READING GUIDANCE
" This is a direct sentence in the present time."
" This is a direct sentence in the past time."
' This is a character's inner thought in the present time.'
' This is a character's inner thought in the past time.'
[ This is a direct sentence in sign language in the present time.]
[ This is a direct sentence in sign language in the past time.]
HAPPY READING!
Regret always comes at the most unfavorable time, doesn't it?
If someone had known the concept of regret at the beginning of their first breath, would life be much brighter and more beautiful in the last moment — in the final seconds of their life? Would it be easier for them to let go of their last breath? Would it be less painful, as they were only mere humans?
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Unfortunately, she did not know. At that time, when the last breath of her life came... the vivid memories she remembered were only regrets and the aroma of blood.
It was such a disturbingly intense aroma.
It was repulsively overwhelming.
In her final moments of consciousness, while people around her were hopelessly trying to bring her back to life, she stared into nothingness and asked herself,
'If I have a chance to ask God for a second chance, will He give me one?'
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Beep! Beep! Beep!
...the sound of the machine echoed through the ambulance.
"Stay with me, ma'am! We're almost there!"
Beep!
.
Beep!
"Her pulse is slowing down!"
"Goddamn! There is an emergency patient inside! Listen to the siren! This traffic—"
"Ma'am, hang in there!"
"Ma'a—"
Beep! B—
.
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In that chaotic moment, she vaguely remembered their faces filled with nervousness and a glimpse of fear — the fear of losing someone they did not even know. An unfamiliar lady looked sincerely into her eyes, repeating the same words.
"Hang in there! Hang in there, ma'am!"
The words kept ringing in her ears.
.
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...as if that person was begging and hoping for her to survive.
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But the only thing she could give to that pitiful lady was a smile. A faint smile she forced herself to show, as if to say she was grateful for the sincerity given to a mere stranger like her...
but,
'I am sorry. Even if I do have a chance to ask God for a second chance to live... I will never try to ask for it in the first place.'
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It would be terrifying.
The regrets were too much, and she was not brave enough to even ask.
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'I am sinful.'
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As tears fell down her face, blending with the blood flowing from her head... she slowly closed her eyes.
.
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In that chaotic situation, the sound of the machine connected to her heart became a straight line, producing one long, piercing beep.
.
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Hoping that death would ease the pain, she died as the world turned dark and silent.
.
.
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The concept of living was something she never understood in her entire life.
Why did she have to live in the first place?
What was she supposed to do in this life?
What achievement was she meant to obtain?
As far as she knew, life was just an empty and soulless place where, at the end of the road, there was only painful regret and the disturbing scent of blood.
Yet even after going through life and death... she still did not understand the meaning of her existence, nor did she understand why she could now see two suns rising splendidly in the beautiful sky above her.
'This sky is surely beautiful, no matter how many times I look at it.'
A strong breeze blew through her brunette curly hair and scattered the pile of dry clothes she was picking up from the old wooden clothesline. Her dark brown eyes opened fully as the wind passed gently by.
She turned around when a small little girl hugged her tightly from behind with her tiny hands. The girl smiled brightly — a smaller version of herself, with curlier brunette hair and dark brown eyes. They looked so similar, even down to the freckles on their faces. The only difference was the little girl's bed hair, adorably messy and curlier than hers.
"Sister!" she said while signing with her hands. "Are you done with your job?"
Irisha smiled and nodded, then replied in sign language.
[Yes, are you hungry?]
"I am!"
[Let's have some breakfast, shall we?]
"Yes!"
She smiled brightly as she picked her up and walked toward their humble house nearby. It was not much — an old wooden house with a medieval style, located in an isolated mountain village. Far from any civilized city.
But she could ensure it was much better than when she first arrived.
Yes.
The first time she suddenly came to this unknown world after she thought she had died.
After the world had turned dark and silent, a blinding light pierced her eyes as she woke up violently.
Her body hurt.
Her head spun intensely.
'Am I still alive?'
She thought she had survived the accident, and the thought was immediately followed by disappointment and exhaustion deep within her heart.
Despite the pain, she tried to gather herself. It did not take long for her to realize she was lying on a wooden bed inside a torn old house.
In that confusing situation, her heart pounded rapidly.
'Where am I?'
That was the first and most natural question that came to her mind.
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She tried to look around with shaking legs, only to discover she was in the middle of a forest. She was shocked to see two suns rising in the bluest sky, leaving her in intense confusion as if she were dreaming.
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...and of course, she tried to seek help, but no voice came out. After some time, she realized she could not even hear anything. It was dreadful silence in a chaotic situation.
While wandering around with a body that felt like thorns were piercing it, she found a beautiful river that reflected her image.
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She could not describe how she felt when she saw herself.
It took her a long time to accept that the reflection staring back at her was a little girl with brunette hair and dark brown eyes, looking shabby and dirty.
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The girl was not her. She realized it immediately.
A complete stranger.
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Not long after, she saw a man running toward her with a baby in his arms. He seemed to be calling her, rushing toward her so suddenly that she stumbled back.
Yet despite seeing his mouth move, she could not hear anything — only confusion from his worried expression.
He approached her, hugged her tightly, and cried sincerely.
Even though she knew nothing about this man, she instinctively understood that he was someone the girl she possessed loved dearly.
'My father.'
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She never knew what a real father felt like, so she could never truly understand. Yet the warmth she felt from that man tore her apart. She cried loudly in his embrace, even while still trying to comprehend what was happening. Her body reacted on its own, overwhelmed by emotions she could not describe.
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Somehow, the day passed without her realizing it.
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And after that day, slowly but surely... the little girl's memories returned. They collided with her own memories and eventually led her to accept that she was now Irisha Spes.
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She concluded that perhaps on the day she died in the accident, Irisha Spes — a ten-year-old girl suffering from a chronic illness — had also died. Somehow, by God's will, her soul entered this child's body.
It did not sound logical.
Even now, she could not find a proper explanation and could only rely on her own conclusion.
.
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Irisha's memories were simple — lying in bed all day, watching the two suns rise beautifully through the window. She was born deaf and mute, and her health was poor. There was little she or her family could do, as they were poor and lived in an isolated village.
Yet her family never gave up on her. They always gave her beautiful smiles that stirred unbearable and strange emotions inside her.
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Then, when she thought the situation could not worsen, the day she entered this body was the day her baby sister was born — and the day her mother died in childbirth.
It was devastating.
No... it was a painful tragedy.
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Because she was Irisha herself, she felt the pain deeply.
Perhaps it was too much for her father. Too much to lose the woman he loved. Fourteen days after her mother's death, her father threw himself off a cliff not far from their house.
.
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For her — who had just died painfully, transmigrated into a sickly and disabled child in an unknown world — to then experience the tragic loss of both parents.
It was too much, wasn't it?
Her own pain was already unbearable, but now she had to feel this girl's pain as well?
'I didn't even ask for another chance. Is God joking with me?'
She could not even cry anymore and instead laughed, because it was too much to bear.
It was never a second chance.
It was punishment.
Because she knew she was sinful.
The pain was suffocating.
She could not even cry loudly in the middle of nowhere, trapped in a fragile and disabled child's body that could do nothing.
She was certain God was mocking her.
'It is better to die.'
'Then all of the pain will go.'
In confusion and devastation, she walked into the dark house and found a rusty knife.
She was ready.
In the emptiness of the forest, she stood alone, ready to stab her heart with her small trembling hand.
But—
there was movement.
A tiny hand moved in the darkness.
She suddenly remembered her sister's existence and dropped the knife, running toward her crying baby sister. The baby seemed to be crying hard — though she could not hear anything.
But as soon as she touched her, the baby looked at her and smiled.
Her baby sister held her tightly with tiny hands, seeking comfort.
.
The warmth was real.
The warmth was so real.
As the night grew darker and colder, that warmth remained.
***