Harry's face was bright red. He was certain Neville's probably was too. This was a really bad idea, Harry thought. He didn't want to think that his Dad and his Mum had probably had that kind of conversation at one point.
"Oh, well, that makes sense." Sirius conceded. "I did get slapped by Kathy Pickleton for accidentally touching her bits."
They all looked at Sirius before James cleared his throat and motioned with his hand, drawing their attention again.
"There are rules," James said, "that Dad said were sacrosanct whatever was agreed." He pushed his glasses up his nose. "Let's see: everyone should have fun…"
"An excellent rule!" Sirius said fervently.
"But nobody should feel humiliated, uncomfortable, misused or taken advantage of afterwards. No means no and you should always stop when someone asks you to stop. You shouldn't pressure someone into doing something and they shouldn't pressure you." James continued.
There was a sombre moment as all the boys absorbed that rule.
"Anything else?" Remus asked.
"Well, we, uh, then had a very embarrassing conversation about, uh, touching." James admitted.
"Touching?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows rising.
"Touching yourself and, uh, someone else. You know," James shrugged and refused to meet any of his friends' gazes, "how touching certain parts might lead to, uh, orgasms and stuff."
"Ah." Sirius grimaced.
"Masturbation is a normal activity for young men and women." Remus lectured.
"Would you want to discuss wanking with your Dad?" demanded James.
Remus winced. "No, not really."
"Well then." James said satisfied his point had been made. "Then he said at some point, if I had been going with someone for a while, it might lead to, uh, full on sex."
He remained silent long enough for the others to cast looks at each other before Remus was evidently silently volunteered to say something.
"And what about sex, James?" prompted Remus.
James sighed and smoothed down his robes. "Well, some of it was advice about waiting until I was ready, not rushing into it, that kind of thing. And then," his lips twisted, "most of it was checking that I understood where everything went…"
"Which we can skip." Sirius agreed hurriedly.
"He also taught me the contraceptive charm," James's face was aflame, "and said I should always make sure I was safe."
"No getting someone pregnant or getting some kind of sexually transmitted disease." Remus stated firmly. "It's what you'd expect your Dad to say really."
"There was other advice as well," James said, "he said that you should make sure you're in a comfortable and safe place; make it special with candles and maybe some music." He sat up and changed position. "He mentioned that there's a lot of pressure for both people the first time and to talk about expectations and stuff before. He said if I ever thought I was getting to the point where I thought I was going to have sex then he'd give me some books to read about technique and…" he gestured weakly, "making sure my partner and I had a good time."
"Back to the fun thing, huh?" Sirius asked.
"He said it was better if you trusted each other and could laugh when things didn't quite work out the way you wanted. Then he had this anecdote about his own first time," James added as the others winced in sympathy, "and frankly that was more than I ever needed to know about my Dad's sex life."
Harry was relieved when the memory ended and they tumbled back into themselves. He and Neville sat back down on the sofa.
Sirius moved the pensieve and handed them parchment, quills and ink. "So we need to check that, well, we need to check as James said that you know where everything goes. So I want you to write down what you know about sex."
"Can't you just accept our word for it?" asked Harry desperately.
"As your parent, of course, I accept your word and trust that you know if you say you do," Sirius said brightly, "but as your sex education tutor, no; I need proof. We can either do this verbally or in written form so…"
"Written is fine." Harry said hurriedly.
Neville nodded.
For the next few moments, Harry focused on writing about human procreation in as few succinct sentences as he could manage. He slapped his quill down and handed the parchment to Sirius; he was quickly followed by Neville.
Sirius quickly scanned them as everyone else fidgeted and waited. "You both pass the quiz portion of the discussion."
"Thank Merlin!" Neville said, slumping back.
Sirius cleared his throat. "To recap; it's OK to like girls or boys or both. You may start noticing one person in particular and crushes are normal but try to make sure you don't become obsessed. If you do like someone, get to know them better and don't hex their friends." He looked up. "Are there any questions you would like to ask so far?"
Harry exchanged a swift furtive look at Neville and they both very quickly shook their heads.
"If you do like someone, ask them on a date. Be respectful and try to ask them in a private location. If they say no, move on. Plenty of fish in the sea." Sirius continued. "If they say yes don't worry about doing something fancy – although I can highly recommend a picnic by the Black Lake when the weather is nice…"
"Or stargazing on the top of the Astronomy tower," interjected Remus.
"If the date has gone well then a goodbye kiss is appropriate but ask before you do it. A simple 'may I kiss you' works wonders." Sirius informed them briskly. "Equally, if you move onto snogging, always check the boundaries about what you can and can't touch or you may get slapped."
It was actually very good advice, Harry thought slightly dazed. He certainly had no wish to get slapped.
"The more touching you do, the more, um, intimate you'll become. If you think you're ready for sex," Sirius stumbled a little over his words and there was a streak of red across his cheeks, "well, quite honestly, I'm hoping that you don't think that for a while, a long while…a very, very long while…"
Remus coughed.
"But if you do," Sirius pulled himself back to his original discussion point, "you should both know Remus and I are always willing to talk with either of you and provide you with the relevant literature that James mentioned at the end there, and obviously discuss any concerns that you may have."
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