CHAPTER TWELVE
Ilyan
Nobody told us to pack, which was probably why all five of us did.
I had already packed once for Caelum, but that had been somebody else's emergency. Adults had knocked on doors, announced schedules, told us which bag to use and how much we could bring, and I had spent most of it annoyed that the residency staff had decided a possible evacuation was somehow improved by giving teenagers instructions every three minutes. Orison was different. Nobody came to my cabin. Nobody handed me a departure time. Lucien had said we would be free to leave at the first genuinely neutral place where Nexus could not reasonably claim it was too dangerous, and sometime after I woke up I realized that meant the bag on my floor might be leaving Black Star even if I wasn't.
Topper sat on the bed while I folded the same shirt for the second time. I noticed him watching and pointed at him. "Don't." He lowered his head onto his front legs without making a sound. "You don't even know what I was going to say." One green eye stayed on me. "Fine." I put the shirt into the bag, then immediately took it back out because I had packed three and probably did not need three shirts for a decision. The room had accumulated more things than I had noticed: Talia's gravball token beside the lamp, engineering notes spread across the desk, two of Mara's tools I still had not returned, a cup Naomi had somehow forgotten twice, the family photograph standing where I had left it the night before. None of it looked like a reason to stay. It just looked strange to imagine leaving it behind. I eventually packed clothes, my slate, the photograph and the token, left the tools where they were because I was not stupid enough to accidentally steal from Mara, then found Topper sitting inside the open bag as if he had solved transportation himself. "No." He stayed there. "You can walk." His damaged rear leg clicked when he shifted. "Mostly walk." He still refused to move, so I picked him up, zipped the bag and carried both.
Black Star was already docked by the time I reached the lower personnel lock. I had felt the final approach from my cabin: the drive vibration fading, a gentle change in orientation, then the deeper mechanical shudder of docking clamps taking hold. Orison had made us wait outside the main habitation section for more than an hour while port control checked Black Star's emergency registration and apparently decided that neutrality extended to stolen strategic carriers so long as the docking fees cleared first. The moment the locks sealed, the entire crew scattered into repairs. Mara had people halfway into the power system before the dock umbilicals finished pressurizing. Niko and Eli were in the Frame bays. Kaia was supposed to be resting, which meant she had almost certainly found a reason to be near Vesper. Hana was coordinating port communications, Garrick was handling local security, and Lucien had several meetings with people nobody named. There was no spare crew member available to escort five students around a colony, and sending one would have defeated half the point anyway. If we left Black Star today, we were supposed to leave because we chose to. Nobody from Nexus could be standing behind us while we did it.
Rafi, Naomi, Anya and Jun were already waiting. Rafi had managed to make one bag look overfilled despite carrying less than everyone else. Anya's bag looked as if it had been packed by somebody who had measured the available volume. Jun had one shoulder bag and a small medical kit clipped beside it. Naomi kept scrolling through the Orison transit map while pretending not to be nervous. Rafi looked at my bag and said, "That's all?" I looked at his. "You packed two jackets." "Different jackets." "They're both gray." "One is darker." Anya did not look up from her slate. "He also forgot underwear." Rafi turned on her. "Why would you tell him that?" "Because you asked me to check whether you forgot anything." "That was a private consultation." "You shouted it from across the corridor." Jun smiled. "That is generally how things stop being private." Rafi pointed at all of us. "I'm going back." Anya reached into her own bag and handed him a sealed package. "No, you're not." Rafi stared at it, then at her. "You went back for me?" "I was tired of listening to you complain." His face softened anyway. Anya saw it and immediately looked away. "Take it before I change my mind." "You can admit you care about me." "I can also leave you here in the airlock." "See? Mixed signals."
Naomi looked at me over Rafi's shoulder. I looked back, and for once we managed not to make it obvious enough for him to notice. That lasted until Garrick came down the corridor carrying a narrow black case.
The joking died before he even opened it.
Garrick set the case on the bench beside the lock and looked at all five of us. "Orison's civilian districts are normally safe. Right now they have protests around the central civic sectors, transit disruptions and a lot of people looking for excuses to be angry at strangers. Stay away from large crowds. If local security closes a route, you don't argue about whether they're overreacting. You find another route. If somebody invites you into an alley because the food is cheaper there, assume they're lying." Rafi frowned. "That last one sounds personal." "It is." "You've been here?" "Yes." "What happened?" "You're not getting the story." "Then something definitely happened." Garrick ignored him and opened the case.
There was a pistol inside.
Rafi stared at it. "You're giving us a gun?" "No." Garrick looked directly at me, which was enough to make me glance over my shoulder on the unreasonable chance somebody older and better qualified had appeared behind me. Nobody had. "No," I said. Garrick folded his arms. "You haven't heard me yet." "I saw where you looked." Anya stepped closer to the case without touching it. "Is that legal for him to carry on Orison?" "Temporary transit authorization. Registered through our docking agreement." "That wasn't really my objection," I said. "Why me?" Garrick looked around the group. "Jun will spend the day worrying about it. Naomi doesn't want one. Anya would read the entire local weapons code before agreeing to put it on." Anya nodded. "Correct." Garrick pointed at Rafi. "And Rafi would enjoy having it too much." Rafi opened his mouth, looked at the pistol, then reconsidered. "That is unfairly accurate." Garrick looked back at me. "You're the one I trust to carry it and hope you never need it."
I stared at him. "You know that sounds like a compliment." "It isn't supposed to." "Still worked." Garrick lifted the holster from the case. "You can say no." I looked at him more carefully. "What happens if I do?" "You leave without it." "That's it?" "That's it." I glanced at the others. Naomi was already uncomfortable. Jun looked like he was thinking through ten possible injuries. Rafi had stopped smiling. Anya watched me instead of the weapon. I was still deciding when Lucien appeared at the far end of the corridor with Hana beside him, both of them talking quickly about some port issue. Hana handed him a slate and disappeared toward command. Lucien saw Garrick, saw the open case, then saw me. "You don't have to take it."
I laughed once. "Apparently everyone rehearsed that line." "Nobody rehearsed anything." "You want me to take it." "Yes." At least he said that immediately. I looked at him. "Why?" Lucien tucked the slate under one arm. "Because Garrick can't go. Kaia can't go. Eli and Niko are tied up with Vesper and Radian. I have port meetings for most of the day, and sending one of our people to follow you would make this less of a choice than I promised. Orison is stable enough that you don't need an escort. Stable enough is not the same as harmless." He glanced at the case. "I'd rather one of you have a way to protect the others if something happens."
There it was.
I looked at him for a moment. "You could have said protect myself." Lucien held my eyes. "I could have." "You picked the other wording on purpose." "Yes." Rafi looked between us without understanding all of it. I did. Lucien had learned not to threaten me. He had learned not to tell me what I had to do. Now he simply put the decision down where I could see it and arranged everything around it so that refusing meant something else. If the pistol was for me, I could say no because I hated guns, hated carrying one, hated the idea that a colony visit required me to be armed. If it was for Naomi, Rafi, Jun and Anya, then saying no became a different kind of choice.
"You do this constantly," I said. Lucien's expression barely changed. "Do what?" "Make something sound like my decision after you've already put all the weight on one side." Garrick looked like he had suddenly decided the ceiling was interesting. Lucien did not look away. "That doesn't mean the decision isn't yours." "That's exactly the kind of answer you would give." "Probably." "And you don't see anything wrong with it?" "I see a lot wrong with it. I also think Orison is unpredictable right now, and I trust you not to turn a sidearm into an excuse to act brave." He paused, then added, "If that makes you angrier, you can still leave it."
It did make me angrier.
I took the pistol.
Lucien did not smile.
That irritated me too.
Garrick showed me the holster, the safeties and the temporary authorization, then made me repeat the most important parts back to him. He did not teach me to be impressive with it. He made sure I understood that carrying it meant doing everything possible not to touch it. The pistol sat beneath my jacket once he finished, compact enough to disappear until I moved and heavy enough that I could never completely forget it was there. Topper bumped his head against the holster while sniffing around my side. "No." He tried again. "Absolutely not." Rafi leaned closer. "How does it feel?" "Like Garrick strapped a bad idea to my ribs." Garrick, still beside me, said, "I can hear you." "I know."
Naomi looked at Lucien. "When does Black Star leave?" He checked Hana's slate. "Best case late tonight. More likely tomorrow morning. Dock maintenance wants another inspection on the radiator work, and Mara has already threatened to keep us here until she gets replacement regulators she likes." "And if we don't come back?" Naomi asked. The corridor quieted without anybody meaning it to. Lucien looked at all five of us before answering. "Then you don't come back. If you tell the neutral office you're staying on Orison, we leave without you when the repairs are finished. If you simply disappear, we look for you because those are different circumstances. If you contact the Federation, we do not interfere." Anya frowned. "Even if we tell them everything?" "You can tell them whatever you want." "About Black Star?" "Yes." "About Nexus?" "Yes." "About Vesper?" "Yes." Rafi watched him. "You really mean that." Lucien looked at him. "I said you were free to leave. That can't mean you're free only if you keep our secrets afterward."
I stared at him. "I'm still waiting for the part you're not saying." Something crossed his face. "There isn't one." "You know why I don't believe you." "Yes." That was all. No argument. No explanation about necessity. No speech about trust. Somehow that left me with less to push against.
Kaia appeared before the silence could settle. She had clearly ignored whatever Tomas had told her about resting, but she was dressed normally and not in a flight suit, which probably counted as obedience by her standards. She took in the bags, the open gun case, then us. "This is cheerful." Rafi said, "We're leaving forever." Kaia looked at him. "You forgot underwear." His head snapped around. "How does everyone know?" Anya looked offended. "I asked Eli where the nearest supply locker was." "You used my name?" "He asked why." "You could have lied." "I didn't realize your underwear was classified." Kaia smiled. "It is now." Rafi covered his face with both hands. "I hate this ship."
That loosened the corridor enough for Kaia to move through the group without turning the moment into a ceremony. She told Jun that Tomas had already complained about losing his unpaid assistant and Jun said Tomas had never called him that, which Kaia answered with, "He wouldn't. He likes pretending affection causes organ failure." She told Naomi that Daven had hidden the environmental schedules she kept criticizing. Naomi said, "I already copied them," and Kaia looked genuinely proud. Anya got a warning never to trust Oren's inventory numbers if the totals ended in a suspiciously round number. Then Kaia got to Rafi and, before he could say anything stupid, hugged him. It lasted maybe a second. Rafi froze anyway. Kaia shoved him back by the shoulder and said, "You talk too much." Rafi blinked. "Was that your goodbye?" "No. I tripped." "Across the corridor?" "Very dangerous deck."
Then she looked at me.
I had been expecting something sarcastic. Instead her eyes dropped to the hidden shape beneath my jacket. "He gave you responsibility." I frowned. "Garrick gave me the pistol." "I wasn't talking about the pistol." I looked toward Lucien. He had the decency not to pretend he couldn't hear us. "Does he always do that?" I asked. Kaia's mouth tilted. "Lucien can make holding a door open sound like a moral test." Lucien sighed from behind her. "Excellent." Kaia ignored him. "He means what he says, which is why it works." "That doesn't bother you?" "Of course it bothers me. I've been yelling at him about it since I was eight." Lucien said, "You were yelling at everyone when you were eight." "Because most of them were wrong."
I looked back at her. "You think I should take it?" Kaia glanced at the holster. "I think I'd rather you never need it. I also think if something goes bad, you're going to put yourself between it and everyone else whether you have a weapon or not, so having one might keep you from doing something even stupider." "You know that isn't comforting." "Wasn't meant to be." She tugged the edge of my jacket once so the holster disappeared better. "And if the crowd starts moving, don't stand there trying to understand why." "That sounds specific." "Carthene." She did not need to say more.
The lock cycled.
For the first time since Caelum, there was an open door in front of us and nobody from Nexus was coming through it.
Rafi looked at Black Star behind us. "This feels weird." Anya adjusted her bag. "That is not useful." "I'm not trying to be useful." Jun looked at the open passage. "Are we supposed to say goodbye?" Naomi shook her head immediately. "No." Rafi looked relieved. "Good. I didn't prepare anything." Kaia said, "We know." He smiled at her. "I might come back just to annoy you." "That would be a terrible reason." "Still a reason." Kaia looked at all of us. "Go before Lucien turns this into another conversation."
Lucien did not stop us.
That mattered more than I wanted it to.
We walked through.
The first thing I noticed about Orison was that nobody looked impressed by Orison.
The docking concourse opened beneath a broad artificial sky, and beyond the transparent transit wall the colony curved away until neighborhoods became geometry overhead. Rail lines crossed green sections large enough to disappear behind buildings. Water caught the daylight somewhere in the distance. Apartment towers climbed inward, and far above, on the opposite side of the habitat, whole districts hung upside down only if I insisted on being stupid about gravity. People passed beneath all of it carrying groceries, arguing over work, dragging children toward school and staring at their own screens.
Rafi caught me looking up. "Don't." I kept walking. "I didn't say anything." "You're doing the planet-person stare." "I'm not from Earth." "I said planet person." "I know how rotational habitats work." "Then stop looking like you've discovered curved ground." Anya stepped between us before I could answer. "Can we get to the transit office before both of you become unbearable?" Rafi looked at her. "I'm already unbearable." "Correct." "You say that like you don't enjoy it." Anya gave him a look and kept walking. Rafi smiled to himself for several steps.
Naomi had stopped beside the glass. "Those trees are old." Rafi turned. "They're trees." "The central habitat soil is more than a century old in some sections." "Still trees." "You don't understand what I'm saying." "I understand there are trees." Jun leaned over Naomi's shoulder to look at the public map. "How old?" Naomi immediately launched into the colony's environmental history while the rest of us moved with the crowd. Jun listened seriously. Rafi looked at me and mouthed, He asked for that. I almost laughed.
That was what Orison felt like. Not a station. Not a military port with apartments attached. A place that had been lived in long enough for people to stop thinking about the walls keeping them alive. Schools sat above shops. Old transit columns carried layers of paint and old advertisements. A maintenance Frame moved containers behind an industrial barrier while commuters walked beneath it without looking twice. A woman shouted at a child for running too close to a tram lane. Two old men argued outside a café. Teenagers in school jackets occupied most of a stairwell while pretending not to notice the people trying to use it. Nothing about the colony waited for us to arrive.
The first anti-Earth sign was on a transit support.
EARTH HAS EARTH. ORISON IS OURS.
Someone had crossed out OURS and written underneath:
OURS MEANS EVERYONE WHO LIVES HERE.
Another sticker nearby read:
NO EARTH RESETTLEMENT.
Naomi slowed enough that Jun nearly walked into her. Rafi saw what she was looking at and lost the smile immediately. Anya opened the public news feed. "Council vote on emergency residency permits," she said. "Twenty-eight thousand over eighteen months. Displaced civilians from Federation territory." Naomi looked at the screen. "Earthborn?" "About forty percent." "Then why does every sign call it Earth resettlement?" Rafi shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. "Because that sounds better if you want people angry."
Naomi turned toward him. "You've heard this before." "Versions of it." "People saying Earthborns shouldn't live in colonies?" "Sometimes." She stared at him. "And you never thought that was worth mentioning during all those conversations about why people hate Earth?" Rafi frowned. "What was I supposed to do, make a list of every ugly thing I've heard on freight routes?" "No, but you keep explaining resentment toward Earth like it's about governments." "Most of it is." "And this?" She pointed at the sticker.
Rafi looked at it for a moment. "This is what happens when some people stop separating the Federation from the people living inside it. It starts with 'Earth shouldn't control us,' which I agree with, by the way. Then somebody decides that means Earthborn people shouldn't vote here. Somebody else says they shouldn't own property. Eventually there's an idiot putting stickers on transit walls telling families to leave." Naomi's jaw tightened. "You say that like it's obvious." "It is where I grew up." "It isn't obvious to me." "I know." "You keep saying that." "Because you grew up around people who thought Earth restoration was normal and important. I grew up around people who heard 'Earth restoration' and wondered how much of their tax was paying for a planet they might never visit. We heard different things."
Anya lifted her eyes from the article. "The housing complaint isn't completely invented." Naomi looked at her. "What does that mean?" "Orison has a residency waiting list. Some families have been waiting years for larger housing. These emergency permits bypass part of that process." "So blame the council." "Some people are." Anya scrolled lower. "Some clearly aren't." Rafi nodded. "That's the difference." Naomi looked between them. "I understand being angry about policy. I don't understand looking at a kid born on Earth and deciding they deserve less air because somebody in government wrote a law twenty years before they were born." Rafi's expression softened. "Neither do I." "Then why do you keep sounding like you're defending it?" "Because understanding why somebody got angry isn't defending what they do with the anger. You keep treating those like the same thing." Naomi opened her mouth, then closed it. Rafi continued, calmer now. "My family got called station rats by Earthborn freight crews. I don't think that means every person from Earth hates us. It means those people were assholes." Naomi looked down. "I've heard people say that." "I know." "I never said it." "I know that too."
The train arrived before either of them could say more. We boarded, and the argument followed us for another three stations. It became less angry once nobody was trying to win. Naomi talked about Earth restoration programs her family had supported and how much work had gone into making damaged regions livable again. Rafi explained why outer settlements resented being told Earth's survival justified central authority over communities that had become permanent generations ago. Anya corrected both of them whenever either made a statement broad enough to become nonsense. Jun mostly listened and occasionally asked questions that forced everyone to slow down and explain what they meant. I did not say much. I had opinions, but for once listening was more interesting than proving I had them.
The neutral transit office sat inside a civic complex near the commercial center. There were no Federation flags, no Nexus personnel, no armed guards waiting to drag us anywhere. Just desks, privacy booths, translation stations and people arranging passage between places that did not always recognize one another's laws. A clerk checked our temporary documentation without visibly reacting to our names. She explained that we could contact our families privately, request legal representation, arrange temporary Orison residency or request transfer through the Federation liaison office. Nexus would not have access to any communication unless we allowed it. Anya asked her to repeat that, then asked for the written privacy policy. Rafi leaned toward me. "She's happy." "This is her natural habitat." Anya did not turn around. "I can hear you." "We know."
Then we separated.
That was the strangest part.
For the first time since Caelum, the five of us walked into different rooms and closed doors behind us.
I took Topper with me. The booth was small, quiet and completely ordinary: table, chair, communication screen. No Black Star systems. No Lucien. No hidden Nexus emblem. Just an empty contact field waiting for me. I entered Mom's number and stopped before pressing connect.
Topper climbed onto the table and sat beside my wrist.
"This was easier when people were shooting at us."
He leaned against my hand.
"That is a terrible thing to say."
Topper stayed where he was.
I pressed connect.
Mom answered before the first ring finished.
For half a second neither of us said anything. Her hair was tied back badly. She was in Dad's office, and even through the screen I could tell she had been sleeping there. "Ilyan?" My throat closed so quickly I almost laughed. "Hi." She covered her mouth. Dad appeared beside her hard enough that he nearly knocked her chair sideways. "Ilyan." "I'm okay." Mom let out a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. "Do not start with that." "I didn't know what else to say." "Where are you?" "Orison." Dad immediately looked off-screen, probably checking maps. "The colony?" "No, the other Orison." He stared at me. "Sorry." Mom laughed despite herself, then started crying properly.
That was harder than yelling would have been.
We spent the first several minutes proving I was alive. Dad wanted to know if I had injuries. I said not anymore, which was a mistake. Mom caught it immediately. "Not anymore?" "I had a concussion." "Ilyan." "It was mild." "That word has lost all meaning." Dad leaned closer. "Were you in combat?" I went quiet. Both of them saw it. Dad stopped moving. Mom's face changed. "Ilyan." "I'll tell you. I promise. I just don't want the first two minutes of this call to be about that." Mom looked like she wanted to argue. Dad put a hand on her shoulder, and after a few seconds she nodded. "All right. Not now. But you are telling us." "I know."
They asked about the others. I told them Rafi, Naomi, Anya and Jun were alive. I told them the other civilians had been safe the last time I knew. I told them Black Star had reached Orison and Lucien was letting us leave. Mom sat straighter immediately. "Then stay there." Dad was already typing something. "I can contact a Federation office and arrange—" "No." It came out too fast. Dad's hands stopped. Mom stared at me. "What do you mean, no?" "I mean don't contact anyone yet." "Ilyan, you were abducted." "I know." "You were injured." "I know." "You were apparently in combat." "I know." "And now the people who took you are standing outside waiting to see if you go back?" "They're not outside. Nobody from Nexus came with us." Mom rubbed both hands over her face. "That is not reassuring me."
Dad leaned closer. "Why don't you want Federal pickup?" I looked at Topper, then back at them. I could not tell them everything. Not yet. Radian was too complicated, Perrin was too raw, and I did not even know what the Federation might know about the prototype. "Because the second they pick me up, I become evidence." Mom frowned. "What does that mean?" "It means people ask me everything about Black Star and Nexus and what happened, and I'm fourteen, so nobody tells me anything back. They just decide I'm safer not knowing." Dad's expression changed because that argument made sense to him in a way almost nothing else would. Mom saw it and pointed at him. "Do not use your thinking face." Dad looked genuinely confused. "I have one face." "No, you don't. He got this from you."
I almost laughed.
Mom saw it and softened despite herself. "Ilyan, you are allowed to come home and let us help. You do not have to solve this yourself." "I know." "Then come home." I looked down at the table. "I want to. I just don't know if I want to leave today." She stared at me. "Why?" "I don't know how to explain it without making it sound bigger than it is. I want to understand what happened. I want to know what Black Star was actually for. I want answers about Radian." Dad interrupted. "Radian?" I immediately regretted saying the name. Mom looked between us. "What is Radian?" "Later." Dad's eyes narrowed in exactly the way Anya had described the night before. "Ilyan." "Dad, please." He stopped, but barely. I continued. "I'm not saying I want to join Nexus. I'm not saying I'm staying forever. I just don't want the first decision I get to make for myself to be handing everything back to people who already decided what I'm supposed to know."
Mom looked away.
Dad was quiet.
Neither of them liked it.
That was obvious.
Mom finally said, "You sound older." "I'm not." "No. You don't." She looked back at me. "You sound tired." That was closer. "Yeah." She took a breath. "I still want you to stay on Orison." "I know." "I am going to keep saying it." "I know." "And if you go back to that ship, I'm going to be furious." "I know." Dad said, "That one might be hereditary."
Mom glared at him.
He gave me the smallest smile.
I asked about Talia before anyone could start again. Mom's face softened. "She's alive." I had not realized how badly I needed to hear that until my whole body loosened at once. "Where?" "We don't know exactly." Dad said, "She's been reassigned." "To what?" "Classified." "Of course." Mom almost smiled. "She's still Talia." "Does she know I'm alive?" "We'll get the message to her." "I want to talk to her." "We know."
They let me record something.
The first version started with "Hey" and sounded so stupid I deleted it. The second started better. "Hi, Talia. Mom says you're alive, which is nice because I was planning to be really angry if you weren't." I stopped, then kept going. "I'm on Orison. I'm okay. Mom is going to tell you I said that too quickly, so don't listen to her. The others are alive. Topper is here and still terrible. I know you're probably trying to find me. Please don't do anything stupid." I looked at the recording light. "That was pointless. Obviously you're going to do something stupid." Topper pressed against my wrist. "I miss you." I sent it before I could rethink the last part.
When I reopened the family call, Mom had been crying again. Dad pretended not to notice.
We talked for another twenty minutes, mostly about things that did not matter because things that did not matter were easier. Mom asked whether I was eating. Dad asked three questions about Black Star's air circulation before Mom accused him of conducting an engineering interview with his missing son. I asked what had happened at home after Caelum. Reporters had camped outside. Mom had gotten security to remove one. Dad corrected her and said she had threatened to remove him personally first. She said the distinction was irrelevant. For a little while I could almost pretend I was home and they were both just being themselves.
Then the call ended.
Mom looked directly into the camera. "Stay on Orison." I swallowed. "I'll call again before I move." "That was not what I said." "I know." "Ilyan." "I love you." Her face folded. "I love you too." Dad leaned in beside her. "Whatever you decide, you call first." "I promise." He watched me until he was sure I meant it.
The screen went dark.
I sat there with Topper against my arm and wondered how a conversation I had wanted for days could leave me less certain than before.
When I came out, Jun was already sitting in the waiting area. His eyes were red, but he looked calmer. Naomi emerged a few minutes later, saw him and hugged him before either of them seemed to decide that was what they were doing. Jun froze, then slowly put both arms around her. When they separated, neither looked directly at the other. Rafi came out next, clearly having cried and clearly prepared to fight anyone who mentioned it. "Not one word." Nobody said one. He sat beside me and rubbed both hands over his face. Anya took the longest. When she finally came out, she looked perfectly composed, which meant nothing. Rafi stood. "You okay?" She looked at him. "No." "Yeah. Me neither." He opened his arms only halfway, giving her enough space to refuse. She stepped into them.
Nobody commented.
Nobody needed to.
All of our families wanted us home.
Of course they did.
The clerk explained that Federation pickup could be arranged, but not immediately. Because of our age, political status and the fact that Black Star was currently wanted by several governments, Orison required a formal transfer authorization before releasing us into Federal custody. Earliest estimate: the following afternoon. Black Star would probably be gone by then.
The five of us looked at each other.
We had time.
That almost felt less fair than not having any.
So we left the office and went into the colony.
For several hours, we became very good at pretending that was the only thing we were doing.
Rafi found a bakery before we reached the first transit station and spent five minutes arguing with Anya because she wanted to try a place with better reviews. He accused her of applying data analysis to pastries. She said that was exactly the sort of thing data analysis was for. She won. Rafi ate two of whatever she ordered and refused to admit she had been right. Naomi dragged us through part of Orison's central park system because the soil beds were apparently older than several governments. Jun asked one question and got twenty minutes of environmental history in return, which he seemed perfectly happy about. At some point Naomi stopped talking about the park and started talking about the kind of work she wanted to do when the war ended. Jun listened differently then.
Rafi noticed.
He leaned toward me while Naomi and Jun walked ahead. "They're not subtle." "You are not allowed to say that." "Why?" Anya, walking beside him, turned. "Yes. Why?" Rafi stopped. I looked straight ahead. "I didn't say anything." Anya narrowed her eyes. Rafi looked between us and suddenly understood enough to become dangerous. "Oh." "Don't." "No, I'm interested now." "Be interested quietly." Anya folded her arms. "I would also like to know what you're talking about." I pointed toward a food stall. "Look. Lunch." Rafi stared at it. "That's closed." "Interesting architecture." "You're terrible under pressure."
We found a public gravball court later. Rafi spent several minutes criticizing a youth team until one of the players heard him and invited him in. He lasted less than five minutes before misjudging the rotation and hitting the padded wall shoulder-first. I laughed hard enough that Topper climbed onto my lap to avoid being dropped. Rafi came back rubbing his shoulder. "Different spin rate." "You said you grew up around cylinders." "Not this cylinder." Anya handed him a drink. "You looked very impressive." Rafi squinted at her. "Was that sarcasm?" "Yes." "Nice." She smiled. He smiled back. Neither of them noticed how obvious they were becoming.
Orison slowly stopped feeling enormous and started feeling ordinary, which was more impressive. Old infrastructure showed through newer districts. Some apartment buildings had been built around structural bands from the colony's first generations. Public walls were covered in school notices, advertisements, union messages and graffiti. People had lived here long enough to make everything messy. That made the political tension harder to separate from ordinary life. The same transit stop could have a children's art project on one wall and EARTHBORN GO HOME painted on the other.
By the time we reached the civic district again, the protests were impossible to avoid.
We heard them before we saw them.
The sound carried between buildings in overlapping waves. Orison security had closed part of the central plaza, and public screens redirected commuters around three blocked stations. Kaia's warning came back immediately. If a crowd starts moving, don't stand there trying to understand it.
"We go around," I said. Rafi nodded at once. "Absolutely." I looked at him. "What?" "Nothing. I expected an argument." "I have survival instincts." Anya said, "Inconsistent survival instincts." "Still counts."
The alternate route took us along an elevated walkway above the edge of the plaza. Far enough to leave if we wanted. Close enough to see.
There were thousands of people below.
Not one crowd.
Several.
One group carried Orison flags and signs about housing, local sovereignty and the emergency residency decision. HONOR THE WAITING LIST.ORISON FOR ORISONERS.EARTH HAS A WORLD. WE BUILT OURS. Mixed among them were signs that were harder to pretend were about policy. NO EARTH VOTES.EARTHBORN OUT.OUR AIR FOR OUR CHILDREN. Across the plaza, counterprotesters held signs of their own. BORN HERE OR CHOSE HERE — STILL ORISON.NO BIRTHPLACE TEST FOR BELONGING.MY MOTHER IS EARTHBORN. I AM ORISON.
Security Frames stood behind the police lines with weapons lowered and shields ready. One had knelt across a transit entrance, using its shield to block the route while commuters hurried through another passage. Nobody below seemed particularly interested in the machines. Protesters shouted beneath them. Children sat on their parents' shoulders. Vendors at the far edge of the plaza were still selling food.
A man on the nationalist side had a microphone. "Our families waited years for housing while the council told us there was no capacity. No additional water margin. No school capacity. No available units. Then the Federation fails its own people and suddenly Orison finds tens of thousands of places!" The crowd cheered. Naomi watched without saying anything. The man continued, "Our parents built this colony. Our grandparents kept it alive when Earth remembered us only when taxes were due. We are not a spare room for a planet that spent generations telling us how to live!"
More cheers.
Even I could understand why that line worked.
Then he said, "Orison must belong first to those born to it."
The crowd changed.
Not completely.
Some cheered louder.
Some stopped.
A few people near the edge lowered their signs.
Rafi exhaled. "There."
Naomi looked at him. "What?" "That's the point where it stops being about the permits." The speaker continued below us. "No Earthborn applicant should receive housing while an Orison-born family waits!" Naomi stared down into the plaza. "My mother was born on Earth." Rafi looked at her. "I know." "If she lived here thirty years, people like him would still say she belonged somewhere else." "Yeah." "How can anyone think that?" Rafi leaned against the rail. "Same way Earthborn people decided my grandfather was a station rat because he was born somewhere where the walls mattered more than the weather. You hear something enough times, eventually somebody decides it means more than where a person came from." Naomi looked at him. "That doesn't make it less disgusting." "I didn't say it did."
On the counterprotest side, an older woman took another microphone. "My father was born on Earth. My mother was born in Ceres. I was born six streets from this plaza. Which half of my family do you want me to send away?" Her side erupted. So did the other.
The sound sharpened.
Police shifted.
The Frames behind them straightened.
"We're leaving," I said.
Nobody objected.
We had almost reached the next block when something shattered behind us.
I turned.
I never saw who threw it.
A second object crossed the barrier.
Somebody shoved somebody else.
Then the plaza moved.
Thousands of separate people became one frightened body trying to escape in opposite directions. Police lines bent. People at the edge stumbled. A siren started. The crowd spilled into the surrounding streets.
"Move."
We did.
At first we walked quickly because running made everyone around you run. Then people were running anyway.
Rafi grabbed Anya's hand when the flow split between them. Jun caught Naomi by the shoulder. I tucked Topper tight beneath one arm and tried to keep the other free. The pistol sat against my side, suddenly impossible not to feel. Somebody slammed into me hard enough to turn me sideways. I caught myself against a wall and looked for the others.
Rafi. Anya. Jun. Naomi.
All there.
Good.
I understood Lucien's choice all over again and hated him for it.
Jun stopped.
"Jun!"
A man had gone down beside a planter and hit his head. Jun was already crouching. Naomi dropped beside him without hesitation. "He's bleeding." "I can see that." "I was helping." "Then keep people off me." Rafi and Anya moved sideways to create space. Another wave of people came around the corner. I shoved one man away from the planter. "Go around!" He barely heard me. A local security officer arrived seconds later and redirected the flow while Jun checked the man's pupils. "Can he move?" I asked. "Probably, but he shouldn't stand yet." The man immediately tried to stand. Jun put a hand on his shoulder. "Please don't." "I'm fine." Jun looked at him with a smaller version of Tomas's expression. "You hit your head hard enough to forget I just watched it happen. Sit down." The man sat.
Two security officers took over. We kept moving.
Then somebody shouted, "Earthborn!"
Naomi stopped.
Across the street, a woman with a small child was trying to get through a locked transit entrance while several people shouted at her from the corner. Her accent must have given her away. One young man kept yelling, "Go home!" even though the woman was clearly more concerned with keeping her child from crying than debating colonial politics.
Naomi moved toward her.
I caught her sleeve. "What are you doing?" "She has a kid." "There are police right there." "They're dealing with half the district." Jun was already looking at the woman. Of course he was. "The southern entrance should still be open," Anya said. "Two blocks down." Rafi looked at me. "We can get her there." "I hate all of you." Then I went with them.
The woman looked frightened when five teenagers approached until Naomi held both hands where she could see them. "We're not with them. The southern station is open. We're heading that way." Anya lifted her map. "I checked." The woman looked at the crowd, then at the child pressed against her chest. "Okay."
We started moving.
Three protesters followed.
The first man kept shouting at the woman. The second joined in. A young woman behind them seemed less committed but angry enough to keep coming. Rafi turned once. "Keep walking," I told him. "I am walking." "You're walking backward." "Still walking." Anya grabbed his sleeve and turned him around.
The first man caught up near the next intersection and moved toward Naomi. "Why are you helping her?" Naomi stopped. "Because she needs help." "She has a whole planet." Naomi stared at him. "What does that even mean?" "You Earth people always come here and—" "I don't live here." "You sound Earthborn." "My family is." "There it is." Rafi stepped closer. "There what is?" The man looked at him and heard enough in his accent to change expression. "You're habitat-born." "Yeah." "Then why are you defending them?" Rafi laughed once. "Because I'm not stupid enough to think where somebody's mother gave birth decides whether they deserve help."
The second man stepped closer.
Anya let go of Rafi's sleeve and shifted beside him.
I felt the pistol again.
For one second, I understood why having it could be dangerous. I could draw it. I could end the argument immediately. I could also turn an angry street into a panic with one movement.
So I left it where it was.
I stepped between Naomi and the first man. "We're leaving." He looked at me. "Who are you?" "Someone trying to get out of your way." "Federation?" "Does it matter?" "It matters if you're bringing more Earth trash into Orison." Naomi inhaled sharply behind me. The woman with the child was crying now. I wanted to hit him. The thought was simple and immediate. Instead I said, "You're yelling at a woman carrying a kid. Whatever you think you're defending, you look ridiculous doing it."
Rafi muttered, "Excellent de-escalation."
"Working on it."
The man stepped closer.
My jacket shifted.
His eyes dropped.
He saw the holster.
He stopped.
So did the second man.
I had never been less pleased to have something work.
A local security team rounded the corner behind them. The young woman backing the two men stepped away immediately. The first man pointed at me. "He's armed." An officer looked at my transit badge, scanned it from several steps away and watched the authorization light change. "Registered. Move along." The man started arguing. The officer cut him off. "Not him. You. Everyone clears this street now."
We left before anybody changed their mind.
Nobody said much until we reached the southern station. The woman thanked us repeatedly and disappeared onto the next train with her child. Naomi sat down hard on a bench. Rafi dropped beside her. Jun remained standing for a moment before sitting on her other side. Anya sat beside Rafi. Their hands were still together.
Rafi noticed first.
He looked down. "I'm still holding your hand."
Anya looked too. "Yes."
"For quite a while."
"Yes."
"Sorry."
She looked at him strangely. "Why?"
He had no answer.
Anya looked toward the sparse crowd moving through the station, then tightened her fingers around his. "We're still in a crowd."
There were maybe twenty people around us.
Rafi nodded very seriously. "Right."
I looked away because I liked him enough not to destroy him.
Naomi stared down at the floor. "I thought I understood the Earth thing." Rafi glanced toward her. "What do you mean?" "I knew people hated the Federation. I knew outer colonies thought Earth controlled too much. I knew there were people who wanted Earth completely out of space politics. I didn't understand someone could look at a woman with a child and think her birthplace mattered more than what was happening in front of them." Rafi rested his elbows on his knees. "I did." She looked at him. "You've seen this before?" "Not exactly like that. But yes. Freight routes hear everything. People who think Earthborns are weak. People who think gravity-well people shouldn't have a say in habitat law. People who say station-born workers aren't real citizens. Most of it is talk until it isn't." Naomi rubbed at one eye. "I hate that." "Me too." "You understand why they're angry." "Yes." "And you still hate it." "Yes." Rafi looked at her. "Those things can exist together."
Naomi nodded slowly.
Then Anya said, "This is what Lucien meant."
I turned. "About what?" "The war creating its own proof. Federation control gives people reasons to resent Earth. Some of that resentment becomes hatred. Then people like the ones we just met give the Federation another reason to say independent colonies can't be trusted to govern themselves." Rafi nodded. "Everybody gets evidence for the story they already wanted." Naomi looked miserable. "I hate that Lucien is right about things." I understood completely. My hand brushed the holster beneath my jacket. "Yeah."
We stayed there until everyone stopped shaking enough to pretend we were fine.
Then we kept going.
We ate late lunch in a market where half the signs were in languages I could not read. Rafi chose food by smell. Anya chose by reviews. They ended up eating from the same stall anyway. Naomi and Jun disappeared into a public garden for twenty minutes and came back arguing about whether the colony's oldest soil beds were actually stable without aggressive microbial management. Jun looked happier than anyone should while losing an argument about dirt.
The artificial daylight dimmed slowly as evening came across Orison. Lights came on along streets that curved overhead. The colony grew quieter without ever becoming quiet.
Eventually we reached the transit junction that mattered.
One line went back to Black Star's docks.
One went to the Federation liaison sector.
One went toward temporary housing and residential districts.
The signs were impossible to misunderstand.
Nobody moved.
Trains arrived.
Doors opened.
People got on.
The doors closed.
Naomi said first, "My parents want me to wait for the Federation." Jun nodded. "Mine too." Rafi gave a weak laugh. "My mother used several words I'm pretty sure violate communications law." Anya stared toward the Federation platform. "My father already has people traveling here."
Rafi looked at her.
"You're going?"
"I don't know."
His answer came too quickly. "Okay."
Anya turned toward him. "Would you be upset if I did?"
"No."
She kept looking.
Rafi sighed. "Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I like you."
Everything stopped.
Rafi's face changed as soon as he heard himself.
"I mean all of you."
Anya stared at him.
"That was extremely convincing," I said.
"Shut up."
Naomi smiled despite herself.
Rafi rubbed both hands over his face. "This is not how I wanted that to happen."
Anya's mouth twitched. "How did you want it to happen?"
"I hadn't gotten that far. Just not while choosing between a stolen warship and Federal Security."
"That is fair."
Rafi lowered his hands. "So now you know."
Anya looked at him for a long moment. "I like you too."
Rafi forgot how to speak.
I had never seen him do that before.
Anya smiled slightly. "You don't need to look terrified."
"I'm not terrified."
"You look more frightened than when the riot started."
"That was simpler."
She laughed.
Naomi leaned gently against Jun's shoulder while watching them. Jun looked down at her, hesitated, then let his shoulder stay exactly where it was.
The next Federation train arrived.
None of us boarded.
It left.
Jun spoke after it disappeared. "I'm going back to Black Star." Naomi turned toward him. He continued before anyone could ask why. "Not forever. I'm not joining Nexus. I just don't want today to be the last day. I want more time with Tomas. I want to understand what I'm actually choosing before I go home and let everybody else decide it for me." Naomi nodded slowly. "I'm going back too." Jun looked genuinely surprised. "You are?" "Yes." "Why?" She glanced toward the Federation line. "Because I spent today realizing I don't understand half the things I thought I did. I still want home. I still believe Earth matters. I just don't want to walk into a room tomorrow and let somebody explain all of this to me before I've worked out what I think."
Rafi lifted one hand. "I'm going wherever Anya goes."
Anya looked at him.
He shrugged. "I already embarrassed myself. Might as well be honest."
"That is a terrible decision-making system."
"It's consistent."
She looked toward Black Star's line. "I'm going back."
Rafi exhaled like somebody had opened an airlock in his chest.
Then everyone looked at me.
I sighed. "Why do you keep doing that?"
Naomi smiled. "Because you haven't answered."
"I'm calling home first."
Nobody argued.
I stepped away from the platform and called Mom and Dad.
They were not happy.
Mom told me again to stay on Orison. Dad asked whether I understood what I was choosing. I said no, probably not completely. That almost started another argument until I told him I would rather admit I did not fully understand than pretend certainty because everyone wanted an answer. Dad went quiet after that. Mom cried again. I promised I would call from Black Star. She made me promise twice. Then she told me she loved me and that being furious did not change that.
When the call ended, my hands shook.
Topper pressed himself against my ankle.
Rafi stood near the dock-bound platform. "You coming?"
I looked toward the Federation line.
Then toward the dock line.
"Yeah."
That was all.
We got on the train.
Black Star was still there when we returned.
Maintenance gantries surrounded sections of the hull. Cargo vehicles moved along the docks. Repair crews crossed the access bridges. Nothing about the ship looked like it had been waiting for us.
Garrick met us inside the lock.
His eyes moved over the five bags, then us. "Problems?" "Riot," I said. His expression hardened. "Anyone hurt?" "Not us." "Weapon?" "Never drew it." "Good." I unfastened the holster and handed it to him immediately. The relief of losing the weight was almost embarrassing. Garrick returned the pistol to its case without comment.
Rafi looked down the corridor. "Everyone still here?" "Last time I checked." "Kaia?" "Hangar." "Lucien?" Garrick looked at me. "Auxiliary command."
The others started toward habitation.
Naomi noticed I was not moving. "You coming?"
"In a minute."
She looked at me for a second, then nodded. Rafi gave me a questioning look. I shook my head. He followed the others.
Garrick did not ask why.
Lucien was alone in auxiliary command when I found him, standing over a table full of repair reports. He looked up as I entered. His eyes went first to me, then to the fact that I no longer had the pistol.
"You came back."
"Apparently."
"The others?"
"Here."
He nodded.
I stayed near the door.
Lucien waited.
"You knew."
His expression changed slightly. "Knew what?"
"That I'd come back."
"No."
"You thought I would."
"I hoped."
"That isn't what I'm talking about."
Lucien set the slate down.
I walked closer to the table. "The pistol. You knew what giving it to me would do." He watched me carefully. "What did it do?" "It made me responsible for everyone." "You were responsible before you had it." "Exactly." He said nothing. I kept going. "You didn't choose me because I was the oldest. I'm not. You didn't choose me because I knew the most about weapons. I definitely don't. You picked me because you knew I'd spend the entire day checking where everyone was the second you told me the pistol was for them."
Lucien looked at me for several seconds.
"Yes."
I had expected him to argue.
That answer irritated me more.
"You just admit it."
"What would you rather I say?"
"I'd rather you stop doing it."
"That's fair."
"No, don't do that."
His eyebrows moved. "Do what?"
"Agree like that makes it fine."
"I don't think it makes it fine."
"You always do this. You make the choice heavy enough that people take the one you want, then you tell the truth about what you did afterward so you still get to be honest."
Lucien stopped moving.
Good.
I continued. "You did it with Radian. You told me people might die if I didn't launch, and when I called it a threat you said yes. Today you couldn't order me to take a gun, so you said it was for everyone else. Same thing. Different size."
Lucien leaned both hands against the table. "There is a difference."
"Of course you think there is."
"I didn't say there wasn't manipulation. There was. I chose you because I trust your judgment, and because I knew protecting the group mattered to you. I also believed Orison was unstable enough that sending you out completely unarmed was a bad risk."
"You decided that risk for us."
"Yes."
"That's the problem."
"I know."
I laughed without humor. "You need another sentence."
"I probably do."
For once, he looked less like the person everyone followed and more like a nineteen-year-old who had been awake too long.
I looked at him. "You know what the worst part is?"
He waited.
"You mean everything you say."
His expression changed.
"When you say you care whether we're safe, you mean it. When you say you didn't want us taken in the first place, I think you mean that too. If you were just lying to people, this would be easy. But you actually care, and then you use that care to decide which direction everybody gets pushed."
Lucien looked down at the table.
I had never seen him do that during an argument.
"Kaia says something similar."
"Maybe listen to her."
"I do."
"More."
A small breath escaped him, almost a laugh. "She would agree with you."
"She's probably going to enjoy that."
"She enjoys very little more than being right about me."
I folded my arms. "Did you know we'd come back?"
"No."
"Really?"
"Yes." He looked at me again. "I thought Rafi might because he attaches himself to people quickly. Jun surprised me less after I saw how much time he spends in medical. Anya could have gone either way. Naomi surprised me."
"And me?"
Lucien took longer.
"I thought you wanted to come back."
"That's not the same thing."
"No."
"How did you know?"
"I didn't know. I noticed you started talking about tomorrow."
I frowned.
He continued. "Not in speeches. Small things. Asking Niko what tests he could run later. Leaving work on Mara's bench because you expected to finish it. Arguing with Kaia about Vesper repairs you weren't going to see completed until after Orison. People usually stop making plans in a place they've already decided to leave."
I hated that he had noticed.
"See? You make everyone sound like something you analyzed."
Lucien accepted that quietly. "Probably more than I should."
"That is an incredibly annoying answer."
"I'm trying not to give you the other kind."
"What other kind?"
"The polished one."
That caught me.
I looked at him.
He rubbed one hand over the back of his neck. "You're right about something else. I'm good at making necessary things sound like choices, and sometimes I convince myself that because I told the truth, I didn't put pressure on anyone. That isn't always true."
I did not expect that.
It left me with nowhere obvious to go.
"So stop."
"I can't or at least not yet."
"That sounds convenient."
"It is also true."
I looked toward the repair reports. "Did you know the pistol helped?"
"No."
"It did."
Lucien's attention sharpened.
I told him about the riot, the woman with the child and the men following us. I told him I never drew the weapon, but one of them saw the holster and stopped advancing.
Lucien exhaled.
I pointed at him. "There. That face."
"What face?"
"The one where you're relieved and also quietly convinced this proves you were right."
His mouth almost moved.
"It can be both," I said.
"Yes."
"Stop agreeing with me."
"I don't know what you want anymore."
"That makes two of us."
For the first time, Lucien actually laughed.
Not much.
Enough.
I started toward the door.
"Ilyan."
I turned.
He looked serious again. "I didn't know you would come back."
"I believed in you ."
"I'm glad you did."
There was the dangerous part again.
Not an order.
Not a plan.
Just something true.
I looked at him for a second. "I'm not Nexus."
"I know."
"I'm not Radian's pilot."
"I know."
"I came back because I wanted more time."
Lucien nodded. "Then take more time."
No argument.
No invitation.
No reminder that the ship needed me.
That was probably the smartest thing he could have done.
Which meant I still did not trust it completely.
I went back to habitation.
Rafi and Anya were arguing somewhere down the corridor. Naomi laughed. Jun said something I could not hear. Topper slipped from my arms and trotted toward the noise before I even opened my cabin.
Inside, everything was where I had left it.
The photograph.
The token.
My notes.
Mara's tools.
My bag landed beside the bed.
I did not unpack it.
Not yet.
From the corridor, Rafi shouted, "Ilyan! Tell Anya liking someone absolutely counts as partial debt forgiveness!"
Anya shouted after him, "It absolutely does not!"
I leaned back through the doorway. "You confessed and immediately started trying to borrow money?"
"It wasn't borrowing!"
"You owe me twenty-seven credits!"
"Twenty-two!"
Jun laughed.
Naomi said, "You two are exhausting."
Topper disappeared around the corner after them.
I looked once at the packed bag.
Then followed.