Life and death are extraordinary phenomena, moments when humans become their truest selves. In that fragile space in between, there is no room for ego or pretense. It's just you, raw and unfiltered.
I don't know why, but I've forgotten many important things, things that make a person. How did my face, my name, my family, friends (if I had any), my life situation, and many more things looked like? I don't remember any at all. Yet strangely, a few insignificant details remain crystal clear, for example, how I died.
It was a clod, cloudy and windy night,one that would call the closing of summer and beginning of fall. It was also my last night at the hospital. After twelve grueling years of medical school and working in the healthcare system, it was finally over.
I don't remember crystal clear but that night was a crazy one for me. I just had a big fight with my supervisor, one that alarmed anyone it could. A broken clock I'd kept for ten years lay shattered, symbolic of the end. Not wanting to listen to the supervisors nonsense any more, I mechanically packed up all my things and left the ward and that old hospital for the last time in my life.
Graduation was tomorrow and after so long, of course, I had many plans, waiting to be enjoyed. travel, games, movies, dates, a life I'd put on hold. But none of that would come to pass. Not after that night.
It had just begun to rain but very soon, it turned into a waterfall, washing away the dust and heat of summer from everywhere. Of course, it would reduced to a soft drizzle every once in between, giving me enough time to rush to another cover, slowly heading toward the same bus station i have been going every night after working nonstop. The air was damp, filled with tiny water drops that would be sticking to people face and hair, whenever someone passed by. The ground was also wet and slick. Autumn winds blew the new cold from north.
Wrapped tightly in my coat, holding my own package of old stuff, I was finally within the range of bus station, next to the busy street that was now, simple empty of passing cars. I was finally going to be free and was for the last time, heading home.
Then I saw her.
A little girl in a yellow raincoat, giggling as she splashed through puddles on the other side of the walkway. It was a cute picture with a healing vibe. One would simply stop and watch, even if it meant getting a little more wet and cold, warming the heart. A simple smile cracked at corner of his mouth, one that didn't last long.
A roaring engine with headlights cutting the wet and rainy air. A package left to fall to the puddle. A shout to be careful. A red light flashing And finally...
It all happened in a heartbeat.
A scream. Tires skidding. A crash. A heavy thud. Then another screech and another impact, signaling the end of a motion circling around the fate of a driver, a car, a child and of course, a tired but free soul.
After the fall, I knew what I had done but I couldn't see neither the results and of course nor the girl clearly, I couldn't even reach her. That made my cloudy head frightened by the possible results but then I heard. I could hear her crying for her mother, so I began assessing what I could, based on the only information that was following in
She was crying loudly, a good sign. That meant she could breathe. Her throat and probably her neck were intact. She had vocal range, so her brain was likely undamaged. And she could sustain her cries, her internal organs were probably okay too. That was all I could do. The rest was up to the paramedics.
Now, being sure about the safety of the child, it was time to check on the next patient, myself.
Pain. Unrelenting, excruciating pain. My vision was gone, but nothing seemed to be covering or damaging my eyes, brain trauma, most likely. I couldn't hear on one side, and my legs were numb. Inner ear damage? Spinal injury?
My left side screamed in agony, but I couldn't pinpoint where the pain ended or began. I could feel the cold, wet ground beneath me. A warm liquid pooled under my body. Blood, mine. Yeah, I was dying. No doubt about it.
Someone was calling my name, trying to check on me. But how did he know who I was?
I wanted to say, "I'm fine," but my tongue wouldn't move. Not that it would have made a difference.
I knew nothing could be done now. All I had left was my heartbeat beating hard trying to keep the body run on the blood it had left but even that could be felt weakening with each second. Slowly it became faint, fading, and distant.
Tup-dup.
Tup-dup.
Tup-dup...
With every beat, it grew weaker... until it stopped. Silence.
Darkness fell, swallowing everything, swift yet slow, marking the end of a person, fighting hard for his life with everything it had gotten, leaving behind nothing, but a personal package, left scattered in a puddle of muddy water by the roadside.
---
Tup...
Tup...
Tup...
The absolute darkness and stillness was broken by a weak sound, like tapping on the windows of a broken house.
" What is this feeling? Is this my body? Why can't I feel anything?"
" And this strange thumping... It's close but still feint. Not like a sound made outside the body. But do I even have one? Wait! Don't tell me that's my heart?! Am I still alive?! Could I be in a coma? Shouldn't I hear something more?"
" Oh... right. My ears were damaged. But hey, who was I again? I can't remember though..."
" It doesn't matter. Once I wake up, I'll figure it out. For now... just sleep."
Tup...
Tup...
Tup...
---
Hm um im un immnuoonm...
"What are these weird sounds? Why do they all blur together?"
Suddenly, my entire body shook violently.
" What's happening?! An earthquake? No way, it's too strong! Is the hospital even still standing?! Someone, help!"
" Wait... I can hear more sounds in both ears?!"
" No way they did an ear surgery while I was unconscious! My hearing is back! And I can feel my arms and legs. They're... strange, but still there. I'm going to be okay. I must be."
And then... the shaking stopped.
---
" Time has been passing and I don't know how long. Hours? Days? Weeks?"
But then, it happened again.
A sudden, jarring shake, this time shorter, but just as disorienting. Then another. And another. It has became routine, almost rhythmic, the only thing marking the passage of time. The world would stay calm for a while, then suddenly jolt without warning like alarm of a clock.
I started noticing a pattern though, the longer the calm, the stronger the quake. At some point, I stopped thinking it was an earthquake. It felt more... personal. As if these shakings were trying to let me understand and accept something. Or maybe they were jokes played by a naggy kid. Either way, they were quite persistent, giving color to this boring darkness and silence, filled only with sounds of heartbeat and silent murmurs.
---
As time passed, my senses sharpened. I began to notice strange new experiences, like the delivery and taste of food. It would appear in waves: warm, soft, sometimes spicy... and always oddly comforting, as if it was specifically designed just for me, to grow and heal. Odd, considering I couldn't even see or control my mouth, but I could still "taste" it somehow.
At beginning, it was soft and soothing. But as time passed the spicy, sharp and intense food, burning just enough to make me flinch was added to the menu, as a side dish my mother would make for me to eat and I have to finish it, even if I didn't like it. I didn't hate it though, but it wasn't exactly pleasant either.
Things were same until I realized... I wasn't alone.
Someone else was there, beside me. Small, quiet, but always nearby. Sharing my space. Sharing my food and my caretaker.
At first, I didn't like it. It felt like he was taking what was mine alone, always reaching for the good stuff that belong to me, the best spot, the best position and the best food specially the mild, easy-to-eat food leaving the unpleasant always present and unending side dish. The moment the spicy one showed up, he avoided it, almost recoiling. I could feel it, his dislike, his discomfort same as mine.
At first I tried to push him away somehow and yet... he kept reaching toward my share despite the long but close distance, as if he would find it even in the end of world.
He wanted the mild food so bad, that I tried to bait him with a little bit of it and he fell for it nevertheless...
I hesitated afterward a little. Honestly, I didn't want the spicy one either. It burned my mouth, lingered too long, overwhelmed my senses.
But my education and manners asked me do something else, making me suffer in the end. So, the moment I decided, something happened.
The moment I gave up my portion, letting him have the one he wanted, I felt something shift in both of us. He calmed down. Like he was finally content and in return, he gave me some other stuff that taste weird back. I didn't refused his kindness as I felt it didn't matter much.
And just like that, I felt... lighter and healthier.
Still, that warmth both scared me and pushed me forward to give more to him.
I didn't know who he was, but I knew, I had begun to care about him. Deeply. Too deeply. And it terrified me.
The way I felt protective of someone I couldn't even see... the way I reacted to his needs without thinking because of a weird gift, I wasn't used to it as it was like a drug addictive would do.
I tried to ignore it, to push it away. But it kept happening and pulling me to do so for more, finally putting us in a balanced state.
He never touched the spicy food. And I kept giving up most of the soft food to him.
Over time, my taste began to change. I slowly began to like what wasn't pleasant as I got better endurance. What once burned too sharply started to feel... bold. Complex. Almost enjoyable.
I didn't just get used to it, I grew to want it.
I started waiting for it. Hoping I'd be able to eat more of this never ending side dish. And when i did, I'd smile, if I could. Not because I only liked the flavor, but because I started to get even more things, giving away what had started to taste like water.
He didn't say a word as he didn't know. Neither did I. But somehow, through these small exchanges, we found each other, forming a bond between each other.
And in that tiny, shared space, I started loving something I once hated, him. Connected in a way I'd never experienced before. That idea scared me at first, I nearly had a heart attack as I thought I had became a drug addict but the more food we shared easier it became for me to accept it.
Things kept improving, sensation, awareness but space grew tighter. I was shoved to the back side, barely able to stretch out anymore. Then, as if to compensate for the small space two great things happened.
First, I saw light, dim, black and white, but still light. Second? More warm and tasteful food arrived, increasing the variety of our food.
I didn't understand where they came from or why they felt so nourishing, but I'd never tasted anything like it.
---
Things were going okay, until he left. My bedmate, the one I'd come to accept... he left. And when he did, he wrecked the bed and tableware we shared.
I told myself I'd never forgive him for that. But with the bed destroyed, I had no choice. It was my turn to leave, too.
---
In a bright cavern lined with gourds near the entrance, the village's finest obstetrician and midwife gasped.
"Wait!! There's another child! They're twins!"
---