By the time we settled into senior secondary school, everyone had started becoming… something.
Louder.
Bolder.
More defined.
I stayed the same on the outside.
Quiet.
Observant.
Always choosing the front row like it could protect me from everything happening behind me.
I could have joined them, you know.
The back bench.
The laughter.
The chaos.
I was tall enough.
I would have fit right in.
But I didn't.
Maybe it was the way my chest tightened around people I didn't fully understand.
Maybe it was the way conversations felt like something I had to prepare for instead of just… step into.
Or maybe I just liked being where things made sense.
Where the teacher's voice was clearer than everyone else's.
Where I didn't have to perform.
Meanwhile, Selene stayed at the back.
Always surrounded.
Her… and Toka, and the others.
They had their own world back there.
The kind where people paired themselves up,
called each other names like "class mum" and "class dad,"
laughed like nothing outside that space mattered.
And somehow…
she fit perfectly into it.
I used to watch sometimes.
Not in an obvious way.
Just quick glances.
Because no matter how many people were around her—
she still felt… different.
I couldn't explain it.
I just knew she stood out to me in a way no one else did.
Even when I told myself she was just like everyone else.
She wasn't.
Around that same time, something else started too.
It started with a book.
Talia gave it to me.
My first real novel.
Not the short stories I was used to.
Not something I could finish and forget.
This one stayed with me.
It was a romance.
The kind that pulls you in slowly…
and then doesn't let you go.
I don't even remember the title now.
But I remember how it made me feel.
The way the characters looked at each other.
The way moments stretched…
lingered…
like time itself was holding its breath.
And for the first time—
I didn't just read.
I imagined.
Every scene played out in my head like a movie.
Every word became something I could see…
something I could feel.
It was beautiful.
And a little overwhelming.
Because when I closed the book—
it didn't stop.
The scenes stayed.
The emotions stayed.
And slowly…
I started creating my own.
At first, it wasn't about anyone specific.
Just moments.
Fragments of closeness.
Soft conversations.
The feeling of being wanted… without having to say a word.
It became my escape.
Whenever things felt too much…
I would go there.
Close my eyes.
Drift.
And everything would become quieter.
I didn't need a phone.
I didn't need anything real.
My mind was enough.
Looking back now…
I think that was the beginning.
Not of him.
Not yet.
But of the place where he would eventually exist.
And maybe…
that's why it felt so easy to disappear into it.
The build up to the sexual scenes in the book was so perfectly curated that it felt like foreplay before the actual thing happened
I remember one part
About the breaths on her neck and hand trailing Lord knows where
I could have sworn I felt hands down my skin too
It was in a castle I think
And she was a princess of sone kingdom
Over her silk nightie
All over her left breast
Then the right one
And of course they kept adding sounds she made
Or I imagined them
His hands went under the silk gown
I think she was sleeping cos I remember her being dormant
He had snuck in
Some kinda tyrant boyfriend working against the father's Will
She let out a sigh when the tension began to build up
But still pretended to sleep
He rubbed and played with one nipple
And then the other , while laying trace kisses on her body parts
Mindful not to wake her up too
Then he put one in his mouth and licked and sucked it
Still playing with the right
His other hand was trailing down ever so slowly
Down and down it went
Making little circles here and there
She did more than sigh by now
She moaned
Apparently sleeping beauty was awake all this time
Funny you
His hand went past her couchie and mid her thighs
Pinching and squeezing so lightly yet hard enough to cause a ruckus
Then he lifted her cloth
And she was bare
Brave move
And his fingers went back up
And then....
The bell rung to mark the beginning of another class and the end of break
I jolted back to earh
And in time too
Cos I had completely forgotten about the space around me
So much emotions to handle and I had to calm down and focus in class
Talia definitely wasn't as pure as I thought
Girl hid behind her thoughts too
Well thank you for giving me this
Class co tinued normally and I safely tucked the book in my bag, to continue when I got back home
People got really boring
Same old talk about random things
Same fakeness or over exaggeration
Yuck!
Couldn't wait to go home and continue the book
I mean His fingers went up to do whatttt...