Chapter 149: What a Big Fist...
"Damn it, which bastard stole my french fry? And it was the one long fry I was saving to enjoy."
Saitama was still fuming about the fry that had been stolen from him at Kenggeji. It was a portion of fries he'd finally worked up the resolve to buy, and of all things, his one-and-only long fry had been inexplicably snatched. Hmph, if he ever found out who did it, he'd beat them to death.
He walked home, fuming, when he suddenly felt that burning gaze on him once again. "That bastard, that damn stalker still hasn't given up... huh? Wait a minute. A stalker... a stolen fry... Could that damn stalker have stolen my fry?"
The more he thought about it, the more he felt it had to be true.
"You bastard! How dare you steal my fry! I'm gonna beat you to death!"
He whipped his head around, but—nope, still no suspicious characters in sight. He scanned the area again, trying to find the creep who had been tailing him for days. Unfortunately, after searching for a long time, he still couldn't spot the stalker.
Saitama's paranoid behavior made the two people tailing him jump in fright.
Afterward, that guy Saitama ended up squatting beside the trash cans downstairs from his apartment. Half an hour passed, and he didn't move an inch. It got to the point where Genos misunderstood and thought Saitama was undergoing some kind of imagery training, diligently taking notes in his notebook.
King stopped in his tracks, stroking his chin. "Looks like that Saitama guy is dead set on catching that stalker and french fry thief. Waiting around like this isn't going to work. I'll find a place to rest for a bit and see if I can get a chance to approach Saitama alone later."
Well, mainly, Saitama hadn't moved for half an hour, and he was getting a bit bored and impatient. So he decided to just retreat.
He left the Uninhabited Area, found a coffee shop, and sat down. He ordered a coffee and played on his phone to kill time, also taking the opportunity to call Sitch and ask about the House of Evolution. He also mentioned how Tatsumaki had the free time to be wandering around Z-City. Normally, Tatsumaki was stationed at the Hero Association HQ in A-City and was only deployed as the ultimate weapon when a Monster appeared that other heroes couldn't handle. And yet, no Demon-level or higher Monsters had shown up in Z-City, and Tatsumaki's behavior seemed extremely lax. It was less like she was on a mission and more like she was just loafing around.
He learned from Sitch that Tatsumaki had the day off, and it all clicked. No wonder Tatsumaki had so much time to bicker with him.
He shook his head helplessly and turned his attention back to Saitama, using his locator tracking to check on Saitama's status about every half hour.
Saitama, on the other hand, had some serious perseverance. He actually squatted by the trash cans for over three hours straight, making King seriously wonder if Saitama's parents had told him as a child that he was picked up from a trash can, thus giving him a special affinity for them.
King yawned, feeling drowsy. "Haaah~ Don't tell me Genos has also been standing guard for over three hours? This master and disciple duo are really something else, so damn bored!"
Heh, the pot calling the kettle black. Aren't you even more bored?
"Hmm, let me check Genos's location... Huh? Genos isn't with Saitama anymore? He's in the suburbs? Oh, Dr. Kuseno's lab?"
When Genos's red dot appeared on the radar map in his mind, he was surprised to find that Genos had already left and was now in the suburbs of Z-City. In other words, only Saitama was left, still hugging the trash cans while waiting for the stalker.
What a great opportunity! I'll take him down while he's alone.
His spirits lifted, the weary look on his face vanishing in an instant. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and hurriedly left the coffee shop. He was in such a rush that he even accidentally knocked over his coffee, spilling it on his hand.
...
"Tch, not a soul in sight. And... that burning gaze has disappeared too."
Saitama, who had been squatting by the trash cans for over three hours, slowly stood up with a sour look on his face. He'd run into a dozen or so Monsters when he went out today, and getting to stretch his muscles should have been a happy occasion. Who knew that his french fry lunch would get pilfered, completely ruining his good mood.
"Whatever, I'm going home to rest."
Since the stalker slash fry thief wasn't showing up, he decided to just go home.
"Huh? Is this... a present at my door?"
When Saitama got to his front door, he found a gift box. There were no names written on it, nor were there any notes left behind. He had no idea who sent the gift.
"Who would send me a gift?" he wondered, picking up the box. "Hmm, could it be that cyborg who said he wanted to be my disciple? Speaking of which, that guy said he wanted to be my disciple, but he hasn't shown up in days. So insincere..."
Rip! Tear!
He swiftly tore open the gift and took out a bald head model and a poofy, curly wig.
"..."
For some reason, he felt an inexplicable rage building up inside him!
His face darkened, and his sharp eyes practically shot out flames. A bald head... a wig... he could really feel the sender's heartfelt sentiment... my ass!
"What's wrong with being bald? Why do people always have to make a thing about my bald head? Who did my bald head ever offend? Besides, have I been proud of it? Have I been showing it off? I went bald, but I also got stronger!"
Saitama roared in anger. With a rip of his hands, the wig was torn to shreds, and the bald head model was mangled into a lump. He raised his foot high, ready to stomp viciously on the gift box...
"Oh, a cardboard box... it should go in the cardboard recycling bin."
He stopped himself abruptly. Sighing softly, he folded the box neatly, preparing to take it to the cardboard recycling bin in Z-City. As a hero for fun, he naturally had to abide by the principles of waste sorting. Cardboard boxes belonged in the cardboard recycling.
This habit was practically obsessive-compulsive.
Whoosh!
Holding the cardboard box, he channeled his grief and indignation into power. He dashed off at extreme speed, reaching a recycling bin on a central street in Z-City in the blink of an eye. With a look of utter annoyance, he stuffed the gift box into the bin.
"Don't let me find out which bastard did this, or I'll beat them to death."
"Ah! Ah! Aaaah!"
"A Monster! It's a Monster! Help!"
"My face, my face..."
Splat!
Just as Saitama was fuming about the stalker, the fry thief, and the sender of the mocking gift, several miserable screams suddenly rang out on the street as a crowd of people fled in panic.
"Hmm? Is there a Monster?" Saitama's eyes lit up, his whole aura flaring as he clenched his fists. "Oh, a punching bag to vent on has appeared."
On the street, a peculiar man with long hair and a gaudy suit brandished a pink, forked, spiked club. His face was obscured by a pink face mask. With a swing of his weapon, he sprayed a liquid resembling strong acid onto the faces of passersby. Their faces were instantly corroded, becoming hideously aged. As they screamed in agony, he looked upon his handiwork with satisfaction and cackled wickedly. "Hahaha, I'm going to destroy all your faces! In this world, only I can be as beautiful as a flower! As for you lot... all of you will become hideous freaks!"
Whoosh!
The sharp sound of something tearing through the air suddenly rang out.
The Monster froze. A fist the size of a sandbag abruptly appeared in the corner of his eye. "Huh? What a big fist..."
BOOM!
With a single punch, it was pulverized, shattered into pieces. No one could have survived that.
Monster: "..." *Dammit, at least let me introduce myself!*
"That vented a little of my frustration."
Saitama casually flicked the bits of flesh from his hand and walked sullenly back home. "Life... I guess things go wrong nine times out of ten. Oh, my french fry!"
A few minutes after Saitama left.
The Monster alert system in the center of Z-City belatedly sounded off: "Emergency broadcast, emergency broadcast. A Monster has appeared in the central streets of Z-City. Threat level: Tiger..."
"Found it."
Tatsumaki, who had been anxiously waiting for her promised showdown with King, heard the alarm and was overjoyed. A green aura flickered around her, and her small body shot off like a rainbow, instantly arriving at the central street. But all she saw was the Monster's remains, which had been annihilated so thoroughly it was a gruesome sight.
"Who did this? That damn King?"
Her eyes widened. She prayed with all her might that it wasn't that damn King's doing. Otherwise, she would lose to him again.
Today while walking down the street, someone suddenly stopped me and started yelling, "You're writing so much filler, have you no shame?" I was startled and felt my pockets. I only had two bucks for bus fare. I quickly waved my hands, "I can't afford it, I can't afford it." Human organs are pretty expensive, a poor bastard like me can't afford a 'face'!
(end of chapter)