Ramnihal started packing his scattered belongings. Sunlight came through the window and its bright piece of light was shimmering on his small mirror. The small mirror was offering itself to the beautiful idol of Buddha, but the idol was immersed in meditation. Its eyes were not dazzled by the sun. The calm, serious face of the idol was becoming even more pleased, but Ramnihal was not looking that way. In his hands was a bundle of papers, which he wanted to open before putting it in the box. He wanted to read it, yet he hesitated for some reason and was stopping himself, like a child being stopped from touching something scary.
He put the bundle down, but opened another large envelope. A picture was in his hands and tears were in his eyes. Now there were two idols in the room. Buddhadév immersed in his glory of detachment. Ramnihal motionless like a mountain of attachment, from which the liquid of his heart was slowly flowing like a stream of tears.
Kishori came and made a noise - "Bhabhi, oh Bhabhi! Didn't you see, no! Nihal Babu is crying. Hey, you come too!"
Shyama came and stood there. Even after she came, Ramnihal, as if lost in the same emotion, was flowing his stream of compassion. Shyama said - "Nihal Babu!"
Nihal opened his eyes and said - "What is it?.... Oh, please forgive me." Then he started wiping his tears.
"What is the matter? Let me hear something. Why are you so sad at the time of leaving? Did we commit some offense?"Will you commit a crime? What are you saying? I cry, it is my own fault. This method of 'atonement' is not right, I am slowly understanding this, but what can I do? This heart does not agree."
Shyama became alert as if. She turned back and saw that Kishori was standing. Shyama said, "Go, daughter! The clothes are spread in the sun. Sit there." Kishori left. Now, as if ready to listen, Shyama pulled a mat and sat down. In front of her, a small Buddha statue was smiling on a beautiful teak table in the reflection of the sun.
Widowhood
Ramnihal began to say- "Shyama! Seeing your strict vow, the ideal of widowhood, I believed in my heart that a human can suppress their desires, but your support is very strong. A crowd of children laughs, plays, fights, and quarrels in front of you, and you have decorated the chamber of your heart like a temple with many idols of gods, but where would I get that? Searching for small businesses, jobs, and facilities to feed myself in different provinces of India, when I came to your house, I believed that I had found a home. I have been homeless since I started knowing the world. My trunk and this little inherited stuff, which was a part of my inheritance, I wander around carrying on my back. Just like a Kanjer (nomadic tribe) wanders around carrying their household on a pony."
"I was clever, so clever that a person shouldn't be, because I have become convinced that by becoming too clever, a person makes themselves unfortunate and is deprived of God's mercy."My ambition, my progressive ideas kept me running. I kept deceiving my fate with my skill. This also filled my stomach.
Sometimes I felt that if this gamble worked, I would conquer myself and would sit happily, content and at peace in a corner of the world.
But it was a mirage."
"The people I have worked for until now are very educated and gentlemen. They also respect me a lot. It feels like home here with you, but I will have to leave all this." Saying this much, Ramnihal fell silent.
"So you won't say one useful thing. Just so much unnecessarily..."
Shyama wanted to say something more, but stopping her, Ramnihal began to say -
"I consider you my well-wisher, friend and protector, if I don't tell you, how long will I carry this burden? This is Chaitra, isn't it? Yes, right! It was Kartik Purnima. I finished my work and was getting ready to go to Dashashwamedh Ghat to see the beauty of the evening when Brajkishore Babu said - 'You go for a walk along the Ganges anyway. A relative of mine has come today, take them along on a barge and show them around, I don't have time today!'"
"I accepted. I remained seated in the office. After a while, a handsome woman came out with a man from inside and I understood that I would have to go with these people." Brajkishore Babu said- "The barge is ready at Manmandir Ghat. Nihal is going with you. There will be no inconvenience. Excuse me at this time. I have urgent work."