butler.
I don't want to call them names because they are both old.
They should rest. Once I turn 18 I will get the whole custody of
Keiren and Keigan from them so they can finally have their retirement
vacation. I named the fake last will I made to them to get custody of my siblings from my Monster Father.
I am very grateful to them.
I just kept searching, until I saw one of them vacuuming the
carpeted floor.
"Hey..." I called her.
She shut down the vacuum and looked at me.
"Sir?"
"Can I ask you a favor? Get me something to eat. I want to
have everything ready after I take a shower."
She nodded. "Yes, Sir. I'll take care of it."
I kicked her and walked to my room. I took a shower to wash away the effects of too much alcohol. I probably drank enough to numb the pain.
I quickly got dressed afterwards. I also grabbed my hoodie. I planned to go jogging after eating. I considered it as a warm up for my day.
I went to the Dining where the food was ready.
The Maid was currently pouring juice into a glass when I sat down.
"Eat up, Sir." The Maid said.
"Thank you—hmm... what is your name?" I asked.
I only remembered now that I didn't know her name.
"Cass Sandra Eugenio. Choose Cass or Sandra." She smiled at me.
I force a smile. "Sandra will do. Again, thank you for this."
"Welcome, Sir."
She has this jolly attitude and I can't help remembering Jay-jay. I hope to see her happy again. Because of what I did, it might never happen again.
I chose not to think about it for now. I can't continue if I keep focusing on 'what if'. I have to stop imagining things about our situation. It's clearly not helping my mind to keep up.
I force myself to eat. My stomach really doesn't want to eat. I guess this is the result of my few days of drinking.
After eating, I stood up and put on my hoodie. I also put on my
headset and put my phone in my pocket. I was not myself while walking
out of the house.
I looked up at the sky. I feel like I haven't been out for a long time, even though it's only been two days since I last went out.
I'm getting weirder everyday.
I did what I planned to do, jogging. I keep running at a slow pace
while trying to pick up my thoughts. It works because somehow I can think of things to do.
When I got to the park, I stopped. It turned out I was already far away from
home. I probably didn't notice because I was so deep in thought.
I choose to rest for a while. I sat down on a bench. I took my
phone out of my pocket and checked for any messages. There is one from
Honey but it's not that important.
I just chose to go back to jogging. I'm about to leave when I
saw someone wearing an HVIS uniform. My heart beat so fast. I can't
see his face yet but I know who he is.
Dammit Jay-jay!
I badly want to see you but I'm afraid that I will not let you go once I
hold your hand. I feel like I'm going to eat all the suffering I've done.
I can't do my plan. I need to control myself every time
she's around like this. I haven't even started a plan yet but
everything is falling apart.
I put my headset back on and adjusted my hoodie. I jogged
out of the park. I was so angry and didn't see him. Even though it was
just like my feet didn't want to step.
It didn't take long before I felt someone following me. I already
have a clue on who it was.
Don't follow me! Please...
If he doesn't stop, I might not be able to stop him. Everything will be ruined.
I speeded up my jogging in a way that he wouldn't notice. But he was still following, or rather, they were following.
I finally noticed that I was close to home. I had no choice but to face them. I stopped and caught my breath. I also took off my headset and put it in my pocket.
"Next time you'll follow me make sure I don't notice you." I said
without looking at them.
I didn't hear any answer from them. I wanted to leave and
continue walking. I didn't want to face him. I was scared.
But if I don't face him now, maybe the next time we meet
I won't be able to control myself.
I slowly turn around and face them. And that's when I realized that it was really hard to stand up for what I was doing.
My feelings that I had numbed with alcohol softened again when
I saw him.
My Jay-jay...
"What do you want?" I ask them.
"W-what..." She started and I almost ran to hug her. "K-kasi... M-may
—."
She didn't finish what she was saying when Percy suddenly walked
and walked straight into my house. My jaw dropped in amused.
"Hey!" I shouted and followed him.
This guy is fine. Not because we were friends before he had the right to do whatever he wanted to do. Especially entering someone else's house. My house to be exact. He didn't think I could sue him for trespassing for what he did. "I'm going to CR!" He replied and quickly ran into the house. I stopped in the garage. I washed my face in annoyance with Percy. Why didn't he leave the thick face in the hole? Why does he have to carry that until now? I can feel Jay-jay's presence not too far away from me. Percy stole my attention so we never finished the conversation. But I also don't plan on finishing it. I need to think of an additional plan. I have to stick with my first plan which is pushing Jay-jay away from me. It's the only way to save her from me and my stupid
Cousin Clyde.
But I have nothing after that.
"When your stepbrother comes out, you leave." I said calmly and
about to walk away"Keifer!" She called me. My knee almost melted hearing her shouting my
name. "...I-I just want to know."
Why do I have this feeling? My instinct is telling me to stay and listen
but my mind is shouting at me telling me to turn my back and leave.
Without any hesitation, I choose to stay. I don't exactly know why.
Maybe because I want to stare at her for a while. Maybe because I miss her
too much I want to enjoy the little moment that we have.
"What is it?"
"I-I just want to know..." She took a deep breath. "...besides what you did. D-did you love me?"
FVCK, I DO! And not just loved because I love you so much!
I wanted to shout that and hug her. I really wanted to but I couldn't. Everything I started would be ruined and I would start over from scratch.
If I do that too, I know she'll find a way to help me. I don't want to hurt her.
I laugh bitterly. I know I'm about to give both of us another pain. I can't stand to see you hurt but I have no choice.
She bite her lower lips. I saw her shaking a bit. Maybe she's scared to
hear my answer.
I'm debating whether to continue or not. How will she stop? Maybe she'll just keep asking me how I feel. And then, I'll be forced to tell the truth.
Damn this what ifs and possibilities!
"You followed me to ask that?" I force a laugh. "...i can't
believe this."
I shook my head while smiling like a lunatic. I don't know if I'm good
with acting but I'm trying my best.
"Let me guess... Did you expect that I might have
feelings for you while I was fooling you?"
I know it's a yes. Don't worry Jay, because you're right. I had
feelings for you before I knew it. The next thing I know, I'm fooling myself and not you.
I keep denying things between my feelings and my revenge. I try to
believe that it's impossible even though it's already happened.
I almost laugh with my own stupidity. I face Jay-jay and look at her. I can
already see pain.
"What the hell!" I added and laughed. "...This is not a tv series or
movie. Falling for you or realizing that I love you in the middle of me
revenge will never happen."
She gasped a bit. I know I'm hurting her so bad. This is another reason to
hate me
"That's how good I act. I believe you!" I still smile and
laugh.
I walk slowly towards her. She seems uncomfortable.
I'm sorry Jay-jay. I'm sorry for what I'm about to say and to do!
"So that you don't get your hopes up, let me make it clear to you." I stopped in
front of her. "...I will never fall for you. You are just a stupid-little-shit
for me just like your brother Aries."
Her tears started to fall. She even tries to stop it but obviously failed.
Seeing her like this is breaking me into pieces. I want to slap myself. I'm holding back too much.
You're a fvcking evil Keifer!
I can't believe I'm putting up with her like this. But I have to
continue.
I smirked at her. "If you had just given in to me on New Year's
you probably would have found out the truth sooner. If you had just given in to yourself, the plan would have been over." I cross my arm and look at her
from head to toe. "...It's a shame that half of Section E would have won the
bet."
Fvck! I slipped!
I shouldn't have mentioned that. I was just adding to her resentment towards our friends. She should have gone to them when I left. What now?
She was shocked from what she heard. She obviously still didn't know.
Right! The bet!
I smile widely.
"Come to think of it... The bet isn't over yet." I hug her from
her waste. "...Why can't we continue what we left off with New Year?"
Being close to her like this makes me want to kiss her. I badly want to
taste her lips but not like this.
Every time I kiss her before I make sure she feels my love for her. But
now, she has to feel the pain.
I hold her by the jaw. She winces in pain.
"B-let me go." She begs.
Just kill me after this!
"I know you want it."
I crashed my lips to her. It's a deep kiss that makes her feel disrespect.
The kind of kiss that shows my dominance. I can feel her tears running
down through her cheeks.
I want to stop but I can't.
Stop me please...
And she did. It's like she heard my mind. She pushed me with all her might.
I pulled away from her but what I didn't expect was what she did next.
She punched my jaw. I immediately felt dizzy and I couldn't stop myself from falling. I hadn't recovered from the feeling that
she was on top of me and then she punched me again.
She continued to punch me while her
tears continued to fall. I deserve this. I deserve every punch from her.
Keep punching me if that will help you ease the pain.
Every punch I receive from her hurts but I choose not to fight back. I'm starting to feel the blood from my nose and taste it from my mouth. I thought she was really going to crush my face but she stops.
She stops and looks at me. For some reason she cries again but this time with so much pain.
I also can't take my eyes off her. I can't take my eyes off her even though I can see her writhing in pain. I want to hold her cheek and wipe away her tears. I want to apologize and take back everything I said. I want to hug her tightly. So tight and I won't let her go.
But I can't...
I can't stop the lump in my throat. I feel crushed every time I think about our situation. She needs to be gone.
She needs to be hurt. I have to... I have to...
I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, especially when I saw him staring at me. It was as if he was really making me feel the pain he was carrying.
You have to do that... I know what exactly you feel.
Suddenly he left from above. I slowly
sat down. My face was wet with his blood and tears. And now it was mixed withmy tears.
I wipe my face using my hand. I don't want her to see me suffer. She shouldn't know anymore.
She looks at me with disdain, knowing that I'm just in pain. I'm also hurting and I hope I can take it like you do Jayjay.
She started to walk away from me but she stopped before she reached the
house gate.
"You'll put it on the rock, even on your forehead and on the dog's ass! Karma will come back to you! You're so funny!" She sighs heavily. "...And when that happens! I'll be the first to laugh right at your face!"
She immediately ran outside. I wanted to laugh because of what she said. Karma has been coming back to me for a long time.
And it was good karma.
"Jay-jay!" It was Percy. "What did you do Keifer?"
I looked at her threateningly. "Protect Jay-jay.
If anything bad happens to him. I will kill you and it will be
for real."
He didn't answer and quickly followed Jay-jay. I just really hoped
Percy would protect him.
I must have sat there for a few minutes and acted stupid. I kept replaying
what happened in my mind.
I fvcking don't understand. Why did this have to happen to us.
Why did I have to suffer. Why did I have to
hurt him. Why...
Why can't we be normal students?
I held my face as tears started to fall. I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I was struggling so much. I wanted to
take back what I said and did.
I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE! I can't live without Jay-jay in my
life. I need him.
I forced myself to stand up even though my face and head were covered in pain.
"Keifer! What happened?" Honey shouted as she ran towards
me.
"I have to follow Jay-jay. I have to talk to her." I said while trying my
best to walk.
Honey stop me and help me to stand up."You need to get your wounds treated! Who hurt you?"
He tried to take me inside the house but my body was walking the
opposite side.
"Jay-jay... I-I can't lose him!"
"Can you hear yourself? I thought you were going to fix the
situation first?"
I no longer care about my situation. Jay-jay is the only thing that matters
to me.
"Jay-jay... Jay—."
I couldn't finish what I was going to say because my vision was completely covered in darkness.