Gojo got sealed.
Like, fully sealed. Cube closed. Gone. The strongest sorcerer in the world — packed into a box like IKEA furniture. Kenjaku said "gate close" with the smuggest smile in human history and the Prison Realm snapped shut.
Sebas watched the whole thing from the platform edge, legs dangling, eating a bag of crisps he'd manifested from thin air.
"Damn," he said, mouth full. "That's tough."
Kenjaku picked up the cube. Or tried to. The Prison Realm slammed itself into the ground so hard the entire platform shook. Kenjaku stumbled. The cube didn't budge. It sat there like it weighed more than the earth itself, multiple eyes opening across its surface, all of them looking angry.
"Ah," Kenjaku said, composure cracking for exactly half a second. "He's being difficult."
"Your box is throwing a tantrum," Sebas observed.
Kenjaku ignored him. He had a thousand-year plan to worry about. He was NOT going to engage with the shoeless man eating crisps.
Meanwhile — the zombie.
The zombie was chasing Jogo.
In theory.
In practice, the zombie was doing the Minecraft walk. You know the one. Arms straight out. Legs moving at the speed of a nan going to the shops. No urgency. No hurry. Just step... step... step... toward Jogo with all the intensity of a man walking to the fridge at 2 AM.
"Uuuuuuuhhh," said the zombie.
Jogo stood thirty feet away, staring at it.
"...That's it?" Jogo said. "THAT'S your creation? It moves like it's walking through custard."
Even Mahito laughed. "It's so slow. It's actually kind of sad."
The zombie took one more step. Then another. Its Netherite boots made a little clonk clonk clonk sound on the platform. Slow. Steady. Absolutely pathetic.
Sebas looked at his zombie. Then at Jogo. Then back at his zombie.
"...Yeah nah that IS slow innit," Sebas muttered.
He raised one finger.
"Speed 20."
The zombie vanished.
Not disappeared. VANISHED. One frame it was doing the grandma shuffle. The next frame it was a Netherite blur moving at what could only be described as "completely unreasonable velocity." The sound barrier didn't break — it SHATTERED. A sonic boom ripped through the platform. Debris flew. Wind smashed outward in every direction. Mahito's hair went sideways. Choso's blood floated. Kenjaku's robes flapped violently.
The zombie crossed thirty feet in approximately zero seconds and SLAMMED into Jogo like a freight train wearing armour.
"UUUUUUUHHH," said the zombie, at Mach 2.
Jogo went through a pillar. Then another pillar. Then a wall. Then he stopped because the wall behind that wall was thicker.
"...Oh," Sebas said. "Maybe that was too much speed."
He thought about it.
"Nah."
Jogo pulled himself out of the rubble, flames erupting off his body. His single eye was TWITCHING. His volcano head was literally smoking extra.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST—"
The zombie was already in front of him again.
It threw a punch.
Slowly.
Like... SO slowly. It was Mach 2 on the legs but the arms were still base Minecraft zombie speed. The fist came toward Jogo's face like it was moving through honey. Jogo had time to read a book, make dinner, and file his taxes before the punch landed.
It connected.
bonk
"...Did that thing just BONK me?" Jogo said.
The zombie pulled its fist back. Wound up. Threw another punch.
bonk
"Uuuuuuuhhh."
bonk
"Stop that."
bonk
"STOP—"
bonk bonk bonk
Sebas watched. The zombie had the attack speed of a sloth on sedatives. It was throwing punches like an old man swatting at a fly he couldn't quite see. Each hit landed with the devastating force of... a light tap.
"Yo," Sebas said. "My boy's hands are SLOW."
He raised a finger again.
"Haste 10."
The zombie's arms became a BLUR.
If Speed 20 turned its legs into a jet engine, Haste 10 turned its fists into a machine gun. The zombie locked onto Jogo and started swinging — not with skill, not with technique, not with any form of martial intelligence whatsoever — just raw, mindless, turbocharged FLAILING.
BONKBONKBONKBONKBONKBONKBONKBONKBONKBONKBONK—
Jogo was getting PELTED. Fifty punches a second. A hundred. Each one hitting with the force of an airsoft pellet. Not enough to hurt. Not even CLOSE. But absolutely, categorically, without question enough to be THE most annoying thing Jogo had ever experienced in his centuries of existence.
"STOP — OW — THAT DOESN'T — OW — EVEN HURT — OW — BUT STOP — OW OW OW OW—"
It was like being attacked by an aggressive hailstorm made of Netherite fists. Each individual hit did basically nothing. But there were SO MANY of them. It was death by a thousand taps. It was the physical equivalent of someone poking you in the shoulder nonstop forever.
Jogo blasted the zombie with fire.
The fire hit the zombie and the zombie's health bar moved by exactly...
0.00016%.
Regeneration V healed it before the number finished displaying.
The zombie did not slow down. The zombie did not flinch. The zombie did not acknowledge that it had been hit AT ALL.
BONKBONKBONKBONKBONKBONKBONK—
"Uuuuuuuhhh."
BONKBONKBONKBONKBONK—
Sebas manifested a bucket of popcorn. The big cinema kind. Extra butter. He sat cross-legged on the platform, one shoe on, watching Jogo — a special grade cursed spirit who had fought GOJO SATORU — get airsoft'd to death by a Minecraft zombie in Dark Souls jewellery.
"This is ABSOLUTE CINEMA," Sebas said, shoving popcorn into his mouth.
Jogo tried punching back. Full power. A cursed energy-infused fist that could crater a building.
It connected. The zombie's health bar barely flickered. Regeneration V topped it off like nothing happened.
He tried Maximum Meteor. His strongest technique. A miniature SUN.
The zombie stood in the middle of it. Netherite glowing. Rings glowing. Health bar moved 0.00016% and healed instantly.
"Uuuuuuuhhh," said the zombie, walking out of the explosion like it was a light drizzle.
BONKBONKBONKBONKBONK—
Jogo tried grabbing the zombie. The zombie was faster. Jogo tried running. The zombie was Speed. Jogo tried flying upward. The zombie JUMPED — because Minecraft zombies CAN jump one block, and with Speed 20, "one block" became "launched itself forty feet into the air like a Netherite missile."
BONKBONKBONKBONK—
"I CANNOT KILL THIS THING," Jogo screamed to no one in particular.
"No shit sherlock" Sebas called from his seat, eating popcorn.
Kenjaku watched from beside the Prison Realm cube, his face doing something it had never done in a thousand years — genuine confusion.
Mahito was recording. He didn't have a phone. Nobody knows how he was recording. But he was.
Choso just stood there, arms crossed, watching. This wasn't his business. He had blood-related family issues to think about.
It went on for twenty minutes.
Twenty. Minutes.
Jogo — ancient cursed spirit, embodiment of humanity's fear of volcanoes, being who had faced the strongest sorcerer alive — spent twenty minutes fighting a zombie that could not be killed, could not be hurt, could not be reasoned with, and would not shut up the FUCK UP.
"Uuuuuuuhhh."
BONKBONKBONK—
"Uuuuuuuhhh."
BONKBONKBONKBONK—
At minute twenty-one, something broke inside Jogo. Not his body. His spirit. His WILL. The part of him that believed cursed spirits were superior to humans looked at this brainless, groaning, Netherite-wearing monstrosity and thought: "I want to leave."
Jogo stopped fighting.
He turned around.
And he just... walked away.
Walked. With the energy of a man leaving a job he hated. Shoulders slumped. Flames dim. Eye half-closed. Done. Finished. Over it.
The zombie followed.
Of course it did. It had one instruction. ONE. Chase the goofy volcano dwarf. Forever. It fell into step directly behind Jogo — Speed 20 dialled down to match his walking pace, because even a brainless undead mob could figure out that walking WITH the target was more efficient than overshooting.
tap
The zombie poked Jogo in the back.
Jogo kept walking.
tap tap
"Stop."
tap
"I said STOP."
tap tap tap
"Uuuuuuuhhh."
tap
Jogo walked faster. The zombie walked faster. Jogo turned left. The zombie turned left. Jogo stopped. The zombie stopped. Jogo took one step. The zombie took one step. And tapped him.
tap
"I will end you."
"Uuuuuuuhhh."
tap
They walked off into the dark of Shibuya Station together. One angry volcano spirit who had lost the will to fight. One unkillable zombie in full Netherite with ten rings and Four Minecraft buffs, tapping him on the back every 1.3 seconds like the world's most persistent little brother.
From the platform, Sebas watched them go.
He ate his last piece of popcorn.
With a tears flowing down from his eyes.
"Beautiful," he whispered.