After the Sorting ended, it was time for the Headmaster's speech.
If this were in China, Ted would probably have pulled out the beef jerky he had prepared and eaten a little first to survive the long lecture.
But at Hogwarts, that wasn't necessary at all.
Headmaster Dumbledore stepped forward.
"I would like to say a few words!"
Then he said:
"Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"
Hermione, who had been eagerly waiting for a meaningful speech, turned to Ted in confusion.
Ted shrugged. "Well… wizards tend to have their own peculiarities. And besides, he's over a hundred years old. Let's cut him some slack."
Hermione stared at him with a flat expression.
(﹁﹁) Are you serious right now?!
Before the students could begin asking questions, Dumbledore waved his hand.
Instantly, enormous amounts of food appeared across the long tables—stretching more than a dozen meters.
Plates, bowls, dishes of every size and shape, filled to the brim with food of every color imaginable.
And just like that, it was time for the feast.
Honey-glazed chicken legs, roast beef, roast chicken, honeyed pork ribs, braised lamb chops, sausages, steaks, and mountains of bacon stacked like little hills.
Pumpkin pie, apple pie, pork pies.
Boiled potatoes, roasted potatoes, mashed potatoes, and fries served with ketchup.
Yorkshire pudding, boiled peas, boiled carrots, rich gravy, pumpkin juice, orange juice…
And peppermint candies?
Good grief. Ted had been in this world for two months now, and this was the most lavish meal he had seen so far.
Who said Britain had no good food? Hogwarts was here to prove them wrong! The house-elves were the true heroes!
Ted couldn't help smiling.
The other young wizards were already cheering and digging in enthusiastically.
Just look at Ron's eating style.
He was devouring food like a warrior who had just stormed a battlefield banquet.
If Ron ever tried doing a food-streaming show, he'd probably become a million-subscriber celebrity within three months.
Everyone was already shoveling food down at incredible speed when Ron suddenly leaned over, holding a chicken leg.
"Hey, Ted," Ron asked. "Why are you eating with two little wands?"
Friends nearby—and even a few students from surrounding seats—turned to look at Ted.
Ted stared back silently.
These are chopsticks!
Double chopsticks!
I'm an Asian guy from China. Carrying chopsticks is perfectly reasonable!
Less than half an hour later, the main course had mostly been wiped out.
Then—poof!—the dishes disappeared instantly.
Next came dessert.
Ice cream, chocolate muffins, jam-filled pastries, strawberries, jelly, rice pudding, layered cakes…
Another table completely packed with sweets.
What child could resist desserts?
Especially in Britain, where people practically worship sugar.
Even though most students were already stuffed to the throat, they still forced more sweets into their mouths.
Only Ted and Hermione showed restraint.
Hermione came from a dentist family, so she had always been taught to limit sugar intake.
As for Ted, he had never liked sweet things in either of his two lifetimes. He only ate a little ice cream and a few strawberries.
While he was eating, a sudden scream came from the neighboring table.
A ghost's head slowly emerged from beneath the table.
It was the Gryffindor house ghost—Nearly Headless Nick.
Someone asked why he was called Nearly Headless Nick.
So he lifted his head sideways and showed them.
His neck was almost severed.
Although the ghost was translucent and milky white, the horrifying sight of torn flesh still startled everyone.
Hermione squeezed her eyes shut and turned away with a painful expression.
Ted swallowed the strawberry in his mouth and said calmly, "Mr. Nick, I sympathize with your unfortunate experience, but could you please consider the feelings of people who are trying to eat?"
"Oh… sorry," Nick said with a pitiful look. "I thought you might enjoy it."
Enjoy it?!
This was practically rated R!
Who would enjoy that while eating?!
Did it somehow improve the appetite?!
Soon the feast ended.
The food vanished instantly, leaving the plates spotless—cleaner than if a dog had licked them.
Dumbledore stood up again to speak. This time his words were longer and far more serious.
"First-year students should remember that the forest on the northeast grounds is strictly forbidden."
He paused.
"Older students should remember this as well."
His gaze shifted toward the Weasley twins.
"And anyone who does not wish to suffer pain, injury, or a miserable death should avoid the corridor on the right side of the third floor."
Oh really?
If you truly didn't want students going there, you could simply block the corridor.
Instead, you announce it like that in front of everyone?
It was basically an open invitation to curiosity.
Sure enough, the moment he finished speaking, many students began whispering and stirring with excitement—especially those at the Gryffindor table.
At that moment, a notification sounded in Ted's mind.
"Ding! Quest Triggered:[The Corridor on the Right Side of the Third Floor, You Say? (Green)]Since your old headmaster has practically hinted at it like this, it would be rude not to investigate.
Objective: Go check what is hidden in the corridor on the right side of the third floor.Reward: 200 EXP, Random Card.
If the teacher forbids it, I must try it!"
Ted was pleasantly surprised.
He hadn't expected a quest to pop up here.
What an unexpected delight.
Dumbledore ignored the students' reactions and continued speaking.
"Also, our caretaker, Mr. Filch, would like to remind everyone that magic is not permitted in the corridors."
As if summoned by the mention of his name, Argus Filch appeared standing by the wall of the Great Hall.
At his feet sat a rather energetic and surprisingly cute cat.
"Now that we are all well-fed," Dumbledore continued happily, "let us sing the school song! Everyone may choose their own favorite tune!"
He raised his wand toward the air.
Golden lyrics appeared above them, each letter as large as a fist.
"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hogwarts,Teach us something please,Whether we be old and baldOr young with scabby knees…"
Suddenly—
"Ding! Quest Triggered:[Come On, Show Them! (Green)]
What a rare opportunity, young Ted. Put on a performance!
Objective: Sing the school song in a way that leaves a deep impression on students and teachers.Reward: 200 EXP, Random Card.
Everyone look over here—I have an announcement!"
Ted's spirit instantly lifted.
Oh ho! If that's the game you're playing, I'm wide awake now.
Without wasting a second, Ted grabbed his fork and knife and began tapping rhythmically on plates and bowls.
A brand-new remix of the Hogwarts School Song was born.
Ted had already prepared backup plans.
If this didn't impress them, he'd pull out an instrument and perform a full singing-and-dancing routine.
And if that still wasn't enough?
He had an entire arsenal of outrageous performances ready.
Worst-case scenario—he could rip off his robe and break into a full dance routine.
Ted was determined.
These 200 experience points are mine today. Even if Voldemort himself shows up, he's not taking them away!
Fortunately, it was still the early 1990s.
This kind of bold, avant-garde performance was utterly shocking to everyone present.
You could say Ted completely stole the show.
As his enthusiastic singing echoed through the hall, even the Weasley twins gradually stopped their chaotic funeral-march version of the song.
The entire hall turned to stare at Ted.
Everyone's mouths were hanging open.
Some students even found their legs moving uncontrollably to the rhythm, as if cursed.
Of course, most people simply felt this kind of artistic expression was far too advanced for them.
Perhaps in thirty years they might barely understand it.
But Ted didn't care.
As long as the quest was completed, nothing else mattered.
He had no shame.
Hermione's eyes were wide as saucers, her pupils trembling. Her mouth was slightly open and refused to close.
Neville looked completely stunned, like he had been hit with a Full Body-Bind Curse.
Jerry's expression practically said: Is this guy for real?
Ron looked lost.
Who am I? Where am I? What is happening here?
Harley simply stared at Ted with utter confusion.
I truly do not understand you.
Some of the more easily embarrassed students were probably imagining digging a hole through the Great Hall floor with their toes.
But for Ted, that kind of thing didn't matter.
Ted thought calmly:
Embarrassment? What embarrassment?
I'm a psionicist. My mental strength is unmatched.
In simpler terms:
Experience points are more important than dignity.
After a brief moment of stunned silence, Albus Dumbledore was the first to react.
He wiped the corner of his eyes.
"How moving," he said emotionally.
The Headmaster was even tearing up.
As if his reaction flipped a switch, thunderous applause erupted throughout the hall.
Students clapped so hard their palms turned red.
Some Gryffindor students even began whistling loudly.
Professor Minerva McGonagall, who had been struggling to suppress her laughter, finally snapped.
She shot them a sharp glare that instantly silenced the offenders.
At that moment, Professor McGonagall looked deeply embarrassed—like a parent whose child had done something utterly ridiculous in public.
Meanwhile, the Weasley twins were stunned.
George whispered, "I thought the two of us were already the boldest pranksters in the world. Who knew someone even more fearless existed? Which house is he from?"
Fred added dramatically, "Gryffindor needs talents like you!"