Kōichi's face, twisted with "panic," rapidly filled Luna's field of vision.
Kazuma still had both arms locked around Luna's legs, forcing her to lean backward in an attempt to avoid his inspection of her Explosion core. Kōichi's righteous charge cut off every possible escape route.
"Huh? W-wait! Kōichi-san, where are you putting your hands... Aaaaaah!"
With a muffled thud, Kōichi crashed squarely into Luna's ample chest. The force of the impact not only let him experience a softness capable of making any Adventurer lose himself, but also sent the already unsteady Luna stumbling backward into the bar.
Kōichi had used far too much force, burying his face directly in her warm, fragrant softness. Kazuma, still clinging to her from below, was crushed beneath them by the impact and let out a pitiful squelch.
"S-so heavy... Kōichi, you bastard... How much Bordeaux meat have you eaten...? You're crushing me flat..."
Kazuma's strained voice emerged from the narrow space between Luna's skirt and the floor. Despite sounding weak, his hands were still stealthily shifting amid the chaos, searching for a new foothold.
"Ugh... S-sorry, Luna-san! My foot slipped!"
Kōichi's voice came out muffled, but his face showed no sign of moving away. In fact, the shock seemed to make him instinctively burrow even deeper.
Inside, he was furiously congratulating himself.
Excellent work! Kazuma, your sacrifice was not in vain! With an assist like this, I hereby name you the greatest support player of all time!
"You... You two..."
Luna's voice began to tremble. It was not from embarrassment, but a sign that the last thread of her long-suffering sanity had finally snapped.
There was one head desperately burrowing into her chest and one degenerate clinging tenaciously to her legs. In her eyes, Axel's two so-called heroes had transformed into a pair of foul-smelling Slimes.
"Get... out of here, both of you!"
An astonishing burst of strength erupted from the Adventurers Guild receptionist.
Luna kicked with both legs, launching Kazuma from the bottom of the pile. At the same time, she planted both hands against Kōichi's shoulders and executed a textbook receptionist throw, hurling him straight toward the Guild entrance.
Crash!
The two men flew through the doors in a tangled heap and slammed heavily onto the cold street outside. A moment later, a thick stack of bills and both their coats were hurled after them, smacking them on the head.
"Don't set foot in this Guild again for the rest of the day! Otherwise, I'll report you to Sena for molesting a public official!"
Luna's furious roar echoed through the silent streets. The Guild doors slammed shut, followed by the crisp clicks of three separate locks.
Kōichi sat in the street, rubbing the rear that had nearly shattered into eight pieces. Beside him, Kazuma was still grinning foolishly, with a mysterious strand of fiber somehow clutched between his fingers.
Kōichi's mouth twitched.
"Hey, Kazuma. We may have gotten something out of that, but it looks like we really have nowhere left to drink."
A cold wind swept through Axel's late-night streets, making both degenerates shiver after being thrown outside.
Kazuma slowly climbed to his feet and brushed the dust from his rear. There was no trace of drunkenness left on his face.
His lecherous grin looked especially radiant beneath the moonlight. He even flexed his fingers in the air a few times, as though savoring the lingering sensation.
"Phew. Luna-san may have kicked us out, but tonight's haul is already enough to earn a treasured place in my diary for the rest of my life."
Kazuma turned toward Kōichi, his eyes gleaming with the kind of filthy understanding shared between men.
"Hey, Kōichi. Since we can't drink anymore, going home to sleep with all this burning passion would practically be a crime. I've decided. I'm heading to that paradise for men. I've still got plenty of money, so tonight I'm ordering a girl-next-door type succubus and finishing the dream I left incomplete!"
Kōichi watched Kazuma sink completely into his fantasy, drool already forming at the corner of his mouth, and took a disgusted step away.
"Go ahead, Kazuma. That place is certainly appealing, but I have something more important to deal with."
Kōichi rubbed the shoulder Luna had slammed into and looked toward a secluded corner of town.
"Aqua's egg is still a potential problem. I'm going to visit Wiz's shop and ask about it. That useless Lich may be terrible at business, but when it comes to magical knowledge and ancient artifacts, she's far more reliable than that crybaby Goddess."
"Tch, you're no fun. You're really going to see that broke Lich shopkeeper who can barely afford anything but saltwater?"
Kazuma waved dismissively, wearing an expression that said Kōichi was missing out on the greatest experience in the world.
"Then this is where we part ways! I hope you enjoy your night in that shabby store full of expired merchandise. Meanwhile, I'm off to embrace the woman of my dreams! Hahahaha!"
Kōichi sighed helplessly as Kazuma charged toward the succubus shop like a wild boar freed from its pen.
He tightened his coat and walked alone toward Wiz's Magical Item Shoppe, located at the end of a desolate street.
A crooked sign hung above the entrance, and a faint, dreary light seeped through the windows.
Kōichi pushed open the door. It scraped against the floor with a harsh wooden screech, and the stale scent of old magical potions washed over him.
"W-welcome! Even at this hour, our shop is still... Ah, Kōichi-san!"
Behind the counter, Wiz looked up in delighted surprise. The beautiful Lich wore a long purple dress, and her voluptuous figure made even Luna's seem slightly less impressive.
She appeared to have been worrying over a pile of unsold prototype automatic dishwashers. Tears brought on by poverty still shimmered at the corners of her eyes.
"It's so late, yet you actually came to visit! How unusual! Could it be... Are you here to purchase our latest robot vacuums, which randomly explode whenever magic is poured into them?!"
Looking into Wiz's wide eyes, which shone with expectation and a desperate desire to escape bankruptcy, Kōichi felt his wallet begin to ache again.
Still, the sight of her brightening at the arrival of a major customer, while remaining awkward and nervous from years of poverty, eased some of the tension in his mind.
He sighed and pulled an elegantly wrapped box of premium pastries from the Royal Capital out of his backpack. A rich buttery fragrance drifted from the package.
"All right, Wiz. Stop trying to sell me your exploding appliances for a moment."
Kōichi placed the box on the counter and helped her remove the wrapping.
"You haven't eaten anything tonight, have you? These are Angel's Pastries, which have become popular in the Royal Capital recently. Since I'm bothering you this late, consider them a thank-you gift."