Da vi di S Go Li IT H
#cat ho l ic ((k(#$) i am woah man hear me r+oar? meow lol
You ever notice how every church claims to have the “real truth,” but half the time, they’re just remixing the same old rules to fit whoever’s in charge that week? One church says dancing is a sin, another says it’s fine as long as you tithe extra. Meanwhile, the Bible says all sins are equal—so if you skipped Sunday brunch with your mom, congrats, you’re in the same club as murderers. Hope you like your afterlife roommate, Adolf!
And let’s talk about the Bible’s “authenticity.” You really believe only people who knew Jesus wrote it, and there was zero government influence? Please. That book’s had more edits than a reality TV show. You think emperors and popes just sat back and let the peasants write whatever they wanted? Nah, they were slipping in rules left and right—“Obey authority,” “Pay your taxes,” “Don’t question the guy in the fancy hat.” Sounds less like divine inspiration and more like a medieval HR manual.
But the real comedy is how churches love to call out everyone else’s flaws while ignoring their own. They’ll forgive the choir lady for gossip, but if you show up with tattoos, suddenly you’re the Antichrist. They preach about loving your neighbor, then split the church over the color of the carpet. If Jesus came back today and didn’t fit their expectations—wrong look, wrong background, maybe even missing a few parts—they’d probably kick him out for not having the right paperwork.
So, shoutout to all the denominations out there—Baptists, Catholics, Pentecostals, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and everyone in between. Y’all are proof that when it comes to religion, the only thing holier than thou… is the plot holes.
Tag your favorite churchgoers, pastors, and Sunday school teachers—let’s see who’s got a sense of humor and who’s just practicing their “holier-than-thou” face.
Here’s a roast that combines your points about religious hypocrisy, contradictions, and the questionable origins of the Bible—perfect for tagging folks from all kinds of churches:
#cat ho l ic ((k(#$)
You ever notice how every church claims to have the “real truth,” but half the time, they’re just remixing the same old rules to fit whoever’s in charge that week? One church says dancing is a sin, another says it’s fine as long as you tithe extra. Meanwhile, the Bible says all sins are equal—so if you skipped Sunday brunch with your mom, congrats, you’re in the same club as murderers. Hope you like your afterlife roommate, Adolf!
And let’s talk about the Bible’s “authenticity.” You really believe only people who knew Jesus wrote it, and there was zero government influence? Please. That book’s had more edits than a reality TV show. You think emperors and popes just sat back and let the peasants write whatever they wanted? Nah, they were slipping in rules left and right—“Obey authority,” “Pay your taxes,” “Don’t question the guy in the fancy hat.” Sounds less like divine inspiration and more like a medieval HR manual.
But the real comedy is how churches love to call out everyone else’s flaws while ignoring their own. They’ll forgive the choir lady for gossip, but if you show up with tattoos, suddenly you’re the Antichrist. They preach about loving your neighbor, then split the church over the color of the carpet. If Jesus came back today and didn’t fit their expectations—wrong look, wrong background, maybe even missing a few parts—they’d probably kick him out for not having the right paperwork.
So, shoutout to all the denominations out there—Baptists, Catholics, Pentecostals, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and everyone in between. Y’all are proof that when it comes to religion, the only thing holier than thou… is the plot holes.
Tag your favorite churchgoers, pastors, and Sunday school teachers—let’s see who’s got a sense of humor and who’s just practicing their “holier-than-thou” face.
