In My Room
She was killing me. My head spun with everything she was doing. Her legs were wrapped around my waist.
"Yoona (윤아), I don't have protection," I managed to say, the words a desperate plea as she continued to press kisses along my neck. I was covered in hickeys, each mark a testament to an intimacy I was quickly starting to dread. My discomfort swelled, a cold wave washing over me. I tried to pull back, to create distance, to stop the relentless onslaught.
"Ahh, Kim, you are driving me insane," she moaned. She licked her lips, her eyes heavy-lidded with desire, and skillfully pushed me onto the bed.
"Yoona (윤아)," I groaned, the sensation of her close presence replaced by a deep, almost suffocating unease. She leaned over me, her body pressing against mine, and just as she was about to initiate further contact, a sharp, undeniable thought cut through the hazy atmosphere: No. This isn't right. Not like this. Not with her. My body went rigid, a sudden, unyielding resistance seizing every muscle. The raw, confusing intensity of the night with Yohan (요한) had been one thing, but this… this felt profoundly wrong. My body offered no reaction, no hint of arousal.
"Are you ready, Kim?" she asked, her voice a seductive purr, moving closer.
My body offered no response, no flicker of interest. I shook my head subtly, then more forcefully, trying to physically convey my absolute disinterest. She began to reach for my clothes, intent on undressing me, but I pulled back sharply, my entire body recoiling from her touch.
"Stop, Yoona (윤아)," I managed to grit out, my voice strained, pushing myself away from her with what felt like every ounce of my strength. The passionate spell was instantly shattered. She looked at me, confusion clouding her features, her movements halting. The sensual excitement had drained entirely from the room, leaving behind only an awkward, uncomfortable silence that resonated with my profound relief. My body felt cold and inert where she had touched it.
Flashback
My Old Life
"Kim, baby, why don't you make our relationship popular on social media?" My boyfriend, Lee, said as we lay naked on his bed; we'd just finished our third round. My old self was a beast in bed, never tired of sex.
"Let's have another hot one, Lee," I said in a husky voice.
"You beast, are you still aroused?" he asked, surprised. I bit his ear, that sensitive area.
And then my flashback was abruptly disturbed, replaced by the stark, unwelcome reality of the present, the dramatic difference in desire undeniable.
"Yoona (윤아)," I murmured, shifting away from her on the bed. We were both panting, but for vastly different reasons. She then fell onto me.
"I love you, Kim... please don't leave me," she whispered before falling asleep. But I didn't respond immediately.
"Yoona (윤아)... I love guys, but I also love you, but as a friend," I said softly into the quiet room, waiting for her reply, but she was silent. I gently raised her face and found she was deeply asleep. A sigh escaped me. I decided to join her in sleep, feeling a strange blend of relief and profound unease, incredibly grateful that nothing further had transpired.
The Next Morning
I woke up, only to find a woman in my bed. "Hey!" I panicked, sitting upright.
"Calm down, Kim, it's me," she whispered in a sleepy voice.
"What the f-ck are you doing in my bed?! If Mom sees you, she will definitely freak out!" I almost yelled. She sat up, and the quilt covering her fell, exposing her breasts. Shit. I quickly closed my eyes. "Hey, cover up!" I said, my face burning.
"Kim, did you forget that we fell asleep together last night?" she asked in disbelief. Huh? Last night? "Wh... Ahhhhhh!!!!!" I screamed.
"What? You're behaving like a girl whose reputation was almost ruined by being caught with a crush," Young-i (영이) teased.
"Kim, I need an explanation!" a voice from outside was heard. We both looked at each other. I was panicking, but then...
"Mom, he'll be there in a few minutes," Young-i (영이) answered for me and dragged me to the shower. We had a shower together, then both got ready. She wore my hoodie, which served her as a mini gown. We went downstairs and found my whole family seated, waiting for us to have breakfast.
Reaching for my seat, I saw Old Woo. "Ha! Today you care to join for breakfast?" I scoffed.
"Ki-Ki (키키)," Brother Hyun (현) called in a pleading tone.
"What, Brother? I have to speak the truth. It's been almost four years since my return, but he cares to join breakfast today, no?" I said sarcastically.
"Ki-Ki (키키), please sit and eat, okay?" Mother said.
"I've lost my appetite. I think I'll go see a friend," I coldly declared and walked toward the door. But my arm was pulled, and a slender figure hugged me.
"Kim, please. He's your father," Young-i (영이) pleaded.
"Giyi (기이), if you're going to support him, I think our friendship is over," I bluntly said and gently pushed her away. But she clung to me, refusing to let me go.
"I'm not siding with him, but I want you to enjoy what you lacked. I want you to be together with your family as one. I—" She was cut short by my sudden outburst.
"I freaking don't want to! He never cared about me, he willingly gave me to that bitch, he never visited me when I was dying!" I was crying now, tears streaming, and then I ran out of the house and headed to the garage. Lucky me, I'd put my key in my pocket when I was dressing up. I rode onto the road, feeling utterly lost.
"This new family is just a vice-versa of my old one. My mother was the only one who loved me in my old life, and my dad and stepmom hated me, while in this new one, my dad and stepmom love me, while my mom hates me. Is this a kind of rebirth triangle? So I still have my mom to take my revenge on," I mused, completely lost, and then—crash... Everything went blank.