My name is Zhao Erhai, this is my real name. It was my former name.
I was born in a small mountain village called Hulutao. Before I was eight years old, I had never left Hulutao and had never seen the outside world.
However, around the age of eight, everything changed after I was adopted by my uncle. My fate took a dramatic turn, and my youth was filled with the bitterest and most helpless moments of my life. All the hardships weighed on my shoulders. For ease of narration, I will use the first person to describe my story…
Among my many relatives, my concept of my aunt is the weakest. She has never appeared before me.
It's not that I don't have an aunt. My mother repeatedly told us that we do have an aunt, but she married someone from a place far away from our home.
And she earnestly told us that her family was very wealthy and would definitely bring us lots of delicious food.
I get excited whenever I hear about food because my family is so poor. From as far back as I can remember, I see my mother's worried face as she cooks at the stove. My father was considered a useless man in the village; besides two acres of meager land, he had no other income.
I have an older sister and twin brothers. The only thing my father could boast about in the village was these twins.
He would brag everywhere about how amazing he was, having given birth to two sons at once—something even the village chief couldn't do. Whenever my father told this, the villagers would laugh at him, saying all he did was have children, and his family didn't even have a proper house.
They were right. Because of having more children than allowed, the village had already fined our family down to just two dilapidated thatched huts. But these twin brothers brought great disaster to our already impoverished family.
My mother, already weak, and malnourished, became as flat as a leaf after giving birth to the twins, as if she might fall off at any moment. One day, she collapsed by the stove.
Lying in her sickbed, my mother would say intermittently to my father, "If it really doesn't work, call his aunt."
Our long-awaited aunt was finally coming; most importantly, she would bring us good food. Even in my dreams, my aunt would come, carrying bags and bags of delicious food, piling it all over the house.
My sister and I even argued about how to distribute this nonexistent food, because she said that when Aunt came, all the goodies she bought should be put in the cupboard under her control. My opinion was to put them in my bed.
She slapped me, and I kicked her. She called me a pig born of the pigs in the pen. I called her a son of a bitch.
The next day, the aunt we had been waiting for finally arrived. But she came empty-handed.
In the room, my mother lay painfully on the hospital bed, with a middle-aged woman sitting beside her. My father brought me to them.
My mother saw me and said weakly, "Second child... come here, this is your aunt... quickly call her aunt."
I looked up at my aunt, a little disappointed. This aunt was very old, her face was a little swollen, and she was wearing faded work clothes.
Because the aunt in my dream was like a female spy in a movie, young, wearing a military uniform. In the movies shown in the village, only the female spy lived a life of luxury; she was the richest woman there.
"Auntie," I called out sullenly.
"Sister. This is the second child you mentioned." The woman didn't look at me, speaking directly to my mother
My mother nodded.
"Oh! How old is he? The second child." The woman reached out to touch my face. I was a little scared and backed away.
"His auntie, the child is eight years old (by Chinese reckoning). Born in the Year of the Tiger. He's never left the village, so he's a little shy. But he's very well-behaved. What are you afraid of? She's your auntie. Call her auntie." My father pointed at me and continued,
I called out loudly again, "Auntie!"
"Yes!" Auntie answered happily. Aunt looked at Father and continued, "Brother-in-law, everything's been explained and clarified. I came today, firstly to see my sister, and secondly to discuss the matter as you said. I've brought the money. Think it over carefully; we can't go back on our word."
"No, no going back. We mountain folk mean what we say," Father replied, head down, smoking.
"Alright, I brought a contract your older brother wrote. Take a look. It's nothing, just a few words," Aunt said, looking at Father.
My father was silent for a moment before saying, "Older sister, could you not let the child change his surname? I can ask for less money."
"How can that be? Didn't we already agree? Otherwise, what's the point of letting the child go? Honestly, I came all this way; if I'd known it would be like this, I wouldn't have come," Aunt replied angrily.
My father, with a helpless expression, said, "I can't write, can I just leave a fingerprint? I won't even look at the contract; we're all relatives, who would lie to whom?"
"Sure, we're all relatives, it's the same who the child lives with. You know my situation; his older brother works in the mine, he earns a monthly income, this child will enjoy a comfortable life there. How about I take the child away today? Is that alright?" My aunt said, pointing at me.
"Okay! Let's do as my sister says. We won't stay here anymore." My father stomped on his cigarette butt with his worn-out yellow sneakers. My father, head down, agreed with my aunt's suggestion, without even looking to see if I agreed.
"No, take good care of my sister. Let's go, Erhai, we'll go to the city to buy you some good food." My aunt then pulled my hand forcefully.
But then I burst into tears, "Dad, I'm scared. Mom, I don't want to go."
My father yelled at me, "That's your aunt, what are you afraid of? Go there and you'll enjoy life."
My mother struggled to speak to me with all her might, "Erhai, when you go to your aunt's house, you must listen to your aunt and uncle."
Since my mother agreed, I could only nod helplessly and say, "Mom, I'm leaving. Dad, tell my sister that I've put that half-basket of pig feed at Daguang's house, tell her to bring it home, don't let Daguang feed it to his pigs."
Three months after I left, my mother died. I only learned this many years later when I returned home.
I was dragged by my aunt from Hulutao Village to the town in a daze, then boarded a bus, leaving the small mountain village where I had lived for eight years, and then I fell asleep on the bus.
In my dream, I saw my mother waving at me, calling out "Erhai, Erhai," but I couldn't hear her.
My sister was jumping rope beside me, ignoring me as well. I didn't see my father, nor my twin brothers.
I rushed to look for them, but couldn't find them, and I burst into tears.