I was taking a break in a seperate room beautiful decorated. The Sun spilled from the windows and the room looked like a golden cage, and I seemed to be trapped in it but the scenery gave me a sense of peace and I felt a smile creep in my face. The events of today had me reeling. I was stunned at how someone could be so beautiful and bold and daring. What she did was never supposed to happen in a court room, she told me exactly what she thought of me and my chest constricted.
I thought what me and Daniella had towards the end had been love. That's what mother told me, people came to love you in time. All Venice had ever shown me was hate from the beginning and then that afrernoon-
Knock knock!
"Come in," I stood as the mirror of the woman who had seen through me walked in. V's mother was the last person I was ever expecting to have to face. I had always seen how they resembled each other from a far, now it was more than evident. She was beautiful, she looked like she was in her late twenties. No wrinkles on her face and she looked elegant.
"Quincy, V's Doctor wanted to see you, but before that I wanted to have a chat." She said as she motioned for me to sit back down, I did but I was suddenly feeling uneasy. I have never had to have such a confrontation.
"I know what I did was wrong to V- I mean Venice. I know no one should be treated that way. I was just hoping to..." My voice was trembling. What the fuck.
"Hoping to? Please feel free. I just want to talk, to understand. So please," she said and I put my hands together because I was trembling from being so trapped in this conversation. How was I supposed to lightly tell her that I stalked her daughter for little to no reason? Her voice was so calm and comforting, she seems the total opposite of Venice. Ironic.
"I came to America with no reason specifically whatsoever and when I saw her....when I saw her IT was two things that blossomed at different times. She was with Jenn and Felicity after her music class. I saw this woman bright, happy, so surreal and beautiful I almost couldn't breathe. The way she spoke, she was the centre of every crowd in school. Amazingly beautiful, dating the school football Captain and she was popular and social to no fault. Then on the other side I saw pain. Something shifted when she went home, I can't describe it. I had seen that pain before, in myself." I stopped for a second and breathed all that in. I remember that feeling.
Following her home to see the gradual change in her mood. Her smile withered and her eyes lost that spark that ignited that happiness in her demeanor. I watched from my window across hers as she cried on nights on end. I made it my purpose to get closer to her and ease that pain. I had no right, I had no right to barge into her life but it happened slowly.
"We're you loved Q? Genuinely? Did your family love you?"
Her question struck me as odd, except there was nothing odd about it. Did mom and dad really love me as their son.
"Yes, but something changed. It wasn't all at once, it was the little things. The attention span, the almost silent dinners and noises I heard in their rooms and I still stood there until it was over. Then it changed when I stumbled into the real reason my mother had started to resent my father," I shuffled my feet once and brushed my hair off my face. This was uncomfortable to say out loud because I has never said it out loud. Still she didn't push me to speak, she looked to the window where the sun's rays had fully blossomed into something beautiful in the room. She felt the same way I had before she had walked in, but I could tell she was waiting for me to finish.
"I don't need you to tell me why you did what you did, that was a long time ago. I see now why you say that you felt Venice's pain, she had to go through the same thing. Q, I have never been a good mother to her, because she was never a responsibility I ever wanted. I even went as far as wanting to get rid of her. I won't sit here and pretend to be more noble than you were. I contributed to her pain, I caused her so much distress so unknowingly," she said and I tightened my hands in fists.
"She's gone through so much," I unknowingly said out loud.
"Yes, she has. Her suffering is a cross I will forever have to carry. She lived two lives, I know that much. She was happy with friends who adores her as a person, I killed that fire, not because I hated entirely she was a lovely kid," she paused then went on quietly. "A beautiful baby with so much life in her, and that wasn't enough for me to treat her differently from her father."
Pressure burned the back of my eyes. For her, for me, for the danger, stress and distraught I put on her for my own selfishness.
"Q, parents make selfish choices. I don't know if you had siblings or not but you were just a kid. I don't care if you could have been thirty you will forever be a child in your parents eyes. What your father started wasn't your fault, you were schooled into his system, and that changed you. You are such a handsome kid, you have so much ahead of you. You're capable of love, you deserve it."
"Aren't you mad at me? Venice is the way she is because of me-" My throat hurt.
"I could be mad and shout at you to make myself feel better, but as I said I'm not a saint. If we are going to be there for a Venice we need to be there for her. Neither of you did anything wrong, of anything we as the people who were supposed to take care of you, failed. We failed. And on their behalf I am so sorry."
That's all I ever wanted to hear. I always wanted mom to come back and say it wasn't my fault, that what my father did was never my fault. I was a child. I was just a kid! I hated others for years over sins they never been committed.
"It's not your fault Q, their mistakes aren't yours. I'm so sorry."
"I just-" I tried to say and she stood up and came to sit beside me.
"I'm so sorry Q, I am so sorry." She repeated and her arms came around me. I let go, and let the tears spill over and take over me. I never mourned a lot of things, there was so much blood in my hands. I wanted to tell them how sorry I was. I wanted V to know that it wasn't her fault either it never was.
"Can I go see V?" I asked without looking at her. Her breathing shook and she peeled herself off her slowly.
"Let's go together." She smiled and said patting my head softly ruffling my hair softly.