"Eh?"
Watching Hikigaya Hachiman's strange behavior, the ever-pure Totsuka Saika let out another puzzled sound.
His already delicate, beautiful face only made the gesture look impossibly cute.
Luckily, Hikigaya had his head lowered, or else he'd have immediately let out a groundhog scream.
"Please!" Hikigaya shouted again, his tone so desperate it was like a samurai about to commit seppuku.
Totsuka didn't really understand what was going on, but as the little angel he was, he wouldn't refuse a friend's request.
After a moment of hesitation, he softly spoke:
"Hachiman, since you and Hojou-kun are both in the kendo club, you must know more about her, right? Is that girl really Hojou-kun's—"
"Just the beginning is enough!" Hikigaya yelled.
'Huh…? Maybe it makes him happy when I say he and Hojou-kun are close?'
'Is that why he wants me to repeat it?' Saika thought.
Well, it wasn't too strange—after all, just having a friend who snores ridiculously loud would be enough to let a boy indulge in a little pride.
So, understanding as always, he said:
"You and Hojou-kun are really close, so—"
"No, no, Totsuka! From the very beginning—the very beginning!" Hikigaya shouted, lifting his head.
The desperate yearning in his eyes startled Totsuka.
"Hachiman…"
"Yes! That's it! Say it again!"
"Hachiman."
"Again!"
"Hachiman."
"Once mo—"
"Enough already! Even I think this is way too creepy!"
Behind them, Zaimokuza suddenly jumped up, slapping both hands over Hikigaya's mouth and nose, glaring sternly at Saika like a prophet delivering a warning.
"Totsuka-dono, you must not endlessly satisfy the twisted cravings of an evil man! If you keep indulging him, he'll plunge straight into the abyss and become an irredeemable demon. Not that this man isn't rotten enough already!"
"Eh? But… isn't it just calling his name? That doesn't seem like a big deal…" Saika blinked, bewildered.
"Ahem! As a fairy lost in the outside world, you're far too naïve, Totsuka-dono. While innocence isn't bad, it makes you a target for fiends.
Like this man, whose mind has already been consumed by darkness!" Zaimokuza declared in his usual bizarre, incomprehensible tone.
Totsuka wanted to ask why he was suddenly calling him "Totsuka-dono," but there were more urgent matters at hand.
"Zaimokuza, let go! Hachiman's going to die!"
"Don't be fooled by this fiend's trickery! If I let him go now, he'll definitely trick you into speaking that forbidden name again! And the reason I know this is because…"
Zaimokuza suddenly lowered his head and mumbled a rapid string of words Saika couldn't catch.
"…because if I ever met a dark elf, I'd sell my soul just to have her whip my backside while calling my name, that's why Hachiman and I are destined to be true friends!"
Since Zaimokuza often spouted incomprehensible nonsense, Saika just brushed it off as another chuunibyou episode.
"No, seriously, his face is turning purple!" Saika cried.
"Hm?"
Zaimokuza glanced down.
Sure enough, his lifelong rival-slash-best-friend's eyes had rolled back and his face had gone pale.
But he didn't panic—instead, he even found time to reassure Saika:
"Don't worry, this isn't suffocation. It's just the darkness spreading to his brain. Any second now, he'll transform into a beast consumed by desire!"
"But wait—you just said his brain was already corrupted!"
"Ahem! Ahem!"
As a wannabe light novel author, Zaimokuza was already well-practiced at ignoring continuity errors.
Casually brushing off Saika's point, he finally released Hikigaya, clasped his hands together like a giant hammer, and raised them high above his head.
"Exorcise!!"
With bulging eyes and a thunderous roar, he swung his hammer-like fists straight down toward Hikigaya's skull.
Saika's face froze in terror, already imagining Hikigaya's death scene.
At the last moment, Hikigaya toppled sideways.
With a sickening thud, his head smacked the wall, the pain jolting him back to consciousness.
Still dazed from oxygen loss, he hadn't even figured out what was going on before the "hammer" smashed into the spot beside his ear.
"You bastard! Were you trying to kill me, Zaimokuza?!"
Barely snatching his life back, Hikigaya leapt to his feet, glaring murderously at his so-called friend.
"Ahem! See? The evil power has fled in fear! Behold my might, Totsuka-dono!"
Ignoring his lifelong rival, Zaimokuza puffed out his chest, waiting for praise.
Saika glanced at Hikigaya—hair spiked like a porcupine, eyes burning with such intensity it looked like he might actually bite Zaimokuza's head off—but undeniably sharper and more alive than before.
"Wow… it really worked. You're amazing, Zaimokuza," Saika said sincerely.
Those words twisted Hikigaya's face into a mask of rage.
Grabbing Zaimokuza by the collar, he hissed:
"When Hojou-buchou comes back, I'm telling him you want extra practice."
His voice was low, dark, and ominous.
The color drained from Zaimokuza's face as though Hikigaya had invoked a forbidden curse.
But he gritted his teeth and snapped back:
"You think buchou is so easily deceived?"
"I'll tell him you asked for extra practice because you saw me training more, and you didn't want your youth to lose to mine!" Hikigaya's voice grew colder, like ice.
"You… you wouldn't dare! Do you have any idea what you're saying? That's extra practice! Extra practice under Hojou Kyousuke, captain of the kendo club!" Zaimokuza spat through clenched teeth.
He hadn't imagined his so-called rival could be this ruthless.
But then again—only a man like this was worthy of being his lifelong nemesis.
"You've crossed the ultimate line, Zaimokuza. The moment you made Totsuka say those words, you should've known this day would come." Hikigaya's dead fish eyes glared up at him with chilling finality.
"You've got no right to say that! The stuff you've done is a thousand times more perverted than me!" Zaimokuza shot back, aghast.
"Heh. I am a pervert, true. But I'll never allow a second pervert to exist around Totsuka. That's my resolve! So—just die for me, Zaimokuza!"
Hikigaya let out a soul-burning roar—or more accurately, whispered in a barely audible voice right by Zaimokuza's ear.
Naturally, Zaimokuza replied the same way.
The two had long since grown used to this "whisper-battle" method of communication.
After all, as outcasts on the edge of class society, if they ever talked too happily in public, it would only attract the attention of demons—otherwise known as normies.
"As expected of the Mage of the Seven Saints, the Unbeaten Asura—Hikigaya Hachiman! I, Tokyo's Third Swordmaster, the Undying Sword General Zaimokuza Yoshiteru, acknowledge your resolve!"
Zaimokuza declared with a voice barely louder than a mosquito's hum, yet filled with fiery conviction.
"Um… Hachiman, what are you guys even talking about?"
That sweet voice—bright and innocent, like the sound of a tennis skirt flipping up—instantly made both Hachiman and Zaimokuza leap apart.
Their faces snapping back into the gloomy otaku expressions they wore like armor.
"Uh… we were talking about what to eat after school."
"No, we were discussing the newest game release."
"…Huh?" Saika tilted his head, puzzled.
As Hachiman once again drifted into a dazed, lovestruck expression, Zaimokuza quickly sat down cross-legged and started chanting Namu Amida Butsu like a monk.
Just as Saika was about to get annoyed, Hachiman finally remembered the original topic.
"There's no way! Hojou's girlfriend absolutely wouldn't be some ordinary girl!" he said with firm conviction.
Zaimokuza, naturally, nodded furiously beside him.
———————————————————————
Meanwhile, Shouko was watching Ebina Hina with an odd expression.
Her smile grew even gentler.
Wait… was Shouko jealous? But no—that face of hers looked less like jealousy and more like the way you'd look at someone with… a mental disability.
Yuigahama, ever the master of reading the mood, thought to herself:
'So it's not jealousy anymore, she's actually angry?'
"You're talking nonsense, Ebina-san," Shouko said with a sweet smile.
"But that girl isn't just pretty, her family's well-off too. If it were me—"
"Doesn't matter," Shouko interrupted, still smiling.
"She even posted online that Hojou-kun took her out for a late-night snack—at that time of night, too! If that doesn't mean—"
"Doesn't matter." Shouko's smile never faltered.
"She also said—"
Detective Ebina Hina showed no signs of giving up.
In fact, the gleam in her glasses made it clear she was getting even more excited.
Sure, it wasn't her favorite kind of love story (boy x boy), but if she could prove Hojou didn't have a girlfriend, wouldn't that mean he was just one step closer to being gay?
Of course, Shouko had no idea what weird theories were spinning in Ebina's head.
She also wasn't in a position to explain that in terms of wealth or influence, that so-called girl didn't even rank within the "sisterhood" of the Ruyi Dormitory.
With her personality, she couldn't say it out loud anyway.
On the other side, Hachiman was having a similar problem.
He couldn't just tell innocent little Totsuka that Hojou had so many girls around him—each one a hundred times better—that he didn't even know where to look.
Obviously, Hojou wouldn't settle for second best.
So, gritting his teeth, Hachiman decided to reveal something he had sworn to keep secret for the rest of his life, even if it meant bearing the flames of hell.
"Totsuka, I'll only tell you. But you must promise never to tell anyone else. This concerns another man's dignity."
"Um… if it's something that'll trouble you, Hachiman, then you don't need to say it. I wasn't that curious anyway."
Saika said earnestly.
For him, it was just a topic to chat about during lunch break.
It didn't really matter what they talked about—even a game he knew nothing about would be fine.
As long as he was talking normally with Hachiman, he was happy.
Oh, and Zaimokuza was… fun too.
"Totsuka!!"
The little angel's thoughtfulness moved Hachiman so deeply that he almost teared up.
Strengthening his resolve, he vowed to speak the truth—even if it burned him.
"Actually—"
"Funny you should say that! I also have a secret for you, Totsuka-dono! If you weren't my lifelong friend, I'd never risk death by telling you! Hachiman, do you want to hear it too? I don't mind letting you listen—as long as you lend me Ice Machine Wind for a week."
Zaimokuza leaned in again.
Though his words were addressed to Totsuka, his eyes were locked on Hachiman as if saying: Beg me to tell you.
Was he upset about being excluded from the conversation, or just jealous that Hachiman only spoke with Totsuka? Hard to tell.
But considering this was the kind of guy who could chat on the phone with a friend for half an hour even when his phone was off, the former seemed unlikely.
Hachiman's sharp brain instantly sensed something was off.
"Zaimokuza… this secret of yours, you didn't happen to hear it at last night's gathering, did you?" he asked cautiously.
"…How did you know?!"
Zaimokuza flung both hands up defensively, like he was activating an AT-Field to prevent his thoughts from being read.
A dark premonition loomed over Hachiman's mind as he pressed further:
"And the person this secret is about… isn't in the classroom right now, correct?"
"How did you know about Hatake Gorou too?! I was the only one who knew!" Zaimokuza's face went pale with shock.
Hachiman's expression also darkened.
Ignoring Saika's curious gaze, he immediately grabbed his phone.
Luckily, since he'd been "gaming" without unlocking it earlier, his battery was still full.
What, pretending to play because no one messaged him? Don't be ridiculous.
This was the most eco-friendly way to use a smartphone! It saved power and protected his eyes.
When humanity one day faced an energy crisis—or total blindness—they would finally recognize his genius.
When Hachiman opened the Rampaging Angels group chat, he found the conversation exploding.
Whether it was the diligent ones dragging themselves to school, or the slackers who called in sick to sleep off last night, the chat was buzzing with only two topics:
First, the heroic battle against the yakuza organization.
And second…
The love story of Hatake Gorou and the female version of Kuroda Kaito.
Or as the chat had "officially" dubbed it—TianTian's Love Story (strike that)… Sweet Sweet Love Story.
Hachiman swallowed hard and glanced at the few empty seats in the classroom.
He had a sinking feeling—two of those seats were about to be permanently vacated.
Perhaps Tokyo would soon gain two more homeless wanderers.
"Hachiman, what are you looking at?" Saika asked curiously.
"I'm looking at two unlucky seats," Hachiman replied with mock sorrow.
But then, in an instant, his expression lit up.
Yes! With two people gone, that opens up two spots on the kendo competition's five-man roster.
My chances just skyrocketed!
Not only that, I won't even need to wrestle with my conscience about keeping secrets anymore.
Truly, Hatake Gorou—you're a good man. May the god of love bless you.
"Hey, hey, Totsuka, let me tell you. The real reason Hojou went to Gunma last night was to… accompany heartbroken Hatake Gorou—"
Hachiman grinned as he spun the tale, while Zaimokuza chimed in here and there to fill in details.
They even had on their phones the final photo of Gorou crossdressing, gifted to him by "female" Kuroda Kaito.
By the time they finished, little angel Saika's eyes were wide as saucers, his pupils trembling, his mouth hanging open but no words coming out.
"S-See? That's why secrets shouldn't be shared in the first place… because asking someone to keep it already means it's leaked…" Saika said with a weak laugh, still shaken.
That reminded Hachiman to ask Zaimokuza where he had heard it from.
"Gorou told me himself. What about you, Hachiman?"
"An upperclassman named Eikichi Onizuka told me."
The two looked at each other and, in perfect unison, muttered:
"Poor Gorou."
Shouko, on the other hand, was different.
She had been among the first to know, but she hadn't even considered spreading it.
After a moment's thought, she pulled out her phone, opened her photo album, and held up a picture for everyone to see.
"Wow, what gorgeous cherry blossoms! I didn't know Tokyo had weeping sakura like this," Ebina gasped.
"And Shou-chan looks so pretty too! If you wore a kimono, it'd be perfect!" Yuigahama who had somehow drifted over, added her thoughts.
In the photo stood a massive cherry blossom tree.
Its pale pink petals cascaded in thick clusters, covering the branches entirely, forming what looked like a fluffy cloud of blossoms.
Beneath the tree, among the falling petals, stood Nishimiya Shouko.
Her hair tied up in a neat bun, wearing Sobu High's uniform, she looked serene and gentle, her smile as radiant as the blossoms above her.
The sakura were stunning, yes—but compared to Shouko, they seemed like mere decorations, accents to her beauty.
The pink bloom made her fair skin glow, her round cheeks soft and rosy, so cute that the girls crowding around the photo squealed in delight.
As they gushed over Shouko's cuteness, they also asked where the tree was located, vowing to visit next year for photos.
Even Ebina, normally indifferent to such things, couldn't resist.
She had already forgotten the original topic—her mind now painted vivid images of Nishimiya Shouko in blue kimono and Yamauchi Sakura in red, standing together beneath the blossoms.
The shy and gentle Shouko.
And the bold, domineering Sakura.
'Ahhh, I'm going to die.'
Just imagining it made Ebina's nose burn hot.
A nosebleed was coming.
Sure, she adored BL above all, but beautiful romance between girls was equally divine!
Hearing everyone gush over the sakura tree, Shouko's smile grew brighter.
"It's right here in Tokyo. It's ours—Kyousuke-kun planted it himself."
Her voice carried a trace of pride.
If only they knew the truth—that every single petal on that tree had been painstakingly glued on by Hojou himself, they would surely be shocked beyond belief.
'Hehe~ After all, besides Kyousuke-kun, no one else in the world could do something like this.'
Of course, everyone else was complimenting the tree, but in Shouko's mind, she translated all of it as praise for Hojou.
That thought made her so happy that even the disappointment of not seeing him this morning was softened.
In her bright mood, she patiently answered everyone's questions, even promising to bring a few close friends over to take pictures.
'Friends? Of course they're friends.'
'As long as you praise Kyousuke-kun, you're my friend too!'
———————————————————————
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