Chapter 161: Sonic's Ball Ache
In a small grove, Hammerhead was fleeing quickly in a panic, a shuriken stuck in the back of his head.
"Ah, so lucky, so lucky! It's a good thing that shuriken hit my skull, and even luckier that my skull is several times thicker than a normal person's. Damn it, who the hell was that guy?! The Paradisers group I worked so hard to build was destroyed in one fell swoop! He better not let me run into him again, or I'll definitely kill him... Huh? Is someone else here?"
Ahead of him, a shiny, bald head was bobbing along. "A Baldy? Is he an admirer who tracked down the Paradisers? Hmm, I'm short on manpower right now. I'll recruit him into The Organization!"
"Where are the Paradisers? Why has it gone so quiet?"
After entering the grove, Saitama found that the once-bustling woods had fallen silent. "A bunch of people who looked like couples just fled from here. I forgot to ask them if they'd seen any of the Paradisers."
Whoosh!
A flock of birds flew past in a flurry. He felt the world go dark for a moment and turned his head in confusion, only to see Hammerhead's nearly two-meter-tall, burly body blocking the sunlight. He blinked. "Oh, there you are." To wear out iron shoes in a fruitless search, only to find it by chance. The Paradisers guy delivered himself right to my doorstep. Is he here to apologize? Hmph, I won't accept their apology so easily. They made people mistake me for a bad guy. I have to get revenge for that.
Hammerhead stared majestically at Saitama's... bald head. "Do you want to join our Paradisers, young man?"
Huh? A misunderstanding. Not only do the citizens mistake me for a bad guy, but even the bad guys mistake me for a bad guy. I'm really not a bad guy! You villains are the worst, thinking I'm one of you. Not all bald guys are bad guys.
Saitama waved his hand. "No, I don't want to join you."
Hammerhead pointed at Saitama's bald head and said, "If you don't want to join our Paradisers, why did you shave your head?"
"My hairstyle? Oh, you've misunderstood. I didn't shave my head, I'm naturally bald... Huh? Hey, hey, that's not the point! Listen up..." Saitama looked at Hammerhead with a serious expression. "I'm a hero for fun. I'm here to eliminate you. By the way, where are the rest of your underlings? Call them out. I'll get rid of them all at once!"
"A hero? You damned little prick! So you're not joining the Paradisers after all. In that case... just die!!"
Hammerhead gritted his teeth, his face twisting into a ferocious expression as he threw a punch, striking Saitama right in the head.
BOOM!
The quiet grove was thrown into turmoil once more. With Hammerhead's punch, a shockwave rolled out, sending grass and debris flying and snapping trees. An area of more than ten meters around them was instantly cleared.
"Hmph. Damned little prick. Wasted my time and gave away my position." Hammerhead looked at the huge commotion he had caused and cursed inwardly. "I need to get out of this damn place, or that ghost-like guy will definitely hunt me down... Huh?"
The dust settled, revealing Saitama standing before him completely unharmed, looking at him innocently. Hammerhead's pupils shrank, his face filled with shock. "How is that possible? How can this kid be fine? I definitely punched him right in the head..."
Saitama looked disappointed. "You're too weak. I was actually looking forward to seeing how powerful your battle suit was. Turns out it's nothing special. You're just a little strong, that's all. And it doesn't even look cool."
"Damn it! How dare you belittle my battle suit, you brat!!" Hammerhead flew into a rage. "Do you have any idea how much I went through to get this suit? A punk like you could never understand its value."
"Hmph, perfect! I'll use you to test its true power!!"
He crouched slightly, and the flame-like engine at his waist roared to life. His entire presence instantly became terrifying. His muscles swelled as if being inflated, and in a flash, he transformed into a hard-bodied brute like a rock monster.
He began to swing his arms in circles. In an instant, his hands were moving so fast they became a blur, like the wheels of a speeding car. Only the afterimages of his rapidly swinging fists were visible.
"Isn't this that spinning game I used to play as a kid?"
Saitama picked his nose. "This Hammerhead guy is a bit like me! Both unemployed, both bald. The only difference is, he's a bad guy, and I'm a hero."
"Brat, go to hell! Spinning Wheel Attack!!"
Hammerhead's hands came smashing down like giant hammers!
Thump! Thump!
Saitama casually reached out and caught them. Hammerhead's massive, pot-sized fists were instantly stopped, held firmly in his grasp.
"This... this brat... is terrifyingly... strong..."
Hammerhead's pupils constricted, and cold sweat instantly streamed down his forehead.
Saitama looked at Hammerhead seriously and threw a punch, hitting him squarely in the abdomen.
CRACK!
A sound like shattering glass echoed clearly. In an instant, the battle suit on Hammerhead's body disintegrated into rags, leaving him a stark-naked man, baring it all to Saitama.
"W-Wait, kid! H-Hold on! I... I just don't want to work..." Hammerhead's face went pale with fright as he pleaded for his life.
Saitama looked bored. "Go on, and don't cause any more trouble." *At least wait until your hair grows back before you go back to being a villain!*
"Thank you! Thank you!"
Overjoyed, Hammerhead hastily offered his thanks before running off in a frenzy, his little guy flopping about.
"Hey, hey, what did I just manage to record? Hammerhead's... junk?"
Behind a large tree, King was fiddling with the video on his camera, looking speechless. He hadn't managed to secretly record the fight between Saitama and Sonic he'd been hoping for, but he did manage to get footage of Hammerhead's privates.
Swish! Crack!
"I told you, I'm not with the Paradisers!"
Just as King was feeling frustrated, another fight broke out. He poked his head out curiously to look. He saw Sonic holding a shattered katana, with numerous blade fragments scattered in front of a helpless-looking Saitama. One could imagine what had just happened: Sonic had lunged at Saitama with his sword, and Saitama had shattered it.
Sonic stared at Saitama and said coolly, "Stop lying. That bald head of yours proves everything. You're one of the Paradisers who got away."
Saitama quickly explained, "Hey, hey, you don't recognize me? I may be just a hero for fun, but I've been pretty active, you know! I've done a lot of hero work, taken out countless Monsters and evil organizations..."
"Never heard of you," Sonic said mercilessly.
Pfft!
Right in the feels, bro!
Saitama's expression crumbled, the corner of his mouth twitching violently. "Oh, oh, okay... fine!"
Sonic revealed an innocent smile. "It doesn't matter if I know you or not. I was born in the Ninja Village and have studied ninjutsu for years, yet you've seen through my techniques twice. Unforgivable! My pride will not let you get away!"
"Cut the crap. You just want to test out your moves, don't you!" Saitama exposed him bluntly. "I could tell from that innocent smile of yours."
"Oh?"
Sonic subconsciously covered his innocent smile, then immediately let out a wicked grin. With a flicker, he vanished into thin air. Whooshing sounds filled the grove as multiple afterimages appeared. His speed had reached its peak, far beyond what the naked eye could track.
"My speed surpasses the speed of sound! Can you... even see me?! Can you keep up with my speed, you brat?!"
His voice, coming from seemingly nowhere, was filled with smugness and pride. His supersonic speed was his greatest boast.
Saitama, with his usual dead-fish eyes, said in a relaxed tone, "Hey, uh... can I go home now?" He turned his head, his gaze locked directly onto the approaching Sonic.
Huh? He saw through it.
Sonic was shocked. He stared at Saitama, gritting his teeth. "This brat... Unforgivable! Wind Blade Kick!" He spun around, his long leg whipping towards Saitama like a lash.
Saitama took a small step back, dodging Sonic's Wind Blade Kick. At the same time, he clenched his fist and struck upwards. His gaze was fixed on Sonic's crotch as he said softly, word by word, "You. Are. Finished!"
CRACK!
A sound like a shattering egg echoed through the grove.
King watched the scene unfold and shuddered, a phantom ache starting in his own groin. Saitama's fist had landed squarely on Sonic's crotch. From the impact of the punch, he could clearly see Sonic's balls shifting... and shifting...
"Huh?" Saitama looked at his own handiwork, equally surprised. Why didn't the guy dodge? "Uh... sorry, I didn't do it on purpose. You're really fast, so I thought you'd be able to dodge it..."
"ARGH!!?"
Sonic flipped through the air and landed a short distance away, his face covered in a cold sweat. His eyes instantly filled with bloodshot veins, and his normally sturdy legs trembled uncontrollably, barely able to support him.
Such a... ball-breaking pain! Unforgivable!
He gritted his teeth and pointed at Saitama. "Ever since graduating from the Ninja Village, from assassin to bodyguard, I am the strongest ninja who can complete any job flawlessly—Speed-o'-Sound Sonic! Admitting defeat is not the ninja way! Brat, tell me your name! I will defeat you and win back my dignity and glory!"
Saitama blinked, looking innocently at the stubborn Sonic. "Saitama," he said. *What a persistent guy. Shouldn't he be running to a male infertility clinic to see if his balls are still usable? If they are, great. If not... I guess he could try cross-dressing.*
Sonic left him with a threat. "Saitama, the next time we meet, you're dead."
"Oh."
Saitama looked worriedly at Sonic's crotch. If he didn't get treatment soon, they really would be useless.
"I, Speed-o'-Sound Sonic, will slaughter you with my ultimate ninjutsu! Just you wait!"
After speaking, Sonic flipped over and, with a *swoosh*, vanished from Saitama's sight.
Saitama, inspired by Sonic's tenacious spirit, cheered him on. "You can do it... get your balls treated!"
"Huh?"
"Hmm?"
Out of Saitama's line of sight, King and Sonic were staring blankly at each other. After a long moment, King calmly put away his camera and greeted him. "Hello, Speed-o'-Sound Sonic. My name is King. I was tracking the remnants of the Paradisers and ended up here."
"..."
Sonic's legs gave out, and he collapsed to his knees with a thud, tears streaming down his face. *Bro, I saw it. The footage on your camera is of me getting hit in the balls.*
"Huh? Sonic, you don't have to bow so formally."
King was startled by Sonic's sudden kneeling and rushed to help him up.
"Mr. King, don't move. I just lost a fight. My balls hurt a little, and I can't stand properly. Can you take me to a doctor?"
"Oh, oh, come on. I'll support you."
"Mr. King, the footage you just recorded..."
"Oh, that's evidence of the Paradisers' crimes. I'm going to hand it over to the Police Department."
"..."
(end of chapter)