He first used a spell to move them to the sixth floor's teleportation gate.
Then he sent a Message to Aureole, who managed those, ordering her to
connect one to the ninth floor. Naturally, the gate from the eight to the ninth
floor was operating properly—or else there was a high chance Ariadne
would kick in.
Technically, there was no need to be this complicated.
There was a limit to how many could be transported by the Ring of Ainz
Ooal Gown, so they couldn't all go at once, but he could have simply
popped back to pick up any stragglers. He was jumping through these hoops
out of an abundance of caution to avoid revealing everything to the elves.
Ainz mostly didn't want anyone seeing what the ring could do.
Beyond the ninth-floor gate, Cocytus's minions stood guard. When Ainz
appeared, they bowed their heads.
"Well done," he intoned, acting as a ruler should.
Aura and Lumièlle came out next and then the elves behind them, in a
row. But the instant they saw the row of monsters bowing to him, they froze
on the spot.
Cocytus's minions weren't trying to intimidate them. But if a mere
mortal was out for a stroll in the woods and ran into a tiger—they would be
scared stiff. That was basically what had happened here.
Someone gave an elf a gentle push from behind.
They'd stopped right by the gate's exit. Mare was last in line, and they
were preventing him from getting out. That was why he'd nudged them
along—being careful not to push too hard—but they were already at their
limit, and this proved too much for her.
"Eep…," she squealed. Her body swayed, and she sat down heavily. The
elves on either side looked horrified and tried to help her up, but there was
no strength in her legs, and they weren't getting anywhere.
"Don't be alarmed. You are within Nazarick, and no one here will harm
you."
"Y-yes, sire…"
She didn't doubt his word, but it also wasn't enough to calm her down.
The elves on either side of her were nodding a bit too fast, their hair
thrashing around. The seated elf looked ready to burst into tears.
This was a disaster and would have repercussions. Ainz was sure of it.
He had to get them stabilized immediately.
"Let's take a rest before we head to the cafeteria—Gate. Aura, carry
her."
"Yes, sir!"
"N-no, I couldn't ask Lady Aura to—"
"It's fine; I don't mind. Come on."
Aura ignored the elf's protests and easily scooped her up. She placed the
elf on her shoulders. Since she was wearing fatigues, there was no skirt to
worry about.
Through the black half-orb—the Gate—was his office.
He spotted three maids with their heads down. Cleaning implements
rested at their feet.
"Good work," Ainz said. "We'll be taking a quick break and leaving
again. You can continue cleaning."
The maids nodded and bowed again—just as the last of the party made it
through the Gate.
The elves' jaws were wide open, gaping at the room around them.
Rather silly-looking. It was nothing like the twins' home and clearly new to
them. They looked more relaxed already. The regular maids were much
easier to deal with than the monsters under Cocytus's command. They were
not something to fear.
"Aura, she can use that chair."
Ainz pointed at Albedo's seat, and Aura nodded, setting the elf down on
it. Albedo's desk was as spotless as its owner, while Ainz's desk was mostly
just empty.
"Th-thank you," the elf said.
Doing his best to sound nice, Ainz said, "I understand your surprise. But
like I said, you have nothing to fear. Nothing in Nazarick will harm you—
any of you. Relax and enjoy yourselves."
But that was easier said than done.
He turned away from them and moved to one of the maids.
"We're heading to the cafeteria next. Can you clear the halls on the way
of anything but maids? And the cafeteria—" He considered clearing that
room but thought better of it. "No, strike that. Let the cafeteria be used like
it always is. Perhaps it would be better if you maids were there."
"Certainly, sir. I'll go right away."
"Sorry to pull you from your duties, but please do."
"Not at all, Lord Ainz."
He'd chosen her only because she was closest, but she clearly didn't
realize that. She shot her colleagues a smile—a triumphant one. They didn't
even try to hide their frustration, groaning aloud.
One eye on her colleagues, the maid left the room to carry out her
orders.
Ainz could feel the other maids' eyes on him—it was rare he was this
sensitive. They were clearly hoping for special instructions of their own.
Ainz duty already counted as a special assignment, so Lumièlle was taking
things in stride.
He'd really stepped in it this time. Naturally, the maids didn't mean to
pour the pressure on—he was feeling that all on his own. But Ainz found
himself tearing his attention away from them, turning back to the elf on the
chair. He had to check to make sure she was breathing normally again.
"Feeling better? Then let's be on our way."
The last thing he wanted to do was rush her or make this compulsory,
but he didn't want to linger here, either.
Certain the elf could walk again, Ainz led the way out the door. It took
everything he had to pretend to not notice the maids' disappointment.
On the way to the cafeteria, he could hear the elves oohing and aahing,
occasionally saying, "Wow" or "So beautiful!"
He resisted the urge to start boasting and kept facing forward.
At length, they reached their destination. There were no minions along
the way, but it had taken a while. The elves had been so busy gawking, they
hadn't exactly been fleet of foot, and Ainz himself had slowed down
anywhere he particularly wanted to show off. Their progress had been
otherwise unhindered.
The cafeteria on Nazarick's ninth floor was supposed to resemble those
found at most companies or schools, though there had been no such thing at
Ainz's own school or company, so he could not personally verify how
accurate that was in a general sense. It was undoubtedly a far cry from your
typical restaurant interior.
He had not stepped foot here since his initial tour of Nazarick upon his
arrival in this world, but at a glance, nothing seemed to have changed. From
within, he heard the chatter of girls and the clatter of silverware on dishes.
Likely all people who worked on the ninth and tenth floors, primarily
regular maids, were currently eating inside. Maybe a few domain guardians
as well. It was a little late for lunch, but the interior was abuzz with activity.
Perhaps they ate in shifts.
The sight of maids cheerily enjoying their meals would help the elves to
surmise what this facility was for. This was unfamiliar territory, so they
might feel a bit out of place, but with everyone going about their lives, it
would be easy enough for them to settle down. That was why he'd chosen
not to empty out the cafeteria.
But the moment Ainz stepped in, that peaceful lunch vibe vanished.
Not a sound remained.
The happy chattering, the sounds of food being eaten—all that
evaporated. The tension in the air felt like no cafeteria on earth.
Every head in the room turned their way. Eyes peeled, no one even
dared to move.
Nothing could be more alienating.
It was like a grotesque player with negative karma wandering into
Alfheim.
"Pay us no heed," he said. "Continue your meals."
Almost all the diners scattered around the expansive interior were
regular maids. At his word, they all resumed their meals. But there was no
sign of them resuming their conversations. Everyone ate in silence.
Ainz had not meant to disrupt their lunch hour and felt rather sad about
this. But then he put himself in their shoes and realized something.
A boss who never visited the lunchroom suddenly making an
appearance—anyone would react like this. Satoru Suzuki certainly would
have. Perhaps if this was a smaller company, and the CEO was closer with
the low-rung workers, this outcome could have been avoided.
But not here.
Lord Ainz was revered and universally greeted with bowed heads.
Attempting a sudden culture shift to the friendly neighborhood Mr. Ainz
was simply not in the cards. It might be possible if his true nature was
discovered and everyone knew he was a fool—but turning himself into a
laughingstock (however unlikely) was hardly a goal to strive for.
"Come on in," he said, turning back.
As he did, he surreptitiously took stock of the elves' reactions.
There wasn't much that needed studying. A single glance made it clear
they were shriveling up. Of course they were. They hadn't missed how
Ainz's entrance had shattered the peaceful mood here. Or the GIA
(Grotesque in Alfheim) factor.
He had no clue how to fix this.
He just hoped time would heal things. Possibly a tad optimistic, but for
the moment, he decided to stride purposefully into the cafeteria.
Not wanting to stress out the maids any further, he found a table
removed from the crowds and gestured at the seats across from his.
"Take a seat."
The elves exchanged nervous glances. Like they were deciding who
would draw the short straw and sit opposite Ainz. That was almost certainly
what was happening.
"…Yes, my understanding of manners may differ from that of the elves.
At this table, we are all equals and need not concern ourselves with stiff
propriety. No one will mind, no matter how different our ideas of etiquette
might be."
A generous interpretation of their behavior that also offered them an
excuse to act less wary. If they were too hesitant, that itself was a problem.
Ainz also didn't want to find out what would happen if Aura and Mare got
frustrated by their obvious reluctance.
"Go on, sit before me," Ainz said, pointing at the elf in the back. She
had yet to stand in the middle of the group, so it was only fair she took her
turn in the hot seat.
Honestly, he didn't enjoy framing it that way, but he also understood
why they'd be desperate to avoid it, so he did his best to handle the matter
professionally.
Things moved fast from there.
The elf he'd pointed at sat down, and the others took spots on either
side. Aura and Mare flanked Ainz himself.
Lumièlle stood behind Ainz. He had thoughts on that but kept them to
himself.
"Well then. I'm afraid this is my first time using the cafeteria. Would
you mind explaining how things work here?" He directed this question at
Lumièlle. Her colleagues were making use of it, so he figured she would
know. "First…let's get some drinks. Is there a menu?"
"At this time of day, we usually help ourselves to drinks. And the buffet.
Drinks can be found over there. That table has simple sides, and we can
take as much as we can eat."
He followed her pointing finger toward a table that held a number of
pitchers, presumably with a variety of beverages inside. Past that was a row
of chafing dishes.
"Finally, we can select one dish from the lunch menu here."
"Aha."
"The head chef is in the kitchen, Lord Ainz. A word from you, and he'll
prepare anything you wish."
"I'm sure. But that won't be necessary. If there's a set lunch menu, we'll
order from that."
He took the menu from her.
It was written in Japanese. The elves wouldn't be able to read it. And—
"…Have you even heard of katsudon?"
They shook their heads.
"…Aura, Mare, what do they normally eat?"
"Normal food!"
"Y-yes. M-more or less, er, just like our food. The same food."
Then had the twins never eaten katsudon, either? No, they were likely
getting food from the delivery service and could cook for themselves, too.
"Have you not had katsudon?"
"No, we've eaten that. I think they just didn't know the name."
"Oh, that explains it."
The menu didn't exactly have holographic photographs attached to it, so
they couldn't see what the dishes looked like.
"What do…?" But he realized if he asked for a recommendation, the
answer would be Everything's good, and he decided not to bother. "Hmm…
Oh, can you eat meat?"
The elves all nodded, so he picked an option from the menu.
"Let's just all have the Salisbury steak set."
"You can choose between demi-glace, Japanese-style, or mustard cream
sauce, accompanied by either rice or bread. Which would you prefer?"
"…Let's say bread and the demi-glace."
He had an idea what that and the Japanese sauce would taste like, but
mustard cream was a complete mystery. A shame that this body could never
find out.
"That works!"
"Um, yes. I'm, uh, fine with that, too!"
The twins confirmed immediately, and the elves just nodded. No one
disagreed.
"Then make it so."
He let out a little breath, assuming that settled things—but Lumièlle
showed no signs of heading to the kitchen. Why not? Would staff come to
take their order?
"Lord Ainz, what about drinks?"
"Oh, right. Let's have everyone fetch whatever they'd like. Does that
work?"
"Yes. I'll fetch your beverage, Lord Ainz. What would you like?"
"It doesn't ma— Actually, I'll have a hot coffee."
"Coming right up."
Aura led the company off toward the drinks counter.
Meanwhile, Lumièlle went to the kitchen and said something that
apparently provoked a commotion.
Something burst out of the kitchen door.
Naked from the waist up, a massive cleaver strapped to his hip, and a
large wok on his back. The kanji for fresh meat tattooed on his corpulent
chest, below a chunky gold chain.
His face resembled an orc's but actually belonged to a related species, a
wilder breed known as an orcus.
A chef's hat sat upon his head, and a white apron wrapped around his
waist.
This was the cafeteria domain guardian and head chef—Shihoutsu
Tokitsu.
Moving nimbly, the orcus dashed over to Ainz and took a knee. Ainz
wondered if this was dirtying his apron.
"Lord Ainz! Welcome to my humble domain."
"It's been a while, Shihoutsu Tokitsu. A pleasure to see you unchanged."
"Thank you!"
He'd said unchanged, but he had not met the chef since the huge
meeting with all the NPCs upon his initial arrival here. It had been far too
long, and he likely wouldn't have noticed any changes even if there had
been any.
"Or have you lost weight?"
"If you believe that to be the case, Lord Ainz, then it must be true."
That definitely wasn't how he'd intended it, but he resisted the urge to
argue.
"I received your order from the good lady, but it lacked an item for
yourself. I understand completely!"
Shihoutsu Tokitsu flashed an extremely dude-bro grin—it was sort of
hard to tell under that hairy snout, but Ainz was pretty sure about this,
which convinced him the chef understood absolutely nothing. Had anyone
ever gotten something like this on the first try? Sadly, probably not.
"Lord Ainz, I will prepare you a feast befitting the absolute ruler of
Nazarick, the greatest of Supreme Beings!"
See, Ainz thought, but Shihoutsu Tokitsu was already on his feet and
hollering at the kitchen.
"I wade across death's own line! Cuisine worthy of Lord Ainz! A
banquet that will outlast the week itself!"
"Ohhhh," the watching maids crooned in amazement.
"Nope, wait a minute."
"Of course!"
Shihoutsu Tokitsu was back on bended knee in an instant.
Ainz could almost see the fires of passion burning in his eyes, eager to
impress—which made this news all the harder to break. He had long
believed if the NPCs wished to do a thing, he should play along, but this
was more than a bit much.
"…Perhaps you are suffering from a misapprehension, so let me be
clear. I am undead and cannot eat at all."
"Indeed, sir! The feast will be a delight for the nostrils! An olfactory
cornucopia! Coming right up!"
He jumped to his feet again.
"No, wait."
"Of course!"
"Calm yourself. When I say I cannot eat, that means I do not wish to
waste food."
"Lord Ainz, that is inconceivable. No food prepared for you could
possibly be a waste. Right?"
Shihoutsu Tokitsu spun around, calling out to everyone in the cafeteria.
A hearty round of applause was the reply. It wasn't only the maids—Aura
and Mare were clapping, too. The elves hastily joined in.
Ainz privately wished they hadn't.
"I'll get right—"
"No, stop."
"Of course!"
The chef was back on his knees.
"I'll just come right out and say it. I am not here to eat. I am here to
enjoy a conversation. I appreciate your eagerness to serve me, but I do not
want you to. I merely wish to have a relaxed discussion. Does that make
sense?"
Ainz fully understood why Shihoutsu Tokitsu was so excessively
enthusiastic. He had always believed his ruler would never enter his
domain, yet here he was. Naturally, he wished to provide the finest
hospitality possible. But that was not what Ainz wanted.
"Sir, in that case, I will ensure you have the place to yourselves!"
"No, don't."
"Of course!"
"Do nothing dramatic. Again, I am just here to enjoy a conversation.
There is absolutely no need to do anything like that."
Ainz glanced at the others—especially the elves—and everyone was
looking very serious.
The maids were already halfway out of their seats, ready to leave at any
moment. Aura and Mare looked just as they always did, while the elves
seemed largely alarmed by how out of hand this was getting. But the whole
reason he'd picked this location was to avoid giving them that impression.
"I am not trying to be modest. I came here specifically to do that. I want
to see everyone acting as you always do. Pay me no heed."
"Your wish is my command, Lord Ainz. But you are a Supreme Being,
and I cannot simply treat you as I would any other!"
This might be a bit mean, but the situation left him with no choice. Ainz
cleared his throat and lowered his voice.
"Shihoutsu Tokitsu."
"Yes, Lord Ainz!"
"I said I wish to see this facility operating as it always does. You need
do nothing out of the ordinary to demonstrate the dedication with which
you perform your daily duties. Or is there a reason why you should behave
differently? Something you wish to hide?"
Shihoutsu Tokitsu gulped, and a resolute look crossed his face.
(Probably?)
"Lord Ainz, I must protest. I, Shihoutsu Tokitsu, was placed in charge of
this domain by one of the Supreme Beings, by Lord Amanomahitotsu
himself! I have never and would never do anything to disgrace him!"
"I imagine not."
The chef looked surprised.
"Even in this brief interaction, I have sensed your dedication to your
craft, your devotion to those you call the Supreme Beings. I spoke out of
turn, and I retract that statement. You have my apologies."
Ainz bowed his head.
"Ohhh! Lord Ainz! Please do not act like this! For a Supreme Being to
bow his head to one so beneath him! I beg you, raise your magnificent
visage at once!"
Ainz slowly did, fixing his eyes on the boar-like chef.
"Shihoutsu Tokitsu, I thank you for accepting my apology. I wish for
you to know and understand one truth—I have come to appreciate the sight
of everyone here acting as they always do, while enjoying a relaxed
discussion of my own. Treat me as you would any other visitor."
The chef wrestled with that idea for a long minute but eventually came
to peace with it.
"As you wish, sir," he said, nodding.
"Glad to hear it. Someday, I am sure I will find occasion to invite
company to Nazarick—visitors of high rank and status. On that occasion, I
will assuredly ask you to demonstrate your skills."
"Yes, my lord! B-but please do not bow your head to one of my ilk
again."
"My words disparaged you, and my contrition was genuine. But it was
not just that—Amanoma had faith in you and placed you in charge of this
domain. That apology was meant for him as well."
Shihoutsu Tokitsu smiled awkwardly at that. He couldn't argue the point
further. An instant later, he was all business again (as far as Ainz could tell).
"In that case, Lord Ainz, I will begin work on the dishes you requested."
Ainz watched the chef's retreating back a moment and then addressed
the room at large, raising his voice a tad.
"I apologize for the commotion, everyone. Pay us no heed and resume
your meals."
As the chef left, the others came back from the drinks counter. The
maids at the other tables resumed their meals, and the atmosphere in general
felt marginally less tense. Perhaps Shihoutsu Tokitsu's dramatic entrance
had broken the ice.
The twins and the elves each had their chosen drinks in hand, and
Lumièlle set Ainz's coffee before him.
The fragrance of the coffee reached him. There was an intriguing hint of
something berrylike mingling with the smell.
Yggdrasil had not done tie-in deals with any famous chains, but the
game's data spread was downright ludicrous. Food was a prime example.
Any ordinary game would simply have generic "coffee beans" and be done
with it, but Yggdrasil featured multiple varieties, each granting distinct
benefits depending on the grade used.
The coffee beans housed within Nazarick were naturally high-grade, and
this coffee was likely exquisite.
I bet expensive coffee just smells like this. I wonder if it tastes of berries,
too?
Once again, Ainz regretted not being able to taste anything.
Making sure everyone was seated, he spoke.
"Let us talk as we drink," he said.
Two of the elves had gone with melon soda, while the third had iced
green tea. Taking him at his word, each took a sip—and the melon soda
elves blinked furiously, hands clapped over their mouths. Like they were
afraid the contents would escape—Ainz took that as a good sign.
"Bubbly! Good!"
"Sweet!"
Those words spilled out, and their glasses were soon empty. At which
point Ainz gently suggested, "Would you like to get a refill?"
"Y-yes, I certainly would!"
They both nodded and got up, hurrying back to the drinks table with
light footsteps.
"I'm pleased they enjoyed it."
"Um, yes…," the remaining elf said. She seemed curious about their
drinks. She chugged the rest of her tea and got up to join them. Aura and
Mare had both picked cola, but they were used to drinking it and didn't
show much of a reaction.
Little of this had gone as planned, but the elves finally seemed to be
relaxed. They were no longer acting suspicious of his every move based
purely on him being undead.
Sweet things are very effective. Mocchi Mochi always said all women
love sweets, and no woman can resist them. It seems those words were true.
And here I always assumed they were an excuse for her gluttony.
The other two female members of Ainz Ooal Gown had tilted their
heads—not that slimes had heads—at this bold claim but never argued the
point. And it had worked wonders on these elves. Based on that evidence,
Mocchi Mochi may have spoken the truth. Ainz still had his doubts.
Time we get started. I've run through any number of simulations, but
can I get them to voluntarily talk about the elf country?
He recalled what he'd heard when he first met them.
The home of the elves lay in the woodlands to the south. It had no name.
Albedo suggested this was because they had no outside trade and no other
countries close by. With no need to differentiate their territory from others,
they had never needed a name.
It was technically a kingdom and had long been ruled by the same man
who was apparently quite strong. Strong how? What classes? They had no
idea. The elves had given Aura and Mare baffled looks…as if to ask, how
did they not know?
The elf country was currently at war with the Theocracy, which had
captured and sold their people. They didn't know why the war had started
or even when.
This might be because the elf country had no formal educational system.
They didn't seem interested in learning more. From what he'd heard of the
elves' lives, they had much more important knowledge and techniques to
acquire—mostly related to fending off monsters. As a result, they had
learned nothing of their homeland's history and felt no particular need to do
so.
He'd asked if they'd seen any dark elves at home, and they had not.
Aura and Mare were the first time they'd ever seen any. Dark elves must be
a minority in the elf country. But they'd never heard of any ill treatment.
Given their general lack of knowledge, they might simply be ignorant of it.
And—that was it.
That was all Ainz currently knew.
To avoid raising their suspicions, he'd been forced to leave it at that. But
now he was armed with a pretext to dig deeper. The time was ripe.
Gotta make up my mind. Do I say our countries will be breaking
diplomatic ground? Or simply say I want to visit the dark elf village so the
twins can make some friends?
If he went with the former, the sheer scale of his proposal might cause
them to tense up again. The latter would probably make more sense to
people of this world, and that might loosen their lips. And ultimately, the
latter was Ainz's true motive. It always felt better to be honest. Ainz lied
rather a lot, but that didn't mean he enjoyed it. It simply benefited him to do
so.
And since it was possible they might learn the truth later, honesty could
be the best policy.
That would be easier. But voicing that reason where Aura and Mare can
hear…well, I can't imagine how they'd react.
He was afraid they'd get all fired up and feel obligated to make friends.
Ainz was a firm believer in making friends through shared interests.
Forging friendships to follow orders didn't really qualify.
Ainz remembered his fellow guild members, his Yggdrasil friends.
Bonds formed through chance encounters and natural meetings.
He wasn't certain if children actually needed friends. Ainz—Satoru
Suzuki—had never had any, and he never really found himself
inconvenienced by it.
So why had he started thinking about the idea? Because Yamaiko had
once spoken in favor of cultivating friendships. Mind you, Ulbert had spat
back, Dream talk from a denizen of an entirely different world.
Ainz didn't know which of them was right. But having friends could
hardly be considered a bad thing.
Then let's not say friend out loud and simply say I'd like them to get to
know the other dark elves? Leave it up to them if they make friends or not.
If they can, then great!
But discrepancies in strength and roles might stand in the way of true
friendship.
In Yggdrasil, everyone had been equals.
Several of his guildmates' faces floated across his mind, and a shadow
fell over him. He soon shook it off, casting aside the memories and the
emotions that came with them.
If they had met in real life, where they were far from equal, they likely
wouldn't have had anything to do with each other. With that in mind,
perhaps the first thing to do was ensure that the twins started out as equal to
the dark elves as possible. They could not visit as emissaries from the
Nation of Darkness to meet villagers who were a minority in their own
country.
That means hiding their true identities however I can… Hmm. Do the
fathers of the world all think like this? Did Touch Me? Should I have asked
him more about it?
As Ainz dithered about how to broach the subject, the elves returned
with new drinks.
All colas.
Oh dear. I still haven't collected my thoughts. I really can't expect to
wing these things. But oh well. The twins are with us, so let's start by acting
like I'm just asking out of curiosity. If I can't guide the discussion where I
want, I can always say, You see…, and bring up my personal motives.
Perhaps suggest that we just want to start small, establishing friendly
relations with the dark elves.
When they were seated, he spoke quietly.
"I suppose we should begin."
They had all been sipping away with a focus that bordered on diligence,
but their hands—or throats—stopped cold.
"We are currently building a country known as the Nation of Darkness.
We believe people of all races can live here in harmony. We have humans,
dwarves, goblins, orcs, and lizardmen coexisting with us, becoming citizens
of our nation. Whether or not elves agree to join us, it is high time we
opened diplomatic ties and established trade relations. I'm thinking about
paying your country a visit. Can I ask your help with that?"
This was not pure pretext; diplomacy and trade weren't bad things.
There was just one fatal problem.
Ainz himself could never be the envoy.
He simply lacked the ability to meet with foreign diplomats and
negotiate terms. Things had gone well with the dwarves, but he could not
imagine that success repeating itself. Odds were high the exact opposite
would happen.
So if they were to establish relations, he would send someone intelligent
in his place. Albedo would be best, but she was extremely busy handling
the occupation of the kingdom they had just conquered, and he didn't want
to put anything else on her plate for a while.
If he ordered it, she would insist she could handle it, and it was possible
she could. But that didn't mean she wasn't pushing herself. For that reason,
Ainz felt compelled to look after his subordinates' well-being and mental
health, being careful not to overload any of them.
So if the envoys this time could avoid any big-deal propositions and
simply focus on making personal connections with the dark elves, then that
would suit Ainz just fine.
"Er, um, Lord Ainz Ooal Gown, h-how would we help?"
A very guarded voice. Ainz shrugged.
"I just have a few questions. And please—call me Ainz."
"If it's anything we know," one elf said, her mind made up, "we would
be happy to explain. B-but, um…that form of address…I-I'm not sure it
would be…"
Aura, Mare, and the maids eavesdropping from a distance all looked
disgruntled.
If the elves called him Ainz, they'd undoubtedly provoke cries of "Too
familiar!" "Who do you think you are?!" but if they didn't, they knew full
well they'd think, How dare you refuse Lord Ainz's orders! Everyone here
was struggling to decide how the elves should respond.
He had no intention of scolding the eavesdropping maids. They weren't
listening out of spite or mere curiosity—he realized that much. They were
possessed of a cryptic intensity, competing to be the first to step in if any
opportunity to be useful presented itself.
"…Ah, a shame. But tell me, what is the elf country like? How do you
protect yourselves from monsters that deep in the forest?"
They looked taken aback by the question.
"We dwell within the forest, but we live up in the trees. It's too
dangerous to linger at ground level."
"The druids' magic transforms the trees into homes."
"And trees designed for that are also grown with magic. We call them
the elf trees."
To hear them tell it, elven druids had spells that could alter the shapes of
the trees at will. They could open hollows within the trunks or form simple
suspension bridges across the space between the trees themselves. It was
common practice to link dozens of these elf trees together, rising above the
forest ground.
These clusters were elven villages.
Transforming these elf trees to make things was the heart of elven
culture; it wasn't just houses and furniture—they made weapons and armor
from them, too. They could even harden the wood like iron, making arrows
for their hunts.
As far as Ainz knew, no such magic had existed in Yggdrasil, and when
he asked them to demonstrate, they seemed rather surprised. They'd
believed the tree Aura and Mare lived in was made the same way. It looked
nothing like the elf trees, but they'd assumed it must be a variant of some
sort, a special breed only the twins could manipulate.
And their magic worked only on elf trees—it did nothing to any other
kind of tree.
Given the nature of their homes, their main predators were snakes,
spiders, and other monsters that had a knack for climbing. They did have
guards posted at all hours, but their natural enemies tended to be rather
stealthy and claimed their share of victims. On the other hand, less talented
climbers were easily repelled and not considered major threats.
The elf capital—the total elf population was not considerable, so this
was the only city worthy of the name—was apparently the only settlement
located outside the forest, on the plains by a lake shaped like a crescent
moon. Apparently because the three elves lived in a village that was quite
far from the capital, and they knew of it only from stories.
Why was the capital outside the forest? Well, supposedly there were
massive aquatic monsters living in the lake, and fear of being consumed by
those creatures kept other threats at bay.
This all made sense to Ainz.
Druid magic could easily create water, so life in the treetops would be
comfortable enough. The branches atop the elf trees would provide
adequate defense against flying monsters and help keep the elves hidden.
Growing up in that environment, it made sense that most elves learned
ranger or druid skills. Without those, they would struggle to eke out much
of a living.
There's still a lot we don't know about skill acquisition and how the
people here gain classes. But with few farmers, the elves likely have more
combat-ready citizens than human countries do.
He asked more about their life spans and population.
Their own mortality seemed to be of little interest to them; they had
never wondered how long they might live. But the eldest elves in their
village were believed to be well over three hundred. None of the three here
was sure exactly how old they were. They had no custom of marking their
birthdays.
But perhaps because they were guaranteed long lives, there weren't that
many elves. They certainly didn't pop out kids as often as humans. But
from what they said, Ainz believed they actually had a fairly high birth rate.
Yggdrasil elves were said to live a thousand years. They grew rapidly
over the first ten years and only started looking old in the last ten, I think?
My memory there is fuzzy; I could be wrong. But I swear they had maybe
one child every decade and weren't considered fully grown until two
hundred. If they were fertile until four hundred, that would be…twenty
children each? This information might come in handy. I'll have to discuss
this further with someone more informed.
"Were we to return you to your village, where would we go?"
They looked at one another.
Ah. I might be pushing my luck. That must be considered critical info.
After a long silence, one of them tentatively asked, "Er, um…are we
being sent home?"
"Mm?" That was an odd turn of phrase, Ainz thought. Then he realized
his own error. "Oh, right. Your village was attacked by the humans."
These three weren't exactly warriors; the village they'd lived in had
been raided by the Theocracy, and they'd been taken captive. Being sent
back to that village now would only lead to suffering and could hardly be
considered safe.
"Well, then not that village. Somewhere you can live in peace. Do you
have anywhere in mind? Relatives living in other villages? Or perhaps the
capital itself?"
"The…capital…"
"Sorry, we only know the area around our old home."
"We have no idea what would be safe."
They didn't know much about the outside world. And this was hardly
unique to them. Citizens in the Kingdom and Empire had been much the
same.
People in this world usually died where they were born. Unless given a
proper education, at best they might know the nearest city, but anything
farther out might as well be a different country entirely.
As he thought about that, the elves asked, "Um, so we will have to leave
this place?"
"That was the plan. If we're opening ties with the elf country, keeping
you here might damage our reputation. Does that make sense? Until now,
we've kept you here due to a lack of options, but that excuse no longer
applies if we establish formal relations. But just dropping you into the
middle of a war zone would be heartless. That's why I was asking about
safe areas…"
Ainz did not intend to head the diplomatic mission permanently, but
returning these three safely might earn some political points in the future.
Sensing they had something to say, he asked, "What?"
"Is there no way for us to stay here?"
"......Hmm."
His eyes dropped to the drinks in front of them. Had those—? No, that
couldn't be the reason.
"…Why?" he asked. "If you don't wish to explain, I won't press the
point, but I'm curious."
"Um…"
The leader of the trio glanced at Aura and Mare.
"...Aura, Mare, we're running low on refreshments. Care to get us
some more?"
"Huh?"
"Sure thing! Coming right up, Lord Ainz. C'mon, Mare."
Splendid.
Ainz was extremely impressed with Aura's ability to take a hint.
Had he been in her shoes, it likely would have taken him far longer to
realize he was being asked to step away for a moment. Or would his
experiences in the office have clued him in?
Aura might actually be better at picking up on these social cues than
Albedo and Demiurge. He could just see Demiurge grinning faintly and
going, Is that what this is, Lord Ainz?
They both tend to grossly misread what I intend. I sometimes wonder if
they do it on purpose. Are they doing it on purpose?
"Er, h-huh?" Mare stammered, totally lost. Aura was on her feet and
pulling his arm, dragging him away.
Once they were safely removed, he asked, "Now can you answer?"
"Y-yes."
One eye measuring the distance to the twins, the elves spoke softly.
Dark elves had better hearing than humans, and if they were masters of the
ranger class like Aura, their ears were even better. These elves lowered their
voices, fully aware of that, but it was still highly likely Aura could hear
every word.
"Once we got used to life here, it felt hard to go back to our old lives.
Lady Aura and Lord Mare's home is…wonderful."
"Oh?"
He'd intended to keep his voice low to match theirs, but the surprise got
the better of him.
At first, he mistook it for a joke—but they were all nodding intently.
They were in full agreement and meant every word.
First, the food was far better, they explained. The elves had grown up on
fruit, meat, and vegetables, mostly fried or boiled. No one had really put
more effort into it.
Now that they were used to Nazarick cuisine, they were not at all certain
they could go back to such simple fare. Their favorite food was now pizza.
Ah. Food as an instrument of diplomacy. You can eat like this every day
might be a surprisingly effective tactic. Like with the dwarves!
That wasn't all they had to say.
It was much safer here. The villages made with magic were high up and
relatively safe, but there was still not a year that passed without someone
being killed by monsters. In Nazarick, they could sleep soundly at night
without anyone needing to keep watch.
Ainz had thoughts on that, but none of this sounded like anything they
couldn't have admitted with Aura and Mare here. There must be more to it.
As soon as that thought crossed his mind, one elf said, "And serving the
two of them is pure bliss."
"Oh."
Ainz nodded. It all added up.
The twins were fellow elves, children, and cute. Perhaps some would
hesitate to serve a child, but Aura's and Mare's charm had presumably won
out.
If someone asked Ainz which of the floor guardians he'd most like to
serve, he'd have picked the twins, too. Well, if someone actually asked him
that question, he'd diplomatically say, All my guardians are magnificent. I
couldn't possibly choose. But deep down, it had to be Aura and Mare.
Maybe Cocytus in third. He didn't really want to serve the others.
But this still didn't seem like anything they couldn't have said with them
present. He thought there must be more to it, but the elves seemed to have
run out of reasons.
I don't really get it. Why not just say this with them here? Did they think
they'd be scolded for proposing this? No matter.
"Very well. Then you may continue working in Nazarick."
Refusing their wishes seemed unnecessary.
All three elves looked delighted. It didn't appear as if their flattery was a
performance.
"If we're formally employing you, we'll have to discuss wages and
benefits in detail. I'll have someone handle that later."
It didn't seem like they understood what that meant, but he deemed this
essential.
Once Nazarick established friendly ties with the elf country's dark elves,
the treatment of these three could make all the difference. He had freed
them from slavery and could argue their labor up until this point was fair
recompense for looking after them all this time. But that only went so far.
Working without compensation could hardly be considered fair labor
practice. He didn't want to give any potential visiting dark elves a poor
impression of Nazarick's employment standards.
And these three were an ideal opportunity to establish a precedent for
giving Nazarick employees excellent compensation and world-class
benefits.
Ainz glanced at the maids around them.
After the elves lowered their voices, their neighbors could no longer
overhear the conversation. The maids were pretending to rest their heads on
their hands but were actually cupping their ears, trying to catch anything
being said.
Extremely transparent.
It spoke to their dedication, and Ainz couldn't bring himself to chide
them for it. But he did wish they'd hide it a little better.
We'll have to get these elves under contract quickly. I wonder if we can
extend their benefits package to the regular maids while we're at it?
Maybe, but if he forced the matter and ignored the maids' desire to work
harder, it might just earn their ire. Also, if they viewed the elves as the root
cause of their increased time off, they might turn their displeasure on them.
He doubted they'd form an angry mob or anything, but if he was serious
about including the maids on those same standards, he'd have to be careful
about his approach.
"…The status of your employment and residence aside, I would
appreciate your assistance with the elf country. If possible, I'd like you to
serve as guides. Naturally, Aura and Mare will be accompanying us. But we
know little about elf etiquette, so I thought it might help to have you as
intermediaries."
They looked at one another and shook their heads.
"Sorry, we don't think we'd be much use as guides. And…we've been to
the next village over, but that doesn't mean we learned any etiquette."
"Oh…"
"Sorry!"
"No need to bow your heads."
Venturing into uncharted territory without a guide was far more difficult,
but it was unclear if these elves would actually be of any use. If they'd wind
up improvising anyway, then there was no need to force them to come
along. And there was a high chance they'd wind up slowing them down.
Ainz turned and beckoned to Lumièlle. When she leaned in, he said, "A
little more," and lifted his cup. Naturally, it was as full as it had ever been.
Just to be very clear, he glanced toward the twins.
He thought this might be a bit cryptic, but she understood right away
and said, "Pardon me." She left the table.
"So—to elves like you, what are dark elves?"
"Wonderful people."
An instant response, all speaking on top of one another. Ainz frowned.
If they were held in high regard, that was pleasing, but he felt this
answer was motivated by something else.
And he soon realized what.
Aura and Mare.
"No, I'm asking how the elven race regards the dark elf race."
"They're wonderful people."
"That's not—"
He wasn't getting anywhere. With everything the twins had done for
them, they could hardly answer, They're an inferior species, or anything
along those lines. It would be alarming if they did.
"Like I said earlier, I'm planning on establishing diplomatic ties with the
elf country. And those two will likely be in charge of that effort. That's why
I need to know how a typical elf would respond to the sight of a dark elf. If
dark elves are normally looked down upon in elven society, making those
two our envoys might not be the wisest decision. For that reason, I'd like to
know the unvarnished truth."
They looked at one another.
"Honestly, there were no dark elves in our village, so we never met any
until we came here. We had no real opinions on them. At best, I'd once
heard a group of dark elves had come wandering into the northern reaches
of the country."
"The stories were all secondhand, so I mostly thought, Oh, they really
do have brown skin."
"I never heard anyone in the village say anything bad about the dark
elves, but…I can only speak for our village."
This did not seem like they were only saying what he wanted to hear or
distorting the truth. It seemed like young—if that was the right expression
—elves did not have any prejudices against dark elves.
They might be a minority, but odds were high dark elves were not a
persecuted one. Perhaps this was because the elves had a clear exterior
enemy—the Theocracy—and had no time to waste on internal conflict. Or
perhaps life in the forest was simply that harsh.
"…And undead?"
"Corruptors of the forest."
"Foul beings."
"But we've almost never seen any."
"Mm, I figured."
No hesitation there.
He was Aura and Mare's boss but got no respect. Of course, he kept that
thought to himself. He had asked for the whole truth and nothing but the
truth… He just hadn't expected it to be this unvarnished. These girls might
be the type who take it at face value when the boss says speak freely and
wind up transferred to a dead-end post.
But this made it extra clear that Ainz absolutely could not serve as the
envoy. Perhaps that worked in his favor. He could argue that the situation
prevented him from taking the lead. Certainly better than admitting he
simply wasn't up to the task.
Or should they take their time with it, following formal procedures?
Send a diplomat, slowly establish normal relations, et cetera?
But we don't have any diplomats. Not having anyone we can trust on our
human staff is a weakness. Although there's always a chance I'm simply
unaware of them. Perhaps I could speak to Albedo, suggest sending
adventurers? No, we're not yet at the point where we could have them speak
for the Nation. That's my assumption, so it could be wrong, but…
Maybe Albedo would say the adventurers would suffice.
But do we have that kind of time?
The elf country was fighting the Theocracy, and the incursion seemed
quite serious. Even before these elves had been captured, things looked
rather dire. The elf country might be on the verge of complete collapse.
The collapse of the elf country was not necessarily bad for Ainz.
Extending a helping hand was more effective under those circumstances.
But that didn't mean he should wait for it to happen.
He couldn't afford to wait and see. Waiting meant that someone who
might become Aura's or Mare's friend could perish in the meanwhile.
Especially given that dark elves were a minority—their lives were in short
supply.
I could send the two of them ahead— Wait, no, I can't do that. Just the
two of them in unknown territory is too risky. I know they're level-100
NPCs, not helpless children, but I'd like them to focus on making friends
and not worry themselves about the diplomatic angle. In which case, I
should probably accompany them.
At the moment, he had no intention of intervening in the elf/Theocracy
war or of saving the elf country. He didn't want to be the sole reason why
the Nation of Darkness would suddenly be thrust into open conflict with the
Theocracy.
He would like to know Albedo's and Demiurge's thoughts on the matter,
but if he tried to pick their brains, they might discover that he had
absolutely nothing going on in his. Worse, if the conversation went wrong,
they might end up giving priority to his own dim-witted opinions, leaving
Nazarick worse off for it.
Perhaps I should go to the elf country and warn the dark elves to
evacuate their homes. In which case…I don't really need to bring anyone
but the twins.
If he took anyone, it would not be an army but guards with high stealth
capabilities, like the Hanzos.
Just as he had on his trip to the dwarven realms.
"I see…," he said, looking the elves over. They served the role the
lizardmen had.
"Wh-what?"
"Oh, nothing. Talking to myself."
What if he did take one of them with him? Naturally, leaving the other
two here. Having hostages would ensure no one would thoughtlessly act
against him.
Not a bad plan.
Even if these girls realized that's what they were, they could insist that
wasn't the intent.
Ainz glanced at the twins—a signal they could come back. Aura, Mare,
and Lumièlle rejoined them at the table.
"Oh, what gifts would be good to bring your people? Gold and silver?
Jewels?"
"We use no metals in the village, so I don't know if that…"
"Our village would have been happiest with food. Or medical herbs that
are hard to obtain. Minor injuries can be healed with magic, but poison and
illness require a highly skilled druid. Medicines are precious."
"Clothes are also made from the elf trees using magic."
"Those are your homes, your arrows, and your clothes…elven druid
spells can do almost anything. Mare, yours aren't that versatile, are they?"
"Mm? Oh, n-no. I don't know that magic."
These strange druid spells must be a product of elven evolution. Ainz
wanted to acquire those techniques if possible, but it was likely no one in
Nazarick could learn them. In which case, it was best to bring the residents
of this world under his control and have them all bow to Nazarick. That
could be decisive if they found themselves facing another guild.
No…
We have to assume that's already happened. That other guilds have
already arrived here. I'll have to speak to Albedo about this and rework our
national strategy.
If Ainz had thought of it, then surely other players would have as well.
Only a fool assumed they were unique.
Perhaps opening a Gate in the elven village and ferrying in food would
be a good way to demonstrate that the Nation of Darkness had friendly
intent. He remembered that being effective with the dwarves.
Recalling what had worked then might help him plan this expedition.
At the time, I just wanted to turn tail and run…
"First, we'll locate this moon-shaped lake, gather information in the elf
capital, and use that to reach the dark elf village."
"We're going there?" Aura said. She seemed like she had further
thoughts on the matter but didn't want to be more specific in front of these
elves.
Ainz, meanwhile, couldn't admit his goal was really to have them make
friends. He didn't want that to become an order. He pretended not to notice
her unspoken question.
"That's the plan. And I'll need your help."
The twins nodded eagerly.
What next? Who do I have to convince? This won't be as easy as the
dwarves.
He wasn't sure he could overcome the next obstacle. But he would have
to figure something out. This would form the basis for implementing a paidvacation system in Nazarick.
With perfect timing—perhaps they'd been waiting for a lull in the
conversation—the food arrived.
"Please dig in," Ainz said, and the elves' eyes gleamed. They were
clearly savoring every bite.