Clopping hooves cut through the horse paddock, echoing off the near-empty space around them. Having finished the obstacle courses in the training arena, Nova decided to check on Hollis. It had been a few days since they'd found Eira, shivering and near death in the cold, and since then, everyone who was able had been checking all the homes in search of disease and rot.
So far, none had been found other than Eira's home, but that didn't stop Kallias from burning the remains of the cabin in the effort to contain the spread of whatever it was.
Nova sat beside Kyra and glanced around. Nieve and Kole were there, watching Hollis train with Ansel while riding Baylor. The training seemed to be going well, given Ansel's approving smiles, but Nova didn't know much about training horses. Perhaps it was a skill she could improve upon, given that Hollis had spent most of his life with them.
"Where's Bran?" Nova asked.
Kyra shrugged, "No idea, why?"
"He and I planned to visit Velaris for a few hours today. To gather some items from the townhouse."
Particularly items from Nova's bedroom that had survived the fire, if anything did at all. It was a sad thing to think about, that the only mementos she had of her childhood might have been reduced to ash. Her parents had been transparent; they hadn't wanted to touch anything unless Nova requested it, and she would rather go through it herself.
The pounding of hooves grew nearer, and Nova glanced up, smiling as Hollis trotted over with a grin.
"Do you want a ride?" He asked.
Nova arched a brow, "Me?" She asked, pointing to herself.
With a chuckle, Hollis nodded and beamed brightly. "Yes, you."
"I've never actually ridden a horse before…" Nova trailed off, suddenly a little intimidated by the prospect. What if she fell off? Made a fool of herself?
So what?
"I can ride with you, if you'd like," Hollis nodded, "Baylor is very well behaved."
Nova chewed her lower lip, glanced over at Kyra, who wore a smirk that glinted in her eyes micheviously. Finally, she nodded and stood to her feet.
"Alright, but if I fall off, it's your ass I'm kicking."
Hollis grinned and stalled Baylor at the edge of the first row of seating. Nova was already quite tall, but the bench would give her a slight advantage.
"Uh…" Nova looked at the saddle as she. "Where do I sit?"
"Behind me would probably be best," he said, "You're a bit taller than I am." He might not be able to see over her if she were in front of him.
Heat flushed the back of Nova's neck as she nodded, "Of course…"
She swung her left leg up and over, settling in the small space behind him. With the dip of the saddle, there was no way for her to put space between them. Instead, with her knees on either side of his hips, she was pressed snugly against his lower back.
"Is it too tight?" Hollis asked.
Nova started a little and clenched her jaw. "What?"
Blinking, he glanced over his shoulder. "Is the saddle comfortable?"
"Oh…Yes, I'm alright."
Why had her defenses spiked? His initial question was innocent, and he'd meant nothing by it, right? Right.
"Try to keep your back neutral. Sit tall, but not rigid," Hollis informed. "You want to keep a natural balance. When riding, it's important to let your body move with the horse's movement. If you're too stiff, you'll end up hurting yourself. Think of it like swimming. When you move with the current, you strain your body less."
So, the opposite of what she'd done in the riptide, got it. She cringed.
"Got it." Nova positioned herself in her usual meditation pose, but tried to loosen her hips a little. As she relaxed her muscles, however, it forced her to slide further down the saddle, practically melting against the back of his hips- like two candles melding together.
Hollis swallowed, his eyes widening a little as the sensation of her warm body enveloped his. He silently persuaded himself to stay relaxed, despite the pressure against his lower back. With only his eyes, he glanced down at himself, suddenly very thankful he'd opted for black slacks instead of gray. He could feel himself, snaking down his pant leg.
Please don't notice, please don't notice, please don't notice.
Clearing his throat, he asked, "Ready?"
"Yup," Nova responded through a clenched jaw.
Urging Baylor forward, they began as a low trot, and though Nova wanted to heed Hollis's direction to stay relaxed, she absolutely could not. For with each jostle, the seam of her pants, which was pressed tightly against his slacks, rubbed against her in the most excruciating way.
"Are you alright?" Hollis asked, checking on her as he rounded the edge of the arena.
"Mhm…" Nova swallowed, remembering suddenly just how long it had been since she'd felt anything pleasurable. She'd assumed after what Zaylor had done…nothing would ever feel good again. She was happy to be wrong in that aspect, but now was not the time nor the place to feel…oh, no, she couldn't be aroused.
Hollis, eyes wide, was so focused on hiding his erection and keeping on track that he noticed nothing else. He either needed an icy shower or an extremely hot one. When was the last time he'd…oh, right. Reign. He cringed at the memory.
"I can go faster," Hollis offered, hoping they could finish the ride early, regretting his decision to invite her on as every bounce sent a terrible ache through him.
"Don't," Nova said, far harsher than she intended, but she knew if he went any faster…they might have to have a very awkward conversation after.
Raising his brows, Hollis slowed a little. Was it too fast for her? He knew she was still working on her core strength; had he forced her to overdo it? After what seemed like ages, Hollis approached where she'd first mounted. Coming to a stop, it took Nova a moment to gather herself before stepping down onto the bench seat. Holding her arms out of balance, she finally set her feet on solid ground and sucked in a deep breath. The throb she felt between her legs was unlike anything she'd felt before. The pressure against Hollis during the five-minute ride had been five nonstop minutes of continuous torture. Not enough to finish, but just light enough to stimulate.
"That was interesting," Kyra smirked, raising a brow at Nova as she returned a scathing scowl.
She knew, of course, she knew. At least Nieve and Kole were too busy to notice, but it didn't matter. Kyra knew what Nova was trying to hide, and now she just wanted to dig her own grave. Narrowing her eyes, she watched Kyra pretend to seal her lips like a zipper and put the key in her pocket.
Kyra then dared to wink at her, and Nova was nearly ready to throw a punch when Hollis said, "I'll put Baylor away, and I'll be back." He said, his voice a bit hoarse.
"Don't be too long," Kyra grinned, "I think Nova still wants to play a little."
Lifting her middle finger, Nova curled her lip as Kyra burst into a fit of laughter.
Hollis, still focused on keeping himself unseen, merely nodded and disappeared beyond the door, where he took a moment to compose himself before dismounting. He really had to be more careful. Friends or not, maybe it would be best to take care of himself before meeting Nova for any more training.
"I'm going to go take a shower," Nova muttered, ignoring Kyra's knowing smile as she shrugged her coat back on and trudged back out into the cold. The ice in the air at least helped cool the heat behind her cheeks.
It took Nova considerable effort not to stroke her fingers between her thighs. There was a part of her that wanted to, a part that wanted to feel something there despite what had been taken. Still, it might have been different if it were simply on her own accord, but the moment the thought slipped into her mind, Hollis's face accompanied it. The way his body felt against hers made her feel everything she desperately did not want to. She'd been so close to giving in, but in the end, she just…couldn't.
After dressing in clean clothes, Nova braided her hair as she walked down the hall, a band pinched between her teeth. Tying the end, she glanced at one of the clocks and frowned.
"Something wrong?" Hollis asked from the bottom of the steps. He'd been on his way up to her Nova's room, wanting to apologize for his rather…stiff behavior earlier.
Nova pursed her lips, "Have you seen Bran? We're meant to leave-" She looked at the clock again. "Now."
Shaking his head, he frowned, "I haven't seen him, but I can help you look."
As Hollis backtracked down the stairs, Nova set her stride with his. Neither looked at each other as she walked, glancing in rooms as they passed.
"So…" Hollis tried, the tips of his ears turning pink as he took a deep breath and continued, "About earlier."
Nova nearly tripped over her own feet as her stomach plummeted. Had he known all alone? Of course, he had; she couldn't exactly hide certain scents.
"You did a good job for your first time," he nodded, and Nova released a shaky sigh of lightheaded relief. "If you ever want to ride again, just let me know."
Nova nodded, cleared her throat, and replied, "I'll do that."
Okay, alright, so if he did know, at least he hadn't brought it up. Not that he wouldn't be allowed to, but she didn't want to have to explain that just because her body said one thing, her brain still said another. They were friends. Just friends.
A sudden thud stopped them both in their tracks. Exchanging a curious look, Nova shook her head, held a finger up for them both to be quiet, and listened more intently. The sound of something thumping against the wall could be heard, somewhere up ahead, she was certain.
"I swear if Potato has gotten stuck in another closet…" Nova shook her head with annoyed affection.
Starting forward, they rounded the corner to the right, following the sound of thumps and bumps. Nova sighed, stopping in front of one of the closets where snowshoes and boots were kept.
"That cat." She shook her head, reached forward, and yanked the door open.
Eyes widened, Hollis and Nova stared with dropped jaws as Bran and Finch feverishly explored each other's mouths with their tongues. One of Bran's hands kept Finch's wrists pinned above his head while the other had disappeared into the front of his pants.
While the moment was frozen in time, Nova quickly slammed the door shut and looked at Hollis, who shared her wide-eyed gaze.
"We'll be out in a little bit! Don't worry, I'm in good hands!" Finch called out, followed by the sound of him yelping for whatever Bran did in retaliation.
As quickly as their legs could carry them, Nova and Hollis raced down the hall, down the stairs, and into the main foyer where they suddenly burst into laughter.
"Did you know?" Nova asked with.
"No! You didn't?"
"No…" She shook her head and bit her lip. "We say nothing."
"Say nothing about what?" Cassian asked as he and Azriel walked in from the opposite hallway.
"Uh…nothing," Hollis said, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's nothing."
Az raised a brow, glanced between Nova and Hollis's guilty, reddened faces, and nodded slowly as his eyes drifted up, seeming to listen to something above before he said. "I don't think we want to know."
"You'd probably be right." Nova nodded, pursing her lips into a thin line, and glanced at Hollis. "We were just…going to do a puzzle." She nodded slowly, her hands awkwardly shoved in her pockets, as they side-stepped her uncles and continued down the hall together.
It seemed she'd be waiting a little longer for Bran to be ready to go to Velaris.
It wasn't quite an hour later, and Nova worked diligently on her portion of the puzzle. She and Hollis had finally found some common ground, and while he worked on the sky, she worked on the ground. It was the only way to keep them both sane, as they both had different ways of approaching the puzzle.
Hollis liked to look at the picture as a whole, while Nova was more detail-oriented and separated not just by color, but by what appeared to be different textures. Either way, it at least allowed them a moment of silence instead of steadily bickering about which way was 'most correct'. If the puzzle was finished, then did the method taken matter?
Glancing up from her section of different textured grass, Nova watched Hollis. The concentration on his face as he placed a blue piece next to another, set it aside, and tried again, then again…and again. As much as she'd thought he'd looked just like Kallias, she'd come to realize that they were quite different. At a glance, yes, you could tell they were related, much like people said she and her father looked so much alike. Still, the subtle differences were striking now that she observed him more closely.
His features were softer, far less severe than his father's, and despite his snowy complexion that, while smooth as marble, was dusted with the lightest freckles she'd ever seen as though he'd been wearing a mask of gold glitter, where the remnants shimmered, even after bathing.
Feeling a long gaze on him, Hollis's eyes flitted up and met Nova's. Breath caught in his throat, he stared back into intense violet. Trapped beneath her gaze, he couldn't look away.
They jumped at the knock of the door and Nova drew in a deep breath, releasing Hollis from her stare as she turned to the door. As it opened, Bran carefully stepped inside. He didn't meet either of their eyes as he quietly asked, "Are you ready to go?"
Nova nodded, though she frowned as she stood and turned to Hollis. "I'll return shortly. I imagine it won't be long."
"I'll be here."
Pointing down at the puzzle then at him, "Touch my side of the puzzle and I'll kick your ass."
"You know," Hollis's shy smile morphed into a delighted grin, "You keep saying that, but you've yet to 'put me on my ass'. I'm starting to think you're all talk and no bite."
"Is that what you think?"
"It's just what I've observed." He said, reaching for his mug of hot chocolate and took a long, scalding sip.
Nova narrowed her eyes at him, "Hm, touch it then. See what happes." She said, grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. "I may still be recovering from a severed spine, but I'd be happy to make an example out of you."
"Promises, promises."
Shaking her head, Nova started for the door, unable to hide her smile as she slid past Bran and into the hall. Together, they walked toward the foyer where they'd leave from. Nova had been winnowing with her parents in small increments and had become quite proficient in the practice.
They said nothing to as they gripped each others hands and Nova swept them away into oblivion, walking out of the other side of it unscathed. The rain above settled a cloud of meloncholy around them, dampening their skin with its mist. The townhouse was just up ahead and they continued in silence
But Nova, unable to contain herself anymore said, "You know it's not a bad thing, right?"
Bran clenched his jaw and side-eyed her, but did not speak as they walked the path toward the front door. Finally, before they could enter, Nova placed herself in front of him. Blocking his way as she settled a gaze on him, but he wouldn't meet her eyes.
"I'm sorry we walking in on you, it was a genuinine accident."
"I know that."
Nova furrowed her brows, "Then why are you so upset?"
"Nova…"
"No," she shook her head, "Do you think we'd be upset to know?"
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Bran finally met her gaze and sighed, "It's just different for Illyrian's. Especially Illyrian males."
"How so?"
"It just is. If you'd grown up in the camps, you'd undestand that."
Narrowing her eyes, she gritted her teeth and nodded, "Ouch."
Bran sighed softly and shook his head, "I'm sorry. I don't mean anything bad by it, it's just…we have expectations."
"Right," Nova nodded and crossed her arms, "Like I wouldn't know about the expectation of being only good as a breeder."
The muscles in Bran's face slackened. "That's…I didn't mean to…"
"I do understand, Bran. I get it," Nova released an exasperated sigh, "I know what it's like to be looked at and someone to think my only goal in life should be to be mated with someone. To have someone impregnate me." She ground her teeth in irritation. "It's more common in the Winter Court than it is here. Despite everything Viviane stands for, there are always going to be people who look at me and think I should be wielding my breast, not a blade, but this isn't about me. It's about you and it's about Finch, and I don't care who you want to be with. I mean, I'd care a little more if it were some asshole." At least Finch was a lovable asshole. "If he makes you happy, then fuck everyone else. No matter what others have told you in that camp, you don't owe anyone your genes."
Silence fell over them as Bran stood, too stunned to speak.
Swallowing, Nova nodded slowly, "So…" She bit her lip. "Is it a fling…is it more, or do you not want to talk about it?"
Bran cracked a small smile and shook his head, "We can discuss that later. Maybe."
He rubbed the back of his neck as Nova nodded and replied with, "Understood," before pivoting on her heel and walking into the townhouse. Or, what was left of it.
Some renovations had obviously been done with the equipment lying around, but with her parents and their magic spending most of their time at the Winter Court by her side, much of it was left to the stench of burned sconces. With her renewed memories, for the most part, Nova's gaze swept over the place with furrowed brows.
She could remember her family laughing at the table while she combed through picture books on the floor. The first time she'd made bread with Ana and served it to everyone present. Giggling laughter rang in her ears as she watched herself stumble in from the snow, adorned with a thick coat and hat as Cassian brought in her scraggly little tree for the Solstice. She'd decorated with her father and drank hot chocolate with her mother.
"Hey," Bran murmured, taking her hand in his as a tear rolled down her cheek. "Are you alright? If this is too much…"
Nova swallowed and shook her head, meeting his eyes, "No, I just," she raked in a shuddering breath, "I know that everything that happened made me who I am today, but there's this part of me that wishes I'd had more time. When I came here from my island, I didn't know what I was missing here. The stories they told me were nice, but you don't feel the stories. You feel memories. Now I just…I wish I'd made more of them here." It was exactly what her parents had wished for, she realized. Now she understood.
It took a moment longer before she let herself move past the sitting and dining area to go upstairs to her room. Stopping at the entrance, the door had been taken off, and she looked into the blackened room. Much of it was charred and flaking into residual ash – the bed was completely ruined and sat like an indistinguishable pile. She wrinkled her nose as she stepped inside. Standing at its center, she gazed out the window that overlooked the city.
"Anything particular we're looking for?" Bran asked, roaming the room with silent solace.
"Whatever may have survived it," Nova nodded, glancing down at the cushioned window seat. She could remember spending hours sitting there, reading her books, counting her shells, and playing her lute. Her lute, which was nothing more than a pile of snapped strings, rested at the corner of her bed, never to be played again.
As Bran opened dresser drawers and hanging cupboards, Nova knelt in front of the window seat. Swallowing the bile in her throat from the stench of the burned fabric, she pressed her fingers beneath the edge and pulled up. Heart pounding in her chest, she silently prayed that not everything had fallen to the flames' wrath. Gazing inside, she broke into a grin as the fox and squirrel stuffed animals looked up at her from the untouched vessel, which harbored so many important memories.
Removing the sack from her pocket, she unfolded it and began loading everything from the seat into the sack. The place must have been sealed tight enough that the flames couldn't seep in. Her shells and coins, collections of scribbled drawings, and random items from the forest: leaves, flowers, snail shells.
"You always were quite the collector," Bran chuckled as he approached her, holding a few items in his arms—primarily clothing, but a box or two of other items.
Smiling, Nova nodded, "What did you find?"
"It seems most of your clothes were saved from inside the wardrobe, but they do have a bit of a smoky smell."
It had been a long time since she'd seen her Valkyrie leathers. Oh, how she longed to put them on.
Bran continued, "And some jewelry. A crown and a necklace."
While she wasn't fond of the crown, she nodded and shoved it into the bag, not wanting to leave it behind in case she should ever need it for another purpose. She hoped she didn't. When all the items behind closed doors had been recovered, Nova looked beneath surfaces, just in case, and managed to find a few marbles, a rock, and…sitting on her knees, she stared at her nightstand. Charred and standing on flimsy legs, it held an empty vase.
Peter's bluebells, as she'd suspected, had gone to ash.
Still, the vase remained. Reaching forward, she picked it up and looked inside. Empty. Nova clenched her jaw and sighed softly. While she may not have these, she did have what remained in her Hope Box, and she couldn't help but smile. Gingerly, she placed the vase into her sack and stood to her feet.
"I think that's everything."
Before returning to the Winter Court, they stopped by Peter's grave, where Nova laid fresh flowers. "Don't worry," she whispered, "Finch is going to be okay."
After returning from Velaris, Nova took another shower to remove the scent of soot from her. Despite the emotional baggage that had come with the day, she didn't regret going. She now had her leathers from the island, cleaned and dry, and she tugged everything into place. While they were a little big on her, she filled them out more than she anticipated. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Her muscles were returning; she could feel them now, quivering under her skin as she flexed.
"Nova?" A familiar voice came through the door.
Nieve, she realized, as she opened the door and offered a smile. "Sorry, running just a little late." She knew Hollis had been expecting her after their return, but she hadn't wanted to join him smelling like aged smoke.
"Actually," Nieve bit her lip, "Hollis has been requested to help his father with something, but he wanted me to give you this."
It was then that Nova realized she held a parcel in her hands. It wasn't terribly big, but Nova couldn't stop the slight swell of nausea rising in the back of her throat. Was it…another gift?
"Oh…thank you." She furrowed her brow and took the little box she offered. "He shouldn't have," Nova murmured, her voice a little flat as Nieve nodded with a smile.
"He said he'll see you tomorrow and that he didn't touch your side of the puzzle."
A smile, a little more genuine, graced Nova's lips as she nodded, "Thank you."
As Nieve turned, Nova closed the door and puffed out a long sigh as she stared down at the little brown package wrapped in a ribbon of lavender silk. Might as well see what it is before casting judgment, she thought, as she undid the knot and lifted the lid.
Inside, a glittering, diamond-encrusted hair brooch in the shape of a snowflake stared back at her. It was easily the most beautiful piece of jewelry she'd ever seen, and likely the most expensive she'd ever held.
Quickly, Nova set it aside on her dresser, paused to stare at it, and opened the top drawer. She let it fall into a cushion of silk scarves and closed it shut. Raking her fingers through her hair and down her neck, she shook her head, staring at the gifts hiding spot. The day of her birthday had been different; it had been a kind gesture on a special day. At least that's how it felt in the beginning, but the chess game? The dagger, the scabbard, the diamonds? Were the gifts on her birthday even sacred? Or, as she'd feared before, was it all an elaborate facade in the attempt to buy her affection?
Folding her arms around her torso, Nova sat on the foot of her bed and stared at the swirled patterned rug on the floor. Gnawing on her bottom lip, she wanted so desperately to reject the gifts. To tell Hollis she didn't like them, but what if he was being genuine? If he genuinely wanted her to have them without expecting anything in return, she'd do nothing but hurt him. How could she know his true intention? Nova wasn't a stranger to deceit; confronting him might do more harm than good. Were these gifts a big deal? He could give her things until he was blue in the face, but that wouldn't change anything. And yet…she wanted it to matter. She wanted him to have enough respect for her not to continue doing something she didn't like.
She didn't want his gifts; she just wanted his time.
To stay up late reading, playing a board game, or doing puzzles. She wanted to be surrounded by their friends and laugh at stories while indulging in late-night sweets. She supposed it wasn't the gifts that made her so upset, but that he seemed more adamant to give them to her as opposed to enjoying their friendship for what it was. Did their time together mean less to him than it did to her?
Rubbing her face in agitation, Nova's gaze drifted to the unopened treasures she had brought from Velaris. She needed to air them out anyway; maybe she could try to wash some of it. Moving to her knees, she untwisted the tie and reached in. She set each item on some surface, keeping particular objects together, smiling with each memory that surfaced, like the brass key Bran had given her and the compass from Azriel. She slid the dagger gifted by Cassian all those years ago into her side boot and continued looting.
After some organizing effort, she took her stuffed animals to the bathroom sink. Rather than submerging them, she used a cloth dabbed in soapy water to cleanse them the best she could. They weren't terrible, but they smelled a little too much like fire for her liking. After spritzing them with some floral-scented liquid, she set them on the counter to dry and returned to her bag.
Tilting her head, Nova removed a flat box, which was accompanied by the tiara…crown, whatever the title, she thought as she set the headpiece to the side and lifted the lid. Sucking in a sharp breath, Nova stared down at the most exquisite necklace she'd ever seen. No, wait, it wasn't foreign to her. She remembered seeing it a very long time ago. The diamonds resembled the hair brooch with its snowflake theme, but the way the crystals dangled evoked the image of melting ice. A paper tag fluttered, attached it to, and she caught it between her fingertips.
"From Kallias, Viviane, and…Hollis." Nova swallowed harshly and stared at the necklace. "Hm," she murmured, "I suppose it's been a long game of this, hasn't it?" Why did heat gather behind her eyes? She didn't know what the tears were for, but she quickly blinked them away and stood to her feet. Then, gingerly, she set the necklace back in its box, along with the hair brooch, closed the lid, and set it in the same drawer as before.
Closing it, she released a long sigh. Maybe she needed a nap.
The nap was short, but vital. Though she'd unfortunately missed dinner, her stomach growled in protest as she woke under the moon's light. Yawning, she stretched her limbs and sighed, then rested back in her bed, staring up at the ceiling as she unfurled from her cramped sleeping position. She lay there for a moment longer, wrinkling her nose at the memory of the gifts, and rolled off the bed. She'd fallen asleep in her Valkyrie leathers, and it left indents in her skin where she'd lain still for too long.
Lacing her boots, she stood, stretched again, and wandered out of the room to descend the stairs in hopes that the kitchen had something to satisfy her until morning. The palace was asleep, aside from Potato, who roamed the halls with a familiar tinkle of bell. At least, Nova thought everyone was sleeping, until she rounded the corner toward the kitchen and paused. A glowing flicker of candlelight offered a warm welcome as she poked her head around and raised her brows.
Ana sat at the island, eating chocolate frosting from a bowl with a wooden spoon. She glanced up, met Nova's gaze, and they both jumped.
"Oh," Ana placed her hand over her chest with a small smile, "Oh, you scared me. I didn't see you at dinner, are you alright?" She asked, brow warping with worry.
Nodding, Nova approached and pursed her lips, "Yeah, I…had a headache." She nodded at the frosting. "You seem to be living life to the fullest."
With a smile and a soft chuckle, Ana nodded, "I've been tending to Eira the past few days without pause. I needed a moment to myself. But she's been doing well, thank goodness. Not a speck of disease in sight."
"I'm glad…" Nova nodded, and she was. It was good to know she was in good health, at least, despite what she now had to live without.
A moment of awkward silence settled over them. It had never been that way before, but they hadn't spoken since before the attack. The birthday party had been a moment in time of peace, where Nova had, in her way, forgiven her. Still, they hadn't spent time together. Not as they used to.
"Nova…" Ana murmured, wringing her fingers nervously. "I know things have been very strained and…well, I want you to know I'm deeply sorry." Swallowing the guilt that threatened to overtake her, she looked up at her through the glow of the candlelight. "I swore to myself the day I'd accepted your parents' offer never to hurt you. To never betray you. Then that is precisely what I'd done and I am so…so sorry."
Breathing in slowly through her nose, Nova nodded and glanced up to meet her eyes. "Hm," she almost laughed, and then asked seriously, "Why did you?"
It took a moment for Ana to find the right words before she flattened her skirt. Something Nova knew she did when she was nervous, which mainly was while around Nesta.
"I was afraid," she murmured, "And I let that fear rule over me." Taking another deep breath, she steeled herself. Straightening her spine, she said, "But I will not allow that fear to control me. Never again."
Ana, half-fae and half-human, was the one who taught her to read and write. Who nursed her injuries and sat with her during thunderstorms. The one who spoke to her with honest clarity, or so she'd always thought, had made the mistake of protecting her too much. Loving her…too much. While it may take time to build the trust they'd once had with each other, Nova couldn't deny the truth. As angry as she was for being withheld information, Ana hadn't acted with malicious intent. She'd made a mistake with good intentions, and that was really all anyone could ask for. How could she expect perfection from another when she herself had made mistakes, too?
"I forgive you, Ana…" Nova murmured as tears welled, "Of course, I forgive you. How could I not? You…while, yes, I had always seen Nesta as a mother figure, but I always saw you both as, while yes, very different approaches to love, as equal in my eyes," then she softly grumbled, "But at least you apologize…"
"Nova," Ana frowned, "While I do not condone any of mine nor Nesta's actions, you did ask her not to speak to you. Her respecting that boundary is something of importance."
Biting her lower lip, Nova cringed. She supposed she had requested that, but she shook her head. "Hm, even if I approached her, the last thing she said to me was that I didn't deserve to be a Valkyrie." Her throat tightened at the memory. That, above all, lies, that has been the lash that stung the most.
"Then talk to her about it. Or don't. You get to decide who you keep in your life, but choose carefully, because every action comes with a consequence."
Ana's voice dropped to a whisper. "We are all only one decision away from a different life, Nova. Remember that."
Gazing at Ana through the candlelight, Nova released a soft sigh as she drummed her fingers against the table's surface. Damn, she hated it when she was right.
After a plate of eggs and toast, Nova got ready for bed with a full belly. She brushed her hair, cleaned her teeth, and dressed down. Bracing her palms against the counter's edge, Nova glanced down at the fox and squirrel. They smelled better, at least, she thought as she picked them up. They were dry. Glancing around the room, as if someone might see her, Nova brought the stuffed animals to her bed. She curled up under the comforter, clutched them under her chin, and released a long sigh as her muscles unclenched and her body relaxed.
While cradling them, she dreamt of the city of starlight.