Her face went from a bright red to pale white when she saw the disgruntled look on Kalia's face.
"Shhhhiiiiiittt, she must be mad at me for telling her not to wear her helmet," I heard her mutter to Athar, who was paying her zero mind, since his focus was on Devyr.
To be entirely honest, she was beautiful, though he was evidently far more smitten with her than I even thought was possible. Noticing his expression, I quietly nudged her in his direction, and she took her seat by his side, while Ysevel and I sat with Kalia beside my mother.
"What took you so long? The Commander's nearly drunk an entire barrel on her own," Ed chuckled, passing me a mug of the strange liquid. It was dark and turbid, but try as I might, I couldn't identify what it was. All I knew was that it smelled like a mixture of powerful, fermented herbs.
"I don't want to be rude, but what is this stuff?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow. Ysevel, not bothering to wait for Ed to answer, took a large swig of it, but the look on her face made it obvious that it was delicious. "It's called Murt na Maidne, which roughly translates to The Morning's Bane, though what it's made of is something those who make it keep closely guarded," Meliss answered in his stead, raising a mug of her own.
"I can't imagine why it would be called that," I muttered, already imagining the potential hangover this would give me. Still, I did my best not to be rude and took a drink of the turbid alcohol. To my surprise, it was strong, but not strong enough to burn the back of my throat.
"I retract my previous statement," I said with an upturned lip, realizing just how easily one could get drunk off it. Ed and Meliss clinked their mugs together and drank after crossing their arms, but I couldn't help but feel something was off.
I bet fifty crescents she'll come to talk to you about what happened, Ysevel sent with a mental chuckle, wanting to do the same as they had. That's it? Hah, I bet a hundred, I replied, locking my arm around hers and taking a massive swig of my Murt na Maidne.
Just out of the corner of my eye, I could see Meliss' expression shift slightly, before changing back into a thin-lipped smile as she turned to look at the others. I knew she wanted to talk to me, but I wasn't going to be the one to initiate that conversation.
Ed, Ysevel, and I held an idle conversation, with the occasional interruption from my mother, of course, but overall, the dinner was going smoothly. We talked about what it was like in Caegwen and how different everything was here. Naturally, we couldn't compare everything, but what we could, we did.
"So, wait, does that mean you're never going back to Coltend?" Ed finally asked after I'd told him I still had more training to do there. "Not for another few years, at least. I've only just broken into the fourth stage, after all," I lied, taking another swig of Murt and waving my hand dismissively.
"Nah, I get it. I'd want to do everything I could to get stronger while I had the chance, especially after what I saw today. You've made incredible progress, so I'm not surprised by your answer," he said, not-so-subtly tilting his head in Ysevel's direction, to which I chuckled through my nose and shook my head.
"Well, it hasn't been easy. Breaking through the third stage was… difficult, but the fourth nearly killed me," I said, taking a bite of food that had gotten a little cold during our conversation. "It nearly killed you?" Ed asked, pausing his chewing momentarily. "Yeah. If it hadn't been for Ysevel, I might have, honestly," I said, putting my hand on hers and squeezing gently.
Ed forcibly blinked a few times, but Meliss' expression told me everything I needed to know. Here it comes. Are you ready for this? Ysevel asked, earning me curious stares from everyone who shared our connection. Nothing to be ready for, but I'll let you guys hear whatever she has to say, I sent with a mental sigh.
"T-Thoma, rather, Ysevel," Meliss began skittishly, getting a look from Ed as he took another bite of food and washed it down with more Murt. "Do you mind if I speak with Thoma for a few moments?" she asked, nervously fidgeting with her fork.
You can still say no, you know that, right? Ysevel sent with a raised eyebrow. I know, but I'd rather rip the bandage off before she makes things even more awkward, I mentally sighed.
"Of course, Meliss. Just bring him back in one piece. That's all I ask," she replied with an unmistakable undertone of a threat, not because she was jealous, but rather because she wanted Meliss to know she knew the extent of what happened better than anyone. "O-Of course," Meliss replied cautiously.
I rose from my seat and followed her out of the hall toward the balcony that overlooked the city of Narin. Its turquoise glow created a gentle gradient of color against the star-filled sky, and the gentle breeze in the air was warmer than usual, given that spring was just around the corner.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked, leaning on the stone railing, folding my hands together as I sent every word to the others, who were not-so-subtly staring at us.
"I'm sure you can guess," she said as she walked up next to me, keeping half an arm's length between us and leaning on the railing. "I could, but what would be the point of my doing so if you were the one who asked to speak with me?" I chuckled, trying to ease the obvious tension.
A gentle wave of the breeze rolled between us, causing her hair to flow gently along with it. She caught a few of the floating strands and tucked them behind her ear, gazing down at the city below.
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," she began, still fidgeting nervously with her interlocked fingers. "Sorry for what?" I asked with a scoff. "I-I'm sorry that I… hurt you, and especially for the way I did it. I don't think I could have if it had been face-to-face, but I needed to find out more about my past, and I didn't want to drag you through its mud. I even had to ask Ed to help me write it in a way that would have hurt you the least," she said, struggling to voice whatever was going on in her head.
"The way that would have hurt the least?" I asked, finally turning to face her. Her eyes widened and began to well with tears, likely fearing whatever rageful, spiteful comments that could have come out of my mouth. "I don't know how else to explain it," she admitted, lowering her head a little.
I could feel my buried emotions beginning to swell as the memories of that fateful evening flooded back, but reliving those memories, even for a fraction of a second, nearly prompted Mom and Kalia to rush toward us. Thankfully, I saw Ysevel raising a hand out of the corner of my eye to stop them.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, desperately trying to avoid lashing out.
No. Fuck that. I'm allowed this. I'm allowed to say what it really did to me, but how do I tell her? I asked myself, glancing over at Ysevel once more, who gave me a reassuring nod. I returned the nod and took another deep breath, turning to lean back on the railing.
"I know there's no way for you to know what I felt that night, but I'll try to explain it as best I can. I think I'm owed at least that much," I began, pausing to gather my thoughts and organize them accordingly. I could hear her swallowing a dry ball of spit as she waited for me to speak again.
"You know, I've thought about what I would say to you if I ever saw you again, but I don't even know if that person exists anymore," I began, causing her to look up at me expectantly. "What do you mean?" she asked nervously.