Chapter 358: Archer: What Kind of √8 Story Is This?
Inside the screening room, Kiritsugu's one-sided gunfight against Shinji was still raging on.
"Damn it! Isn't this the rerun of that big movie? Why is Kiritsugu acting like he's seeing it for the first time?!"
Crouching behind the sofa and dodging bullets in utter disgrace, Shinji yelled with deep resentment.
In truth, he had predicted that Kiritsugu might go berserk again, so during the original broadcast of this episode, Shinji had made sure to avoid him entirely.
Aside from the chest-touching scene and little Gil acting like a brazen flirt, nothing else should've crossed any lines.
With Kiritsugu's temperament, venting once during the first watch should've been more than enough.
That's why Shinji only dared to show up in front of him after Magical Illya had fully finished airing.
When Kiritsugu's attitude toward him then seemed completely normal, Shinji thought the whole matter had blown over.
But who would've guessed Kiritsugu actually held back to ambush him during the rerun?!
With that man's brain turning to mush the moment his daughter is involved, he could actually endure and plan ahead?
"Sorry, Shinji."
From the other end of the seating row, Irisviel folded her hands apologetically.
"I was afraid Kiritsugu might overthink things, so I arranged lots of work for him so he'd miss those episodes. So this really is his first time watching them~"
I believe nothing you say, ma'am—your evil housewife energy is showing!
"Lady Irisviel… is your hobby just watching juniors embarrass themselves?"
"Eh? Shinji, why would you say that?"
Irisviel tilted her head, her big red eyes full of innocent sparkle.
Oh, she's acting. She's absolutely acting!
With a deep sigh, Shinji spoke in a tone of utter resignation:
"Fine, I get it. What do you want, ma'am?"
"Shinji, whatever are you talking about? I don't understand at all~" Irisviel waved a finger, her voice gentle enough to melt iron.
"I've recently come up with a romance script, and I'm missing a lead actor and actress. Would you be interested, Miss Irisviel?"
Snap
Irisviel instantly grabbed both of Shinji's hands.
"How could I ever impose on you like that? Shinji, you're far too polite! Our families are practically one—if you need anything, big sister here will make it happen."
Silver threads interwove and crossed through the air, forming intricate patterns.
Like woven vines, they twisted together into a three-dimensional construct—
A giant silver fist.
Boom!
The fist slammed down viciously on Kiritsugu's head.
With a single blow, the so-called Magus Killer collapsed, completely unable to get back up.
"Oh my, oh my~ Kiritsugu, what are you doing lying there?"
Irisviel laughed sweetly as she grabbed him by the collar of his suit, dragging him away like a dead dog.
"There, there~"
She patted him like she was soothing a pet.
"It's just your daughter being on TV. Look how agitated you got. Since you're so full of energy, why don't we take a little drive before heading home?"
"...Iri… don't… drive…"
"What? You want to go a few extra laps? You're such a sweetheart~"
"..."
Whether he was pretending to faint or really passed out, Kiritsugu didn't move again.
Watching the head of the current Emiya household being dragged across the floor like luggage, Shinji felt a twinge of pity.
"Marriage… is seriously terrifying," he whispered.
"Hm…"
Beside him, Archer fell into deep thought.
He wasn't sure whether his foster mother counted as a special case or not.
"Hey, Shinji. What kind of romance story are you planning for them?"
"Hmm… It's a story about a boy who dates an ojou-sama, but cheats on her with all kinds of other girls. One of those girls gets fed up with his womanizing and kills him."
"..."
"The ojou-sama finds out and immediately guts the vengeful girl, then takes the boy's severed head and wanders the world with it. Tragic, passionate, worthy of song and legend, right?"
"..."
Archer could swear on the still-glowing lamp above his head—his Master was one hundred percent aiming that story at someone.
Given how his old man behaved in the FZ timeline, the guy had played with far more girls than Archer ever did in his past life.
"Oh, and there's a sequel," Shinji added, giving Archer a sinister smile.
"The ojou-sama gives birth to the boy's posthumous child. Every day she places the boy's head on the household altar and makes their son greet his father."
"The son asks, 'Mom, why does Dad only have this little bit left?' And the ojou-sama answers so gently: 'Well, your dad flirted with too many women, so they split him up. Look, what part of your dad is left now? Just this proper head. You think it's small? I think it's small too!' So, how's that story?"
"Shinji… be human, will you," Archer groaned.
After hearing this horror tale, he was pretty sure he wouldn't be sleeping tonight.
Not because the story itself was scary, but because it was way too targeted.
His head was full of very unwelcome imagery.
◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆
While Shinji was busy dealing with the mentally-short-circuited Kiritsugu, the show's plot on TV had progressed to Child-Gil—now dressed—revealing Miyu's identity: a princess from a parallel world.
"A parallel world?"
Illya looked at Child-Gil, then at Miyu.
The info dump just now was a bit overwhelming.
"My apologies," Child-Gil said, absolutely not sounding sorry.
"I don't enjoy exposing other people's secrets. But things have come to this point, so I had no choice."
Watching Miyu grit her teeth in frustration while being unable to do anything, Child-Gil's face curved into a delighted smile.
At this moment, the audience finally understood what sort of person this boy would grow into.
"Abandon your resistance. This is—"
Child-Gil pointed at Miyu and declared with a king's tone:
"—your Fate."
Hearing that, Miyu stared blankly at the massive vortex of mana in the distance, eyes hollow, showing a hint of self-destructive despair.
Illya noticed something was wrong and tried to speak—
But suddenly, a huge black arm made of Holy Grail mud burst out from the vortex.
Miyu didn't resist at all. She simply accepted it, letting the giant hand grasp her like she had resigned herself to fate.
The arm's action was so crude that Child-Gil even clicked his tongue in disgust.
"How barbaric. Have you already claimed the ritual for yourself?"
"Miyu!!"
Illya shouted and swung her wand, unleashing a slash of light to sever the arm.
CLANG!
The sound of metal rang out.
A gauntlet made of countless shields materialized over the black arm.
Even Illya's full-strength strike couldn't budge that many defensive Noble Phantasms—it stopped her attack like nothing.
Child-Gil only chuckled.
"Oh? Looks like most of my treasury are over there."
"Miyu!!"
Illya had no interest in comparing weapon stockpiles—she only wanted to pull Miyu back.
But Miyu didn't respond to her calls.
Instead, she silently held out her Sapphire Wand to Illya.
"I'm only wasting effort… No matter how I resist, how I fight… in the end, I can't escape…"
"Miyu, don't give up! Take my hand!"
"This is my fate."
And once she saw Illya take the wand, Miyu let go of her grip.
To Illya's shock, Miyu said:
"The hand you're supposed to reach for… is no longer mine."
Ah—no.
What she actually said was:
"Destroy me… and this nightmare along with me."
"I'm sorry for dragging someone unrelated into this."
"I couldn't bring myself to say it before…"
Miyu gave Illya a soft, farewell smile.
"I'm truly… very sorry…"
"Miyuuuuuu—————!!"
After reenacting a dramatic farewell scene worthy of Ultraman Orz and Anti from Gridman before the final battle, Miyu was taken away by the enormous black hand.
But that wasn't the end.
After abducting Miyu, the Holy Grail mud kept multiplying—first more arms, and eventually… a forming body.
On the other side, Child-Gil maintained his proud posture as he educated Illya about her friend's origin story.
"The Holy Grail War isn't some new concept. These rituals have played out across countless eras in countless parallel worlds. There was even a massive war where fourteen Servants split into two teams to fight over the Grail."
As the ultimate walking spoiler machine, Child-Gil took the chance to tease the audience with a preview of the future Fate/Apocrypha plot.
"But Miyu is special."
A cold smile spread across Child-Gil's face.
"Born for the Grail? No—quite the opposite."
"The Grail War was created for her."
"The moment she was born… she was already a completed Holy Grail."
The two magical staves, well-versed in the workings of the Grail system, were stunned.
"You mean Miyu is the Grail!?"
"Yes. Naturally cultivated. Built with complete structure. Extremely close to the original model. A one-in-a-billion rarity," Child-Gil explained coolly.
"Instead of saying she's like the other worlds' Lesser Grails—homunculi with Grail functions—it's more accurate to say the Grail itself acquired a human personality."
Without an ounce of pity, Child-Gil concluded:
"No matter how you phrase it, she's an error the world created."
"You're lying!!"
Illya roared, but Child-Gil wasn't fazed.
His temper as a child was far better than the adult version of him, after all.
"I'm not the one you should be angry at. This is her fate. Or blame the adults who exploited her."
Then, standing high in the air, Child-Gil stepped backward—allowing himself to fall freely toward the massive black titan forming below.
"Go ahead. Vent your hatred on me—this pitiful creature swollen with mud, twisted after losing its reason."
The black sludge swallowed him once again.
The boy's body stretched and twisted—slowly reshaping itself toward adulthood.
"Rraaaaaaaa————!!"
The black giant let out an earth-shaking roar.
And thus began the final battle of Fate/Kaleid Liner Magical Illya.
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