"Are you sure about your decision?"
I lifted my gaze and looked toward the door. It was Kuya Niko, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, watching what I was doing. I was already packing my things because tomorrow I would be leaving to start work.
"Yes, kuya, this is also for mama," I replied before placing my t-shirts and pants inside the suitcase.
These things I'm bringing should be enough for a month, and if not, I'll just come back home to get more clothes.
Mama decided that I should just stay there so I wouldn't have to go home every night because she said it's dangerous on the road. But I really wanted to come home every afternoon or evening so I could at least take care of her even for a while, but she didn't allow me. So I didn't insist anymore because she might just worry about me.
"You don't have to do that. We can figure this out, your Kuya Michael and I can find a way," Kuya Niko said. Worry was evident on his face, and it made me feel a pain in my chest because of the emotion I saw in his face.
I don't really want to do this either, but I've already made my decision. The Sylvester family has helped us so much, and what I'm about to do isn't even enough to repay everything they've done for my family. It may not be much, but this is already a big step for me to somehow repay them through working as a housemaid.
"Kuya, just trust me, I can do this. I can handle both studying and working. Remember, I've done this before, right?"
Kuya nodded in response, but then I felt embarrassed because of what he said next.
"But you didn't last in that job because Mama picked you up and brought you home. She almost hit us too if you hadn't stopped her," he said. I felt a bit embarrassed about that, but it was true. What Kuya Niko said was true—Mama really did that.
I once worked as a housemaid when I was in 12th grade, and Mama didn't know about it. I didn't tell her because I was sure she wouldn't allow me. But then Kuya Niko told on me to Mama, and so she came to my employer's house, picked me up, and brought me home. I didn't even last 8 hours in that job—I was immediately got fired because of what Mama did. But I don't blame her for it. It just made me realize even more that even though I didn't come from her womb, she truly loves me so much and doesn't want me to suffer.
"I know we can't stop you anymore, with how stubborn you are."
I suddenly laughed at what Kuya Niko said, and so did he. Where else would I inherit my stubbornness from if not from him and Kuya Michael?
"But, little sister, if they hurt or mistreat you there, tell us right away. Don't hide it and leave that place immediately," Kuya Niko said seriously, though with a hint of concern. I nodded in response and hugged him.
Even though I haven't left yet, I already miss them. What more when I'm no longer here at home? I won't be with them starting tomorrow until next month. I'll feel such deep longing, but I'll endure it for them.
"We'll miss you, little sister," Kuya said sadly, tightening his hug around me.
"I'll miss you too, Kuya," I replied and let out a deep sigh.
I looked around my room, then sighed and bowed my head with sadness on my face. I'll miss this place, it's where I found peace and silence whenever I was troubled or overwhelmed with thoughts and tired of life. I don't know if I'll ever find that same feeling in the new place where I'll be staying.
I'm not sure how long I'll be working there. Ugh, even now I already feel like giving up and just backing out. But I've made my decision, and there's no turning back.
"I'm entrusting my child to you, Manong Jun," Mama said when I caught her talking to the Sylvester family's driver. He was the one sent to pick me up, under the orders of his employer.
"Don't worry, Tess, we'll take care of her there," he replied, which surprised me. I didn't expect him to say those words.
It seemed Mama noticed my presence. She turned in my direction and gave me a small smile. She had just been discharged from the hospital last night. We actually didn't want her to leave yet, but she insisted on seeing me before I left, so my brothers couldn't stop her.
When she reached me, she immediately hugged me tightly and kissed me on the forehead. Her face looked so sad, and it seemed like she was about to cry any moment. I knew she wasn't used to me not being by her side, but I also knew Mama understood why she wouldn't be with me for the meantime.
"Ma, please don't worry. I'll come home and we'll still see each other. It's not like I'm going abroad. The place I'm going to is just a bit far, but I'll still be in the Philippines," I said, which made Mama laugh, though tears were already streaming down her eyes.
"Promise me that you'll take care of yourself there. Don't skip meals or let yourself go hungry. Take medicine if you get sick and call me so I can come visit you there. I'll miss you, my child, I already miss you now," Mama said, crying, as she hugged me again, causing my tears to finally fall.
"I'll miss you too, Ma," I replied, hugging her tightly.
"Ma, that's enough or Lyannah might not be able to leave. She'll come back home to us, don't worry," Kuya Niko said, and then the two of them hugged me as well.
This is what I'll miss so much—their hugs. The kind of embrace I would never want to ask for or receive from anyone else but them.
I'll miss my family.