I'm not going home, I'm just going to keep driving around until I find something to get me out of this mess. I don't know how yet, but I won't stop looking.
Since what happened to me live in front of the world, and since I saw Baher's picture on the news channels ...
Yes, it's "Bahir", it must be him, I have no doubt, it's him, the muscular boy, I've seen him here in my world, in the news pages like one of the mountain climbers after he fell down.
Bahir died here as I am sure he died in the other world too.
What then? What happened to you, Adam? How did you get through that gate? That gate that closed behind you with no return.
Since I was young, I have been convinced that life is made up of gates. The moment you decide to cross that gate without the other, you will look behind you to see all the doors have vanished. And this will remain the case until you find new gates in front of you to knock on one of them and enter... thousands of successive gates on your way that lead you to where things will end up.
When you look at someone living in bliss and tranquility, you are certain that he has the skill to choose his gates, unlike another who is sitting in the dock awaiting the death sentence like me, there is no doubt that he chose the gates that caused his destruction.
Now, I know that I made some choices that I shouldn't have made, which led me to become the person everyone hates.
What's done is done. A one-way street, injected at the speed of light without the ability to look back.
Now, perhaps I also know that some of the gates I have passed through of my own free will are the ones that caused the great chasm and only I am entrusted with closing them forever.
Since I crossed that gate, the old Adam had ended, and those monsters from the other dimension crossed with me, drawing me into their world to continue humiliating me and eliminating everything natural in my world. It's either death here or life. The life of death is less painful than it.
And without knowing it, like an involuntary act, like the beats of my heart and the movement of my intestines, I find myself stopping next to her .
Pointing towards the painting gallery.
The only colored dot on my black page.
Are you in?
Did your doppelganger visit you from this mysterious place to warn you about me?
What fragile entities we are, like the fragility of eggs if we fall from above!
Here, the roads took me to my window.
I looked the other way
It's Sama... Damn it !
She motioned for me to roll down the car window, so I did.
She smiled despite the distress on her face.
" Are you stalking me?"
The question was sudden. I stammered, and before I could answer she surprised me by saying:
" I see you coming here every day to watch me, you think no one is paying attention, but everyone is starting to talk."
I interrupted her, saying:
"Wait, if I told you I have cancer, I'm dying, and I want you to tell me I like you, and give me a chance, would you agree?"
She said:
" No, I'm calling the police now."
I shouted:
" Wait, okay, let's forget that excuse and say that my name is Adam. And I want you - like any two mature people - to get to know each other in a respectful relationship . Do you accept?"
I stood up and saw her smiling in my side mirror, thinking I couldn't see.
Then she leaned back again, pretending to be serious:
" Well, like any two grown-ups, we'll meet tomorrow after I finish my shift. Let's see what's up with you, you teenager with the fancy car."
Oh my God! I thought this heart would never beat again, that these lips would never smile again. I thought the curse that had befallen me would prevent any other way for that pure happiness to creep into my heart again , but it seems that there are still beautiful moments to be snatched from the heart of this ill-fated time.
I left the place with a promise to see another happy day in my miserable life, and my now narrow, deserted heart was now a luminous, ecstatic throbbing fire.
****
"Here is the proof, as you requested."
Adel threw his phone on the table in Hisham's face inside the crowded restaurant, not caring about his wife who looked at Adel in disapproval. Hisham picked up the phone, then pulled Adel forcefully by his arm, taking him to a far corner, then shouted angrily:
" Your illness has become hopeless, have you gone crazy? And what the hell, are you stalking me now?"
Adel's eyes rolled away shyly, then he coughed in a fake way, saying:
" Today is a holiday, and I know that you like to come to this particular restaurant when the kids are not with you.. Rabab, your business manager, told me . "
Hesham sighed in anger . He took two steps back, gritting his teeth, then turned back to Adel again :
" I'm really fed up with the situation, what now Adel? Aren't you ever going to move on?"
" I promised you proof, and here it is. Look."
Hisham said:
- "So what? Just because he was distracted for a moment in a program, will that be conclusive evidence of his madnes? You saw for yourself how he spoke with the poise of an ambassador; on the contrary, he seemed to me to be at his best?"
" Is this your assessment of what happened, Dr. Hesham? Don't you feel for a moment that you are wrong?"
" I asked you for evidence of an illness that prevents him from performing his duties . "
Adel hit the wall, screaming, then said:
" His illness? For heaven's sake man, be objective for a moment in your prostrate life, he admitted to the entire staff in his office that he was sick? Is that not enough? "
Hesham looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping, then he glanced at his wife to find her playing with her hair in boredom, then he looked at Adel askance, then swallowed the insult to answer calmly, saying:
" On the contrary, by this behavior he has proven to me that he is the Adam I know, the Adam who leaves no pretext for his enemy to seize upon, as if he is saying: I have even revealed this card to you, you scoundrels, so I do not care about anything."
Adel sighed, so Hisham said to him:
- "Dr. Adel, I see that you are beginning to erode from within. Your dew has begun to consume you. Why the rush?! The man is suffering from a terminal illness. Are you rushing his end more than the Angel of Death?! There is no power or strength except with God. Dr. Adel, my advice to you is to move forward. You - unlike him - have your entire life. Isn't that enough for you? Don't you feel that this tips the scales in your favor in this competition that is raging inside you?"
Adel replied firmly, saying:
" No, Dr. Hesham, it is not enough. It will not be enough for me to see him broken as he left me one day."
He said it and left the place, not knowing that the Angel of Death was closer to him now than ever before.
*******
Now, I'm standing in the middle of the desert, wearing my blue suit with the same tie, my feet digging into the sand and making it harder to walk and pant, all I can think of and fear is that darkness will fall while I'm still lost among the dunes.
And immediately darkness fell ..
I was amazed at what happened, and what made me even more amazed was that the sand mass began to shake.
I approached her cautiously, trying to touch her with a trembling hand, not knowing why I would do such a foolish thing ... and suddenly, without warning ...
The mass exploded, and suddenly Shawqi emerged from it with the amputated arm, and with the other arm he rode the entity with the whipped back.
It's the only painting that hasn't visited me yet.
I was terrified.
I fell under the monster that had become as tall as a towering building.
He shouted with his sharp teeth and red eyes, and from above Shawqi looked at me with malice.
I stood up and started to run, but he threw a long chain that caught my feet and I fell again.
With all the signs of terror in the world, I raised my hands to cover my face in front of that monster who opened his mouth and was about to swallow me. I closed my eyes screaming, and when I opened them, I saw Shawqi screaming in my face with one word:
- "The ascetic" .
And here I woke up to find myself lying on my bed at home with cold sweat dripping down my forehead.
Ascetic?!
I had forgotten, perhaps it is my key to knowing the truth, perhaps it will heal my soul from this mystery that has befallen me.
I jumped out of bed, grabbed my computer and started searching the internet. After a long search on search engines, I found no results for this ascetic; the meaning of the word ascetic in the dictionary and its synonyms.. the translation of the word ascetic... some pictures of some clerics and priests.. I found only one result that I felt was important .
Al Zahid Company for Private Security and Businessmen Services.
There was one phone number posted on the page.
Well, I wasn't hoping it would happen so quickly.
I dialed the number and waited.
After a while, I heard a quiet voice reply from the other end, saying:
- "Hello.. who's speaking?"
I said:
- " My name is Wajih. Are you Al-Zahid? "
- " Yes, Safwat El Zahid, how can I help you? "
- " I am speaking to you on behalf of Professor Shawqi . "
- " Shawky?! I don't know anyone with that name. Anyway, tell me who is the public figure or facility you want to secure?"
" Actually, I have some questions, and I wonder if it would be possible to meet face to face . "
He said:
- "Ask him about what?"
I said:
- "About the other dimension."
He was silent for so long that I thought he had hung up.
Then he said:
" Tomorrow, at ten o'clock in the evening, wait for me behind the Kareem gas station."
I said:
- "The one on the desert road?"
He said firmly:
" Yes, she is, remember well, behind her. Come alone, I will pass by at ten o'clock exactly. If I don't find you I will leave, if you bring someone with you I will leave, and you will never see me again. Am I clear?"
"Understood," I said.
Then the connection was lost.
*****
I was on the bed naked next to her, panting.
Howayda is a beautiful woman in her forties, but anyone who sees her would swear she is in her late twenties.
The most severe marital disputes, no matter how severe, are resolved on the sexual bed.
As usual, we had a disagreement; who is this woman? What is your relationship with her? What are those suspicious messages she sent you?
I convinced her that I was innocent, and that it was all just her imagination, then I supported my argument with surprise intercourse as she always prefers, and she was convinced of my innocence.
She settled on her stomach to rest after the earthquake that hit us, so I put my hand under her neck and hugged her.
There was a moment of silence before I broke the silence and said:
" I have always wondered how those soft breasts that ignite the flame in a person can have such overwhelming power. I imagine that if they were amputated and placed on the dissection table, they would not lose that magic; they are still breasts, right?"
She smiled, then said:
" Is that really what you have in mind at this moment?"
I said:
- "Just answer me."
She said:
" My opinion on this subject is that this is the most disgusting idea I have ever heard in my life, and you really need help."
She got up naked without shame to put on her clothes, so I said:
- "Where are you going? Go back to bed."
She smiled at me and said:
" I wish I didn't have to go to those boring parties called business dinners. Don't tempt me."
Then she started to finish putting on her dress to look her best.
He hugged her from behind, teasing her, and whispered in her ear:
" Now, I see something I like and I'm thinking of spending the night in bed."
She leaned gently to slip out of my arms, then searched for her bag, saying:
- "Stop being silly, and get dressed."
I pulled the cloak and said:
" Look on the bright side, dear. A business dinner is a good opportunity to review century-old jokes so they can be immortalized, and also a legitimate opportunity to kiss each other's wives."
eloquence:
- "Adam."
She laughed and then continued:
" Logic always bothers you."
Here I shouted louder:
- "Adam."
This scream was accompanied by a continuous cough. I rushed to her nervously.
Outside the room, I found her leaning against the wall in panic, her mouth spilling something into her hand, which began to tremble as she waved them at me.
When I pulled her hands up to examine them under the light, both were covered in blood.
Sama took me from the memories of the past as she sat in front of me at the table in this restaurant where we agreed to meet.
She was wearing a black dress that fit her perfect body, and my eyes had no choice but to cling to it. I swear that this female sat on the throne of all females, planting the flag of fascination.
She said smiling:
- "Excuse me; I'm late."
- No problem, I was supposed to pick you up myself if you hadn't refused.
She said in a sarcastic tone:
" Of course you could, if you were going to let my mother slaughter me when I got back."
- Are you that worried about me?
" Yes, more than that; ever since my father left us to get married, she has been my father and mother in this life."
I frowned, saying:
- Didn't he visit you?
"He never visited us, we haven't heard anything about him since he left home and since he passed away a few days ago."
I told her: I'm sorry .
She said:
" Don't worry, those feelings that bind a girl to her father didn't exist anyway. All that binds me to him is my name on the card... Sama Shawqi."
The name kept popping into my mind . So the version of Father Shawqi in this world we live in is a version of an ungrateful person, unlike the version of Shawqi with the amputated arm that I know, who clings to his family even after death in the world of ghosts.
She snatched me away and looked at me meaningfully, saying:
- "Why were you silent?"
I smiled and said:
" Absolutely not; I won't judge you. It was hard for me too to have filial feelings for a father who drank all night long and made life hell for my mother, my brother, and me. On the contrary, you wished your father had never left the house. As for me, I prayed every time he went out with his friends to those parties that he would never come home again . After my mother passed away, my brother and I had to put up with his tantrums, but we had our funny memories too, so that's it."
I leaned towards her smiling and said:
" When my twin brother and I were sure when he came out in the morning that it was time to beat us, I would hide under the bed, and he would punish my brother twice in a row; the resemblance between me and my brother is great. In any case, he would not notice the difference if there was one as he struggled with his body swaying from drunkenness."
She was silent for a moment, feeling sorry for him, then she said:
- "Where is he now?"
I was busy on the phone talking saying:
"My father? His liver couldn't handle those daily doses of alcohol, so he gave up. He died when I was in college. My brother left the country a few years later, and I have to say he's the better version of me. He's now living a quiet life with his family in Canada."
I held up the phone to her eyes, which was showing pictures of me with my twins.
- "This is it".
She said:
- "The resemblance is very big, are you the one on the right or the left?"
I said jokingly:
" I don't remember, the resemblance is great, as you say."
When I felt that I was deviating from the conversation, I looked back into her eyes and said:
" As for you, I can't imagine how anyone could have a beautiful daughter like you and leave her no matter what the temptations are?"
She played with a spoon in a cup in front of her, then said:
" Is this your way of telling me you like me?"
I said:
" I thought I was being straightforward when I was stalking you every day outside your workplace."
- "Yes, I remembered."
She said it shyly, then continued:
- "Well, tell me: what's your story?"
I looked into her eyes, and looked so intently that her face turned red with shame, and she turned them away.
I said:
" I think my story will begin today, with you, Sama."
And in moments of silence crowded with emotions, my eyes were fixed on her, on that face, on those eyes. I reached out to hold her hand, but she surrendered to me. Then I whispered to her in a low voice, injecting all my feelings and fascination:
" If the gods could dream, Sama, they would surely dream of you."
She smiled shyly, then pulled her hand away to occupy herself with the cup of juice in front of her , then looked into my eyes before looking away again shyly.
How did this spot of earth become our home now? How can you bring me back to life, Sama, at this moment?
The place was crowded with others sitting and chatting, but we were in another world, a world of yours and mine, connected by a special bond that we could not see, but that enveloped us in its cocoon, carrying us forcefully to its womb, and fingers of delicate, spun gold carrying us to lie in its fold, and carrying us to it quickly like silk threads, to connect us more and more in this world, the world to which we belong.
****