Author's Note:
Hello ^^
This is finally chapter XX, this chapter is the midway chapter of HLWC, the first part of a trilogy.
There is two new side stories posted (the halloween one between Lowe x Rainier and a really important side story between Rainier x Evangelia x Alkaios, the only reason this wasn't posted here was because I wanted to detail the scene more, which wouldn't be possible here, if you're interested in understanding these characters more, please read the side story 7 as it is quite important and takes place right before this chapter).
Also would like to tell y'all that I'm finally fixing past chapters! ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ
Chapter I was already completely fixed and the new format I'll be using in the future is already there as well, that format will be the same from chapter XXI forward.
After this chapter there will be a 1 month hiatus taking place, during which I'll be posting a few side stories and fixing previous chapters.
The side stories that will be posted include:
Side Story 9 - Jiwon x Dacre at the night of the Engagement party (aka after chapter XX, before chapter XXI)
Side Story 10 - Rainier x Lowe at the night of the Engagement party (aka after chapter XX, before chapter XXI)
Side Story 11 - Background story on: Scarlet, Evangelia, Irene, Clara, Keres, Hayun and Seoah (taking place on the past, before chapter I)
Side Story 12 - Background story on: Gutierre, Miyuki, Frode, Dacre, Nicholas, Noor, Cypress and Anwar (taking place on the past, before chapter I)
Notice that key characters won't have their background on side stories (like Fleuri, Raphael, Lowe, Rainier and Alkaios, that is because their backgrounds are or will be relayed in the main story or during their own side stories). While in the second installment we might see more of characters like Anwar and Cypress, however they have their part in the side story because they become main cast only on the second one.
Enjoy this chapter ^^ Thank you for all the support and hope you keep reading this story moving forward.
Song recommendation: Scared of the Dark - Em Beihold
If you skipped the last chapter due to the heaviness: Last chapter was a collection of memories of Vahe's childhood showing how his relationship with Zerah was and the abuse he suffered from his father from a young age.
"When you live behind the shades of lies, you're always susceptible to being brought into the light, your lies stripped bare and your soul exposed for all to see."
The moment Nikias snaps back to reality he feels extremely sick, the sun hasn't even risen yet and he is already exhausted. His eyes are red from crying, his throat dry from silently screaming, and his heart heavy from the memories he fought so hard to keep away. A small groan leaves his mouth as he turns to get up from his bed, every bone in his body hurts, and his eyes can't seem to stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks, he slowly moves towards the bathroom.
Kneeling on the cold floor and throwing up inside the toilet, his chest hurting as he puts out everything he has inside his stomach, his throat burning from the acid and his tears still flowing down, he lets out a small sob after he finishes putting it all out, leaning against the toilet, his face leaning over his knees and his hands trembling.
It's all my fault, he thinks amidst his pained sobs, even if he knows his brother would never blame him, and that if he gives up living now he'll only hurt his deceased brother even more. If he could, he would change places with Zerah in a heartbeat, both in being alive and having his soul exchanged to another body. In his mind, his brother deserves so much more, he was always taking care of Vahe, hiding his own pains so that the younger one could have a small piece of happiness inside that hell. I should've killed the old man, he thinks, still trembling as he tries to get up from the floor, failing and then trying again, until he succeeds and moves to the sink.
He stares at the reflection that once felt unfamiliar, now he can barely remember how he used to look, the golden irises that stare back at him feel so much more familiar than it did before, the silver hair now feels right, as if it was always like that.
Slowly he's used to being Nikias, sometimes even struggling to remember his past name, but what right does he have of forgetting those things? Forgetting he used to starve, that he used to be in constant pain, forget who he was.
Vahe is no Prince, he is no saviour and he would never be King.
What did it change? Just because his soul is now in a new body he lost his original intentions? No. Truth be told he wanted to change, he wanted to forget the pain, forget the feeling of starving, the feeling of being trapped inside hell.
Even the idea of dying under the hands of a god is more appealing than dying at the hands of his old men just like his brother.
Survive.
Ultimately that's everything he has been doing, working hard to survive, to continue living on because his brother cannot.
Fulfilling a promise that without it, he would've already been long gone.
But is this all he can do?
Survive?
When will he be able to live?
Does he even deserve to do so?
❥
The sweet and heady scent of lilies fill the Palace, where the hallways are filled with servants running around so that everything is perfect for that night, the engagement party of the Crown Prince Alkaios Theodore Chrysl and his childhood sweetheart Evangelia Petit is the event of the year, even across the streets of the Empire, the commoners are celebrating this moment, as Evangelia is deeply loved by those less fortunate.
For an event this lavish and big, all hands inside the Palace are aiding the Crown Prince's servants in organizing it, especially Empress Else's. The woman is standing in the middle of the Sun Ballroom - the biggest ballroom in the Palace -, coordinating employees, overseeing small details and making sure everything is in their proper place, her silver hair is up in a high ponytail with a braid, her pink eyes are hidden behind her clear glasses and her clothes are more practical as she's wearing her equestrian clothing, coming to the ballroom right after her morning ride on the horse the Emperor gave her in their 20th anniversary.
Although she's wearing simpler clothes, no one can deny that the woman exudes power and elegance, even the dirt that splashed on the pants hem looks classy when worn by the Empress.
''How many arrangements were made?'' She asks, holding a clipboard with the checklist for the party. ''We were supposed to receive 222 red lilies bouquets, there's no time for mistakes'', her voice is calm, but that doesn't mean the servants around her aren't feeling the tension.
''Only 200 arrived, your majesty'', the one who answers is Hannah Clair, her personal butler.
''Who made the order?'' She asks with a sigh, racking her brain on how to solve this. Knowing who is to blame won't even begin to cut it.
The details of a Royal Ball are shown across the Empire, if a tiny thing is out of place, it'll call criticism or even may bring misfortune, especially considering how superstitious some residents of the Exos Empire can be.
''Excuse me, your majesty'', the one speaking now is Lowe, Prince Nikias servant who is assisting Hannah while he also trains to be a butler. The Empress' eyes on the servant are cold, she doesn't intend to be rude, but the situation isn't exactly the best one. Especially considering what happened earlier, when the Emperor told her about the unusual request of Captain Rainier Bauldry, a man who never claimed any prize for saving her son used all of his wishes to be able to enter a relationship with a servant.
Maybe it's her prejudice, or maybe it's because she was always suspicious of the men Nikias brought home when he was 14.
But when she heard that, all she could think of was that the servant was using the future Duke, attempting to rise the social ladder at other's expense. Sure, when Nikias requested his servant to be trained as a butler she was supportive, anything that helps her son is welcome, but as days went by and her son kept bringing home deranged people who were long abandoned by society, she couldn't help but be suspicious of everyone surrounding him.
Hannah praised Lowe a lot, his commitment, the speed in which he learns, his politeness and respect, but it could all be a show, after all it wouldn't be the first time the Empress saw a wolf in sheep's clothing.
However, even if she has suspicions, she can't act on them. Not only does her position require her to be careful, but she also does not wish to anger her son any longer.
Especially if Nikias truly became a saint.
''Prince Nikias hired a florist recently and I think they had a shipment of red lilies coming soon'', the servant says, his eyes are calm and his voice controlled, even his stance is perfect for a butler-in-training.
''See if you manage to get the remaining 22 bouquets for tonight, then'', the Empress answers with a sigh, turning the page to check on the other items of the list. The man leaves, her eyes go to her butler. ''Do you think it's all an act?'' She questions.
''Who? The boy?'' Hannah asks as she calls the attention of a maid for placing the lace curtains in the wrong place. ''No, everytime he spoke about the Prince he was honest''.
''Are you sure?'' The Empress asks, her eyes flinching with surprise.
''Your majesty, don't worry so much about the Second Prince, if I may say, he's much better nowadays''.
Else nods, she knows that her son who was recluse and was showing signs of problems, is now surrounded by people and moving around and becoming a proper Prince after coming of age, however the fact that his heart had to stop for that to happen pains the woman, who blames herself for all that it happened in the past.
And maybe she should blame herself, after all her son is truly dead.
''Mother'', speaking of son, the Crown Prince appears behind the Empress, his appearance much healthier than months ago, as he wasn't being poisoned anymore, he had grown a few centimeters and his muscles were slowly becoming more defined, a stark contrast to his soft features.
''Kai!'' The woman opens a sweet smile as she hugs her older son. ''What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to be getting ready for the big night?'' Her question makes her son frown.
''I take an hour to get ready, mother, there's no need to spend the whole day getting ready'', his answer makes the woman laugh, soon he won't be saying the same, as an Emperor, getting ready for an event took way longer, the same with her as soon she'll need to retire to her quarters and start the same tedious process. ''I came here to check on the food and drinks, Evangelia said she had a bad feeling about serving wine tonight, so I was thinking of serving champagne instead'', he says, looking around, watching as the servants prepare it all so that his night is nothing but magical.
If someone knew what he was feeling right now, they would be saying that he was getting cold feet. That he was scared of finally committing to the woman whom he was courting since he even learned what love was. But that isn't the actual truth, he is certain that Evangelia is the woman he'll spend the rest of his life with, and the reason why his heart is hurting so much right now and his head is filled with bad thoughts, is because for the first time since his coronation, he's having second thoughts about being Emperor.
Alkaios was raised to be Emperor, from his first words to his lessons as a child, everything was carefully put together so that he would become the best ruler the Exos Empire could ever want, and sure, he's smart, good with a sword, good with his words and even has the perfect fiance that'll be a stellar Empress, he has it all perfect laid out and ready to go.
But there's something missing.
He's unsure of what exactly is, but whatever it is, is making him fear his own future.
And his best friend, whom he would go for advice right now, is gone, patrolling the grounds of the Palace, and the mood between them…
Not the best to say the least.
His happiness for Rainier couldn't be more sincere, maybe he was even jealous of the knight for being so sure of letting go of his free pass to a carefree life that was the silver stars to be able to be next to his lover.
If Alkaios had to choose between Evangelia and the Empire, he would choose Evangelia if he was solely to follow his heart. Maybe if the power fever was ailing him more, he would be able to throw reason away and do so, but ultimately he would choose the Empire, and that was simple, because he was raised for a position bigger than himself.
Dying for the Empire would make him a hero.
Dying for Evangelia would make him irresponsible.
In his place who would take the throne? Nikias? Who soon will be moving to another continent? Or maybe his annoying cousins that don't know the difference between local and national taxes?
He is the future of the Empire.
He never asked for this.
But he was born in this position, so he must honor it regardless of his own will.
In this aspect, Alkaios is just like his father, not that any of the men is aware of such.
''The chef is requesting your presence, your majesty'', a maid says approaching the Royals, the Empress sighs, nodding and following the maid to the kitchen, Alkaios is left alone at the ballroom to look around and see if the preparations are being done properly.
After a while passes and Alkaios finishes what he was there to do, he turns to leave, but stops on his tracks once he recognizes a servant, he can't tell if the twin he's seeing is truly who is in a relationship with Rainier, but based on what he spied from his brother, the other twin is always wearing the knights uniform.
''Are you Lowe?'' He approaches the man carefully, the servant turns to the prince, bowing immediately.
''I greet the star of the Empire'', he says, ''Yes, your highness I am Lowe'', his answer is polite and his tone is quite different from when they met in Nikias' room three months ago. Hannah must've worked him to the bone, the Prince thinks, observing the servant quietly before speaking again.
''Congratulations on your relationship with Rainier'', his voice isn't loud, but the attention his presence gathers is enough to turn a few heads.
The servant's eyes tremble before he speaks, maybe Alkaios was making him uncomfortable or maybe the servant had some secret that made him feel discomfort in interacting with the Crown Prince. Of course, both of Alkaios assumptions are correct.
''Thank you, your highness'', his voice is low and he seems to want to end that conversation as quickly as they started.
But Alkaios doesn't want that, not only does he want to get to know his best friend's lover more, but he also wants to make sure he's not using Rainier. ''Aren't you training to follow Nikias to Morke? I was quite troubled when I heard about your relationship.'' The question makes the servant frown.
''Prince Nikias saw no issue with me commuting'', Lowe answers, of course that's a lie, he and Rainier already agreed their relationship will last only until he moves to Morke, of course that the servant doesn't know how much Rainier sacrificed for this relationship to happen just yet. In regards to Prince Nikias response, the Prince just didn't care enough to even question the commute, he just assumed Lowe would deal with it.
Alkaios nods, ''I see, when did your relationship start?''
''Three months ago, but it became official last week'', Lowe answered with no hesitation.
''Who started it?''
''I did, but Rainier was the one to officialize'', his answer is organic and smooth, but the slip of tongue of calling the future Duke by the name made the servant flinch. ''I mean Sir Bauldry''.
''He's your lover, you can call him by the name'', Alkaios says, but his expression doesn't change, still serious and his eyes are cold. ''How did you meet?''
Lowe feels as if he's being interrogated, and of course he is, Alkaios wishes he could do the same to Lyor, but since the man is a King there is very little he can do as a mere Prince just yet.
''I'm sorry, your highness'', Lowe bows, ''But that is a secret between us'', as per agreement, none of the two men is saying how they met, after all lying can easily cause them problems and saying the truth could harm both of their reputations. As they can't say 'oh we had sex and then things just happened'.
''He said the same thing'', Alkaios points out, ''And how is he treating you?'' He asks.
''Rainier is a great lover'', Lowe answers with conviction.
The Crown Prince laughs, ''Yeah, Evangelia used to say he would be a great husband someday'', the mention of his fiance and past love of Rainier is made on purpose, just to see how the servant would react, testing him.
But someone who is constantly tested by the Second Prince wouldn't succumb to such provocations. Lowe simply nods, he doesn't really care as well, Rainier was honest with him from the beginning, as by far as his own heart goes, he surely cares for the knight in his own way, but the effort and care he puts in the relationship they have comes from a place of responsibility and curiosity not love.
Maybe if Lowe was truly in love with Rainier he would've got angry at the Crown Prince's remark.
Their conversation is cut short by the presence of Xylon, Alkaios' aide, his eyes dark from exhaustion and his long blue hair messy because of the hurry he was in. ''Your highness, there you are'', the aide says way too loudly, ''We have a meeting, you'll be late'', he continues, out of breath.
Overworking their aides to the bone is surely a trait shared amongst Royals all over the world.
''Let's meet to talk again over some tea'', Alkaios says to Lowe, who only nods and bows as the Prince is dragged away by Xylon.
His eyes creep me out, Lowe thinks, going back to work, after all, that night will be an event that will change the lives of everyone across the Palace.
❥
The Knight's dorm is composed of single and double rooms, your rank within determining which room you're assigned to, however your roommate is chosen by the Captain or supervisor, in Dacre and Jiwon's case, the one who assigned them to the same room was Prince Nikias, clearly so that they would keep each other in check. And surely enough, Dacre was stellar in keeping tabs on Jiwon's actions and words, while Jiwon was excelling in constantly berating the other.
Inside their small room there was a window, two beds, one closet and two desks, the design being similar to the servant's rooms in the Palace. Regarding their habits inside the room, they were quite similar and different, while both of them would toss their weapons on the desk and mainly stay in bed, Dacre had the habit of roaming around their room half-naked, while Jiwon was constantly wearing long sleeves and only removed his jacket to sleep or when he went out to pubs.
Their differences was the main reason behind their constant discussions, of course most of the time Jiwon was the one triggering them, while Dacre only pretended to engage as the boy seems to get off from annoying the knight.
However in the last days, Jiwon has been too weak to even speak, so right now he's laying in his bed, his body covered in a thin layer of sweat, shivering from a cold he isn't truly feeling, although if anyone asks he's feeling good, the man couldn't be in a worse situation. Dacre stares at the man, his green eyes showing clear disgust, the boy was wearing his shirt that is covered in holes along with boxers, not much else. Jiwon's eyes tremble as he opens it to look at the other who is staring at him.
''What do you want?'' He asks in a weak tone.
Dacre scoffs, ''Nothing Mr. I'm fine.'' he answers in a sarcastic tone.
''I am fine'', Jiwon answers with a pained groan as he attempts to sit down, succeeding after a few attempts. ''See?''
''Oh, I see'', Dacre answers with a dry laugh. ''Just make sure to clean your sweat before putting on your uniform'', the pink-haired boy says, walking towards the closet to grab his own uniform. ''We can't embarrass the Prince tonight''.
''Why do we even need to attend this stupid party?'' He asks, with a pained sigh, his constitution draining quickly as he tries to get up.
''Because it's our job?'' Dacre answers, his tone is cold, different from how he usually acts in front of others, maybe it is Jiwon's presence that makes him so annoyed that he can't avoid but be less cheerful. Especially when he can feel the man's eyes on his body, if he wants me so much he should just admit it, the boy thinks as he takes off his shirt. ''You're going to wear me out if you stare at me so intently'', his comment makes Jiwon frown.
''I'm not staring at you'', he says, turning his gaze to the floor. Dacre scoffs again.
''Sure''.
It didn't take them long to get dressed, as the sun started to set, they were already leaving the dorms towards the training grounds. As knights they must go to the ballroom before the nobles begin arriving.
Jiwon's black hair was slicked back, his skin soft from scrubbing all of that sweat off, his clothes were actually the uniform from the Spectres instead of the one from the Golden Phoenices, as he felt more comfortable using such, and he was wearing gloves, to hide his cold sweaty hands. From anyone's perspective the man looked like a respectable good-looking man, but Dacre can see the drips of sweat on his neck.
Contrary to the Spectres' knight, Dacre was looking more childish and his appearance is more soft, his pink-hair is down, as styling it would take too long, his green eyes are outlined by a golden eyeshadow Irene gave him the day prior, and his uniform is clean and well-kept, from the buttoned up jacket with the Golden Phoenices logo, to his delicate belt and tight pants. His figure is highlighted by the uniform, and his movement is also more free with such, as the uniform was made perfectly to his role as Shadow, he could've put the cloak they got for official settings, but the instructions he received from the Prince was to blend in. Not that his bright pink hair helped in this aspect.
He can feel the occasional gazes of Jiwon on him, the way his eyes went from his neck to his butt, and how the man was incapable of noticing this behaviour himself.
When they arrive at the ballroom's door, they immediately notice how no one is checking the identities of those wearing uniforms. Is this why Nikias said we should be on full-alert? Dacre thinks to himself as they move across the ballroom to stand close to the stairs where the Royal family was going to come down later.
''Happy event, no?'' A stranger approaches the knights, the man was weird to say the least, his presence wasn't noticeable by others, but Dacre could tell he was no ordinary person. His eyes were pink and shaped like fox's eyes, his lips were up in a mysterious smile, his hair was so long that it reached the floor, the color was similar to Dacre's hair, but lighter, and his clothes were made of silk, like a white robe priests use.
''Who are you?'' Dacre is the one to ask, he turns to Jiwon, who seems frozen in place. The man laughs.
''Who am I indeed'', the man's eyes are fixed on Jiwon, Dacre takes a step to the side, staying between the two. ''Your soul is quite interesting, child'', his words bring shivers down Dacre's spine. ''It's rare to see so many red lines in the same place'', this time the man looks around with a smile, ''The stars certainly aligned in the Exos Empire this century''.
What a bunch of nonsense, Dacre thinks, the man laughs again, as if he heard his thoughts.
''Don't be so scared'', the man says again, ''I'm here to give something to Ji-won Hyeong'', his words make the man behind Dacre to flinch, yet he doesn't speak, as if he knows what is happening, only making the boy even more confused. The man takes out something from inside his robe, as if it just appeared from thin air. It is a broken tiara made of pure silver, Dacre recognizes the tiara from a fairytale his mother used to read him when he was child, before she became a drug addict.
''Please, I don't want this'', Jiwon says, his voice trembling, Dacre turns to stare at the men, pure fear in his eyes. ''I denied it years ago and I still don't want this burden''.
There's reading the situation and understanding it, Dacre can tell that whatever is happening is something Jiwon has been running from and whoever the stranger is, is someone whom he can't deny much longer.
''Can you leave? You don't look like a noble or a servant, and he clearly doesn't wish to accept your gift'', Dacre moves forward, trying to push the stranger away, but it doesn't work.
''Do you know how hard it is to get permission to enter their territory?'' The stranger says, his eyes shining, ''To name a Saint? They wanted me to let it go'', the man continued, the mention of the saint made Dacre's brain shine with the information, finally understanding what was happening. ''But seeing as you're here, so close to it and you keep running from your destiny… I couldn't help but intervene''.
''You're Xinyi, god of Love'', Dacre says, his brain still processing the information he just said himself, he never expected to see a god in all of his life, much less a god that is known to never appear to others. Just like love itself, the god of Love is known for being mysterious and never interacting with humans, he never had a known saint and since he was a new god, born in the last few centuries, he also had very few Temples across the nations. The only reason why Dacre even heard of him was because he sucked off a devout a year ago on the streets.
''I'm impressed, child'', the stranger says, ''To be able to recognize me is quite the feat'', the god continues.
''Regardless of being a god or not, you cannot force him to accept being a saint'', Dacre says, ''The universe provided humans free-will''.
The god laughs again, ''Free-will? That is funny'', the man continues, ''Being a saint doesn't affect your free will'', the god lies, ''And I respected his opinion enough years ago, when I offered salvation and he denied''.
Salvation?
''He's dying, you see, a slow poison reaching his heart'', the god stares at Jiwon, ''The only sibling to never suffer a big injury, what a lie'', he says with a scoff, ''If he doesn't accept being a saint, so be it, I was lenient enough to your childish words'', the god tosses a portion of his long hair away from his face, his bright pink eyes looking even more menacing.
''You're dying?'' Dacre now asks Jiwon, who nods weakly, still avoiding speaking. ''And a god offered to help you live through sainthood?'' Dacre asks again, receiving another nod. ''For gods sake, are you stupid?'' he almost yells, controlling his voice to avoid the attention of the other knights that were entering the ballroom. Soon that place will start filling up with nobles, and they need to stop being distracted. He turns to the god, ''How long does he has?''
The god looks at Jiwon before turning back to Dacre, ''A week''.
Dacre laughs dryly, the way Jiwon was getting on his nerves should be recorded in history as a feat. How could someone be so dumb, so childish, so prideful?
Being rude to a god can cost you a lot, as some gods are quite intolerant and tend to hold grudges, but Dacre, honestly, doesn't care about the gods much, he already considers himself to be forgotten by them. Just like the situation that happened in Morke, the boy is quite patient when dealing with situations he can control, but when it comes to Jiwon, he seems to be losing his own control.
So the boy grabs the tiara from the god's hand forcefully and puts it on Jiwon's head, just so that the whole situation can end. ''We are here to do our job, so stop with this stupid hard-to-get play and just accept the damn help''.
Jiwon's eyes open in shock when he feels the electricity running through his body, especially inside his heart, his whole body shivers and the pain inside his bones is enough to make the man feel like crying. But he doesn't scream nor shed a tear, no, he had enough torture training to be able to endure such pain, as if his whole body is being rearranged. He can feel his mana flowing in shambles inside him, the warmth emanating from his head to his toes. He looks at Dacre after his vision becomes clearer, the moment his eyes lie on the pink-haired boy he finally understands why he was so on edge around him.
He can see it now, a small red line wrapping Dacre's heart and going towards his own.
When he turns to speak to the god, to question what just happened the strange man is nowhere to be seen.
Fuck.
❥
A loud sound reverberated through the almost empty training grounds, most knights were occupied with the ball that was about to begin or even with patrolling the area, there were just a few remaining there, and Scarlet Abel was one of them. Her Golden Phoenices uniform is completely dirty from the soil and her short wavy red hair is messy due to the repetitive training she's making, hitting her sword at one of the old trees at the training ground repeatedly, her wrist hurting from it.
But she doesn't care if she's there for an hour, two or more, she wants to be the best of the best, she wants to completely surpass her brother, not only in ability or honor, but in every other aspect of their lives, to somehow prove to her parents that they invested in the wrong child, that she isn't useless even if she can't get married to a proper noble.
''Cutting off a tree won't change the fact that you're a failure, sister'', the annoying voice of her older brother, Frode Abel, makes her roll her eyes and turn to face the man. He's wearing his Silver Crows' uniform as well, probably because of the nature of the event he must attend as a knight rather than as a future Margrave.
''And pretending you're human won't hide your devil scales'', Scarlet shoots back, placing her sword back in her sheath. ''What are you doing here?'' She asks, clearly annoyed, tucking a few wild strands of her hair behind her ear.
''I'm waiting for Raphael'', he answers, looking around, his words making the woman laugh.
''Oh my, I never thought I would live to see the Frode Abel looking pathetic'', she says sarcastically, walking away. ''He's already at the ballroom, brother'', she turns to look at her brother. ''The amount of times he ran away from you should've already given you the hint''.
''He'll fall for me eventually'', the man says, pushing his hair back, clearly distressed. Scarlet laughs again.
''Brother dear, you're delusional, no one could ever love you'', she says looking at him with amusement, her grey eyes shining red. Her words may sound harsh, but that would be if people didn't know that those words were a reflection of what Frode always told Scarlet. She's just throwing them back at him, her heart burning with anger.
''Just because your first love is getting married soon, doesn't mean you need to say those empty words at me'', Frode says with a smirk, his lack of capability of understanding that he's the problem is outstanding.
Sure, Scarlet used to be obsessed with the idea of being Crown Princess, and even had a crush on Prince Alkaios when they were teenagers, but what's the point of that now? It was a stupid crush, she got over it, and after so many failed engagements she doesn't even want to get into another relationship with noblemen.
''I'm not interested in the Crown Prince anymore'', she says, attempting to walk away, but her brother's words stop her.
''You wouldn't be able to beat Evangelia even if you were still interested'', his words are followed by a laugh, he was finding the whole situation amusing, of course he was, hurting his sister was his favorite pastime.
''I wonder if Raphael would enjoy hearing stories about your childhood'', she says, her voice is cold and she doesn't even look at her brother. ''How you used to rip butterfly's wings and watch them slowly die or even how you froze a live snake using a mana stone just to see what would happened'', she smiles coldly, finally looking at her brother, she can feel the stir of her mana inside her, wanting to leave together with her anger. ''Oh, maybe the story on how you killed a pig and played with its head as if it was a doll'', her eyes are completely overtaken by her mana, shining in a bright tone of blood red. ''Perhaps on how you killed a maid just to test out a brand new sword?''
Frode brandishes his sword, pointing it at his sister, his eyes are cold, expressionless.
''I truly wonder brother dear, if the man which you claim to love would be able to stomach your rotten personality?'' She tilts her head, taking a step forward so that the tip of Frode's sword touches her neck, a small cut is made but no blood leaves the wound. ''You may think it's just a matter of time, however it's a matter of who''.
''He already opened up more to me, he'll love me'', her brother's words aren't confident and his voice is hoarse as if he's forcing himself to say those things. Scarlet laughs again.
''Please, Raphael is way too good for you, the fact that he's putting up with you already proves his character'', every word she says she's provoking her brother even more, and she knows that, but she doesn't care, she had enough of his stupid remarks, always thinking he's so perfect while she's the black sheep.
A man that is not considered a criminal because he's powerful, because he was surrounded by the right people and born in the right family, what a joke.
Yet she was born in the same family, with the same peers, but just because she was a woman her privileges were diminished and she was considered damaged goods just because she couldn't find a husband.
How can an absolutely trash human being be able to have everything while she has nothing?
''You know nothing, Scarlet, you think you're so much better than me'', he lowers his sword, staring deeply into his sister's eyes. ''But we're exactly the same''.
❥
Pretending to be fine and moving along through his day was easy for Nikias, he just had to hide behind his cold eyes and not say anything about what happened earlier that day, even if his heart is tight and his stomach feels weird, no one will know if he doesn't show.
So now he's standing straight out in the cold night, wearing a buttoned up collared black jacket, with same colored pants and dress shoes, his clothes having small silver and blue details, as family he was supposed to wear the colors of the couple, silver and blue. He touches the collar of the jacket, feeling suffocated, his silver hair was styled back, something he also disliked but was told to do so by his mother, his golden eyes shining with annoyance.
He can feel Lyor's presence much before than he actually sees him, the magic circle shining in a white color from a distance, the mages doing the inspecting of those who pass through there take a while with the King and his aide before they start walking towards the Main Palace, Nikias looks at Lyor with a tight heart, the tears from earlier threatening to come out.
Maybe because subconsciously he already accepted to be vulnerable with the man, but somehow his presence calms him down, urging him to mutter all of his secrets, but he keeps quiet.
Lyor took the idea of wearing matching clothes way too seriously as his clothes were almost identical to Nikias, except by the fact that the King was wearing a long navy blue fur coat on top of his jacket as well, giving him the perfect aura of a powerful man, his hair was also styled back, which disappoints Nikias as he prefers when his hair is soon out of the bath, just like he saw when he visited the Morke Kingdom, regardless of such, Lyor was looking like perfection just as usual.
Beside the man was Cypress, who was wearing a dark green long-sleeved linen shirt that was partially open on his chest, black pants and dark green dress shoes, his long emerald hair was in a low ponytail and he was wearing his glasses, by his simple clothes it was clear that he was there as Lyor's aide instead of an attendee.
''Good night'', Lyor says with a smile once he's close enough to Nikias, who simply nods, his personality all day was mellower, even if he thinks no one around him noticed, they were simply pretending as to not offend the Prince. ''Is everything ok?'' The man whispers, getting closer to Nikias, who flinches in response.
''Yeah, I'm fine'', the Prince answers in a whisper as well, aware that he isn't fooling the King, but the man doesn't question further.
''I'll go in first'', Cypress says, looking at the Prince, his eyes show a small glint of worry, but it's probably worry towards the King, not Nikias.
Lyor places his hand on Nikias' back once they're inside the Palace, walking slowly towards the ballroom's door. ''Anything I must know before we enter?'' The King asks, his voice is sweet, and his eyes are scanning the place.
''Just don't believe everything you hear'', Nikias says, taking a deep breath, although he doesn't wish to admit, the ball is making him nervous, knowing everything that will happen that night doesn't make it easier.
''Everything will be just fine'', Lyor says, grabbing Nikias' hand, his touch is cold even through his gloves, but that helps Nikias cool down his mind.
''I know'', he says, after all he's not insecure about what will happen, but how it will affect him and how the small ripples of his actions will affect this milestone of the original story.
''Announcing the arrival of the King of Morke, Lyor Natrix Noir and the Second Star of the Exos Empire, Prince Nikias Gregor Chrysl'', the servant announces as the ballroom's door opens. Dozens of eyes turn to see the Prince and his fiance, some judgemental, others curious and others hostile, regardless of why, they were all interested in the fiance of the useless Prince.
Nikias' hand is on Lyor's arm, he focus on his stance, attempting to not be caught trembling and he moves swiftly and elegantly, showing them all of his efforts in Sascha Gagne's classes, those who were at his Coming of Age ball months ago can barely recognize the before crude Prince that is now exuding elegance.
They move in the crowd, receiving bows and greetings, well, mostly Lyor as the nobles of the Empire were still looking down at Nikias, not that he cares, as he ignores those and moves towards the table of drinks where Lowe and Rainier were.
Lowe was wearing the same clothes as in Nikias' ball, not that anyone would be able to recognize such as he was there as a servant before, Rainier on the other hand is wearing his Captain uniform, the stars on his chest shining along the lights of the ballroom.
The Sun Ballroom is the oldest ballroom in the Palace, built to pay homage to the god, the tiles are made of gold, the frames are white to reflect the thousands yellow mana stones that are engraved on the ceiling so that the place shines like sunshine, for the engagement party they decorated the place with lace curtains, red lilies and a few statues made of pure white marble. At the center of the ballroom was the engagement cake, with seven layers and decorated with red lilies and white icing, at the very top was a small wooden carving of the Crown Prince and Evangelia.
Nikias takes notes as he observes the place, so that in his engagement party he can make everything exactly the opposite. The bright ballroom makes his eyes hurt and the tacky idea of using red lilies and lace curtains make him churn inside. It feels like his room all over again, the excess white and bright colors, as if everything was made to catch your attention.
''Did you see Dacre and Jiwon?'' Nikias asks once he grabs a champagne glass and looks at Lowe, the servant bows at him and the King before speaking.
''No, we just arrived''.
''Hello, your highness'', Rainier says, not bowing, his tone is way more polite than usual, which surprises Nikias, the man turns to the King. ''Nice to meet you, your majesty, I'm Rainier Bauldry'', he introduces himself, shaking Lyor's hand.
Nikias turns the whole glass down his throat and grabs another. ''Lyor, this is Lowe, the one I told you about, who's training to be my butler'', Lyor nods at the servant and grabs the third glass of champagne Nikias was attempting to drink, his hand sliding onto his waist. The Prince looks annoyed but doesn't say anything.
''Raphael told me he is at the south entry'', Lowe says, turning down the glass of champagne Rainier offers him, refusing to drink while working, although he's there as a guest. Rainier tilts his head, resting it on top of Lowe's head, clearly eager to keep the skinship. Nikias watches in silence, noticing the servant flinching but not moving, probably waiting to see if the Prince would mind.
''What time is it?'' Nikias asks, raising his wrist to see his watch. ''We have 20 minutes until it happens''.
''What happens?'' Rainier asks, straightening his back and looking at the Prince with suspicion, but his tone is still polite.
Lowe turns to the future Duke. ''You should go wait for the Crown Prince'', his words are cold, but the man doesn't seem to mind.
Although Rainier is still suspicious and doesn't understand what is about to happen, he listens to Lowe, going to stand at the end of the stairs together with the other knights.
''Two of the knights at the end of the stair are fake, and two of the servants replenishing the food are carrying poison'', Nikias says, opening the buttons of his jacket, still feeling suffocated, revealing the white linen shirt underneath that shows way too much of his chest. Lyor's eyes linger there for a moment, but he doesn't say anything to the Prince as he seems way too stressed out already.
''Should we intervene?'' Lowe asks.
Nikias shakes his head. ''No, sending Rainier to his spot is already enough''.
''Will he get hurt?'' Lowe's question makes Nikias stop to ponder, trying to recall of all that happens in that scene in the book, the engagement party took six chapters of the first book and talked in detail about Rainier, Evangelia and Alkaios relationship, especially about the knight's love for the woman, describing his eyes of sadness as he saw the couple exchanging their engagement vows.
A gaze one could never ignore, although this was Evangelia's fourth time getting engaged to the Crown Prince, she could never ignore the longing in Rainier's eyes. His red irises staring at the couple, the tears he was holding and the pain, oh the pain so clear in his eyes, he looked almost like a dog that just lost its owner. His mouth closed in a fine line and his firsts clenched, he was probably looking at Evangelia waiting, that perhaps she would look at him, retribute his feelings, but she doesn't do so. Because in her world, Alkaios was the only one that truly matters. Even if Rainier is her closest friend, she would never abandon her love for him, so all there is left for the Captain of the Silver Crows is to watch as his heart is broken in a thousand pieces over and over again as the timeline gets reset and the woman chooses Alkaios every single time.
''Not physically'', Nikias answers, he isn't sure if being with Lowe is enough to quell Rainier's broken heart, after all the love he displayed for Evangelia in the novel was quite intense and sincere.
Lowe nods, probably understanding what Nikias meant, the servant turns to look at his now lover, who is in a perfect knight stance and looking forward. His mind replayed the words the man told him earlier that day.
''I hope you don't feel sad even if I look hurt during the engagement party'', the man said as he caressed the servant's face as they were laying in bed. ''Because I'm serious about us, it might take me a while to completely get over her, but I will never betray our relationship, that I can promise you''.
He doesn't remember what he said to those words, but admittedly, he does feel a bit hurt hearing that Rainier will be emotionally hurt at the sight of his first love getting engaged, because promises mean nothing if your heart is screaming at you to go against it.
''15 minutes'', Nikias says, looking at his watch again and looking around, searching for the other two knights. ''I swear, where are those two?'' He whispers to himself.
Lyor kisses Nikias forehead, attempting to calm the man down. ''I'll go look for them, don't worry so much'', the King's words sure help, but Nikias is in a deep state of turmoil to be able to completely calm down.
At the other side of the ballroom, Raphael is following the suspicious servants with his eyes, checking his pocket watch - a gift from Frode - for the time, counting down the minutes as Nikias has briefed him. However he didn't expect to be interrupted.
''Darling'', the voice that brings him shivers and makes him feel as if there are maggots crawling on his skin rings on his ear. He doesn't need to turn to know that the future Margrave is there next to him.
The most honest truth is that Raphael is completely drained, he's working all night and during the day he trains exhaustively, just so that in the very few hours he has for sleep are interrupted by the man coming to give him some 'company', as his brother sleeps more and more often at Rainier Bauldry's house.
Even worse, he's not able to confide in anyone because he knows the moment he does he would be admitting he can't handle things by himself. But what else can he do? He told the man directly he dislikes him, he actively avoids him and even told the man that his sight disgusts him, but all he does is throw some threats and say that one day Raphael will succumb.
One day he could succumb, maybe, but not because he would have feelings for Frode, but because he'll be completely worn out.
Frode touches Raphael's waist, maybe trying to imitate the Prince and the King a few meters away from them, but the touch makes Raphael sick, it's warm and tingly, completely disgusting, as if it was a monster touching him, even being in the same environment than Frode is enough to make the knight fall ill.
His mind is already distracted from his job. ''I need to focus, I'm working'', his tone is cold and he takes a step away from Frode, making his hand leave his body, but he can't be relieved just yet.
''It's okay, the Prince has other knights'', Frode says, ''Just entertain me a bit, darling''. Every word that leaves his mouth sounds like wet laundry, falling inside a mud puddle.
''I have a duty, I don't expect you to understand, but please leave'', Raphael says, trying to find the servants again, the clock pointing out that seven minutes had passed. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He thinks, slowly getting more worked up.
Exhaustion of the mind can truly change someone.
''You're using the pocket watch I gave you'', Frode says with a smile, his disgusting hands touching Raphael again.
''Stop touching me!'' Raphael yells, snapping. Frode's eyes go from happiness to annoyance, most people would cower in front of those eyes, eyes that killed many, from a man unable to feel empathy whatsoever. But Raphael already became used to it.
''Darl…'' He attempts to speak, but Raphael is in a hurry, he can't waste more of his time with the man.
''Fuck off, you're disgusting, I don't like you, I don't enjoy your presence, your touch or even the idea of you'', Raphael continues, pushing his hair back, messing his hairstyle, ''Everytime you speak I want to cut your head off and everytime you call me pet names makes me want to die''.
''That's not very kind'', Frode says with a cold smile.
''For the goddess' sake, don't you get it?'' Raphael yells again, grabbing the attention of those surrounding them, the nobles whispering amongst themselves, and he will probably be nagged by his brother later, but right now he just can't handle this. ''I absolutely despise your existence''.
''You don't mean that'', Frode says.
''Oh, no, I do, every word with all the fibers in my body'', Raphael says, tossing the pocket watch at the man, the time running out, only 2 minutes left. ''Do me a favor and die''.
The constant training Raphael has been making is paying off, because when Frode makes a desperate move, trying to grab him and probably kiss him to try make the man give in, Raphael is quick to step away and push the man away, making the future Margrave fall on the ground.
Time's up, Raphael thinks once a loud voice reverberates in the ballroom.
''Announcing the sun of the Empire, Emperor Magnus Valerius Chrysl, the moon of the Empire, Empress Else Elizabeth Chrysl''. Everyone turns their heads to see the Emperor and Empress descending the stairs, their presence is elegant, and the Emperor's golden eyes and the Empress' silver hair shine even brighter under the lights of the Sun ballroom.
After they completely descend the stairs, another announcement is made.
''Announcing the first star of the Empire, Crown Prince Alkaios Theodore Chrysl and his partner Lady Evangelia Petit'', when the couple enters the whole room is silent, a show of respect, there is not even music playing, everyone bows, a tradition in engagement balls of royalty. Even Frode who had just gotten up does so. Raphael finally catches sight of the suspicious servants, moving across the nobles after them.
''I would like to thank everyone here'', the Emperor says, his voice powerful enough to travel through the whole ballroom. ''Today we are gathered to celebrate our first son's engagement to this lovely young lady''.
Raphael finally gets close enough to the servants, watching as they take the opportunity while everyone is distracted to put drops of poison in the glasses of champagne. He doesn't stop them nor tells someone what is happening, he simply uses a photographic device to take pictures as proof and once the servants move to another table, he puts the drops of the antidote Lowe made inside the glasses.
Doing the same thing after they poison the next table. His movements are concealed by the amount of people there, using the same tactics as the criminals to hide himself, his dark clothes and swift moves also helping.
Once he finishes he moves towards the second Prince.
''...I would like to finally only wish happiness to our precious son'', the Empress is the one speaking now, but Raphael isn't exactly paying attention to the speech.
''It's done'', he says to Nikias, who nods in response.
Raphael stands next to his brother, noticing his gaze towards his new lover. To be honest, Raphael doesn't like Rainier, dating a noble? What the hell was Lowe thinking? But he can't tell his brother to break up, nor can he complain more than what he already did.
Because this is the first time Lowe did something that wasn't with the goal of protecting him.
And he knows that if he asked his brother to give up his own happiness for him, he can't do so in good conscience.
''I'll go look for Lyor and the two idiots'', Nikias says, his tone more annoyed than usual as he stares at his wrist watch. ''You two keep an eye on the knights''.
Raphael and Lowe nod as they watch the Prince getting lost in the crowd.
Lyor was, indeed, searching for the two knights that were nowhere to be found, he isn't sure of exactly what was about to happen, as Nikias shared only a few things to him, but he's glad the Prince is doing something, as prior he was set on just watching as things unfolded. Maybe what he said to him got to his head a little.
Everywhere he moves people stop him, to speak about investing in his Kingdom or even trying to suck up to him, but contrary to the Royals of the Empire, Lyor never learned how to deal with nobles, as his nation has none. So he simply says to them that he only does business through his aide or through the Prince, tossing the responsibility towards them, of course if Cypress were there next to him he would be rolling his eyes and saying that Lyor surely enjoys skipping on work that didn't involve a sword.
But what can he do when this type of politics wasn't something in his plethora of skills?
After the Royals are introduced he continues his search for Jiwon and Dacre, but again he is stopped by a noble, this time the man stopping him was a bit different. He was wearing a magician's robe, his eyes were chilling, almost as if he was a serpent on the verge of an attack. The blonde man for sure wasn't nearly as powerful as Lyor himself, but the King still gets the chills from his gaze.
''So you're the rumored Tyrant?'' No introduction, no greeting, just rude words from the bat. Lyor already strongly dislikes this man. ''You don't look like one'', the gaze scans all of Lyor's body, like a doctor trying to diagnose him. ''But you certainly have the build of a Saint'', Lyor freezes, him being a saint isn't a secret, after all that's what made him King, but somehow the words of that man seem to be implying something else. ''I never heard of two saints having children besides the founding Royals'', he continues, ''I wonder if the Prince would allow me to dissecate your children''.
''You're crossing a line, sir'', Lyor says, trying not to show anger, after all he doesn't even know who the man is.
''Oh, I didn't introduce myself, it's a bad habit, I'm Margrave Nicholar Larchier'', the man says, extending his hand, but Lyor doesn't take it. ''I was just saying, you know, I don't think the Prince would be much of a good father, regardless, and as a King, you probably are required to have offsprings no?'' His question is rude, everything he said was rude. ''You know, the Prince has quite the drinking problem'', he makes a gesture to insinuate that Nikias is an alcoholic, although that could make sense according to Lyor's visions and the behaviour of the Prince that night, he didn't show any signs previously of having a habit of drinking too much.
Especially considering they shared a wine bottle at the Morke Kingdom, and the Prince barely drank anything. Of course that could mean nothing, but Lyor chooses to ignore the man's words.
''I don't see why I need to hear about my fiance's lifestyle from someone that doesn't even know him'', that he can say with conviction, after all the Prince surrounds himself with those that have nowhere left to go, just like Lyor collects strays, so being close to a Margrave that has the insignia of a Magician's Tower in his robe doesn't seem on pair to his actions until now.
The Margrave laughs. ''Indeed, I guess you know him more than you let on'', he says, his eyes shrouded in mystery. ''But the Prince did allow me to do research with his blood, I wonder if I told you that''.
''He's free to partake in anything he wishes'', Lyor answers, avoiding to answer the question directly. ''Now if you excuse me…''
''The Sun god dislikes sharing you know'', the Margrave continues speaking, ''And I don't think the couple of gods enjoys it as well''. His words are meant to anger Lyor, perhaps he has a goal behind annoying both the Prince and the King, but whatever it is he is hiding it well. ''I wonder if they will even allow your marriage''.
His words do carry some truth, but he couldn't be more wrong about the god of the Sun, after all, the god enjoys nothing more nothing less than to see other gods angry, so having his saint enter their territory actually pleases him.
But that's not a trait the books about him cover.
After all, who would say that their god is an enabler of chaos? When he isn't even the god of chaos himself.
''That's for us to decide, not the gods'', Lyor says, annoyed.
''Even when the destiny of the Prince is already set in stone?'' Nicholas says, enjoying the expression the King is making. ''Did you know that he's destined to be an Emperor?'' He says. ''Of course, he could fulfil that role in your Kingdom, would his destiny allow it? Though?''
''We don't even know each other and you're speaking as if destiny is set in stone'', Lyor says, his cold eyes exuding an aura that frightens those around the two, but the Margrave doesn't even flinch.
''Well, considering the Prince is destined to many great things, I would consider it slightly important'', again with the riddles, the words that never get to the point and eyes that say they know all of your secrets.
''Margrave, you seem to forget who I and Prince Nikias are'', Lyor words sound like a threat. ''Seek such a failed destiny and lock yourself in your beliefs and you may never find the answers'', his words whispered in the man's ears.
''I know your destiny as well, your majesty'', the man says with a mysterious smile, his blue eyes resembling those of a snake. ''And in the destiny I saw, the Prince cost you everything'', his words make Lyor roll his eyes, why people keep telling him that, if he loses it all it won't be because of Nikias, but because he was not able to keep those things. His failure shouldn't be blamed on someone else, as his choices are the ones that lead to such a result. And if someone tells him he's fated to lose it all he'll simply fight to keep it.
Because there's no such thing as a destiny set in stone when you're a human with free will, even if that may make some people feel better, destiny isn't an event set to happen. There are a few things that may be considered destiny, your mana, your parents, your soulmate and even becoming a Saint. But losing something is just the consequences of your own actions.
''I saw a few things myself'', Lyor says, ''But my sight of you being beaten to a pulp isn't manufactured by some god, but the consequence of you angering me''.
Another laugh, his voice is shriveling, ''Fair enough, just don't forget you were warned, your majesty''.
That interaction would end there, with Lyor not being at all persuaded by Margrave and the other thinking he succeeded in planting the seed of discord between the King and the Prince. However that would be true only if they were the only ones that heard such conversation, but they weren't, hidden behind a pillar near them was Prince Nikias, listening to their talk with the aid of his mana, a small trick he learned from Raphael a few weeks ago.
Nothing in that conversation would normally affect him, after all Lyor's reaction was reassuring and he knows that he is right, they're the ones making their own fate, as the lack of people collapsing through poison proves. But those words, that Nikias will cost Lyor everything, gets to him more than it should.
Probably because his mental state is already fragile due to the memories he recovered just hours ago.
So those words send him in a spiral of his own doom, at first all he feels is a pang in his heart, but the pain starts to irradiate towards his whole body, with his racing heart he started to sweat and tremble, stumbling around, trying to leave the sight of others. But he's not able to go far, falling onto the ground on his knees, grabbing his chest as he feels his heart hurting more and more. He could control it by taking deep breaths, just like Zerah taught him as a child, but what can he do when he can't breathe? Everytime he tries to inhale it feels as if his lungs are on fire.
A suffocating feeling overwhelms him again, he grasps his neck, as if to attempt to take off what is stopping his breath but there is nothing there as he already loosened the jacket. A sound near him makes the man raise his head but the dizziness due to the lack of air in his lungs make so he can't see or hear properly what is happening around him. I can't let people see me like this, he thinks, attempting to get up, but he can't, after a few seconds like this his body is covered in a thin layer of cold sweat and he's already feeling faint, if he's not able to breathe properly soon he'll end up fainting.
The urge to throw up comes right after the feeling on his hands and feet start fading, he feels sick, why is he feeling like this? Why must he feel like this?
He hated back when he was a child and he hates it now.
The feeling of not being able to control his own emotions.
The mere idea of being the doom of someone else is enough to frighten him, to make him doubt his moves, his existence. If interfering with Lyor's future will only bring the man harm, then how is he different from his father?
Maybe he's just like the old men considering he's also responsible for Zerah's death, even if their father is the one that acted, Vahe was the one holding his brother back, holding him down, dragging him in the hell that was supposed to be solely for him.
As Nikias is on the floor, fighting for air, around him there is a commotion he's unaware of. After the first dance between the engaged couple began, the Emperor and Empress moved to sit at the thrones that were located at the side of the stairs, where they spotted their son collapsed. Even if they're responsible for a lot of harm and neglect their son suffered, they're not about to ignore when he's in clear pain.
So they run there, catching the attention of others, including the Crown Prince who was dancing with Evangelia, the moment he sees his brother shedding tears he stops, leaving his fiance on the dance floor and moving towards him as well.
''What happened?'' The Empress is the first to ask, crouching in front of her son, trying to catch his attention, careful not to touch him as she doesn't know what kind of episode the Prince is having. ''Nikki, look at me'' she says again, but the Prince doesn't move, he keeps gasping and looking fixedly at the floor, his eyes shedding tears he's unaware of.
Maybe that's a side effect of the poison that killed him months ago, or maybe that is a mental episode like the ones he used to have as a child. Yes, both Vahe and Nikias had constant episodes of anxiety as children, often fainting due to their inability to breathe in these situations, but the Emperor and Empress were never able to calm the child down, resorting to anesthetics and other medicines, and after a while the episodes stopped completely.
''Bring the anesthetics'', the Emperor orders one of the servants, who runs towards the exit of the ballroom.
The Crown Prince stares at his pained brother, he never saw his brother having an episode, nor he ever heard about them. He can't move, all he does is stare, his heart hurting alongside his brother, he wants to hug him, but he can't, not only that would harm his reputation as a Prince, but Evangelia's hand on his arm is holding him back.
It doesn't take long for Lyor to finally arrive there, as he hears the murmurs of nobles talking about the disgraceful Prince, the moment he lays eyes on Nikias he instantly regrets not insisting on the issue he was facing nor nudging the man further when he said he was ok. If he had just insisted a little he might've avoided this situation.
The King approaches the Prince. ''You shouldn't touch him'', the Empress says, but Lyor ignores her, taking off his gloves.
''Nikias?'' He calls, the Prince finally looks up, but doesn't reply until he feels the cold hands of the King on his face.
''Lyor?'' he whispers, out of breath, his body on fire as he feels he's losing his sanity. Lyor softly cleans the warm tears of the Prince.
''Yes, I'm here'', the King says, ''Try taking deep breaths'', he continues, moving his hand to hold Nikias', stopping the hand that was scratching his neck. ''With me'', he leans his head forward so that his forehead touches the Prince's and the man can feel the King's breath on his face. ''Breathe in…'' slowly the King helps Nikias breathe normally, the tears still flowing but the man isn't faint anymore. ''Do you feel better?'' Lyor asks, placing a kiss on Nikias' forehead, the Prince nods.
Nikias raises his eyes from the King to all of those people around him, some truly worried about his well-being while others were laughing at him with their eyes. That's why I hate being weak in front of others, he thinks, disliking the pity eyes more than the amused ones. He looks at Lyor, whose eyes are fixated on him, as if he's the only one that matters there.
Why is he trying so hard to help him? Why is he so eager to make this relationship work? It doesn't come from love or attraction, their relationship is fake, even if Nikias said he would work hard to make sure their relationship wouldn't fall short from a real one.
But did he do the right thing? Is trying to be a good husband for Lyor the answer? Should he even be here? Doing this? He could've just gone away, ran from the responsibilities, faked his own death and lived in the countryside, moved away, he could've become a pariah if he truly wanted to.
Did he want the power?
Or maybe he wanted to feel useful?
No, the truth is he wanted to live, to learn how it is to have a warm bed, money, good food and people around him to protect him.
He wanted to stop just surviving, even if he keeps telling himself he doesn't deserve to.
But the guilt… Is eating him alive.
''I want to get out of here'', he whispers, leaning over to rest his head on Lyor's shoulder, regardless of if he should or not, right now the cold embrace of the man is the only comforting thing he can have.
Lyor doesn't need to hear it twice, picking Nikias' up. ''We'll be leaving first, sorry about this'', he says, bowing briefly at the others before leaving the ballroom with Nikias in his arms.
Those left behind are still immovable, stunned by the situation that just happened.
Once they're out in the gardens, Lyor places Nikias in one of the benches, the strong scent of roses filling the night. He caresses Nikias back in silence, sitting next to him, waiting for the man to speak, trying not to force him, but at the same time he won't leave while he stays silent.
''I embarrassed myself…'' Nikias finally speaks in a whisper, leaning his head back on the bench so that he can stare at the moon. Unsure of what to even say. ''I never thought I would have these breakdowns again''.
''How are you feeling?'' Lyor asks, his voice shows nothing but concern.
''Tired, as if I just ran a marathon'', Nikias scoffs, laughing at himself. ''I try so hard to appear strong and then this happens in front of everyone''.
''You don't need to be strong all the time'', Lyor says, moving his hand to brush Nikias' hair from his eye, making the Prince look at him, his golden eyes were dull and tired.
''Don't I?'' Nikias whispers. ''If I appear weak they'll eat me alive, you know''.
''Then I'll protect you'', Lyor says without hesitation. ''Isn't that the bare minimum of someone that'll be your future husband?''
Nikias laughs softly. ''You always know what to say, but not even you can protect me from the truth''.
''I'll try my best'', he whispers, getting closer to the Prince, their faces millimeters away from each other.
''Lyor, I'm not who you think I am'', he says, closing his eyes with a sigh, his whole body still burning from what happened, and he's still trembling. His heart and head feel vulnerable, unable to be rational right now. If he were, he wouldn't be spewing this nonsense to the King. No, he wouldn't even allow himself to bring this topic up, but he's just so tired.
Sometimes he forgets he's only 18.
Sometimes he forgets he never had a proper childhood.
Sometimes he forgets he's just scared of dying.
Even if he attempts to erase those facts about himself, they're still there, at the back of his mind, in his every move, threatening to resurface and bite him back. All he truly wants is to feel safe, to feel loved.
And when Lyor comes with his soft voice, caring heterochromatic eyes and sweet gestures, how can he not lean on him?
Only a few years older but the King feels so much more mature.
''You are exactly who I think you are, Nik…'' when the King begins to speak he's interrupted by a dry laugh from the Prince.
''No, there's where you're mistaken, Lyor'', he turns his gaze from the sky to the King, Lyor looks gorgeous under the moonlight, his skin shines and his eyes are enchanting, even his dark hair is well complimented by the silver lighting. ''I'm not the Prince'', he says. He didn't expect saying those words would be so relieving. ''I mean, this body surely is the Prince's,'' he continues. ''But my soul? Ha.''
Lyor is not sure what to say, he wants to play it off, maybe the episode made the Prince a bit out of his mind, but his eyes were so serious that he couldn't bring himself to ask if it was a joke.
''Do you know how a broken bottle feels against your skin?'' He asks, not waiting for an answer. ''I do'', unconsciously he touches his hip, where the scar used to be. ''Do you know how it feels to pretend you don't exist in fear of actually dying if you breathe out of place? Or even what is the sound of your skull cracking?''
Silence, that's all that Lyor can offer right now, everything the man is telling him makes the man want to hug him, however right now all he must do is listen.
''I used to have a brother'', Nikias gets up from the bench, feeling the cold night wind embracing him. ''He was too good for me'', his gaze goes to the sky again. ''He died because of me, and even when I die I can't seem to be truly gone''.
He wants to ask what happened, why he looks so sad and why he keeps saying those things as if he's about to disappear?
''I died, and when I woke up I was here, in a body I don't own, living a life carrying a past I didn't do and pretending to be someone I am not'', he takes another deep breath, tears rolling down his cheeks again. ''I can't take this anymore, Lyor, I don't know how to move on, when I close my eyes all I can see is his body''. A sob leaves his lips, he never appeared so weak, so vulnerable, even when he was sharing stories before to Lyor, it was never to this extent. In the King's eyes, the man looks fragile, as if he's about to break and disappear in a million pieces. ''I thought I had erased these damn memories'', he continued between tears, not able to look at the King, fearing his gaze. ''But they came back and…'', he's unable to continue.
Lyor grabs his hand, his thumb making soft circles on his palm.
''He told me to survive, at any cost, so when I got here I thought it was a great opportunity to start over, to become someone better, to finally live a life where I didn't have to starve or be cold'', he finally looks at Lyor, his golden eyes glimmering because of the tears. Although he feels terrible, he looks stunning, like an ethereal being there under the moonlight. ''But I can't fight this overwhelming guilt, they're not my parents, he's not my brother and I'm not Nikias''.
The King softly kisses the man's hand. ''What's your name?'' He asks in an almost whisper.
''Vahe'', he says.
''That's a beautiful name, Vahe'', hearing his name leaving Lyor's lips is enough to make him break down again, his chest hurting. He leans over the King, who embraces him, placing a kiss on his neck as he sobs. ''Vahe'', he calls again, in a whisper. ''I don't care who was the original owner of this body, if you weren't the one here, I wouldn't be here, I am here for you, the one I trust, the one I care for is you'', Lyor says, in an attempt to calm him down again. ''It's not your body which I feel affection for, it's your words, your actions, your choices, who you are as a person and as a soul''.
Vahe stays silent for a moment, processing what he just did and the words that Lyor said, he can't forgive himself for breaking down so easily, for crying so openly and for being so weak. He feels stupid, he feels as if he should just disappear, but Lyor's embrace feels comfortable, it feels like home is supposed to be like. His touch is cold while his deceased brother's embrace was warm, but nonetheless, both of them give Vahe the same warm feeling inside his chest, a warmth that makes him feel as if regardless of how hard things get, it'll all be just fine in the end.
Lyor accepting him won't make him start living as Vahe, right now he just began accepting the name Nikias and seeing the reflection in the mirror as him, but knowing that someone in this vast world knows the true him is oddly comforting.
And that's all he needs, not only that but he knows Lyor's words to be true, after all in the novel he never interacted with Nikias nor showed any interest in the Exos Empire. He doesn't even know if the Lyor in the novel had someone he was interested romantically as it was just mentioned that the Morke Empire had only an Emperor.
''Can you sleep with me tonight?'' Vahe asks in a whisper, the tears slowly stopping.
''Of course'', Lyor answers, placing a kiss on his forehead. ''Anything for you''.
They stay like that for a while more before they finally start moving to the Palace, towards Nikias' room. ''You shouldn't feel bad about being attracted to my body though'', he says once they're inside his room. ''Funny enough, besides eye and hair color, Nikias and I have the same appearance''. He moves to sit on his bed.
''Would you like me to call you Vahe only?'' Lyor asks, aware that it is a secret from others, even if he doesn't fully believe the words of the man, he chooses to wait and see for himself.
''No'', he answers, closing his eyes. ''I already accepted that my name isn't that anymore'', he takes a deep breath, opening his golden eyes again. ''I just feel guilty for enjoying this life that isn't mine''.
''Did the real Nikias die?'' Lyor asks, seating on the chair in the middle of the room. Vahe nods.
''Yes, he died and then I got into the body, I don't know exactly what happened, but I think one of the gods interfered, that's the only explanation I have to why I became a Saint when Nikias didn't even have mana''.
''From where you come from, is life different from here?'' Lyor asks.
Vahe nods, ''Yes, we had no mana or magic, only technology, and all was so grey and bleak, there were almost no forests and the air was polluted'', he looks at the King, who is staring at him, hearing what's he's saying with the most honest of interests. ''It constantly smelled like engine oil, and I used to live on the streets after I ran away from home''.
''How old were you?''
''The same age as Nikias is, we even share a birthday, maybe because we are so similar that my soul ended up here'', he says.
''How was your brother like?''
He stops for a moment to ponder, trying to remember other moments besides Zerah's death. ''He was more than what I deserved, he protected me, nurtured me and raised me''.
''Sounds like he was a wonderful person''.
''Yes, Zerah was my entire world'', Vahe's words are stale, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, as if trying to fight the urge to cry again. ''He died protecting me from our father'', his words sound like he's swallowing rocks and he feels like that as well. ''That man didn't even care as his body was there… rotting away''.
''How old were you?'' Lyor's voice is low.
''13''.
Silence. ''What happened to your father?'' Lyor is careful with his tone, this conversation is making him angry, he wishes he had met Vahe in his real world, so that he could've saved him, helped him, embraced him when he was going through those hard moments.
''I don't know, I never saw him after I ran away three years ago… I hope he died'', he says with a sad smile. ''Not that my wishes come true most of the time.''
Lyor gets up from the chair and lays in bed next to Vahe, touching his arm softly. ''All will be ok, you know, I will be by your side from now on'', he whispers before placing another kiss on Vahe's forehead.
''I know'', Vahe whispers, placing a kiss on Lyor's lips. The kiss is quick and soft, but the feeling of warmth and the sweet taste remains on his lips. ''If you break your promise I'll chase you down, you know''.
The King laughs. ''I won't, because you are the only one that occupies my mind'', he says. ''I promised to be your husband and partner for life, so I won't leave your side even if our bodies perish, as my soul belongs to you''.
Those words could be said only to quell Vahe's worries or to even deceive him, but the sincerity in Lyor's tone, and his sweet gaze make him believe those to be true.
If this was a fairytale maybe the story would end here, when they sleep in each other's embrace as if the rest of the world doesn't matter.
But Vahe's life is far from beginning, much less ending.
Because the Ancient god is still going to rise, and his life as a Prince and soon to be Emperor consort, is going to be anything but smooth sailing.
However right now, at this moment, all he wants is to forget all that and have a proper night of sleep with Lyor's scent surrounding him and lulling him to sleep.
Author's Note:
Hehe, finally we reach mid-way through the story, I know this story is quite long and I really wish I would be less wordy, but the amount of love I have for all these characters makes me want to show more of them and the plot I chose by itself is quite long and complex, I dislike letting info out so yeah. Maybe if I was more succinct it might be better, so I apologize for that, it's just my way of writing. (*_ _)人
Now it's my moment to plead a little, please send me questions on the Q&A chapter (that is before chapter XIX), you can ask anything to me or any of the characters, I promise it'll be fun, the answers will be based in the current moment of the story so feel free to ask anything without fear of future spoilers. (really begging here I really want to do this haha).
The Q&A chapter will be posted mid-hiatus (in around 2 weeks) so please send questions 'till then, I'll also be putting in said chapter the profile (like introduction, different from the index, as in the index its more a list of characters and their position in the story) of the main cast (those I consider to be important in this first part) like Nikias, Lyor, Lowe, Raphael, Rainier, and the others in the Golden Phoenices.
Thank you again for reading and see y'all in the Q&A chapter or in chapter XXI ^^
(remember to check the side stories in the mean time if you're interested in those ^^)
I made an account on BlueSky where I ramble a bit but also post a few things while writing, I'll also be posting there the maps I draw for this story because I don't know how to add images in here or how to share this with y'all. @shootystr there ^^
Discord server for more updates and news: https://discord.gg/RqCEU6tS
Story's music playlist: https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzQy_skC__7d7RJhTb7P_1jphprcYV7v3&si=VIjUfaR08FBpxBvD
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