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Disclaimer: If you recognise it, surprise, I don't own it.
Chapter 134- Can't Catch A Break.
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The applause is amazing, and it is the first time I am in front of such a big crowd of the public and reporters, with even some foreigners and international press present to listen to me speak. The whole world had shown up (basically) just to hear me speak aloud about some bullshit magic glasses that aren't even the best ones we have. We have glasses that can go up to 128x speed, and they are showing up for 2x speed. It's because I am here, and my reputation at this moment is through the roof. Hell, people probably want me for Minister of Magic.
"Yes, yes. It is truly amazing what magic can do nowadays, and with the Ministry taking aid from Gilderoy and his company, our Ministry will reach new heights, and our country will reach new heights. We all will reach new heights." Speaking of ministers, here is the fat one, lunging forward and subtly moving me away from the lectern to take the spot himself. I find it immensely funny and ironic as he talks about everyone reaching new heights, while he himself steps forward onto the box and makes himself reach a new height, making himself appear taller for the crowd.
"Now, as Mr Lockhart is a very busy man, we will only have him here gracing us with his presence for a few more moments. So, are there any questions we can answer before our esteemed guest today must go and tend to other duties?" Ah, I actually don't have any other duties for like the rest of the month. It seems the world has a very high opinion of me, and I can't let them find out the truth that I am a good-for-nothing layabout that foists work off on other people and just relaxes and sends my time fucking around, and then I complain about a lack of purpose in my life. You think changing realities would change stuff, but sometimes it's hard to change.
"Yes, yes, okay. You." Fudge points at someone, and they step forward, holding their wand up and speaking into it. "Jessica Bole, The American Magical Digest. Will these Gale Force Reading Glasses be commercially available? Both here in the UK as well as abroad." She asks, clearly American, and Fudge steps aside, allowing me to step forth and answer.
"Well, thank you for the lovely question, lovely Jessica Bole from the American Magical Digest." I begin, not knowing what the fuck to say. I have no idea about logistics or anything, so I guess I will just have to make it up as I go along, and then Andromeda will have to cover the fallout and follow whatever I am about to spew. "Well, right now supply is purely here in England, and the British Isles, and it would be quite easy for foreigners to just portkey over to buy the product." I see her eyes light up, and I know she is about to fuck me over on something I said, so I legillimens her. It is definitely rushed and an abrupt, maybe bad decision, but I made it, and I know what to say.
"Of course I understand the hassle of bureaucracy, and I understand it takes quite a while fr forms to be handled and for permission to be approved for Portkeys and foreigners to enter the country. Though that will decrease with the Gale Force Reading Glasses assisting the British Ministry from now on." I start to waffle before she can speak up, correcting all the things she thought of. "So yes, we will soon be expanding into other countries and continents to supply our goods and magical inventions to the rest of the world. Soon, the entire magical world will be living a much better, more magical life." At that, people gasp, and I feel like I might have messed up.
There are flashes of lights and a lot of conversation as people begin to discuss things, and I really feel like I have made a big mistake, but I keep my eyes bright and my smile wide for the cameras. Fudge quickly ambles up to me and drags me to the side by the crook of my elbow. "Gilderoy, I wish you had told me about this before the public. The foreign ministries don't like other companies and wizards coming in and changing things. This will make things difficult." He says, but I don't bother replying, having confidence Andromeda will be able to handle it all.
"Now, I believe the illustrious Gilderoy Lockhart will be going now, so maybe just one more question for myself, and then we can wrap things up." Fudge steps back onto the lectern and addresses the crowd, wanting to end the press event without any further problems. That turns out to be the wrong thing to do, because he has just opened up the floodgates to a lot of very volatile questions regarding himself, the Ministry and a pressing issue currently going on in the country.
"Minister Fudge! What are you going to do about Sirius Black!?"
"It's already been nearly six months since he escaped, and he still hasn't been found!?"
"Do you have any leads on his whereabouts? Is he still even in the country!?"
"Why do you believe Sirius Black is at Hogwarts!? Why have you sent so many Dementors to the school!?"
"Why are you endangering all of the children at Hogwarts with the presence of such dark creatures that feed and propagate misery!?"
"What are you doing to rectify the situation, Minister Fudge!?"
"Minister Fudge, how are you going to solve this!?"
"What have you been doing!?"
The overload hits Fudge hard, and I can see it as he starts to panic, his face reddening and going purple in places as the panic has fully taken over. And he begins to look every which way, his head swivelling around at all of the crowd, looking for something to help him out. And then his face turns towards me, and his eyes light up as his gaze settles on me, and I get a very bad feeling.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I have heard your worries, and I assure you that I have already taken measures to rectify the situation." He begins, spreading his arms wide like he is a messiah with a holy message for everyone. Starting soon, Mr Gilderoy Lockhart, who is the man you go to when you have problems, will be heading to Hogwarts as a security consultant. He is a manhunter who will protect the children of Hogwarts, keep the Dementors in check and work towards catching Sirius Black." He blurts out all at once, and I get physical whiplash as my head snaps towards him out of shock, and it is taking all of my control not to show any emotion on my face.
"That will be all, good day, everyone. Enjoy the rest of your evenings." Fudge ends things and steps away from the lectern and walks away down the back of the stage, and I finally realise what just happened and quickly move after him, cornering him out of sight of everyone and grabbing him hard by the shoulder. "What the hell was that?" I question, staring down into his pudgy, sweaty little face as his beady little eyes fill with panic and he wriggles uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry, Gilderoy, but I had to reassure the public. And you had just told me how you could solve any problem and that you just wiped out an entire clan of vampires in Italy with ease." He starts to explain, and I can feel the sweat as his shirt gets damp with it. "Sirius Black is just one man who has been in Azkaban for a decade. I have the utmost confidence that you will be able to apprehend him. And I will make sure you are rewarded greatly for doing this." He says, managing to get sewaty enough that he slips my grasp and neatens himself up.
"I'll send the papers over tonight, and then tomorrow you can go straight to Hogwarts and show the world just how great Gilderoy Lockhart is!" He exclaims as he scurries away, his Auror patrol surrounding him as he jets off, probably to go hide in a room and wait for the press to leave. And I am left there, wondering how the hell I am going to get out of this one. Well, I'm sure I could just make some shit up like a problem in a rural place that I have to solve, maybe I will use Antarctica again, and nobody will be able to prove it wrong.
"Mr Lockhart, how long do you think it will take before you have captured Sirius Black?" I hear behind me, and I spin around to find a host of reporters had snuck up on me, and front and centre was Jessica Bole of the American Magical Digest, with her wand to her mouth. "Well, my dear, I find it highly unlikely that a man who has stayed in Azkaban for over a decade would escape and then remain in the country. In fact, I am sure the man has probably already escaped the country." There, that should get me off the hook.
"But the minister is convinced that Sirius Black was the most ardent and devoted Death Eater, reaching levels similar to his cousin Bellatrix Lestrange. He is sure that Sirius will be after Harry Potter, how can you be sure that he is not?" Godamn it, Jessica Bole, why do you have to be so annoying and so hot? It is giving me mixed feelings. "Surely you must be going towards Hogwarts regardless to protect all the students just in case Sirius Black is truly deranged, and also from the Dementors on the grounds." Godamn it, Bole.
"Yes, of course, we cannot take that chance. Having taught at Hogwarts last year, I know just how crucial the students' education is for their futures and the future of this country. I will be going there tomorrow to ensure that their education can go on unimpeded; that is my utmost priority. That they are safe, and still learning." I think I did the best I could have done, and though at this point it is clear that I am heading to Hogwarts, all I have to do is just chill there and wait for the school year to end.
"But it is confirmed that Sirius Black is at Hogwarts after he slashed the portrait of the fat lady and tried to enter the Gryffindor Dorm where Harry Potter sleeps." Someone speaks up, and I internally sigh. If everyone is convinced that he is there, then it will look bad if I don't catch him, so I have to dissuade them of the notion of his presence.
"Now now, no one actually saw Sirius Black at Hogwarts. In fact, he hasn't been seen since he escaped from Azkaban. The students are fearful, and they are also quite mischievous. I should know, I've seen them firsthand. It is highly likely that the dorms getting attacked was just a prank that got out of control, and that is all. I am sure that if a lunatic Death Eater like the crazed Sirius Black were on the grounds, he would have already exposed himself without a doubt." There, checkmate, you sons of bitches, reporters. Fuck you, all you shitty parasites.
"Now, that is all the time I have, and I must really be going. I am an important wizard with important things to do in important places, and I have spared as much time as I can." I am self-important, with no important things to do and no important places to be, and truthfully, I have all the time in the world.
"Now, farewell, ladies and gentlemen. Good day." And with that, I walk off, making sure that it doesn't look like I am running away when, in actual fact, I am definitely running away. However, I am just running towards an even greater danger.
I fear Andromeda's reaction to all of the commitments I just made without consulting her.
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"This is good," NANI!? What the hell is this woman on about?
"What the hell are you on about, woman?" I make myself confused, and the woman looks up from where she had her head in paperwork, nodding to herself as she starts to pace up and down the office. "Hello? Are you listening to me, Andromeda?" I get up and stand in front of her, grabbing her by the shoulders and stopping her pacing. She looks up at me, excitement on her face.
"We can make this work, Gilderoy. We can make it all work." She says, panting in a way that makes me a little distracted, but I drive on through, and I get to the most important thing in all of this. "So you aren't mad now, are you?" I ask, and the excitement leaves her face, and she is back to being the stone-cold business bitch.
"Oh, I am absolutely livid. But being livid is not productive or helpful, and this company is now in a bind that we have to work very hard to get out of, and I can't waste time on your idiocy." Ouch, Andromeda, ouch. However, all I heard of that is that I am off the hook and won't be getting shouted at. "So everything is good?" And apparently, that is the wrong thing to say as she levels a sharp, cutting look at me.
"No, everything is not good. We aren't ready to take business abroad. It was on the list, yes, but very far down. We only had the means to produce here, and we were looking into subtly starting to work in foreign countries, partnering with people there, developing infrastructure and making connections. This is a lot of work, Gilderoy." She sighs, and I feel a little bad as she explains the problems to me with a lot of big words.
"Now? Now those people are actively going to be trying to keep us out because we didn't approach with our heads bowed in respect and looking for partnership, but we came ramming through the door and wanting to fuck their wives. If we hesitate now, we will never be able to expand our company overseas, and our products will be copied and our markets cornered till they come for the company itself. We need to attack hard now, and that is what I am going to have to head." She takes a breath and gets some of her calm back.
"But at least one good thing came from the press conference today." She smiles. "And that is that you will no longer be around to mess up any of the company's work, and you will also be sequestered away at Hogwarts, where you can help Sirius capture Pettigrew without any problems and clear his name, making him a free man." Hearing her say that to me hurts quite a bit; that she is happy that I am going to be gone and out of her hair for a while is not a good feeling. But I can also understand it. I am a nuisance that causes problems.
"Ah, you wound me so, Andromeda. I thought you actually liked me," I say, using humour to mask my feelings and acting unbothered, and immediately feeling stupid when I said she liked me, and feeling even worse when she doesn't react to it in the slightest. Damn, I thought maybe something was there, but I guess not. It is just me being delusional. Damn it, why can't she just be like all the other girls and not make me feel weird stuff?
"I tolerate you, Gilderoy. Now, go take care of any of your unfinished business and then floo to Hogwarts. You no longer have access to the Hogwarts floo network as you aren't part of the staff anymore, and the Defence Against The Dark Arts room isn't yours anymore, so you'll have to floo to Hogsmeade and then travel to Hogwarts from there." She looks me up and down, then reaches forward and straightens my robe and makes sure my clothes are clean.
"Now, make sure to help Sirius as much as you can, but do not expose yourself. Okay? Your reputation and name are much too important to sacrifice for your company and the people that work for you, as well as Sirius." Her hand reaches up to my face, and I focus intensely on it as it raises, but then it pauses and moves to put my hair into place. "Also, I mean that in the biblical sense as well. Don't go getting too excited with the students like you did last year, but at least you were decent enough to keep it above the age minimum." Oh... she doesn't seem to be angry about it. She's cool with it, I guess. Cool.
"Okay, mom." And I can't help but default back to humour when in an uncomfortable situation, even if what I say isn't funny and it also just adds to the uncomftrableness. But Andromeda doesn't even hesitate as she steps back away from me, smiles, and then turns quickly and walks towards the exit. "Your mother wouldn't do half the things I've done for you, or a quarter of the things I am willing to do." And that is the last thing I hear from her before she is gone, and I am left confused once more. The hell did that mean?
...for fucks sake, I regret being bored a couple of days ago, because now I am heading back to Hogwarts surrounded by Dementors and I am leaving confused by Andromeda once again.
I can't catch a break.
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Back to Hogwarts lol. Can't stay away, and you can bet things are changing this year.
Also, sorry for the late update; I've been ill. I got the shingles, and I got some pain and nerve damage, lol. Should heal up in a few months, but my lower eyelid twitches a bit. Why am I always getting ill? Can't be my atrocious diet and unhealthy lifestyle. Still working on getting this writing done, but its doning.
Upcoming Chapters:
Free: Chapter 135- Magical Manhunter.
Hero: Chapter 136- Unhappy.
Super: Chapter 138- A Blink of an Eye.
Legendary: Chapter 140 - Andromeda's Answer.
Galactic: Chapter 144 - Beast Mode.
Mythic: Chapter 154 - A Plan Planned is A Plan Worked.
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That is all for now. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. See you in the next one!
Stay safe, and have fun!