It was dark. Well, I was dead. I thought I'd go to heaven, though. Is it because of the porn I watched when I was younger, or the hentai? But I stopped at 10. I studied, finished school at 16, and was already dating. That can't be it. Is it because I cheated on her with her friend? Or because I slept with her mom? But it wasn't all my fault—they seduced me. I'm a man, it's even funny. She broke up with me, but I stayed with her mom—a 40-year-old milf with a guitar-shaped body, big boobs and ass. Man, I was so lucky. I was 21, she wanted to marry me, so I did. After 7 years together, I got her pregnant. But how did I die? I remember us having dinner, watching a movie while making out on the couch. We fell asleep hugging, and I woke up here. Well, just wait... and I waited, waited...
"Ugh, you're so annoying!"
Huh, who said that? I looked around.
"Up here, idiot!"
I looked up: sitting on a chair was a purple being—no eyes, no mouth, nothing. Just a purple silhouette. He snapped his fingers, and suddenly I was in front of him, sitting down.
"So, where am I? In the void?"
"You're dead. Since you were sleeping after doing some good... yeah, yeah, no need to say it. You died poisoned: your ex put it in your food. When you didn't wake up, your wife started crying and called the police. Your ex was stupid—she didn't wipe her fingerprints or cover up her online purchase. After they found out, she was charged and arrested. Satisfied?"
"Yes, thanks. You're very patient, sir. Can you explain everything?"
"Yeah, yeah, very patient... So boring here."
"Yeah, I agree," I said, nodding my head.
"Well, you can reincarnate and blah blah blah, you can go."
He snapped his fingers, and I was thrown away. Before I started falling, it got dark, but soon a light blinded me, making me close my eyes. A big guy with broad shoulders caught me—he was wearing ordinary clothes. Shit, I'm poor, I thought, closing my eyes and crying. He passed me to a softer hand. Something went into my mouth: a sweet liquid. I opened my eyes to see a beautiful young woman with blonde hair and green eyes smiling at me. Shit, my mom is gorgeous. How did you end up marrying this poor guy? Shit, I thought, falling asleep.
It sucks being a baby. After a year of just being held, pooping and peeing. And no diapers here either—yeah, my parents are commoners, since the house is simple and rustic. Well, my dad comes home with an axe, smelling like dirt. When he picks me up, my mom calls out: "Leys!" Weird: my dad is Tharon and I'm Drystan, no last names.
I was lying on a cloth on the floor watching my mom doing something like knitting. I'm 1 year old now; whether I wanted to or not, I've grown attached to them. I already know how to walk, but I'm too lazy to go out and catch some disease—better to stay here. But hey, at least I have a system. Yeah, it showed up when I turned one, two months ago. It doesn't have stats or anything, it's a gacha system: I have 1 free spin. But I was scared something would pop up out of nowhere—imagine if I spin and get something from another world or the modern era? I'd be accused of being a devil's child and burned. No thanks, I'd rather stay quiet and keep to myself.
My dad came into the house, walking over to me with a smile.
"Where's daddy's baby? Say 'daddy'!"
I stayed silent, looking at my mom, who started laughing.
"Honey, he only says 'mama', right?"
"Mommy!" I said, smiling at her. She stood up, picked me up, and kissed my cheek.
"See, dear? I won! How was work?" she asked. My dad put the axe on the floor.
My dad has an Italian accent and my mom, French. But I understood everything—it was even strange, like their words were being translated.
"Bad. Animals have been showing up dead and stinking. Luckily, the elder distributed wheat sacks—I'm going to pick one up."
"Be careful!"
"Yeah, yeah..."
He kissed her, then my forehead, and started to leave again. She took me, gave me a bath—I'm already used to the cold water, so I didn't complain. She put warm clothes on me and set me on a small bench, then started chopping vegetables and lighting the wood stove, warming up the house. I sat still watching her make what looked like soup.
My dad came back with a sack of wheat, put it on the floor, and went straight to the bathroom. My mom set the table, put me on her lap, and I started eating with her. My dad told stories about werewolves, and how mutants kill them for money—ugly creatures made by sorcery. That gave me chills. That's when I realized: I was in The Witcher. But which version? Books, games, series? I didn't know, I just felt scared. What year is it? My mind started to wander, and I was caught off guard when my mom patted my back, making me burp. I started getting sleepy, and she took me to bed. I lay awake thinking about what to do, but then I heard moans, covered my ears, and fell asleep.
I woke up the next day to the smell of hot bread, and started walking slowly—having this body sucks, I thought to myself. My mom picked me up and sat me on the potty.
And so time passed. Surprisingly, a witcher came to solve a problem. My dad said he brought back the head of a disgusting, stinking spider—it must have been an Arachas—and the village cooperated since he killed a nest of them. The elder and the witcher agreed on 150 Florins, and my dad went back to work.
I rarely did anything or was alone. When I tried, my mom called me, saying I shouldn't go out. The cold here was good and bad: the good part was drinking what seemed like tea—I had no idea what it was, but it tasted good with hot bread. The bad part was bathing. But it was so nice that I even forgot I was in The Witcher, because in the games it's terrible: you see a dirty world, crazy and fanatical people. But here everything was calm, the neighbors didn't meddle or even argue. Of course, there were the gossips that my mom gossiped with.
I turned 6. My blonde hair looked golden—I even thought it was strange and asked my mom. She said: "That's my blood, baby" and started tossing her own hair. My eyes were black. She was getting me ready; today I'm going to start going with my dad. He said a man should learn to work early.
I don't know any English, so any mistakes are down to the translation. I'm writing and really enjoying it, but it's also a way for me to try to earn some income. So if anyone can help, I'd appreciate it.
If you want to support my work or help me keep the story going, buy me a coffee ☕
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