Kyrah sat on the examination bed with both hands resting on her stomach as she waited for the doctor to return. She had come alone.
The room smelled faintly of disinfectant, and the soft humming of the ultrasound machine filled the space. She tried to keep herself occupied by staring at the posters on the wall, but her mind kept wandering.
The door opened and the doctor walked in with a nurse.
"Good morning, Miss Kyrah. How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," Kyrah answered with a small smile.
The doctor pulled up the stool and looked through her file. "This is your first ultrasound appointment here, correct?"
"Yes."
"Alright. Before we begin, is your husband waiting outside?"
Kyrah's smile disappeared.
"My husband?"
"Yes. Sometimes we allow the father to come in during the scan if the mother would like that."
Kyrah looked toward the door.
For a split second, she imagined Jinyoung sitting beside her, holding her hand and staring at the monitor as they watched their baby's tiny movements for the first time.
The image disappeared almost as quickly as it came.
"No," she said softly. "I'm alone."
The doctor nodded without asking any further questions.
Kyrah looked away.
A tear slipped down her cheek.
She quickly brushed it away with the back of her hand before anyone could say anything.
She wasn't going to cry.
Not today.
The doctor began the examination, carefully moving the ultrasound device as the screen displayed the tiny shape growing inside her.
"There we are," he said. "Your baby is developing nicely."
Kyrah's eyes immediately moved toward the screen.
"My baby?"
"Yes."
She stared at the monitor, fascinated.
There was something so strange about seeing that little life inside her. She couldn't make out much, but somehow knowing that the tiny shape belonged to her made her chest tighten.
Her baby.
Not Jinyoung's baby.
Not Woolim's heir.
Not anybody's bargaining chip.
Her baby.
The doctor continued with the examination, explaining a few things as he worked. Kyrah listened carefully, asking questions whenever something wasn't clear.
When the appointment was finally over, the nurse handed her a few documents.
"You'll soon be able to find out the baby's gender," she said with a smile.
Kyrah's face brightened.
"Really?"
"Yes. It won't be long now."
Kyrah touched her stomach.
"I can't wait."
The nurse smiled. "Do you have any names picked out?"
Kyrah laughed.
"Not yet. My friend Linda and I have come up with some ridiculous ones, though."
The nurse laughed with her.
"Then you still have time."
Kyrah thanked them and walked out of the hospital feeling strangely lighter.
She had expected to leave feeling sad because she had been alone.
Instead, she found herself smiling.
Maybe she didn't need someone sitting beside her to make the moment special.
She had been alone in that room, but she hadn't really been alone.
She had her baby.
And for the first time, that thought was enough.
Kyrah decided to stop by the mall before going home. She didn't need anything in particular, but she wanted to walk around for a while.
She wandered through the shops until something caught her eye.
A baby store.
She stopped.
Through the glass window were rows of tiny clothes arranged neatly on shelves. Little shoes, blankets, bottles, stuffed animals and tiny hats filled the display.
Kyrah walked inside.
She picked up a tiny yellow onesie and held it against herself.
"You're so small."
She smiled.
She looked at the price tag.
The smile disappeared.
"You're also expensive."
She carefully put it back.
She moved from one shelf to another, admiring everything. There were tiny socks that looked too small to belong to actual feet, miniature shoes, colorful blankets and adorable little outfits.
She couldn't afford most of them.
Not yet.
But she could look.
She was examining a tiny pair of white shoes when she heard a familiar voice behind her.
"Mi Rae, I think these would look better."
Kyrah froze.
She knew that voice.
She slowly turned around.
Jinyoung.
And his wife was holding his arm.
For a moment, everything around her seemed to disappear.
The mall was still crowded. People were walking past them, music was playing somewhere in the distance, and store attendants were speaking to customers.
But Kyrah heard none of it.
She only saw him.
Memories came rushing back.
The first time they had laughed together.
The years they had spent as friends.
The night he told her he loved her.
The way he had held her.
The way she had believed him.
Then came the other memories.
His mother's words.
His silence.
The slap.
The police station.
The wedding.
She hated that her mind could still bring those moments back so easily.
Kyrah immediately turned away.
Maybe if she pretended not to see them, they wouldn't see her.
But it was too late.
Mi Rae had already noticed her.
"Oh."
Kyrah heard the slight amusement in her voice.
"Look who it is."
Kyrah closed her eyes for a second before turning around.
"Hello."
Mi Rae looked her up and down.
Her eyes stopped briefly at Kyrah's stomach.
"So you're still carrying it?"
Kyrah's expression hardened.
Jinyoung remained beside his wife without saying anything.
Mi Rae smiled.
"I suppose some people really don't know when to let go."
Kyrah said nothing.
"I heard you've been going around telling people that you're raising the child alone," Mi Rae continued. "You should be careful. People might start thinking you're proud of the situation."
Kyrah looked at her.
"I am."
Mi Rae's smile faded slightly.
"What?"
"I'm proud."
Kyrah placed one hand gently over her stomach.
"I'm a mother."
Mi Rae scoffed.
"That doesn't exactly make you special."
"No," Kyrah replied calmly. "But it makes me responsible for someone other than myself. And that's something I will always be proud of."
Jinyoung finally looked at her.
Their eyes met.
For a moment, Kyrah felt that familiar ache in her chest.
But it wasn't as powerful as it used to be.
She wasn't standing there begging him to choose her.
She wasn't asking him to acknowledge her.
She wasn't even waiting for him to speak.
She was simply standing there.
A woman carrying her child.
A woman who had survived him.
Mi Rae crossed her arms.
"You're acting as though being a single mother is some great achievement."
Kyrah smiled.
"No. I'm saying that being a mother isn't something to be ashamed of."
She picked up the tiny pair of shoes again and looked at them.
"And neither is starting over."
Mi Rae didn't respond.
Kyrah looked at Jinyoung one last time.
He seemed different somehow.
Or perhaps she was the one who had changed.
She didn't feel the desperate need to understand his silence anymore.
She put the shoes back on the shelf.
"Have a nice day."
Then she walked away.
She didn't look back.
Not once.
By the time she reached the mall entrance, she realized her hands were trembling.
But she wasn't crying.
She was smiling.
She pulled out her phone and stared at Seo Jun's number.
For weeks she had been thinking about Hong Kong.
Thinking about the job.
Thinking about whether she was capable.
Thinking about whether she could really leave Korea and start again.
She had spent enough time thinking.
She pressed call.
Seo Jun answered after a few rings.
"Kyrah?"
"Seo Jun!"
He immediately noticed the excitement in her voice.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm more than okay."
There was a pause.
Then Kyrah laughed.
"I'm going to Hong Kong!"
Seo Jun was silent for a moment.
"You decided?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"Right now."
He laughed softly.
"What changed your mind?"
Kyrah looked back toward the mall.
She thought about the tiny shoes.
The ultrasound.
Her baby.
And the two people she had just walked away from.
"Nothing changed," she said. "I did."
Seo Jun didn't answer immediately.
Then his voice came through the phone, warmer than before.
"Then welcome to Hong Kong, Kyrah."
Kyrah smiled.
She had no idea what awaited her there.
She didn't know what kind of job she would get, what kind of people she would meet, or what Seo Jun was really planning.
But for the first time in a long time, she wasn't running away from something.
She was running toward something.
And this time, she wasn't alone.
She had her baby.
And she had herself.