I am in a dark place… I can't see anything…
"Hello? Is anyone there?" I ask, trying to get help.
CLANG
But the only response I get is the sound of something metallic hitting the ground.
"Fire!" I try to use my magic, but for some reason it doesn't work.
[Where am I? What is happening? How did I end up here?]
"Who's there?!" I shout desperately, but I get no reply.
[What is happening? Please… someone tell me what is happening…]
I try to orient myself by searching for the wall, and when I find them, I am unpleasantly surprised that they are wet.
[A cave…?]
Full of uncertainty, I decide to follow the wall until I reach some kind of end.
Time passes, but I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
"Hello?! Is anyone there?!" I shout, hoping it's some adventurer or explorer, but as I run toward the light, I am disappointed to find that it was a torch.
"Damn it… Why?". I don't understand anything, but I decide to move forward. As I advance, the stone walls begin to take on a brick-like appearance, and my hopes rise.
"ACHOO!"
"Hello?! Hello! I'm here! Can you hear me?!". I now shout, filled with relief knowing that there is someone in this strange place with me.
I can't help it, and I run toward the source of the sound, carrying the torch with me.
The cave becomes smaller, the walls stop looking like a cave, and start to resemble a castle.
"A door?!". I can't help asking when I see what's in front of me.
It's metal and has a lock.
"H-Hello?". Unfortunately, it's locked, and I can't do anything.
So I decide to do the only thing I can do without my magic.
Knock Knock Knock.
I can't help but feel a little silly, but to my complete surprise, I hear someone approaching and without saying a word to me, I hear them unlock the lock so I can pass through.
"Thank you!" she said, relieved, and pushed the door.
It's a bit heavy; I have to use both hands, so I leave the torch on a stand next to the door, and after a minute of effort, the door finally moves.
In front of me is another door, it's wooden and unlocked.
I can see a small light under the door, which means someone is inside.
I can't help but get anxious because I don't know why I'm here, or why someone would use such a remote place to stay.
I decide not to be a coward, and I open the door.
But nothing in the world could prepare me for what I see inside…
"I-Ilya…?".
My sister… was inside, reading a book behind a desk, surrounded by a library.
"Ohhh! But look who deigns to visit! Come in, dear, come in!" she says with that lively and bold voice.
I don't even bother to close the door and walk over to her, unable to contain my complete disbelief.
"Eh? Are you okay? Did you see a ghost or something?" she asks, and can't help but glance behind her.
"I-Ilya…"
"Yes, that's me. What's wrong? You look unwell."
"I-Ilya…. Big sis …"
"Dah… I'm your loving, precious, and very bold big sister… Could you tell me what's wrong? You're starting to worry me!"
"I'M SORRY!"
I simply can't bear it and break down crying to confess my sins.
"I WASN'T THERE! SORRY! I'M SORRY! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE WITH YOU! I COULDN'T SAVE YOU! SORRY! SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! I-ILYAAAAA!"
I fall to my knees and cover my face, unable to look at her after what happened.
"WOAH!" She jumps up from her seat, and I can hear her approaching me with quick steps.
"Stop right there… Why are you apologizing? Please sis… tell me what's wrong, you've always been sensitive, but you never cried like this, not even when we were so little…"
Ilya hugs me gently as she tries to console me, but I can't stop crying.
I can't stop feeling guilty, it's all my fault.
I'm so sorry, forgive me… I should have been there, I should have been there!
"T-The m-monsters! T-They a-attacked! Y-You asked me to stay! B-But I didn't want to! I-I said later! But there never was a later!". I screamed, my chest hurting so much I thought it would break.
"And you! And m-mom! And d-dad! A-All because I wasn't there! A-All of you d-died-"
SLAP
"AAAHH!".
A slap pulls me out of my painful memories, and when I look up, my sister is furious with me.
"And you're crying like this just because of that?! Gods! For a moment, I thought you had really screwed it up!"
"W-What? W-What are you talking about… W-Why?" I can't help asking, incredulously, while feeling my cheek burn.
"Woman! For starters, it wasn't your fault. Remember? I asked you to stay… like all those times before you went off with your little group of friends… it wasn't a dramatic goodbye, because there wasn't going to be a big reunion."
"B-But… I-Ilya… if you had been there…"
"I know! I died because a monster bit my butt really hard, so what?! That's life, sister! No one asks to be born, and you die when you least want to. A total crap, right?"
"B-But… but…"
Ilya kneels and puts a finger on my lips with a stern look.
"It was a tragedy, Gwendy, we both know that. But that doesn't mean the world ends…. You understand?"
"B-But you were my world…" I looked into her eyes. "Y-You were… my world…"
"And so are your friends, the magical academy, and our entire damn town that was destroyed. Thanks for worrying about them too, by the way."
I can't help but lower my gaze in embarrassment.
I cried hard for the death of my family… But what about all those people who were always around me but to whom I never paid attention?
They cared about me, and I cared about them… Why didn't I cry for them too? How is it that I never mourned their deaths the way I did for my family, if they were all I knew?
"Okay, now that that's clear, please stand up and tell me why you're here. I know what I said about the town, but don't get so upset over them too, alright? Yes, we cared about them, but not that much… There's nothing wrong with not crying rivers for that. You were also sad for them, and that's enough. After all, the dead can't hold anything against you anymore."
"O-Okay…"
My sister then takes a chair that was in the corner of the room, throws some books on her desk and sits on it.
Only then does she begin to speak.
"Very good. What are you doing here, huh? I admit that I missed you too, little sister, but I'm already dead. You shouldn't be here."
Listening to her words, I can't help but tense.
"H-How are you here? W-With Me?!"
Had the gods had mercy on me? Had I finally died?
This was my trial and my sister was going to be my judge?
"No idea, Sis. But what matters is that I'm here... then we can say goodbye as we should, but first we have to attend to the matter that brought you here with me. So... How did your life after my death fare? Huh?"
"It was... devastating...". I said remembering those gray days where nothing existed and my pain was eternal.
"Yes... I can imagine. And honestly, I would have killed myself if I were in your shoes..." My sister suddenly stared at me with extreme concern for a few seconds. "Wait, don't tell me you're dying!?"
"N-No! O-Of course not! I-I'm still alive!"
"Are you sure, Gwendy? Knowing you, and seeing your reaction just now… I wouldn't be surprised to know that you actually tried to die."
"I-I…!" Suddenly, that time at the lake came back to me. "I-I… I-I tried."
"And it seems like you succeeded, huh?"
"I-Ilya!"
"Okay, okay. You're still alive, good…"
We both fell silent, and... I can't help but realize. I'm with Ilya… I-I'm with my sister!
"A-And dad? A-And mom?" I can't help asking excitedly.
Since our conversation began, I see Ilya becoming somewhat melancholic.
"I don't know…" She looks at me bitterly. "But wherever they are… I'm sure they're okay."
"I-Ilya…"
We may have kept secrets from mom and dad, but they were still our parents… they loved me, and I loved them…
"Enough sadness for now, sister. The important thing is that we're together… and something tells me it's not by mere chance." Ilya looks at me curiously. "What did you mess up now, huh? Who did you kill this time?"
"I-I haven't killed anyone! I-I never killed anyone to begin with! W-Why do you assume I'd do something extreme??" I shouted, somewhat indignantly.
"Sure..?"
"More than sure!"
"Oh... Okay." She is silent for a few seconds before raising her hands in defeat. "Okay, I have no idea why you're here."
"R-Really?" I can't help but be surprised that he gave up so quickly.
"Well? Why are you here?" She then looks at me shyly... and then cover her breasts?
"Or did you miss me so much, litte sis...? And to think that you would use forbidden rituals just to have one last night of passion with your beloved big sis-"
"I-ILYA!" I couldn't help but scream in embarrassment.
"Huh? Now you deny me?". She put on a pained expression. "And I thought we could make our long-distance relationship work!"
At his comment, I can't help but get exasperated but also feel a little happy.
"Y-You are just as I remember you... Ilya...". I said sadly.
"Hey, hey! Don't talk as if I were already dead- Oh, forget it." She says flat-faced.
Both of us fell silent again, and then she started speaking to me with a calm and confident face that I had always envied.
"But yes... sis. You're not here with me by chance… You don't know what to do, right? You were always the more indecisive one between the two of us." She shook her head with a nostalgic little laugh. "Even in death… my younger sister keeps seeking me out for wisdom."
"I-Ilya…"
"It's okay. I don't mind, I know you would do the same, Gwendy." Illya put on a serious expression. "But I can't help you unless you admit why you can't make up your mind—"
"A-About what?!" I asked with enormous anxiety for some reason.
"Remember, sister… remember."
Remember…? But remember wh-
[MOM!]
The echo of a child's voice makes me shiver, and suddenly I remember what happened.
"G-Gods…." I immediately cover my face. "I-I remembered…"
"What did you remember, Gwendy?"
"Everything, Illya…" I say, filled with anguish. "And by everything… I mean everything!"
Without realizing it, I had already stood up.
"When I found him…"
"Who?"
"M-Max…"
"My nephew…?" She asks, somewhat incredulous.
"Y-Yes… y-your nephew…" I said, full of guilt. "M-My son… my little m-miracle…"
"Let me guess, did you ruin it…?"
"Y-Yes…"
"How much…?"
For the first time in my life since Ilya and I have known each other, I don't want to answer her question.
I seriously don't want to…
"Y-You're going to hate me…". It took all my courage to whisper that response. "I-I ruined it…". I fell to the floor on my knees again.
"I-I r-ruined… e-everything…". My voice is barely a thread of sound.
"…"
My sister didn't say anything, she just waited for me to continue my explanation.
"What made you realize it?" Ilya asked calmly.
"H-Hic…".
I don't want to answer… I don't want Ilya to stop loving me…
I'm sorry… forgive me… forgive me.
"Shhh… it's okay…". She gently hugs me to comfort me.
"N-No, it's n-not okay."
"Maybe not… but as long as I'm here with you, everything is okay." She tells me confidently.
And I… I believed her.
I cried again, and this time Ilya let me cry until no more tears could fall from my eyes.
"H-Hic… I-I'm sorry." I beg her. "I-I'm horrible…".
"Nah… You're many things, but you're not as horrible as you think. After all, you feel bad for what you did.
"A-And I felt bad m-many times… a-and even so… I-I kept ruining it"
"Look, I'm not a Priest for you to have to confess your sins to me from the least horrible to the most horrible… so before you tell me what you did, tell me, what made you continue despite knowing that what you were doing was 'wrong,' Gweny?"
For a moment I hesitate… but finally I decide to confess.
"I was afraid of being alone…"
"Go on…". She says encouragingly.
Even knowing that my sister won't judge me, I can't help but look away as I say what comes next.
"I-I wanted my baby… j-just for me."
"Oohhh… so that's it…" Ilya is silent for a long few seconds before speaking, processing and understanding what I just told her.
"Is he in love with you…?" She asks cautiously and with concern. "Because considering your background, the guilt I see you feel, and the fact that it was me among all the people you needed to consult…" She falls silent for a few seconds. "I wouldn't be surprised if you raised him just to see you, and only you, as a woman."
"….."
I don't have the courage to answer.
"I see…." Ilya feels and sighs tiredly.
"So? Did he propose or what?"
"…". I stay silent for a minute before answering. "H-He wants to live only with me… and only with me… even if that means leaving other people h-he loves…"
"Hmphhh…". I hear Ilya reflecting in silence. "How old is he…?".
I thought I was at the bottom of the abyss… but it seems I was wrong
I'm so sorry… mom, dad… Illya…
"O-Oh… eight …".
"...…".
I ruined it, and this time I really ruined it.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EIGHT?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH SISTER! WHAT A FUCKED-UP FAMILY WE HAVE! HAHAHAHA!"
Hearing her laugh so hard, far from making me feel better, makes me feel worse.
Ilya laughs at me for several minutes, and very loudly.
It's not until she calms down that she wipes a tear from her eyes and speaks again.
"Let me guess—you asked him about his future and he basically went on about what his married life with you would be like, didn't he?"
"…Y-Yes…".
"You do know he's still a child, right?".
"I-It's not like any other child…" I tried to defend myself.
"Pffft." Ilya looks at me incredibly amused before bursting out laughing again
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
This time she takes less time to finish laughing, and looks at me with a serious expression.
Now… now… she's going to scold me, she's going to tell me she hates me, she's going to leave me alone and—
"Gwendolyn… what you're dealing with is messed up, there's no doubt about that. But seeing you now I can tell that yes… you feel bad… you feel horrible for grooming your own husband and basically everything that entails… BUT!"
She raises her finger to point at me seriously.
"I can actually see… what makes you feel guilty isn't that, but actually, what really gets to you is the idea that your son/husband might leave you alone and hate you for what you did…"
"N-NO…! I…!"
"Gwendolyn… please, don't try to argue with me, I see it on your face, I feel it in your body, and I'm practically your conscience speaking to you, both figuratively and literally…"
"S-So you're not here…" I said, my voice filled with pain.
I knew it was too good to be true…
"No. I'm sorry little sister, but as I said, I'm dead... but that doesn't mean that I don't know what I would do if I were still alive and found out."
"What would you do...?"
"Well.... For I know the same thing you do about Max, and I'm also the best idea you have about me, your dear little sister. Chances are, I'll move in with you to make sure I get out those crazy ideas of yours to raise your little one as your husband. If you are so determined, I wouldn't mind chatting with you in 'depth' every night it takes to convince you of how bad you are, little sister...". She says with a suggestive look.
"I-Ilya...". I can't help but say something scandalized.
I know she's not real, but truth be told... I don't see my sister acting any other way.
"You see? I'm always right. Yes, I probably would have been disturbed, but not really disgusted... After all, I seduced you with full consciousness, I was in love with my own sister just at the moment when her body began to develop. I did what I did because I really wanted to be with you... even if it wasn't appropriate, right, or natural. And unlike you I had no excuses, no trauma for being alone or anything like that... I was just a very bad girl~. And I'm not ashamed to admit it!"
Ilya gave me a sympathetic smile.
"I did what I did... Not because I wanted to do wrong, but because I was crazy about you. and unlike your son, no one instilled that obsession in me... it was just like that"
"You were always the rebel..."
"And I loved it! And do you think it was from one day to the next? Of course not! You probably don't remember, but even before you could recall things I couldn't help but feel strangely attached to you... that you had good tits in the end just was a nice surprise." Ilya caressed me with great affection. "But well, I died and all that..." Ilya smiled at me now mischievously: "If I were still alive, don't have the slightest doubt that I would continue to fuck you with all my strength... and the gods can eat shit if they want to condemn me to hell if that thing even exists... I was born the way I am! And I died as I always was! And so you will too, my dear, incestuous little sister!"
Although somewhat self-conscious about being called incestuous, which was true... I couldn't help but ask
"And what about Max's fate?" I asked worriedly. "The gods brought him to earth... surely to fulfill an important task... Why else would it be so extraordinary?"
I can't just ignore that fact. He has a destiny! And I may not be necessary for him to fulfill it...
"You didn't just hear me idiot?! Fuck them off! Real or not! I was born! They definitely knew what I would do! And look at me! I seduced you sister! They did nothing while I made you mine! AND I LOVED IT!"
"I-Ilya...".
"But going back to the subject... Do you even know what the gods want? Have you at least asked Max if he knows what his mission is?"
"N-No... I don't..."
"Don't you think he knows? Possible. They don't let him know? Just as possible. But in any case... If he knows what he has to do, and yet decides to put fate aside because he loves you too much for his own good, then it is not fate, just mere suggestions for his supposed path."
"Do you really believe it?"
"Obviously! There is a reason why I say it with such certainty!" Ilya tells me confidently.
"And on the other hand... if Max has no idea of his destiny... Then what's the problem if he decides that his destiny is with his mother?"
"….".
And for the first time... I couldn't answer his question not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't know the answer
"You said it yourself. Max is special, he's a miracle, he's not like any other child his age and he never will be... Who knows! Maybe even breed you has always been his goal since birth!"
"ILYA!"
"What?! Let's not fool ourselves, sister. You thought about it… after all, why else would a damn ship of gold and covered in jewels appear just before you tried to kill yourself?"
"Why do you think your son has said every day, over and over again, that the most important thing in his life is being with you and only you?"
"Why do you think he tried to kiss you?"
"Why do you think he's obsessed with your breasts?"
"Why do you think he's so sure that his happiness is by your side and ONLY by your side, and not anyone else's…?"
"Why do you think that even as a baby he made sure to always keep you naked by his side?"
"Do you think that even if you explain to him how messed up his relationship is, your obsession with him, how inappropriate everything is, the darkness of your desires, and basically that you raised him to be your man… he's going to reject you?"
"...". I opened my mouth to say something… but didn't know what to say.
I had no answer for what he told me.
"Yes… I suspected it."
Ilya then let me go, and sat at his desk, looking at me with a smile that couldn't hide anything.
"You came to see me… because you know I am the only person you can talk to…"
"You came to see me because you want to have clarity with yourself…"
"You came to see me because you want to make your decision based on love, not fear"
"You came to see me… because you wanted to stop being afraid to accept your desires"
"You came to see me… because you could no longer hold back"
"You came to see me… because you wanted to accept yourself with all the consequences that entails"
"And you came to see me…"
Ilya fell silent, waiting for her to finish the sentence.
"B-Because I wanted to make the right decision"
G-Gods…
Then it is the truth that finally hits me.
[I don't care that Max loves me as a woman… I just don't want him to regret it and then have to leave me…]
My body shakes like never before, and my heart beats so fast that I feel like I'm going to die.
B-But more than ever… I-I feel alive.
I-I'm not afraid anymore… I'm not trembling with fear...
I-I'm trembling… B-Because… B-Because…!
The cave we were in started to shake, and to my horror, I could see everything collapsing.
"I-Ilya!" I shouted, worried about my sister.
"It's okay, Gwendolyn," she tells me with a sad smile. "This isn't goodbye… it's a see you soon…"
"I-Ilya?!"
"I will always be with you in your memories, lil sis…"
"All those mornings and all those nights we shared together. At no moment did I regret spending them with my dearest sister."
"Even knowing my final destiny, after such a beautiful life, I would still make the same choices."
"You were there with me, and I was with you."
"May the gods condemn me if I ever regret our time together."
"Remember me, little sister. Remind me how I was, all the good, all the bad, and everything in between."
Then he smiled sweetly, without fear and without regrets.
"See you soon... Gwendy."
I couldn't say anything, because a rock fell and blocked my view of my sister.
But... Thanks to her words, I no longer felt scared.
Instead...
"See you soon... older sister..."
Thank you for loving me so much, Ilya...
Thank you very much...
And thank you for accepting me... even when I couldn't do it myself.
Watching the cave collapse on me, I closed my eyes to think now of my little miracle, who must be more than scared for me.
"Max..."
Mommy will soon be by your side...
"No matter what comes next... I will always be by your side."
Everything went black.