'What do I do, what do I do, what do I do!? Genjutsu? What if I fail to get one!?'
Sakura screamed inwardly.
Guy-sensei was one of the worst liars she knew— he'd fold like origami paper the moment the pressure was turned up even a little! At this rate, the Hidden Sand would find out all about Operation:Keep Gaara Away From the Akatsuki, and they'd figure out the Hidden Leaf was once again treating the Land of Wind like their own backyard!
"First of all, I need some clothes," Sakura told herself. "Second of all… how in the world do I get Guy-sensei away from them? And they've already seen his face, too…"
Sakura peeked out from behind her hiding place.
It seemed like Old Lady Chiyo was providing medical treatment to Guy-sensei, at the very least. She was accompanied by three other Sand shinobi— Chūnin-ranked at the very minimum, given their flak jackets. They were expanding their search perimeter, collecting clues from the battlefield.
"What kind of monsters fought here?" one Sand kunoichi said, shivering. "This place looks like it's been through the end of the world."
A large radius of the forest had been flattened and reduced to cinders, and at the very centre of the devastation stood a twisted metallic sculpture shaped like a sea urchin.
Sakura gathered that the peculiar structure was made of the iron sand Sasori had brought for his Third Kazekage puppet to use. The Rasenshuriken had drawn it in from all across the battlefield, where it had then melted and hardened, taking its current shape. Phantom bolts of electricity still arced across its surface, licking at the ground around it.
Taking advantage of the Sand shinobi's distraction, Sakura began inching away— only to step on something flat and brittle, producing a sharp crack that echoed across the desolated field. Sakura instinctively looked down to see what she had stepped on— the Sasori puppet's faceplate, half-buried under a thick layer of black soot.
What in the world was Sasori's face doing there of all places? And what sort of Naruto-esque clumsiness was that!? Sakura inwardly lamented her misfortune and started kneading chakra— better safe than sorry.
"Contact, ten o'clock!" shouted the Sand's Sensor.
Without chakra actively running through their systems, shinobi were merely Olympic-level athletes. That's not to say Sensor-nin couldn't detect other shinobi if they pretended to be civilians; the difference between the chakra pathways of a shinobi and a civilian was as clear as night and day. It was simply that shinobi became incredibly obvious to Sensor-nin the moment they started moulding chakra.
"Found 'em!" yelled the kunoichi, flickering in front of Sakura. "Hands in the air…"
Her voice trailed off.
"Does it look like I can?" said Sakura miserably, who was using said appendages as hand bras.
"Chiyo-sama!" the Sand kunoichi called out. "There… there's a pervert over here!"
The kunoichi was soon joined by her two teammates and her squad leader, Granny Chiyo.
There could be no doubt about it—this topless, shoeless, pink‑haired girl's chakra matched the signature saturating the battlefield. And, judging by the sheer quantity of it and the fact that she didn't look too tired, she possessed monstrous reserves of it.
"You… I remember you, Uchiha girl— you were participating in our Chūnin Exams, weren't you?" said Chiyo tremulously. "What happened here, girl? Talk!"
Sakura began spinning a yarn about her squad receiving a call for backup over the radio from a nearby team and rushing to their aid, only to run into a pair of Akatsuki members. Sadly, she had then been separated from her team— and here she was.
"Oh, and I defeated one of them on my own," said Sakura airily, unable to quite suppress a note of pride. "He was rather strong, I suppose, but I managed him in the end. I'm fairly sure he called himself Sasori of the Red Sands?" She gestured towards the small mountain of iron spikes. "Last I saw, he was somewhere beneath that lot. You might want to fetch a magnifying glass, because he exploded into a million pieces."
Chiyo's anger flared.
She was aware that her grandson had made some mistakes… murdered tens of thousands and toppled entire countries, fallen in with a bunch of thugs calling themselves the Akatsuki… but he was still family at the end of the day! Insulting the skills he had carefully cultivated was like looking down on the proud Hidden Sand Village that had raised him!
Moreover, the stupidly huge lumps of useless fat hanging from that girl's chest… they reminded her of those of that hateful Slug Princess, who had always bested her in the poisons‑and‑antidotes arms race during the Second and Third Shinobi World Wars!
(Tsunade actively participated in the Second Shinobi World War, but after losing Nawaki and Dan in quick succession, she was forced to be taken off active duty due to her haemophobia. She did serve on the Land of Wind front during the Third Shinobi World War, but only as a medical toxicologist).
"You wouldn't happen to be related to that slug woman, would you?" Chiyo ventured.
"She's my master," said Sakura modestly.
At this point, both sides were at an impasse.
Thankfully, Chiyo had nothing on Guy and Sakura that might suggest they were behind Gaara's kidnapping. They were in neutral territory, and both were important figures from different villages. Sakura wasn't being aggressive, so, much as Chiyo wanted to interrogate her about what she knew, she couldn't be too forceful…
As much as Chiyo hated the Hidden Leaf, the time was not yet right to launch a war.
Sakura noticed one of the Sand shinobi staring at her strangely— and oddly enough, there was not even a single hint of lust in his gaze. What was up with him? Was he a White Zetsu, or just gay?
"If we're done here," Sakura said, as coolly as one could be while topless, "we'll be on our way."
Even though Sakura had no proof, her women's intuition told her that this Chiyo was a real human. Or perhaps, it was her gut telling her she was right. At any rate, whichever part of her she used to make wild guesses, it was telling her that Chiyo hadn't been replaced by a White Zetsu.
Which would explain why, despite the usurpers having taken control of the Hidden Sand Village, they had not extracted Gaara's One‑Tail, even after an entire month. After all, even though the Honoured Siblings were retired, their voices still carried a lot of weight in Sunagakure… for better or for worse.