I am 15 chapters ahead on my patreón, check it out if you are interested.
https://www.patréon.com/emperordragon
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Chapter 43 — The M-Word Meltdown
For one glorious second, everything stood still.
Like we were still processing the fact that Lily, snug in Cam's arms, had just looked at Sam with those big, blinking eyes and said it. The M-word.
But just when it seemed like the silence would last forever, the dam broke.
Cam gasped. "Did she just say…?"
Mitchell clutched his chest like he'd just seen their mortgage payments triple. "Oh my God."
I stepped in, holding my hands up, voice steady. "Look, she probably just strung some syllables together. A coincidence. Random baby talk. Definitely not a definitive statement."
Cam turned to me, eyes wide and watery. "No, she said it. We all heard it. Clear as day."
Sam opened her mouth to say something, but Cam was already spiraling.
"I don't know what I've done wrong," he sniffled. "I quit my job, Jon. I quit my job so I could be here for her full-time."
"Cam—" Mitchell tried, but Cam kept going.
"But maybe it's not enough!" Cam wailed. "Maybe she's missing something — some essence! Maybe we're not providing her with the feminine energy she needs!" And with that, he burst into tears.
Sam stepped forward, gently putting a hand on Cam's arm. "I wouldn't be worried about that," she said warmly, offering him her signature disarming smile. "You two are amazing parents. Seriously."
Cam sniffled and nodded weakly, like she'd offered him a life raft.
Mitchell, still looking like someone just told him Lily joined a biker gang, tried to keep things light. "Maybe Jon's right. I mean, babies make weird noises all the time. She probably didn't mean it."
But just then — as if summoned by dramatic irony itself — Lily looked right at Sam again.
"Mommy."
Silence.
Cam blinked at her. Then blinked again. "Okay," he said, voice cracking, "okay… okay… I'm… I'm just gonna… go cry into a pillow."
Mitchell turned away, his jaw clenched, trying to compose himself. I could tell he was crushed.
Yeah, we had officially crossed into this-is-going-to-be-awkward-forever territory.
I glanced at Sam.
She looked at me.
We didn't need to say anything. It was time.
"Alright, uh — we should get going," I said quickly, grabbing Sam's hand. "It's getting late and, uh… yeah. We'll see you guys later. Lily was awesome, by the way. Totally an honor."
Cam just nodded, holding Lily close. Mitchell waved without turning around.
Sam and I slipped out the door like we were escaping a crime scene.
We didn't stop walking until we hit the sidewalk.
Only then did I exhale.
"Well," I muttered, "that couldn't have gone any worse."
Sam looked like she didn't agree at first but after thinking for a few seconds said ."…Okay. You are probably right."
We walked off towards Sam's car, the word "Mommy" still echoing in my brain like a cartoon punchline.
The car doors shut with a quiet click, sealing us inside with the cool hum of the engine. Sam pulled out of the driveway, merging into the sleepy suburban streets while I stared out the window, still half-stunned by what had just happened.
A few minutes into the drive, I finally broke the silence.
"I'm still having trouble believing that actually happened," I said, shaking my head. "All that trouble over one little word."
Sam smirked, hands steady on the wheel. "Having kids makes people act all kinds of crazy."
"Tell me about it," I muttered.
She glanced at me, smiling with that quiet affection she kept reserved just for these kinds of conversations. "I think it's sweet, though. The way Mitchell and Cam reacted? That wasn't just panic. That was love. Deep, devoted, mildly dramatic love."
"Mildly?" I quipped.
She rolled her eyes with a grin. "Okay, fine. Olympic-level dramatic. But still. You saw how much they care about Lily."
I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Still don't think I'd act like that when I have my own kid."
Sam gave me a look. One eyebrow arched, skeptical and amused.
"I'm serious," I insisted.
The look didn't change.
"Okay, now you're just disrespecting my well know stoic character," I said, crossing my arms like a stubborn philosopher defending a lost argument.
Sam didn't respond, just smiled that knowing smile.
I changed the subject before she could press it further. "Honestly, I'm just glad Lily didn't say the other word. You know, the one you accidentally dropped like a verbal grenade."
Sam winced, laughing under her breath. "Yeah… the whole M-word disaster made me forget about that. You think maybe we should've told them?"
I gave her a wide-eyed look. "Are you crazy? If we told them Lily's first word was a swear, they'd lock us in a babysitting shame dungeon."
"Maybe," she mused, "but if I'm being honest, I think Cam would've preferred the swear word to Mommy."
"Maybe," I said. "But either way, we are not saying a word about that. Ever. There's a statute of limitations on baby disasters. Right now, Lily saying a swear is a crisis. Five years from now? Hilarious dinner party story."
Sam nodded, then sighed. "Still… I feel bad. Because of me, her first word was that word."
I reached over and took her hand in mine, watching her face as it softened under the glow of the dashboard lights.
"I know," I said gently. "But also… remember—" I paused dramatically, locking eyes with her, "snitches get stitches."
Sam burst into uncontrollable laughter, swerving just slightly before regaining control. "You dork!"
She was still laughing when we pulled into the Pritchett driveway. As I opened the door, I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Remember no snitching."
She smiled as I got out. "Get inside before Jay and Gloria think I kidnapped you."
"I'll text you," I said, shutting the door.
As she drove off, her laughter still echoed in my ears. Chaos, swearing babies, and all — I wouldn't trade a second of it.