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Chapter 135- Magical Manhunter.
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Well, I left Hogwarts at the end of June, and now I am back at the end of November. I made it a grand total of 5 months on the outside, and now I am heading back into the belly of the beast. Well, everything should be fine. I am just here to protect the students from the Dementors. Which I would be really good at if I knew how to cast a fucking Patronus charm. But I don't because I never thought I would encounter a Dementor and thought I would hide away from all of this bullshit. But just when I think I am out, they pull me back in.
Well, as long as I stay in Hogwarts and don't venture outside, then I won't encounter any Dementors, and I won't have any problems. Of course, I will have to hide from everybody else at Hogwarts as well to make sure they can't question why I am not patrolling and checking on the Dementors or looking for Sirius Black. Shit, why do things have to be so complicated? I am going to be in close quarters with Dementors, surrounded on all sides by them and the possibility of being beset at any moment in high.
Shit, I really should learn how to do the Partronus charm in case I do need to save myself or maybe some of the students. It's not like I haven't tried to learn in the past; it's just that after hours of practice, I hadn't even managed to make a wisp appear, so I gave up. Happiness is bullshit anyway, I mean, like, whta the fuck is it? I feel pretty fucking happy when I am having sex, but even the memory of my orgy with the entire female Quidditch team of the Hollyhead Harpies wasn't enough to make more than a wisp for a couple of seconds. Still, I've got time now, so I need to practice.
I have flooed to Hogsmeade, and I begin to walk the trek up to the Hogwarts gate when I am distracted by a woof coming from the woods to the side. Looking over, I see a shaggy black dog barking and raising its paw in a come-hither movement. This motherfucker is the reason I am back here, and he knows that since the media was quick to spread it everywhere, and here he is beckoning me towards him. Does he really trust me so much that he would not consider that I might just capture him and bring him in for my own benefit and fame? Well, he is a little stupid.
"What the hell do you want, Sirius? You know I am supposed to be hunting you, right?" I say as I enter the woods and wait patiently as Sirius transforms back into a human being, or at least the bare minimum of one. "Yeah, yeah, Gilderoy Lockhart, the dreaded manhunter. That's what they are calling you now: your new epithet is Magical Manhunter. Bit gauche if you ask me, but don't, because I don't know what gauche means." He laughs, and I smother the laughter in me since I am trying to be serious and I ain't trying to be friends with this troublesome guy. It was fine before when I was removed from the situation, but not now when I am close to getting sucked in.
"Just tell me what you want," I say, and Sirius nervously rubs the back of his head before managing to get the words out. "Listen, there was a Quidditch match a little bit ago, Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff, a great match, and Harry was the seeker. He was a brilliant little blighter, just as good as his dad; it was like I was seeing James play again. And Gryffindor would have won too, if it wasn't for those blasted Dementors coming for Harry or that dirty oittle Diggory continuing to play instead of stopping like a good sportsman." Sirius rants, and I have to interrupt him before he continues to twaddle on about his brilliant godson, whom he is mistaking for his dead best friend.
"Shut up, and tell me what you want." Sirius hushes up and then looks at me earnestly, probably the most earnest he has ever looked in his life. "Harry's broom, a Nimbus 2000, broke when he was attacked by those Dementors. He doesn't have a broom anymore, and I thought that maybe I could do something for the kid, to try and make up for all the years I missed, even though it definitely won't, but it will at least be something." I quickly tack on to what he is saying and what he wants.
"So you want me to get you a Firebolt? Is that it? Well, I am trying to help you, Sirius, that is true, but I ain't a saint. You want a Firebolt, you can easily go buy one from some of the stores and send it to Harry yourself. Now, is that it? Or can I go now?" I brush him off, turning around and trying to leave, but he quickly skids in front of me and continues to talk.
"No, no, I want something special for him. One of a kind. And I read in a newspaper that Harry went and designed his own Firebolt with you when they were first released. But he didn't keep it since he preferred his Nimbus 200, but since that is broken, he needs a new one. I want that one, because it means something to him. Please, whatever it takes." Sirius all but begs, really wanting the one-of-a-kind broom. I feel for the guy, but I also want more money because I am greedy. But I also can't be bothered to rinse him, so I will pass that duty off to someone else.
"Listen, I don't have time for this. Go talk to Andromeda and tell her you want to buy the thing for Harry, but you should be prepared to buy an exploitative amount since it is one of a kind. Now I will see you never, since we shouldn't be talking, it's too risky." And with that, I walk away, ignoring Sirius's thanks as I continue my path to Hogwarts. This will serve as a kind of test for Andromeda and let me see how she behaves.
Will she prioritise her family and their connection, or will she prioritise my company and me, and get the most out of this bum? Personally, I am hoping for some kind of middle ground where she charges him way over asking price, but not to the point of insanity. But honestly, it could go either way, and Andromeda is a scary woman, and her emotions can get really volatile as well. But, not my problem anymore, I'm sure I will hear about the outcome at some point.
Now, to Hogwarts.
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"Students, I am pleased to announce that Mr Gilderoy Lockhart will be staying with us for the rest of the school year." Dumbledore booms from the front of the great hall, and I stand next to him as he presents me to the entire hall at breakfast time. "Nearly all of you were able to receive tutelage from the illustrious Magical Manhunter last year; maybe some of you will be lucky enough to do so again this year. However, his utmost priority is security. Keeping Hogwarts and its people safe, and I trust you will all allow him to do his job without problem." He smiles at the students, and then. I look at his eyes, and I can tell he is having fun.
The old bastard knows just what to do to make my time here as annoying as possible by announcing my new title and luring the children to bother me to teach them things. I do have to admit, I do like the title, but it sounds like I am a muggle hunter. Perhaps it should be Magical Man Hunter, so it sounds like I am hunting magical people, and not helpless people. Either way, it looks like students will be trying to bother me, so I will have to find a cool place to hide. Maybe I can get to that cool place in the middle of the Room of Requirement, but it is pretty hard to find, and there was a lot of cool shit there.
"Now, I will allow you all to continue your breakfast. However, I shall remind you all to stay within school bounds and not to leave without express permission." Dumbledore claps his hands together, and with a boom, the din begins again, and students begin to talk and gossip while munching heavily on their breakfast. It seems that all the students had come to breakfast today, even the slackers who would rather sleep in, as they saw in the news that I would be heading here today.
I go and take my seat at the staff table with the other teachers who are digging into their own breakfasts, and I help myself, because I have got to admit, Hogwarts food is really delicious, but those stupid little elves do go insanely out of their way to make things intensely sweet, which is a big no-no. I prefer salty to sweet, really, just like popcorn. I take a glance at the students who are all taking turns to stare at me and whisper to each other, and I see the golden trio doing the same down there on the Gryffindor table.
It seems that Hermione is trying to convince the other two of something while staring at me repeatedly, but Harry is pensive about whatever it is, while Ron is vehemently denying it. Hm, I wonder what they are talking about, no doubt something related to Sirius Black, but I have to wonder why Ron is so against me. Oh well, whatever it is, it doesn't matter since I am going to try to avoid them like the plague.
I am going to hide away somewhere deep in Hogwarts and just hide away from the world. Because I don't want the world to see me, because I don't think that they'd understand. When everything is made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. Damn, I love that song, but it's a shame it's not gonna be out for a while, I don't think. Still, I am going to hide away. And just wait for this whole thing to blow over, just like Simon Pegg in Shaun of the Dead, though that didn't really work out for him.
"Gilderoy, I wonder if we could discuss later exactly how you are going to go about patrolling the grounds and protecting the students from the Dementors. After all, we need you on hand if any of the students get too close to one. You know how rambunctious and mischievous they can be; they do not heed warnings." Dumbledore says, and my plans go flying out of the building, and I am pissed. Not only because he is trying to make me make a schedule and confirm it with him, but also because he is right. These kids are idiots, and with me around, they probably will feel safe and will provoke Dementors and if one of them dies... Shit.
"No problem, old man," I say bitterly, letting some of my bitterness out as I am truly frustrated. Usually, I am respectful, especially in front of others, but I am getting fed up, and this old goat knows exactly who I am, as a person that is. He has seen through me entirely, and that puts me at unease because he knows I don't want to do any of this shit, and yet he goes out of his way to put me in these situations and force me to do these things. Like last year, like in Italy and now here. It's like he sees something in me and he is trying to drag it out, and I really don't want him to, but I also can't stop him... Is this what getting violated feels like?
"Don't be so rude. Show some respect." I hear to my side, and finally look to the side to see a ragged man who looks more haggard than Dumbledore and closer to death, as his face is gaunt and his skin is leathery and pale, and he is hunched over like the world has beaten him down like he is its red-headed stepchild. "Now, now, it is fine, Professor Lupin. Gilderoy and I have a nuanced relationship, and I like it just how it is." Dumbledore smiles all grandfather-like, but given his words, it seems off to the other staff, and they all give weird looks at me.
And then I realised it seems like he is bumming me, and they are all thinking that, even the women at the table that I have had relations with. I quickly ignore the looks and hope they will go away. "What are you even talking about?" I sigh before looking at Lupin, who is also giving me the same look, and I am pissed that such a ratty and weak man is looking at me like that. "Perhaps you should concern yourself with your own appearance and hygiene before concerning yourself with my conduct. You are setting a bad example for the students." I say cuttingly, and I can indeed see that ,man flinches as if he had been physically cut.
"Ahem, yes, well, I believe the content of the subject is more important than how it is dressed up. Especially for the students. After all, appearances can be deceiving. The dark lord himself had dressed himself up as a saviour, and many flocked to his cause before he revealed himself to be the madman he truly is." Remus Lupin replies, doing his best to take a dig at me, but really, he just provided the best foundation for me to take a heavy shot back at him.
"Indeed, no one truly knows what manner of animal lies beneath. A man could appear mild-mannered and calm, hell, even pitiful and weak on the surface, when truthfully, there is a rabid and frothing creature beneath that is biting at the chance to get out and devour everything in sight." Remus Lupin, the werewolf, takes a sharp intake of breath, and he suddenly goes very still, and sweat begins to pour down his forehead and soak his clothes. I am actually incredibly surprised that the man could sew so instantly and fully, but maybe it is a side effect of being a werewolf.
"I must say, the toast this morning is truly exquisite." A loud exclamation breaks us out of our feud, and we both look over to see Dumbledore continuously shoving slices of toast into his mouth and chewing them without pause, eating multiple without stopping. "Mmh! The flavours are fantastic, so crisp, so filling and so very delicious." Dumbelodre spouts, crumbs flying everywhere and a lot of them getting caught in his beard. Honestly, all those little brown bits in his shiny white beard make it look like he has been eating shit. He has drawn quite a bit of attention.
And he has completely changed the mood and stopped whatever volatility was brewing between Lupin and me. We both made the conscious decision to stop talking to each other and focus on eating our breakfast, but by now, the damage is done. I don't like that man, and I know he doesn't like me. He is a weak asshole. And now he is, well, not an enemy, but he is definitely in opposition to me. A rival? No, that would imply that he is in my league, and he is not, plus a rivalry is where you compete against another, and it is a bit friendly. I am not with this waste of space.
Perhaps the best way to describe it would be that he is my antagonist. No, because I would be a protagonist, and he would be the enemy of the story, so that isn't it either. Fuck, how do I describe it, and why am I getting so caught up by this? Remus Lupin is... he is.. an asshole. Good, that describes it perfectly. I'm pretty sure I already called him that in my head, but if it works, it works.
Huh, it seems like I have gone a very different direction with this marauder than I did with the last one I meant. With Sirius, I started out being his friend, hanging out and having fun together. Honestly, it was a bit of a fever dream, but I was drunk, and Andromeda had just laid into me and called me worthless and everything under the sun, along with having no family or friends. And Sirius had broken out of Azkaban after a decade of suffering and confinement, so he probably wanted to party as well. And so we met and had a lot of fun whilst being drunk. Kind of regretted it in the morning, but not a bad night all in all.
And after that, our relationship is a little bit antagonistic since he is annoying, but I guess it is more like a rivalry. And now with Lupin, I am very against him and would like to see him fall over every time he walks down a corridor. The guy really rubs me the wrong way, being all higher than though whilst being a werewolf and pitying himself for his lot in life. He reminds me a bit of myself, and that pisses me off, that I am likeable to this fucker.
Damn, with the way things are going, I wonder what would happen if I met Peter Pettigrew.
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Lol, I think it is a pretty cool title. And yeah, Gilderoy is going to have some problems in his time here.
Sorry for not updating recently, I've moved into a new place and my final year of uni has begun, so things are a bit hectic. I am still writing, but the speed has slowed down. But don't pronounce me dead yet.
Upcoming Chapters:
Free: Chapter 136- Unhappy.
Hero: Chapter 137- Happy?
Super: Chapter 139- Thwarting My Plans?
Legendary: Chapter 141 - Rat Pursuit
Galactic: Chapter 145 - The Goat.
Mythic: Chapter 156 - 4th Year Begins.
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www.Patre0n.com/dragonfield (replace the 0 with an o)
That is all for now. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. See you in the next one!
Stay safe, and have fun!