Stormbreaker was throwing a fit. Yep. A literal god-tier weapon with abandonment issues was sulking like a jealous ex because Thor kept talking to his other ex.
"Dude, it's just Jane," Thor said, reaching for his axe like he was trying to pet a grumpy cat. Stormbreaker shimmied away. Not havin' it.
Valkyrie crossed her arms and sighed. "If your weapon's acting like a drunk toddler, maybe it's not the best idea to let it open a freaking space portal. Just saying. What if it glitches mid-jump and flings us into some wormhole full of zombie squirrels?"
Thor frowned. "He's just in a mood. He'll get over it. He always does."
"Or," Jane Foster piped up from the corner, adjusting her glasses and looking all science-babe serious, "we treat the axe like a power source—think car engine or jet propulsion—and hook it up to a transport vessel."
Cue a dramatic music sting and a cut to…
A very Norse-looking boat, usually used for scenic tourist cruises, now decked out with cosmic bling. Thanks to some quick thinking, Valkyrie had converted the thing into a makeshift space-faring vessel. Science meets mythology. Again.
Stormbreaker, still sulking, was placed at the bow like a pouty figurehead. Screaming goats were hitched to the front (yes, literally screaming), and the crew loaded up supplies before hopping aboard.
Right before takeoff, Jane slipped away for a moment. Alone in her room, she gently set down Mjolnir, letting go of the Thor-form.
Instantly, her whole body buckled. Pale skin, sunken cheeks, barely standing. The strength had drained from her like someone yanked the plug. No more goddess—just a frail woman battling cancer.
Mjolnir hadn't cured her—it was a temporary boost. Like an otherworldly steroid. A shiny fix for a much darker truth.
The audience watching? Yeah. They knew. And their hearts sank.
Back in the video feed, everything was prepped. The screaming goats charged forward, conjuring a rainbow runway beneath their hooves.
The mytho-ship-turned-spaceship soared into the sky, streaking across the sky in a blaze of dazzling colors, leaving the stunned crowd on the ground with their jaws hanging open.
Smash cut—to a city straight outta a god's fever dream.
Floating in the sky, kissed by sunlight, golden everywhere you looked. This... this was Omnipotence City, home of the gods.
The rainbow bridge carried the Thunderer (yes, that's the ship's name now) right into this divine Vegas, and surprisingly, no one opened fire.
Probably because Thor's a god, technically one of their own. Also, the place was stacked with deities who could sneeze and erase half a planet, so maybe they didn't worry much about security breaches.
Still, the team went full stealth mode. Cloaks, hoods, the whole assassin cosplay thing. They made their way into a massive palace that looked like someone gave the Greek gods unlimited budget and zero restraint.
Columns. Statues. Blinding gold decor. The whole joint was surrounded by tiered seating, and in the center—a stage.
The seats were already packed. Gods of every shape, size, and flavor. Some dignified. Some... less so. One even looked like a literal dumpling.
Wade would've called him Bao Bao God.
Thor whispered, "This is the Pantheon. Every major deity is here. Play it cool."
As everyone settled in, a puff of cloud appeared mid-air. The air buzzed.
Thor's eyes lit up. He clenched his fists, unable to contain his excitement. "It's him! Zeus! ZEUS!!"
Other gods joined in. Chanting. Shouting. Screaming like fanboys at a BTS concert. The god of thunder, in that moment, was a full-blown fangirl.
And then… BOOM.
Lightning cracked. The cloud exploded with golden sparks. And finally, Zeus descended in all his... round-bellied, middle-aged glory.
Gold-plated armor. Beer gut. Radiating charisma like a game show host with divine abs (hidden under layers of dad bod). He was holding a golden lightning bolt and grinning like he owned the place—which, well, he kinda did.
"ZEUS!!" Thor yelled again, practically vibrating. "That's him! That's the guy! The myth! The legend! I—I've modeled half my entire heroic arc on him!"
Jane raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"
Thor nodded solemnly. "He's the god of light and thunder. My ultimate inspiration."
Jane muttered to Valkyrie, "Well... this might help with recruiting. If Thor's this obsessed, maybe it gives us a foot in the door?"
"Right, but how do we approach him?" Valkyrie asked. "Just... jump down there and wave?"
Thor held up a hand. "Not yet. Trust me, you do not interrupt Zeus's entrance. The man is the LeBron James of dramatic reveals. God of Thunder? Pfft. He's the God of Stage Presence."
Just then, Zeus raised his arms dramatically.
"I AM ZEUS!" he thundered.
Lightning blazed around him. The bolt in his hand soared into the sky and exploded like divine fireworks. Sparks formed a giant, glowing image of Zeus himself, mid-heroic pose. The gold lights circled around the hall, dazzling the crowd, before boomeranging back into his hand.
Wade (yes, somehow watching this with a taco): "That was the most narcissistic flex I've ever seen. And I loved every second of it."
The crowd of gods? Absolutely losing it.
"ZEUS! ZEUS! ZEUS!"
He stood atop the podium like a rockstar basking in a thousand encores, soaking in the godly adoration.
Finally, he raised a hand, silencing the crowd with theatrical gravity.
"This," he declared in a solemn voice, "is the sacred assembly of the gods. We have... many urgent matters to discuss. For example… where are we holding this year's Carnival of Carnage?"
Jane blinked. "Wait, what?"
Valkyrie stared in disbelief. "He's not serious."
They had endured that whole diva entrance thinking it was the prelude to a war council or cosmic emergency—and the man was asking about a party venue.
Thor, scrambling, whispered, "Give him a minute, okay? He probably has real stuff coming. He just... warms up weird."
Zeus beamed. "And now! I shall announce the winner... of Most Human Souls Sacrificed in My Name This Year!"
Even Thor choked on his own words. "Wait, what?!"
So... mortals were dying by the thousands, praying to their gods, and the gods were just... scoring them? Like fantasy football for faith?
Even Wade had to pause. "Wow. This Zeus guy's just the shiny, Greek version of that freaky squid god from earlier."
Back in the real world, the viewers watching the screen? Booing. Hard.
They'd seen enough to know: This Zeus wasn't some wise elder god.
He was just another egomaniac with a lightning bolt and a taste for drama.
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