We are all in this crazy jerk-circle. Ethan looks at the fleshlight, and then back at me with a face of disgust. I tell him to shut up and let the men talk.
He goes quiet after that, probably gonna have to deal with him bitch about this later.
"So.. You guys got any ideas" Robert says.
"Holy shit how useless are you!" I wonder out loud so specifically heard it.
"Well first, we should probably get some weapons or something, going in with nothing but our dicks in our hands is not a good move" Andrew stated.
"I mean, you're right, but where are we gonna find weapons? We live in Canada for fucks sake" Andrew asks.
A small grin appears on Robert's face. Judging by that maybe I should've choked him out when I got the chance. That weirdo.
"Lucky for you guys, I have some hoarded in the attic" Robert exclaims.
"Okay, then.. Go get it and stop wasting our time" I say, getting a little annoyed.
"Okay.. fine" he says while pouting.
He grabs a ladder from behind the door,
and makes his way towards the trapdoor in the middle of the hallway. Then he looks back at us and says:
"I forgot where the kay is.. Could you help me find it?"
So I'm just done with this useless guy's bullshit. I walk up to him, push the old fucker to the ground, and one tap the disintegrating door with my bare hands.
"There, where in, let's go." I said while everyone else was in shock. It looked like they just saw a ghost and I don't know why.
I peek my head in a little, just to make sure that there isn't some sort of trap laid out in there. The cost seemed to be clear, so I stepped up inside the attic. Let me tell you something, that attic was dusty as it hit. There were cobwebs everywhere, everything looked a shade of grey from all the dust. It was awful.
I cough a little because of the trap door wafting the dust around, and signal to everyone else that it's okay to come in.
"So, where are your so-called weapons? I don't see them here" I say, hoping he doesn't answer with some absolute bullshit.
"You see that suitcase in the corner there?" Roberts says while pointing at one of the corners in the attic.
"Where? It's just fucking dust I can't see anything" I respond with. "Andrew, Ethan, you guys see a suitcase?"
"Nope." Ethan says'
"Just dust" Andrew adds.
I sigh with annoyance, this skeleton is wasting MY time. Like are you kidding me.
Just then, old man Robert blew with surprising strength, into that very same corner. The dust flies away in every direction, revealing a suitcase just sitting there.
"Y'all were saying ya little brats" Robert smirks with satisfaction. Like he just conquered a mountain or something.
All three of us roll our eyes at this cook, but let him have it because sadly, he's kinda right.
"Well.. you gonna open it or are we gonna be here all day" I ask, devoid of giving two fucks about this guy anymore.
"Right okay" he decides to give us this dramatic case opening, it feels like being in some fancy restaurant where everything costs more than the average person's rent. Can someone tell me why anyone would go to someplace like that, just for the food to be ass.
Inside the suitcase.. Was… hold on, I need some suspension… WAS!!! ...
Two AR-15's and a Kevlar vest. Now for where he got all that, I have no idea.
"Yo.. the fuck" those words automatically came out of Ethan's mouth.
"I know right, pretty sick if you ask me" Robert said all smug and shit.
"Nice collection I guess. where 'chu get it though?' I ask in anticipation.
"Dunno, my now dead friend Huckleberry gave it to me. He said it was passed down from his dad, but I knew that retard was lying" Robert responds with.
"R.I.P. Huckleberry I guess.. Anyway, since we have weapons now, can we just head out now, or.." Andrew said his first word in a bit.
"Dam, thought you lost the ability to speak there" I mock him.
"Fuck you dude" he flipps me the bird. Why'd I say that like I'm some old head.
"Shush you heathens" Robert begins with. "You can't just go in there guns blazin' and expect to get something done. First we need a route to go thou-"
"We?! You speaking French or something bro you're not a part of this plan" I set things straight.
"Oh well, I guess you don't need my fucking help then" Robert whines like a little bitch.
"Ok fine, you can come with us you old fart" I give in. I mean, he's right, what the hell are we even gonna accomplish without his arsenal.
"Okay can we stop with this and just get to the plan" Ethan spoke up sounding annoyed.
"Oh yeah right! Come with me to the living room downstairs so we can discuss this" Robert declares while climbing down the ladder.
"Okay! Robert slams down a map of what seems to be the house, and I must say it was a pretty good drawing. "The Boateng family is very guarded around the property. There is one area that I've managed to get close to. That part is around here" Robert points to the forested area surprisingly close to the house.
"So we just have to sneak through there and break in"
Ethan asks.
"Exactly! Like I said I've managed to get pretty close to the house and I'm old and only one person. You guys on the other hand, have strength in numbers on your side"
"Yeah but it's like four of us compared to however many guards there are on the property" Andrew rebuttals with.
"Yeah, and what if the guy we're looking for isn't even there" Ethan adds.
"Well that ain't my problem, but maybe we could wait for him to come back to his whole family slaughtered" Robert answers.
"Wait.. I thought we were just gonna threaten them with the weapons, not kill people!" Ethan trembles.
"Bro, calm down, it's okay to kill bad people. We'll just leave the good ones to clean up the mess" I reassure him.
"Fucking, WHAT!! You done lost your mind, I'm not becoming a criminal, no way in hell"
"If you bail on us, we'll just say that you took part in all of this. Either way you're staying with us. No going back now you little pussy!" Andrew and I say in unison, reaching a level of understanding like never before.
I then proceed to pick up Ethan and hold him in my arms like a baby. Making sure he couldn't run away or something. For some reason though, he didn't try to pull away at all. Which is kind of weird if you ask me.
"Aight I don't think we need anything else, we just gotta run through the forest like some ww1 trench raid, and bust that bitch down!" I exclaim.
"You guys ready or what?!"
"Yeah!!"
"Fuck yeah!!"
"S-sure I guess.."
We scream out as we get the fuck outta that stingy ass dusty musty old home. Feeling like we could conquer the world with this adrenaline rush. I felt like we just snorted a line of crack. Even though I don't know what that feels like because I've never done it before.
Scene change *blushes~~~
We're tip-toeing through the forest ww1 style. The sun's slowly going down, since it's the afternoon now. We didn't really do much for two hours.. Anyway, all the animals arounds us were looking at us like: "the fuck are these retards doing?" in which I mean, you can't blame them.
"So how much farther is this palace?" I ask bored out of my mind.
"We're almost there, you impatient bastard" Robert snarls at me.
"Ok damn, calm down! I'm just asking" I proceed to shut up after that. Leaving a good 5 minute silence, that was the most awkward situation I've ever been in at the time.
"So.." Andrew breaks the ice. "I never got to ask, why are you trying to take revenge on these guys?"
Robert looks at his thorn up shoes for a second, and then says "they murdered my entire family.."
Jeez, that got dark reel quick. Let's hear him out though. Since anything's better than walking in some defining silence.
"I wasn't always like this. Around 10 years ago my life was going pretty good. I had a CEO position at a prestigious company, a loving wife, and a son. All of that changed when I decided to make a deal with that slimy family"
"Oh.. that's juicy.." I say.
"Yo let me tell my FUCKING STORY!!"
"Ok damn.."
"Anyway.. Our company at that time wasn't really doing too well, and the only way to stabilize at that time was to make that deal. In exchange for 50 mil. They get to do whatever they want with the company. Which sucked but I wasn't tryna lose my job over here"
"What was the company you worked at even called?" Ethan asked.
"Coattail industries"
"Wait, YOU'RE ROBERT GOODMAN!!" we all said in shock and dismay.
"In the flesh, now can you let me finish my goddamn story you cockroach's"
"Sure man" Ethan says all giddy.
"So we made the deal, a pretty easy process actually. Everything was going smoothly for a little while, until these fuckers decided to show they're true colours. They would use our products in horrifying ways in which I can't even name any of them. Just know all of them would be getting the death penalty is this became public knowledge"
"So you then decided to play hero and stop this?" I asked curiously
"Tried to, but that's enough for those guys to take
everything away from someone, like me.." Robert finished his rambling with.
"Damn, that's crazy.. So that's why you want to kill them huh?" Andrew pondered.
"Yep, pretty much. I don't really even care If I go to jail for this. Got nothing to live for anyway" Robert declared.
"I feel you man, sometimes people will just do you dirty. I mean, I wouldn't throw away my life over it, but still" I respond to him.
We continue with our walk, getting closer and closer to this break in spot. The awkward silence comes back but, I think this one is deserved because of that serious lore dump.
After around 30 minutes of walking, we finally made it to that spot. We're all super relieved from this. Now we are closer than ever to avenging Maria, and I guess this dude's dead family. Those pieces of shit are going down tonight, no questions asked.
"Aight you guys ready for this, after right now there's seriously no going back" Robert warned us.
We all nodded our heads. Or at least Andrew and I did. Had to force Ethan to do it. No way is he ditching us.
"Ok in 5 we bust this wall down. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!" WE all rush at the wall, crashing into it and doing zero damage. That shit made us look like absolute buffoons.
"You know, we could just go find a door or something" Ethan says while unscathed.
"Oh really you bitch" I say irritated.
One calm bitch slap later, and we're back on our feet, ready for round two.
We were sneaking around the back, trying to find something that we could go through. Then, two guards come around a corner, and old man Robert just guns them down. Their puncture wounds gushing blood all over the place like some fucked up fountain. That shit scared the hell outta me.
Now that the tone of this mission was finally set in stone. I knew that we had to get our shit together. Or else we might be next.
"Couldn't we have y'know.. Tried to act like bodyguards or something?" Ethan asks, shaken up.
"Oh yeah, three minors and their former business partner, suddenly being hired as bodyguards without any notice. Yeah that sounds believable.." Andrew explains.
"Ok then, I fucking give up. You guys have gone mad!" Ethan screams out.
"Shut up before there guys catch us" I shush Ethan, but he doesn't listen.
"No! I'm sick and tired of you guys thinking that any of this is okay. Like, did you ever think to yourselves that MAYBE massacring a family, just because some of them did bad things, is a little over the top?!"
"Listen! If you don't shut up the-"
Suddenly, I noticed this tall, muscular guy. Standing right behind Ethan. Looking like he was about to eat him the way his smile was.
Before anyone said anything, Andrew launched into action. He got in between the monster and Ethan, and started pumping him like crazy. I'm talking like throwing left hooks into uppercuts. The dude got beaten up so bad.
So those guys were on the floor. Face disfigured, arms and legs twisted in every way you can imagine, he did the work on this beast.
You can imagine what that was to witness. We were all shook. I mean, these guys seemed relatively passive in a way. Almost like a dad. I guess with that he also got some dad strength because holy.
"Jesus Christ bro, I think he's dead" I tremble.
"Nope, looks like it but he's still breathing" Andrew responds with.
"So, uh.. Where'd you learn that bullshit?" Robert asked while also trembling a little bit.
"When I told you guys I went to jail, I wasn't lying.."
"Wait, so did you get your butt touched or nah?" I ask.
"D-do you take A-ANYTHING SERIOUSLY!!" Ethan's delirious at this point. He probably needs a week to recharge. He snowflake ass probably didn't do this much in a week, let alone a single day.
"Oh shut up you.. You.. uhm, shit. I don't have anything to say anymore. Ok fine, you win I guess" I sighed in absolute defeat.
"Wait, what? O-ok.. it's good to hear that we're finally on the same page again" Ethan said with confidence. "Now can you pick me up already, I think I sprained my angle from tripping"
"Ahh~~ wittle pwincess wants me to bay cawwy him?~~" I mock him.
"Oh FUCK you dude.." Ethan claps back as I baby carry him. Y'know this "friendship" is starting to get a little weird.
"Can I see now, or..?" Andrew interrupts.
"Yeah sure man" I say.
"Back around 5 years ago, Arthur and I would get beat by our dad almost everyday. I took most of the hits though. That old fuck didn't care who he was hurting. One day it got to a point where I could take it anymore, and I beat him to death with a lamp. I think the neighbors were the ones who called the police. All that they saw was a hyperventilating kid, staring over their dead dad with blood all over them. And that's how I got sentenced to juvie. Where I swore that I would protect my brother at all costs"
There was this minute pause where all three of us were trying to process what he just said.
"Wait, I thought you said you went to jail, not juvie" Robert interrogated.
"Jail, juvie, same fucking thing in my opinion" Andrew responded with.
"You know, I love how we've made zero progress so far. Let's hurry it the fuck up guys" I say impatiently.
Okay, so I know that we've been lollygagging for most of this chapter, but I need to add some sort of exposition. Hope you liked it. You might need to speedblitz our way through the rest though.
So we make it to the closest window that we can find. Then Robert tries to brute force it open which fails, obviously. So then Andrew tries to open it, and even he can't make it budge an inch.
So we're stumped. They might have superglued the windows shut. That can be the only explanation.
"Yo! Try shooting the window you old fart" he flips me off as the bullet shoots right through the glass pane. Shattering it instantly.
"Fuck yeah" we all say in unison as we try to crawl through the broken window with out getting sliced up.
After taking out the last glass shard out my arm, we continue our way through this maze of a house, trying to find something worthwhile. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that we were stealing some things too. Doubt they'll even care though.
On the way to what we presume is one of the parents' bedrooms, we spot some kid crying in the room right across from it. The kid looked around the same age as Arthur and Maria. Maybe if we recruit this little guy, they can have their own trio.
"Yo, go get that kid" I say to Ethan who's now finally standing for once.
"What, why?" Ethan asks suspiciously.
"So Arthur and Maria got someone else their age to talk to" I explained to him.
"What!.. Whatever, I'll try" Ethan sighs, acting like he couldn't have just said no.
Ethan walks up to the kid, who hasn't noticed any of us yet, and taps him on the shoulder. He jumps a little bit from the contact.
"Hey.. you okay young man?" Ethan says softly.
"*sniffling noises, who a-are you?" the kid says while snot drips down his face.
"Never mind that, what happened to you?" Ethan keeps up the voice, kinda getting me a little erect in the process.
"N-no, my mama hit me.." the kid starts sobbing heavily now.
"Now now, it's gonna be okay.. Let it all out" Ethan reassures him while hugging him. Allowing the kid to cry into his shirt.
After a full 30 seconds of just standing there while watching some random kid bawl his eyes out. He removes his face from Ethan's shoulder and says: "can you adopt me, pretty please?"
"Why?" Ethan asks all worried and shit.
"I don't like it h-here. All of my cousins keep bullying m-me. My parents are also mean t-too.." the poor kid says while sniffing.
The three of us look at each other while this sight is going down.
"Yo, kid!" I yell out to him. "Come with us, and you'll never have to deal with that again!"