Relationships are unnecessary. Friends are unnecessary; well, more than one, anyway. And girlfriends are definitely unnecessary. The way most people spend their youth is horribly inefficient, and I decided long ago to shed everything unnecessary in order to get ahead in life. Despite all that, there I was—Ooboshi Akiteru, epitome of efficiency—with this girl who kept sneaking into my apartment.
Kohinata Iroha. She wasn't my sister, she wasn't my friend, and she definitely wasn't my girlfriend. She was nothing more than my friend's little sister. She was annoying and a bother, and had one secret she held close to her heart: She was a hidden member of the 05th Floor Alliance, a team of developers behind a popular mobile game who were shrouded in mystery.
I was the group's producer. OZ, real name Kohinata Ozuma, was its brilliant programmer. The illustrator was Murasaki Shikibu-sensei, real name Kageishi Sumire, and our scenario writer was Makigai Namako, a best-selling light novel author who decided to join us for whatever reason. We made up the group's core of four.
Our game, Koyagi: When They Cry, filled a niche in the market by being a horror game which also featured charming characters. It became widely popular, attracting a huge number of players. Kohinata Iroha was the anonymous voice actress who lent her voice to the game. Man or woman, young or old, she voiced every last character with remarkable talent. I gave her this opportunity because there was no way she could express an open interest in voice acting. I wasn't looking for anything in return; I just hated how society encouraged people to throw away their talents. I was following my belief that inefficiency and anything unnecessary should be avoided at all costs.
Like I said, I wasn't looking for anything in return, but it looked like Iroha was intent on paying me back by being as annoying as humanly possible. Letting herself into my apartment, using her assets to embarrass me, teasing me...the list goes on. Worse, it seemed she was targeting me specifically, which just made the whole thing even more annoying.
Life went on as normal until that transfer student, Tsukinomori Mashiro, shot her shot and turned everything on its head. She sent a whole row of chaotic dominos tumbling when she gave me a heartfelt confession. I rejected her and told her that the Alliance was my top priority, and that any fancies of youth came after. Mashiro declared she wouldn't give up until I was in love with her, and ever since then she's tried to take the "fake" out of our "fake relationship."
And then, who do you think came crawling out of the woodwork with the most ridiculous request ever? Nobody other than our very own illustrator, Murasaki Shikibu-sensei. "Please...marry me." With those three words, the woman threw herself at my feet. And also she threw the lot of us into a whole new world of trouble. Why did this always have to happen to me?