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Chapter 12 - Interlude when healers don’t heal

If people asked me why I heal others, I would probably want to cuss that person out. But I would hold back and probably say, "Because it's the right thing to do." I would've believed that a couple of years ago before I was forced to heal, instead of wanting to heal people willingly. Of course, I wasn't forced physically or mentally by a Master Cape, but instead, I was forced through much worse means. Perhaps I'm exaggerating, but I was forced to heal by the expectationof the people around me to heal everyone, to save everyone, to be the panacea that everybody needed.

And so, I heal, and I heal, and I heal, and I healed all day until I became so tired that I can't remember the day's events. And even still, I healed. That's what I did all day till eventually I hated it. But even still, I kept healing, even when every fiber of my being wanted me to do something else but heal. I still kept healing. I kept healing, even when I hated it. In fact, I didn't hate the act of healing anymore. I grew tired of it. Instead, I hated the people that got hurt for me to heal them in the first place. I hated having to heal every day till I couldn't remember the days. I hated my patients. I hated them for needing my healing. I also hated my sister for making me lust for her. But most of all I hated myself, for loving my sister and for healing all day because I'm afraid of people's opinions of me.

Why can't I just not care about irrelevant people's opinions? Why can't I be confident in myself? And most of all, why can't I just be happy? These thoughts swirled through my mind as I'm staring at the void around me. This is presumably my unconscious mind. Either that, or I'm dead, because I don't remember anything past me and Taylor hiding from the Merchants. Speaking of Taylor, is she going to be all right? I don't know if she got away from the Merchants or we got caught.

Suddenly, I felt a liquid on my face. Wiping it off, I realized it was tears. I was crying. Looking back, the last time I cried was because of self-hatred for loving my sister in the wrong way. But why am I crying now? Is it because I am worried for Taylor? Thinking about it, that's probably not it. Remembering Taylor's face, I couldn't help but smile sadly. No, I'm not crying because I'm worried or because I think I'm dead. No, I'm crying because of the lost opportunity for happiness I could've gotten. I cry because I can never see that beautiful face of hers again. I am crying because I can never kiss her for myself. I cry because I can never lose my virginity to her. And most of all, I cry because she can never be mine.

"But who said she can't be yours?" A voice comes from the darkness. Looking where it came from, all I see is only a silhouette of a teenage girl, reminiscent of Taylor.

"Who even are you?" I say to the silhouette.

"Who I am doesn't matter. What does matter is what you want. Don't you want Taylor all for yourself? Don't you want her around your arms for an eternity?"

"I won't give anything up for Taylor. It'll just be tainted if I get her in that way," I say to the voice. I assumed she wanted something from me. Is she a Master, perhaps, or is she something else? But it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is: I don't trust her.

"I think you misunderstand my intentions," the voice says to me. "I don't want anything from you, and I'm not going to get Taylor for you. No, you will take Taylor for yourself. You just need to let go of all your restraint and take whatever you want."

"But how?" I say to the voice in disbelief. "Even if I'm not dead and we are just unconscious, didn't the Merchants find us?"

Then the voice looked at me strangely. "You didn't die or get found by the Merchants and get knocked out as a result. You just passed out because of the pressure of the situation."

"So I just need to wake up," I said to the dark silhouette of a girl, in a deadpan voice.

"Yes, that's all you have to do," the mysterious silhouette said.

"Then why can't I do it now?"

"That is because when you thought you were dead, there was so much regret in your life that you second-triggered. And you subconsciously used your powers to put you in a coma to escape your life. To wake up, you must erase all of your self-inflicted restraints and accept who you are as a person. Only then can you wake up."

Looking at the silhouette doubtfully, I think about my life and how I've suffered so far. I deliberate over if I should really stop restraining myself and just take whatever I want. But wouldn't that make me a villain, proving Carol right, that I was a villain all along? But I also want to have Taylor all for myself and to keep her safe from all the dangers around us right now. And that sealed the deal for me. I just wanted to keep Taylor safe. It didn't matter what I had to sacrifice. I'll even sell my soul to the devil just to keep her safe, because she is mine and mine alone, and I can't let some no-name druggiescome and defile her. So, with extreme reluctance, I decided to be free for once in my life.

[Dark Silhouette's Inner Thoughts]

Wait, that bullshit story I spewed out actually worked. Note: the dark silhouette is actually Taylor's subconscious, connecting to Amy because of Taylor's soul and hers being entangled.

[Taylor's Point of View]

I can't just hastily untangle my soul from Amy's because that would irreparably damage her and mine, so I tried to extract it slowly, but it's taking too long. My internal monologue has gone on for the past half an hour, but finally, I am almost done untangling us. And right at that moment, I felt her unconscious body moving, so I looked over. What I saw was surprising, to say the least. The best that I can describe it is that she looks like a brown-haired, short-haired version of Vampy. Not gonna lie, I like this transformation already. But right as I was admiring her new look, I was suddenly pushed to the ground in a very suggestive way.

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