In a forest, late at night, a song could be heard from afar.
"Baby~ Baby~~ I'm all alone here, scared~ Seething and waiting to be saved~ So come get me~ Before they feast on my dead body~~"
In a world filled to the brim with monsters, each more terrifying than the last, this could only be seen as reckless or, to put it bluntly, suicidal. And as if to prove this point, the forest roared.
"NYAAAA~!"
Tremors could be felt throughout the entire forest, every creature converging on the music like moths drawn to a flame. In a tiny room made of leaves, perched atop a giant tree, Dereck was watching it all unfold.
"Really? All of them?" he whispered, a deadpan expression on his face. Trying to rationalize the situation, he continued,
"Do they have a synchronized mind or something? Don't they ever fight amongst themselves? Even with more than thirty species of beasts in here!?"
He abruptly put a hand over his mouth.
'You idiot! Control yourself! Do you want to die after all you've been through!?' he thought.
But he couldn't help it; he truly wanted to shout at how absurd this was, even if he was long used to it.
Or at least, he thought he was, since this wasn't the most ridiculous thing here.
Indeed, looking at the shapes of these so-called 'monsters,' one couldn't help but wonder why Dereck was so afraid of them, cowering and not daring to make a noise.
That can be explained by...
'WRONG! WRONG! HOW IN HELL ARE THESE BEASTS EVEN SHAPED LIKE THIS!?'
He took a long breath to calm himself.
'Shaped like cute plush bears, bunnies, dogs, and more...'
'IS THIS WORLD MAKING FUN OF ME!?'
He wanted to cry, but his tears had long since dried from the constant abuse he'd endured.
'Look at these bastards, all of them making noises like "Nya~" or "Kyu~.'
'You'd want to cuddle them if you didn't know better, but those things down there are vicious to the bone.'
He even spotted a particular "monster" in the form of a gorgeous woman wearing a bunny outfit, moaning "Oh yes!" "More," and things like that.
He could tell it was a clever trap designed to fool the horniest people in existence—or those who, even knowing the danger, would still say, "Worth it." Not that he fell for it when he first came to this world. Absolutely not. And he didn't nearly die while escaping either. Nope.
Anyway, he still couldn't forget what happened to his last Taunting Doll. That thing was so ruthlessly destroyed that not even dust remained. And by what, you ask? The soft pads and arms of the creatures below.
Dereck had nearly gone insane to get this far. He couldn't even count the number of times he'd thought about just ending it all to escape this hell.
In fact, the damn system he owned exclusively proposed such a way, taunting him to use it. And since he had to check the map on it anyway, Dereck decided to open it. But there was one tiny thing that got on his nerves every time he had to do so.
It pained him deeply, but the trigger to open the system was to say, "Your lowly doggy asks of you to open, Lord System."
So, while staying stoic and gripping his arm tightly, he did his best to calm his emotions.
At first, he tried imagining a good memory, like the joy he felt traveling the world and discovering new landscapes in his youth.
But the longer he stayed here, the more his imagination developed into something akin to him facing a materialized form of the system and beating the crap out of it.
Satisfaction crept into his expression.
Then, taking the lowest voice possible, he said, "Your lowly doggy asks of you to open, Lord System."
Ding, Dong-
Hearing the usual system notification, his mind finally began to rest.
That's what he thought.
[SYSTEM: ALERT! NO JOY DETECTED FROM HOST SAYING THE ENTRY PASSWORD!]
[SYSTEM: TRY AGAIN!]
'YOU F...!' He nearly cursed out loud but quickly remembered the situation he was in.
'Please, I don't have time. I need to get out of here while they're distracted by my Taunting Doll!'
[SYSTEM: THE SYSTEM IS MAGNANIMOUS. THE SYSTEM IS WILLING TO OPEN AT THE COST OF 1 STAT POINT IN HP.]
A grimace appeared on his face.
'THAT'S DAYLIGHT ROBBERY!'
But he really didn't have time to play cat and mouse with the system, and he already knew there was no end to it.
Resigned, he accepted the deal offered by this cursed system.
'Fine, but hurry up now.'
A navy-blue screen appeared in front of his face. It was split into two equal parts.
On the left, there was his avatar, wearing the same clothes as he was: a brown T-shirt and olive-green pants.
He could see his face too—hazel brown eyes, short black hair, and a straight, serious expression.
Which made it all the sadder that scribbles like a mustache and bunny ears had been added, once again proving that the system was messing with him.
To the right were detailed information about his skills and statistics.
[TITLE: The Wandering Fool]
[STATS]
[HP: 21]
[MP: 12]
[AGI: 32]
[DEF: 0]
[FOR: 0]
[LUCK: 5]
[UNIQUE ABILITY: Broken Taunting Doll (Cost: 7 MP - One daily use only)]
[SKILLS: Flamme (2 MP) - Enchanted Vision (1 MP) - Enchanted Hearing (1 MP)]
[BLESSING: Laughing Gods Plaything (???)]
[CURSES: Troll Magnet, Comical Foley]
At the very bottom, a button decorated with drawings of beautiful flowers, as if to make it more attractive, was labeled in italic: ~Just give up and die~
No doubt, this system wouldn't hesitate to kill him if he had the careless urge to click on it. But what the system didn't reveal was the "how."
Would he suddenly lose his life the moment he pressed the button? Or would the system play one of its macabre tricks, like summoning an ultra-powerful monster to tear him apart, making him endure severe agony before finally being granted death?
That wasn't something Dereck was willing to test. If it ever came to that, he would choose how to end his own life. That was all there was to the system's main page.
Now, what interested him was one of the three icons at the top right.
The one with a map icon, to be precise. Adjacent to it was an icon representing quests, followed by one for the messaging box.
Dereck pondered his next move.
'If he's not mistaken, the objective is about 30 km northwest.'
But before launching the map, he took one last glance at the golden frame on his wrist and its content.
[DAYS: ###]
Mission Objective: You are a disgusting stain in this Paradise called Paoze, and every being with a bit of intelligence will try to erase your existence. To survive, your only option is to escape this place as quickly as possible by gathering the three Dynamo Crystals scattered across this world and bringing them to the altar at the very center. Be warned: as more days pass, your stay here may become increasingly challenging~.
This mission was his beacon of light, his hope—the thread of silk still holding his last remaining sanity together. Because it meant he could truly be free, and he understood one thing about the system: it never lies. Ever.
And he couldn't help but sneer at seeing the "days" censored like that.
'It's kind of you to give me that warning, you damn system… but how many days has it been again?'