I swear, the moment we stepped into the Domain of Molten Iron Fortress, it was like walking straight into the mouth of a volcano that also hated my existence. Heat slapped me in the face like I owed it mora. Lava gurgled in the background like it was laughing at me. I swear I even heard a molten bubble go "hehe" under its breath. Somewhere, in the distance, the faint sound of a Hilichurl Rogue sharpening their pointy doom.
"Alright," I muttered, gripping my sword like a man about to commit violence against the concept of RNG itself. "First run. Let's go. And if we fail—no, WHEN we fail—it's on you, Lumine."
Lumine rolled her eyes. "Sure. Because clearly I'm the problem here."
Nilou just smiled, like the idea of being slowly roasted alive was somehow a pleasant outing. Paimon floated with the calmness of someone who wasn't about to suffer through artifact farming and said, "Maybe this time you'll get lucky, Shigeru."
The first Hilichurl Rogue jumped at me.
I screamed.
Not a manly roar. Not even a heroic shout. A full-on, unfiltered "AAAAAAH" as I charged forward swinging like I was trying to personally cut through Teyvat's lag.
"Why are you yelling like that?" Lumine yelled over the chaos.
"Because it works! They can't hit you if they think you're insane!"
Paimon clutched her head. "That's... not how that works!"
"IT IS IN MY HEART, PAIMON!"
We tore through them. Nilou danced like a floral assassin, petals swirling as if even the lava respected her enough not to touch her. Lumine's sword was basically a lightsaber of pure rage. I, meanwhile, was the guy in the back yelling encouragements like "Get wrecked!" and "Taste steel, you budget barbecue stick!" while mostly missing my swings.
After dodging fireballs, sidestepping exploding slimes, and convincing Greg (my imaginary moral support companion) not to wander dangerously close to lava, we reached the Tree.
I cracked it open.
Inside was a Crit Rate circlet with Crit Damage, ATK%, and Elemental Mastery.
"Oh. Oh, that's... actually kind of godly."
Nilou tilted her head. "Is that good for me?"
I sighed. "No. We need HP%. This is... pain."
The other artifact? ER sands with double crit and double attack.
"They're mocking me," I said, my left eye twitching. "Maybe next run."
Five runs later, my hope had gone the way of Mondstadt's wine prices—nonexistent. All god-tier artifacts. All useless for Nilou.
"WHY," I shouted at the molten ceiling, "WHY NOW?! Where was this when I was farming for Shimenawa and Emblem?!" I pointed at a random rock. "You! Stop looking at me like that."
Paimon floated away. "He's losing it."
"I CURSE THIS DOMAIN! I CURSE THE ARCHONS! AND YOU—" I jabbed a finger at the Tree "—you smug wooden loot piñata!"
Nilou gently placed a hand on my shoulder. Her voice was soft, almost like a lullaby. "Shigeru, please. Breathe. We'll get it."
"...Fine. But if this keeps up, I'm burning this place down. Yes, I know it's already on fire. I'll find a way."
Run after run, the Domain mocked me. RNG danced on my grave wearing all the artifacts I couldn't use. Mid-fight, I even dropped to my knees and whispered to a Hilichurl Rogue, "Why do you hate me?" before slapping it into oblivion.
Finally—after what felt like a geological era—it dropped. The perfect HP% circlet. HP% sands. A flower, plume, all stacked with HP subs like Celestia had pity-crafted them.
"Nilou..." My voice cracked. "We did it. You're now a full HP goddess."
Her smile could've cured the trauma of every bad roll I'd ever had.
"Thank you, Shigeru," she said.
I sniffed. "Don't thank me. Thank my stubbornness and my readiness to curse trees."
Lumine patted my back. "Proud of you. Still think you're insane, but proud."
Paimon crossed her arms. "So all that yelling was worth it?"
"Paimon," I said solemnly, "I'd do it all again. But also—" I turned back to the Domain entrance, fist raised. "I STILL CURSE YOU, YOU RNG-LOVING MONSTER!"
***
We teleported back to the Statue of the Seven near Aaru Village the next morning, and I swear the desert sun hit me like it was personally offended by my existence. Nilou was cheerful, Lumine looked like she was mentally prepared for whatever nonsense I was going to spew, Paimon was her usual bouncy self, and me? I looked like the aftermath of a bad deal with RNGesus.
Dehya was already there, looking like she had been waiting for us. Paimon waved. "Hey, Dehya!"
Dehya grinned, but then her eyes landed on me and the grin faltered. "Oh, you're just in time—wait. Why do you look like that?"
I groaned like a dying yaksha. "I was this close to losing my patience and destroying an entire Domain. RNG almost pushed me to arson."
Her brow furrowed, clearly debating if I was exaggerating. Lumine stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder, shaking her head at Dehya as if to say, don't ask. "Lost cause," she murmured.
"Anyway," Lumine changed the subject. "Did you learn anything from the criminals?"
Dehya's smirk returned. "We'll know any moment now."
Paimon floated closer. "Paimon's been wondering... You seem to know Candace pretty well. Have you been friends for a long time?"
Dehya nodded. "For some time now. She's pretty interesting. Even though she's an extremely strong warrior, she never misuses her power."
I couldn't help myself. "So basically Hydro Mommy with morals. Got it."
Nilou gave me a look. "Shigeru..."
"What? Am I wrong? Imagine Candace in a bad mood—Hydro, shield, slap, repeat."
Paimon ignored me. "Oh, Paimon knows what you mean! Like those martial artists that say: 'Never take the fight outside the ring.'"
Dehya smirked. "Exactly. It takes strong convictions to be like her."
"Meanwhile us mercs..." She gave a shrug. "We pretty much live from one day to the next."
"Sounds like me," I said. "Except I also yell at inanimate objects."
Paimon smiled. "Well, Paimon thinks you're great too, Dehya!"
"Thanks," Dehya said with genuine warmth.
That's when Cyno appeared like he was auditioning for a jump-scare. "..."
Paimon flinched. "Ooh, Cyno's here! And pretty early, too!"
"Yes," Cyno said flatly. "I was here yesterday to help out."
"Help out? By doing what?" Paimon asked.
"Sharing interrogation techniques."
I grinned. "Ah, the 'Cyno Method.' Step one: look at them until they confess. Step two: pun them into submission."
Paimon blinked. "You... taught Candace more persuasive methods?"
"Right," Cyno confirmed.
Candace appeared in the doorway, calm as ever. "Come on in, everyone."
Dehya gestured toward the entrance. "C'mon, let's go inside."
I rubbed my hands together. "Finally. Let's see how Hydro Mommy dealt with the thugs. Probably shield-bashed them so hard they confessed in ancient script."
Greg, my ever-silent lizard companion, flicked his tail like he agreed. Or maybe he just wanted a bug. Honestly, who knows with him.
I pushed the door open with my most dramatic grin. You know, the one that says, oh boy, I'm about to make the next few minutes weird for everyone in the room.
Greg, my emotional support lizard, clung to my shoulder like a tiny, scaly battle flag. I swear his tail twitched in anticipation—either from excitement or because he just realized we were walking into danger again.
The air inside was thick. Not with heat or dust, but with the unmistakable tension of someone is about to get verbally obliterated.
Candace stood there, radiating enough fury to make a Pyro Regisvine reconsider its life choices. She didn't just look angry—she looked like she'd already planned your funeral, written the eulogy, and picked the coffin polish.
Paimon floated closer and said, "Candace, we're—Whoa! You look furious!"
Candace raised an eyebrow. "Do I? Huh... What gave it away?"
Lumine muttered under her breath, "The way your aura just punched me in the soul, maybe."
Dehya crossed her arms, smirking. "Oh, there's no mask that can hide true bloodlust. Cover your eyes and it'll still show at the corners of your mouth."
Nilou, ever the polite one, tried to smile. "I think it's... um... a very dignified kind of fury?" She winced. "Not helping, am I?"
Candace sighed. "Perhaps I need to work on my composure."
I leaned over to Lumine and whispered, "If that's her trying to work on it, I don't wanna see the full release version."
Lumine smirked without looking at me. "Yeah, no kidding. She's terrifying. Even Cyno's probably impressed."
Greg gave Candace the slowest lizard blink I've ever seen. Probably his way of saying, we are so dead if you keep talking.
Candace's voice sharpened. "Still, it's perfectly understandable why I'm angry—everyone present would agree?"
Two terrified guys in the corner—Delavar and Engur—nodded like their heads were trying to detach from their bodies.
"Yes, ma'am!" Delavar squeaked.
"Please don't beat us anymore," Engur whimpered. "We're gonna die..."
Paimon tilted her head. "Looks like Cyno taught her well."
Lumine gave a small nod. "She mastered it really quickly too. Now she's just as terrifying as he is."
I raised my hand slightly. "Correction—scarier. Cyno's like a lightning storm. She's a lightning storm with a spear."
Nilou softly added, "And the lightning storm has perfect aim. She wouldn't miss even in a sandstorm."
Candace continued, her words like daggers. "You fear death yourselves, yet you do not hesitate to place the lives of others at risk. The absurdity is mind-boggling."
Nilou crossed her arms, her gentle demeanor hardening. "They're called 'Village Keepers.' They're not sacrifices. They're people."
Candace nodded at her. "Exactly. They are vital members of our community. Some even count them as family. You come here, to my village, and treat my people as nothing more than stepping stones... Tell me, what would you do in my position?"
Zaki dropped to his knees. "Mercy! Please have mercy!"
Dehya's smirk widened. "You've made your bed."
Candace's voice didn't waver. "We may all be desert-dwellers, but one thing I understand better than you: the resurrection of King Deshret will only result in war, and war serves no one. We wish to preserve our way of life. A war would only cause us to lose all that we have."
Zaki's voice cracked. "We understand! We're sorry! I'll tell you everything I know! Please, just let us go!"
Candace folded her arms. "I'm listening."
Zaki stammered, "It wasn't us who came up with this idea. Someone was spreading rumors in the tavern... A mystery man told us that mad scholars would make the perfect sacrifice to usher in King Deshret's resurrection. He said we could get anything we wanted."
Cyno's eyes narrowed. "They're called Village Keepers. Slip up again and you'll regret it."
"Yes, sorry!" Zaki gulped. "It was all that mystery man's doing! He told us to spread the word and help him, and in return he'd... help facilitate the resurrection."
Lumine stepped forward. "Where are the Village Keepers now?"
Zaki hesitated. "I—I'm not sure..."
Cyno's voice dropped like a guillotine. "That's one."
Zaki blinked. "One what?"
"Strike," Cyno said flatly. "You get a total of three. Then you die by my hand."
I raised my eyebrows. "Friendly reminder, guys—we're in the same house as this conversation. If he hits strike three, we're gonna have to clean the carpet."
Paimon gasped. "You're worried about the carpet?"
"Yes," I said solemnly. "Bloodstains never match the drapes."
Greg bobbed his head, fully agreeing with the sentiment.
Zaki panicked. "Wait, I'm telling the truth! We don't know anything else, it was all him!"
"Two," Cyno said without emotion.
Zaki started babbling. "He got us to lure them out at night with incense. We take them to a junction outside the village, then he takes them from there!"
Silence. Everyone stared at Cyno.
Zaki's voice cracked again. "You gotta believe me! Just ask them if you don't believe me!"
Cyno finally nodded. "That was the truth. Traveler, go on."
Lumine crossed her arms. "Do you have any idea who this mysterious person might be?"
Zaki shook his head furiously. "If I knew, I'd tell you! I'm not risking another beating! He wears a cloak, covers his face... calls himself King Deshret's envoy."
Nilou frowned. "That's... unsettling. If he's from the Akademiya, he must be hiding something big."
Uncle Anpu stepped forward. "I believe I may know what's going on."
Candace turned to him. "Uncle Anpu? What do you mean?"
Cyno didn't say a word. He simply moved—three quick strikes, and the three crooks hit the floor like dropped potatoes.
Dehya gave a low whistle. "Smooth."
Greg raised his head, impressed.
Cyno turned back to Uncle Anpu. "Speak."
"If my suspicions are correct," Uncle Anpu began, "this mystery man could be from the Akademiya."
Lumine muttered under her breath, "Of course..."
Uncle Anpu explained how the Akademiya had once tried to take the Village Keepers, and how this man's actions seemed to align with that goal.
Dehya crossed her arms. "So the Akademiya spread a false rumor to trick the Radicals into doing their work for them. We're not letting that happen."
"Not the Akademiya again," Cyno said flatly.
"In Sumeru City," Lumine added, "Setaria also said King Deshret's resurrection was just their misinformation campaign."
Dehya nodded. "Thought so. But what do they want with the Village Keepers...?"
Cyno's voice was grim. "People are nothing but tools to them. If their plans changed, they found another way to exploit the scholars."
Candace straightened. "You're right. Isak is still waiting for news on his grandpa."
"Time to go," Dehya said. "Let's leave the village and track them down."
Cyno nodded. "Pack up. We leave soon."
"Got it," Dehya said. "Candace, I'll let you deal with the Radicals."
Candace gave a firm nod. "Alright."
Paimon floated up to my face. "Looks like it's time for more action!"
I grinned. "Action and probably some criminal charges. But this time, the head of their police is with us!"
Cyno shot me the deadliest glare I've seen all week. I shut up instantly.
Greg gave me a told you so blink. Nilou sighed. Lumine just shook her head, and for a moment, I could almost hear RNG itself whispering: You're gonna die here one day, Shigeru.
___________________
End of Chapter 121
Quests Completed:
*Conquer the Domain of Molten Iron Fortress 3 times without turning into charred traveler jerky.
*Acquire magical wings/illusions to make Greg airborne.
*Capture a perfect slow-motion clip of Nilou evaporating monsters with a Bloom explosion.
*See Cyno deliver justice in under ten seconds, flooring three criminals with surgical precision.
*Fully equip Nilou with HP% artifacts so stacked that even Hydro Slimes feel insecure.
*Maintain your sanity through absurdly perfect but useless drops without uninstalling the game.
*Witness Candace interrogate criminals so intensely that even Cyno might've taken notes.
* Uncover the rumor's source about King Deshret's resurrection and link it to the Akademiya's shady plans.
Rewards:
*Adventure EXP: 15,500
*Companionship EXP: 1,100
*Mora: 62,000
*Hero's Wit × 8
*Mystic Enhancement Ore × 14
*HP% Circlet of Eternal Hydration (God-roll)
*Sands of Patient Suffering (ER sands with double crit, double ATK%)
*Flower of Patient Rage (HP main stat, perfect subs)
*Plume of Screaming Valor (+Crit Rate, HP, flat DEF… because RNG)
*Molten Iron Participation Trophy × 1
*Nilou's Blessing (+20% morale for the team, restores faith in RNG (temporarily).)
*Greg's Tail Flick of Destiny (Party morale boost +2.)
*Candace's Controlled Fury Badge (Survival rate +10% when making bad jokes in her presence.)
*Cyno's Strike Counter (Replica) (Reminder to think before the third strike.)
Achievements Unlocked:
"In This House, We Curse Trees"
-Successfully acquire a perfect artifact for Nilou after at least five consecutive runs filled with god-tier but completely useless drops.