[Edward POV]
In the hospital's maternity ward.
Jay and Manny rushed into the room while Gloria held the baby.
"Honey, what's going on? It took only 20 minutes for you to have the baby?" Jay asked, his face full of concern.
Gloria smiled and held my hand, forcing me to place my palm on her stomach.
"No. Edward helped me through it. I only needed to push three times, and the baby come out…" Gloria said cheerfully.
Manny looked at my hand and asked, "Why are you touching my mother's stomach?"
"I'm asking myself the same question," I sighed.
To make sure the delivery went smoothly, I used some of my chakra-assisted medical techniques.
As a result, it quickly became one of the world's fastest childbirths, taking only 67 seconds for the baby to come out.
Although it wasn't number one on that list—there was a lady who finished her delivery in just 27 seconds.
Gloria giggled and said, "It doesn't hurt when he's holding me like that."
"So I am trapped here." I muttered with a deadpan voice.
Jay grinned and said, "Well, Edward I know you want to leave, but I have to prioritize my wife right now. So you're going to have to stay until she lets you go."
"Fine. I'll postpone my meetings." I said with a sigh.
The doctor walked into the room and was glad to see Jay.
He briefed everyone about the baby, saying how it was one of the healthiest he had ever seen despite being born earlier than the due date.
"It's almost a miracle… or, we were greatly off when we predicted the conceiving time." The doctor said with a nervous smile.
"Anyway, I'm glad the baby came out safe." Manny interjected.
Then, the doctor wanted to try to get the baby to breastfeed. Gloria pulled out her breast and tried to get the baby to latch.
Manny widened his eyes and turned around slightly. Jay was flabbergasted, and he looked at my face.
"Edward, why don't you turn around?" He asked, greatly confused.
Gloria brushed it off, saying, "Ay Jay. He had already seen everything under there. And when I change into this gown too."
Jay's mouth opened wide, and he gave me a weird look.
"Don't worry. He's like a doctor. He did the delivery even cleaner than what our specialist could've done." The doctor interjected.
Jay sighed and said, "Alright then. But if you bragged about it to your friends–"
"Right now, I'm just trying to delete the image from my mind cause I know it will stay there whenever I want to try something with a girl." I said wryly.
Jay burst into laughter and said, "Good."
The baby went to sleep after drinking some milk. Gloria finally put him down.
I knew Gloria wouldn't let me go so easily, so I inserted a huge chunk of my yang energy into her womb, and then used a seal to let it nourish her body slowly.
"I'll be waiting outside—" I started to leave, but Gloria grabbed my hand and begged, "No! You have to stay! What if anything happens to Fulgencio? You're the only one who can help him."
"Gloria, I'm here now. Let Edward go, he looks really uncomfortable," Jay said, confused and chuckling at my misery.
"Jayyy, you don't understand. When he touched my belly, the baby came out. And it didn't even hurt much when I was pushing," Gloria explained.
"Gloria, you were just scared of giving birth. But you're fine now. You should let Edward go since you already have the baby. Am I right?" Jay comforted her.
Gloria hesitated for a while before she finally let me go. "Stop!" She said abruptly.
I paused as I took my hand away from her. Between the silence, she checked to see if it would still hurt.
"Ahh! It doesn't hurt anymore. Thanks Eddy." Gloria said sincerely.
"You're welcome." I replied.
I went outside the room, where Claire, Phil, Alex, and Luke were waiting in the lobby.
They were waiting for the visiting hours to see the baby.
"Eddy!" Claire rushed toward me. I immediately put my hands up to stop her from coming closer.
"I have placenta all over me, so I need to go and change first," I said quickly.
"Oh—okay." Claire was stunned at first but let me go. Luke was snickering the whole time after hearing the word placenta.
Entering a toilet booth, I opened a portal back to my place, jumped into a hot shower to scrub off the birthing fluids, and changed clothes.
Then I came back to the hospital. Everything took only ten minutes.
I saw Mitchell, Cam, Lily, and Haley with the family when I returned. Haley's eyes widened slightly, but Cam greeted me first.
"Edward—"
"EDDY!" Lily interrupted by running toward me. I crouched down, let her jump into my arms, and picked her up.
She giggled and kissed my cheek. "I've missed you."
The four-year-old was quite attached to me. "I missed you too," I said.
Cam yelped, looking like he wanted to cry—but not out of joy, more out of jealousy.
"Edward, did Gloria's delivery really start when you put your hand on her stomach?" Mitchell asked jokingly.
I nodded seriously. "Yeah. Just ten seconds later, her water broke."
"Oh damn, you must have the gifted touch," Phil laughed.
I grinned. "Yeah. I realized that my hands especially… have a strong effect on women. Just ask your daughter—"
I paused when I saw Claire and Phil's horrified expressions. Haley, too, looked stunned.
"I mean, when I pick the guitar strings," I added quickly.
Alex cackled at their reactions and stepped in to save the day. "Go easy on him. He had to deliver a baby in the car when everyone else was too useless to help."
Phil held my shoulder. "And we thank you for that, Eddy." Then he whispered, "Don't talk about you dating Alex now. I already told her not to say anything, so just follow along."
"Alright," I whispered back.
Suddenly, a slightly older couple approached me. The pregnant woman—who looked a bit like Jaime Pressly with curly hair—rolled her wheelchair toward me excitedly.
"Hey, aren't you Edward Newgate?" she asked.
"Ho-Honey, we shouldn't disturb them. They look like they're here for an important day too," said the man, who looked like Ed Helms. "Sorry, she's just been so stressed with her delivery."
"I've been here for 36 hours, and I've only dilated two centimeters," the woman said with a prominent scowl.
"That must've been hard for you," I sympathized.
She nodded slightly. "Thank you. I'm just so hungry and bored in that room. We're waiting for the epidural now—I can't take it anymore."
Alex joked, "Edward, why don't you bless her with your special hands too? She looks like she needs it."
"What special hands?" the woman asked. Alex explained, and her eyes instantly lit up.
"Okay, please touch me too. I don't care if my husband is watching," she said crassly.
"Honey—please don't make me relive that night again," the man said sadly.
I didn't want to know about his trauma, so I agreed.
"It's not going to work a second time," Alex grinned. Haley pulled Alex away and scolded her, "Hey! Why are you causing trouble for him—"
"AHHH! I can feel the baby's head crowning!" the woman suddenly yelled as I touched her belly for ten seconds.
A doctor immediately rushed toward us.
"Oh my god, how are you doing this?" the doctor gasped and yelled at a nurse to take the woman into the delivery room.
The family stood stunned by the scene unfolding before them.
"At least I didn't get placenta on me this time," I muttered.
"No no no no no," Alex shook her head nervously. "There must be a scientific explanation for this. Natural musks that help with hormones?"
I reached my hand to touch her stomach, and she slapped it away hurriedly, her face full of shock.
"We need more data," Alex said firmly.
…
It was pretty convenient that Alex became hyper-fixated on the "miracle touch," since I could make my exit from the scene smoothly.
Not that I didn't want to hang out, but for Gloria, it was better to have fewer distractions since she needed rest.
The family also didn't stay long, leaving only Alex and me at the hospital to mess around after seeing the baby.
The doctors there already knew me, so we didn't really have any red tape around our "experiments."
To make things fun, I ensured that every woman I touched—those waiting for their epidural—immediately started their contractions.
They saved hundreds of dollars on epidural injections and had smoother deliveries, while I got to mess with Alex's brain. A win-win situation.
Jay brought Gloria and the baby back home that night. It wasn't the time yet for us to visit, so after teasing Alex, I sent her home.
"I need a scan of your skin, your blood work, and anything else that might explain this," Alex said firmly.
But my attention wasn't on her. "I need to wash my car after this," I said, sniffing a strange smell inside my Mustang.
"What's wrong? You seem kinda down," Alex asked.
I was a bit down. I thought about the episodes of the TV show that I had missed out on—and certain episodes that had completely changed because of my intervention.
I wouldn't get to see Phil calling Haley his little baby when she dated an older jeans salesman, since she was now a millionaire and not a college dropout.
Well, she did drop out of college, but it was an honorable dropout—not the kind where she got arrested and had to leave.
I couldn't see Cam and Claire flip a house together, since both now had actual jobs.
In the original show's timeline, they would've still been stay-at-home spouses for quite a while.
I couldn't see Phil beat the shit out of Jay in a boxing match at a children's birthday party.
And since the baby came early, Cam didn't have time to paint the mural in Jay's house.
So yeah, I was feeling pretty down.
"I swear to God, I will not miss out on the Godfather spoof during Joe's naming ceremony, even if I have to create the issue myself."
"What was that?" Alex asked, not really paying attention.
"Nothing," I replied. "We should call Finneas now and rub our fake relationship in his face," I added.
Alex nodded. "Yeah, I'll call Jenna and Enid too—wait a minute, don't change the subject! I need to do the lab test first! We'll focus on the fake relationship later!"
I didn't let Alex test my body, which made her really depressed, so she decided to postpone the relationship announcement.
…
The next day, I received a call from Gloria.
"Edward, why don't you come by? Fulgencio wants to meet you," Gloria said excitedly, showing the baby through the video call.
I smiled. "I want to meet him too. But today, I have to handle the concert meetings—there are sponsors I need to meet, some artists… I just have a lot of work to do today."
Gloria's expression faltered, and she acted pitiful. "Okay. You hear that, Fulgencio? He couldn't make time for you today."
"I'm not his dad, so I don't feel anything from your attempt to guilt-trip me," I said with a chuckle.
Gloria laughed. "I'm so obvious, huh? Alright. I'll leave you alone."
Before she ended the call, she said, "Oh right. Make sure to pick up Alex from school today if you want to show that you're truly in a relationship with her. That'll make it more convincing."
"Great idea, Gloria. I'll do just that," I replied casually.
I had some meetings that day, but I took the time to pick Alex up from her class at Caltech.
As I parked my Ferrari in front of the physics department building, a small crowd began to form.
The geeky students watched me from afar, whispering excitedly and taking pictures as I leaned on the hood of the car.
I gave a small wave to the girls calling my name, which made them squeal.
Then I saw Alex walking down the stairs, finishing her class.
"Alex!" I waved to catch her attention.
Alex froze as she saw me, and everyone turned their heads to look at her.
"What the fuck!" she cursed, a blush appearing on her face.
"Is… is that Edward Newgate calling you?" Alex's roommate—a Korean-American girl with twin tails and braces—whispered excitedly.
"My girlfriend Alex! Why are you so stunned!? I told you I'm picking you up for lunch today!" I said loudly.
"That son of a bitch is crazy!" Alex rushed toward me.
"Did… did he just call her his girlfriend?" the other girls on campus were shocked.
As Alex reached the car, she scolded me, "What are you doing? Are you crazy?!"
"What? You said to act like your boyfriend." I smiled and patted her head affectionately, fixing her scruffy hair.
[Alex's Commentary]
"When I saw him standing in front of the department building, that's when I knew I'd made a huge mistake asking him to be my boyfriend."
She sighed. "He's too high-profile to be one. And not to mention, I'd be public enemy number one if the news got out."
[Commentary Ends]
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Alex asked angrily as I drove her out of the college campus.
"Being a good fake boyfriend. You want to get the words out first. Speculations. You want to make it seem like we had dated each other for a while, not just starting up."
"But we are just starting up." Alex grimaced. "And Finneas confirmed it during the New Years camp. So doing this will be stupid–"
Suddenly, my phone rang, interrupting Alex's words.
It was from Enid. I picked it up and put it on speaker.
"Hi E–"
"Eddy, are you dating Alex?!" Enid asked with a crying voice. "I know I can't compete with her natural gift, but as soon as I got some money to get some implants, I will–"
"Enid! Stop!" Alex interjected, panicked by the reaction. "We're not really dating. We're just doing that to make Finneas jealous."
"But you kissed in front of the physics department, not in front of Finneas." Enid retorted.
"What?!" Alex grimaced in confusion. "Where did you hear that? That never happened?"
"There's photos of it all over instagram. Although, it was taken from the back of your head so I can't see if your lips actually touched, but it looks like you guys are sharing a really affectionate kiss." Enid explained.
Alex looked at me with a pale face. I chuckled and said, "Hey, my plan came out great. Now we should wait until Finneas sees it."
Enid was silent for a while before she asked, "So. It's really fake."
I turned to the phone and said, "Yeah Enid. So don't try to get those implants. Your bust is pretty cute as it is."
"Yeay!" Enid cheered after taking a moment to celebrate silently.
Alex looked at me like I was an idiot and immediately scolded Enid.
"Don't celebrate that you idiot. And you should definitely not idolize someone like him. He is such a player."
Enid giggled and said, "He is. But I can't help myself to who I'm crushing on with. I even wrote a fanfic– Nevermind."
"Hold on Enid. I want to hear that. Don't write something weird again." I said, panicked by Enid's wild imaginations.
…
That night, Finneas, Billie, Alex, Jenna and Enid came to my house to practice for the concert. Although, only some of us would perform there.
"1 million people?!" Alex was shocked. "In FIVE DAYS?! I'm out." Alex ran away hurriedly, but I caught her collar like a kitten and spun her body facing me.
She fell into my embrace, and she lowered her head with embarrassment as she accidentally locked eyes with me.
I comforted her, saying, "Don't worry. I'll be beside you all the time. This is definitely something that you want to run away from."
Finneas grimaced, his eyes were staring daggers at me. He strummed the electric guitar angrily, yet he didn't say anything.
Alex and I were pretty confused by his lack of reaction. He didn't ask about our relationship, nor did he reacted strongly when we were expressing affections in front of him.
"What's wrong with him?" Alex whispered to me.
"I don't know. I will talk to him, so pretend to go to the bathroom and bring all the girls with you." I whispered back.
And Alex did just that, leaving me alone in the practice room with Finneas.
"Hey man, I need to talk to you about something." I said as I approached him.
"About your fake relationship with Alex?" Finneas blurted out.
I looked at him with confusion and asked, "Why do you say it's fake?"
Finneas looked at me with a side eye and said, "Come on. A guy who's been peddling the Bro-Code at Jacob and I for three years– are suddenly dating a bro's ex-girlfriend without getting the okay from him first?"
"That's actually what I want to ask you about." I interjected him. "Is it okay for me to ask Alex out?"
Finneas widened his eyes, his smile froze, "What?"
"Can I ask Alex out?" I repeated.
"You… haven't asked her out yet?" Finneas was flabbergasted.
I nodded. "Yeah. I don't want to go behind your back. I know Alex has some feelings towards me too, so I want to figure out if this can go somewhere."
Finneas's eyes turned blank. Suddenly, he shook off his world-crumbling-around-him state and asked, "What if I say no?"
"Then, I won't do it." I replied easily.
Finneas went silent for a while. Then, he said with a weak voice, not able to meet my eyes, "I guess. It's okay then. Since she had already rejected me–"
I held him by the shoulder and said, "Dude! Fight for her for god's sake!"
"What?!" His eyes shook as I shook his entire body.
"You let her go wayyy too easily. She doesn't want to date you since you make it look like convenience, not that you're really in love with her. So make a fool of yourself. Fight for it. Snot and tears. Beg her to take you back."
I added, "You can't play it cool if you're the one who made the mistake."
Finneas widened his eyes as a wave of realization and understanding flashed on his face.
"AHH!" He finally understood what he needed to do. "Dude! Why didn't you tell me this during the camping trip!" He scolded me back.
"I had a lot on my mind alright?!" I argued. Also, it was also because my previous life memories were locked, so I didn't think about it.
"Alright. Alex is going to come back in ten seconds. If you want to fight for her, then, show you truly care when she gets back. Otherwise, I will truly date her." I warned him.
"And once women go Ed, they will never forget— I need a better rhyme here, but you understand what I'm talking about."
I let him go and walked away from him. Finneas thought deeply about how he could show his emotions on the prospect of Alex dating someone else.
The girl's footsteps became clearer.
As Alex opened the door to the room, she widened her eyes in shock at the sight of Finneas standing behind my back and swinging a guitar at me.