The old oak dining table, though worn with age, had been meticulously cleaned by its owner. Upon it sat plate after plate of spotless white porcelain, each one piled high with food.
The flames dancing in the two kerosene lamps on the table cast a warm golden sheen across the glossy oils glistening on the dishes, like autumn leaves or gold laid upon fine plates, enough to stir anyone's appetite.
Just looking at the spread before her, Gray could feel her mouth filling with saliva faster than she could swallow it.
At that moment, seated at the table, she felt as though she had stepped into another world—a world she had once only been able to glimpse in the wildest corners of her imagination.
Delicious food sat right before her. The chair beneath her was soft. The fireplace was stacked with dry wood for warmth, and the crackling of the flames sounded like music composed solely for this dinner.
And yet Gray, sitting there at the table, glanced around in a daze, at a complete loss as to what she was supposed to do.
Her first instinct was to reach behind her for the hilt of the knives she usually hid there, to calm herself with the cold, hard feel of steel against her fingertips.
But when her hand grasped nothing but empty air, she finally remembered that she had left the pair of blades upstairs in the wardrobe.
Looking down at the bowls and utensils set before her, Gray realized that in a setting like this, she truly had no idea how she was supposed to behave.
She turned her head, hoping to learn from the only other person at the table—other than herself. Perhaps by observing that person's movements, she could ease her own awkwardness.
She shifted her gaze toward the girl.
Loughshinny. If Gray remembered correctly, that was her name. The information she had gathered said that she was Eblana's younger sister. As for what kind of person she was, Gray had yet to reach a conclusion.
Still, whatever the case, she desperately needed to watch Loughshinny and figure out what exactly one was supposed to do at a dinner table like this.
With that hope in mind, Gray fixed her eyes on Loughshinny and waited to see what the girl would do next.
And so…
One second passed.
Three seconds passed.
Five whole minutes passed…
…
Damn it!
Was there something wrong with this kid?!
How could she sit there in front of a table laden with food and remain completely unmoved—without making the slightest motion, just keeping her head lowered and waiting in silence?!
What the hell was she even waiting for?
Gray had been hoping to learn how to use the things called chopsticks—those two square wooden sticks—from observing her!
At long last, Gray truly couldn't hold out any longer. Over the past twenty-four hours, the only thing her body had taken in were several injections of Originium suppressants.
Under normal circumstances, she had always been confident in her endurance. Going hungry for a few days wasn't exactly a problem for her.
But under normal circumstances, she was not made to sit in front of a huge table of steaming, fragrant food while starving.
She opened her mouth, preparing to try and start a conversation. At this rate, she felt that this little red dragon—whose personality was the complete opposite of her sister's—might actually sit there staring blankly at the food with her all night.
"Um…"
But just as she started to speak, the strange stillness hanging over the table was broken by the sound of footsteps gradually approaching.
Gray noticed that Loughshinny, who had been sitting there like a carved wooden doll with her head lowered, suddenly showed a flicker of emotion in her eyes. Following the girl's line of sight, Gray turned—and saw the source of the sound as well.
"It looks like the rain's gotten pretty heavy tonight. The manor's electrical system is badly aged, so the power's gone out for now."
Zuo Jian wore a faintly helpless expression as he set the kerosene lamp in his hand down on the dining table.
With the addition of the third lamp, the brightness in the dining room increased considerably. Now Gray could even make out the subtle expressions on his face.
For instance, Loughshinny… the moment she saw Zuo Jian, her emotions had visibly shifted. Joy?
At that point, there was no longer any need to ask who she had been waiting for.
"Ah…" Gray let out a sigh.
Honestly, by now she no longer had the energy to think too hard about what exactly was going on with this peculiar family of Zuo Jian, Loughshinny, and Eblana.
At this point, all she felt was that her nose and her stomach were both about to lose their minds from the torment of the feast spread out before her.
Zuo Jian's arrival meant that this trial—one she had never experienced before in her life—had finally come to an end. She could finally eat—
That was what Gray thought, and in the next instant, a new plate was slid toward her from the side.
She focused her eyes and saw that on the plate were a silver knife and fork.
The cutlery had been polished clean, and under the firelight it gleamed brightly, its reflected light brushing across Gray's face and illuminating her confused expression.
"Sorry, I almost forgot. Ms. Gray, you probably aren't very used to chopsticks, so I brought you a knife and fork on the way over."
Standing beside her, Zuo Jian smiled as he explained.
Something in that small, thoughtful gesture seemed to strike her unexpectedly. After a long pause, she finally nodded and said quietly,
"Th… thank you."
Zuo Jian merely shook his head.
"It's nothing. Eblana doesn't like using chopsticks either, so we always keep two sets of cutlery around at home anyway."
After saying that, he returned to his seat and gently patted Loughshinny on the head.
Gray noticed that the younger girl was highly proficient with chopsticks, while the older sister was apparently the exact opposite…
"By the way," Zuo Jian said suddenly.
"I have another daughter—Eblana. She's still locked herself in her room and refuses to come down. But please don't misunderstand. It's absolutely not because you're infected that she's afraid to interact with you."
"After all, as long as you live normally, your condition can actually be stabilized."
"Eblana… probably just has something on her mind, which is why she won't open the door. Please believe me—she may say sharp things sometimes, but in truth she's a very kind-hearted girl."
"…I don't mind."
To be honest, everything happening right now felt so dreamlike that Gray had nearly forgotten what someone like her—an infected person—looked like in the eyes of ordinary people.
At that moment, she was seated at the same table as the others, at the same height, eating the same food, as if… as if she were truly a normal person.
Across the table, Zuo Jian seemed to catch the fleeting change in her expression and promptly shifted the subject.
"Oh, right. Since you're our guest, and I wasn't sure about your tastes, I deliberately made a pot of Victoria-style fowl soup. I hope you like it."
As he spoke, he picked up a bowl, lifted the lid from one of the porcelain pots on the table, and ladled out spoonful after spoonful of golden broth and tender, slow-stewed fowl meat into it. Then he handed the brimming white bowl to Gray.
After that, he filled another bowl and, smiling with unconcealed fondness, set it before Loughshinny as well.
"You made this especially… for me…"
Gray lifted the bowl carefully, then took a small sip.
In an instant, it felt as though warmth flowed from the tip of her tongue through her entire body, spreading into every corner of her being.
"What a gentle flavor…"
"I'm glad you like it."
Zuo Jian smiled, visibly relieved.
It was then that Gray picked up the utensils at her side—or rather, only the knife. Acting on instinct, she stabbed a piece of fowl meat with the tip of the blade and brought it to her mouth.
But before she could properly savor the melt-in-the-mouth texture of the meat, the corner of her eye caught sight of Zuo Jian and Loughshinny both looking at her with startled expressions.
"…Damn."
Staring at the knife in her hand, Gray felt a rare flicker of embarrassment.
She had relaxed too much. Without thinking, she had defaulted to the way she had always been most used to eating.
Just as she had in Kazdel—stabbing chunks of meat out of military tins with a dagger and tossing them into her mouth.
But she remembered that Victorians did not eat by spearing food with their dinner knives.
The moment that realization hit her, Gray instantly set the knife down and snatched up the fork beside it so quickly that the other two caught little more than a blur.
Then, putting on an entirely calm expression, she stabbed another piece of fowl with the fork, placed it in her mouth, chewed thoughtfully, and offered sincere praise.
"This is astonishingly good, Dr. Zuo Jian. Perhaps you're more suited to being a master chef."
Zuo Jian only chuckled, tactfully choosing not to comment on what he had just seen, and said the compliment was much too generous.
And so dinner passed quickly.
Looking at the plates, now largely cleaned of food, Zuo Jian rose to his feet and said,
"Then, Ms. Gray, I'll excuse myself for a moment."
After speaking, he turned toward the back kitchen. A moment later, he emerged carrying something hot and steaming, then walked over to Loughshinny and said softly,
"Eblana still hasn't eaten dinner. I'm taking some up to her room. The dishes are all yours, Loughshinny—just leave them in the sink. I'll wash them when I come back down."
"Mhm."
The girl nodded obediently, then watched Zuo Jian carry the bowl upstairs toward Eblana's room.
As for herself, she got to her feet at once and began tidying the table with practiced efficiency.
So fast, in fact, that before Gray had even come back to herself from the lingering aftertaste of the meal, Loughshinny had already cleared away even the bowl and plate in front of her.
Gray watched as the girl carried the stack of dishes over to the kitchen sink, then took a small stool from the side, climbed up in front of the basin, and turned on the tap.
"Didn't he say you only had to leave them soaking in the sink?"
Watching this, Gray asked curiously from behind her.
It was the first sentence she had ever spoken directly to the girl.
Loughshinny hesitated for a moment before replying,
"Zuo… Father is really tired. I can't help with much, so… I just wanted to do something small. Something within my ability."
As she spoke, she began carefully washing the dishes.
Gray thought for a moment, then suddenly stepped forward.
"How about… I help you?"
Loughshinny turned her head, giving the unfamiliar woman a wary look. But in the end, she still passed her the plate in her hand—the one she had not finished washing yet.
Five minutes later…
Crash!
The sharp sound of a plate shattering on the floor rang through the entire kitchen.
Outside the window, the steady drizzle gradually strengthened until the sound of raindrops striking the glass was loud enough to fill the whole room.
Eblana crouched in the corner with her knees drawn up, arms wrapped around them, her face buried deep between her thighs.
The rain outside pounded harder and harder, and her heart seemed to rise and fall with it.
Why had she become like this?
So restless. So unable to control her own emotions. So… ridiculous.
No. In truth, she had always known the real reason she had become this way. It was because—
Knock… knock…
The dull sound of knuckles on wood interrupted her thoughts.
"Eblana, are you still awake?"
Zuo Jian's voice passed through the door and fell straight into her heart once more, stirring the already turbulent waters there yet again.
Outside, Zuo Jian was looking at the doorknob and slowly reaching for it.
He knew the door was not actually locked.
But… if Eblana truly did not want to let him in…
With that thought, he finally lowered his hand. Standing outside the room, he spoke softly.
"Eblana, you still haven't eaten anything, right? I warmed some food for you and left it outside the door. Remember to eat it while it's hot… and also…"
Zuo Jian fell silent as he set the bowl down on the floor beside the door. Standing there in front of the tightly shut wood, he seemed to be struggling over how to put his thoughts into words.
After a long moment, he finally spoke again.
"I'm sorry, Eblana. To be honest, lately… I may have been a little too self-righteous. I kept thinking I was already doing enough—thinking that everything I did should have counted as being a qualified father."
"But now that I think about it… maybe that was only my own wishful thinking. I kept giving you and your sister what I believed to be the best things, while ignoring how you truly felt. Maybe some of the things or choices I believed were best are things you can't understand at all."
As he spoke, Zuo Jian unconsciously interlaced his fingers and rubbed them together, looking like a grown man earnestly reflecting on his mistakes.
"So I started wondering whether I've been forcing onto you the things I think are most suitable, and whether I may have hurt your feelings in the process. If that's true, then I'm sorry, Eblana."
He seemed to hear some faint movement from inside the room. It looked like she had not fallen asleep after all.
Because of that, Zuo Jian drew in a breath and continued.
"But please believe me. I truly, truly want to be a good father to you."
"It's just that… honestly speaking, even I don't really understand what it means to be a father. As far back as I can remember, I was basically alone. The only understanding I ever had of fathers and mothers came from picture books—or from standing in some street corner and looking from far away at a family of three walking by."
At those words, Eblana froze inside the room, disbelief flashing across her face.
"He's… an orphan?"
The girl muttered under her breath, as if something inside her chest had become difficult to suppress.
Outside the door, Zuo Jian's voice continued.
"So for me, learning how to be a good father has always been an incredibly difficult thing. When I face the two of you, I unconsciously think of my younger self. I keep using the father figure I imagined as a child as the standard I impose upon myself. But in doing that, I overlooked the most important thing."
"What I've really been doing is playing the role of the father I once longed for. But you aren't me. You are your own people, with lives and experiences completely different from mine. I can't—and I shouldn't—force onto you what I think is best."
"But no matter what… I still want to be a good father to you. So if I've done something wrong, I hope you'll tell me. You don't even have to say it face to face. You can do it in any way you like—leave a note, or anything else."
Standing on the other side of the door, Eblana seemed to be struggling, as if she wanted to make some sort of decision.
Only now did she realize that some choices were not nearly as easy to make as she had imagined.
She bit her lip, poised between two answers while the voices in her heart waged a silent, relentless battle, neither side able to win.
Outside, after hearing no further response from within, Zuo Jian let out a soft sigh. He raised a hand and rested it gently against the door, then murmured,
"It's alright. Whenever you feel ready to tell me, you can say it then. No matter when it is, I'll always be willing to listen. So…"
"Good night, Eblana."
He turned, preparing to leave.
And then, at that exact moment, the door opened.
With a flurry of hurried footsteps, Zuo Jian felt the girl rush out from behind him and wrap her arms tightly around his waist.
"Eblana?"
Looking down at the hands clasped around him, Zuo Jian sounded genuinely astonished.
The girl behind him said nothing. She simply held him tighter, eyes closed, as if enduring something.
Endure it, Eblana.
Endure it.
You can't keep going on like this.
You can't let yourself drown in this man's tenderness.
Only a cradle woven from schemes and treachery is where you truly belong.
So… so… it's time to make your choice.
For your own sake, so you don't lose yourself any further… and also… so he won't be dragged into a crisis that never ends.
Before Zuo Jian could fully react, Eblana suddenly let go. Then she put back on that familiar teasing, sardonic expression from before and stepped lightly around to stand in front of him, speaking in a deliberately mocking tone.
"Tch, tch. I was wondering what you were doing outside my room in the middle of the night, talking and talking so much that I couldn't sleep. And after listening closely, it turned out to be nothing but a bunch of boring nonsense…"
"Eblana… are you… not angry anymore?"
"When was I ever angry?"
The girl spread her hands and looked at him as if baffled by the question.
Clearly, she had already made her choice.
…
Late at night.
The rain grew even wilder under the cover of darkness.
Then, in an instant—
A vicious bolt of lightning tore across the sky, followed by thunder so violent it shook the whole house.
Inside a guest room, a pair of eyes snapped wide open at the sound.
Gray bolted upright in bed. Her close-fitting clothes were already drenched through with sweat.
Before she could even make sense of it, thunder rolled again.
At once she clutched her head, her features twisting into something feral.
What echoed in her ears now no longer sounded like thunder at all, but like explosives, slaughter, and screams woven together into a hellish symphony.
"Ugh!!"
Gray's expression contorted further as she reached frantically beneath her pillow—only to grasp at empty space.
Her face tightened in panic. Then she began groping wildly around the bedside table, every place within reach, searching desperately for something.
But the familiar sensation did not come.
And in the next moment, as if suddenly remembering, she sprang from the soft bed like a madwoman, bare feet slapping against the cold floorboards as she yanked open the wardrobe with brutal force, shoving both hands inside and searching frantically.
At last.
That familiar sensation returned to her fingertips: cold, hard, angular.
With the next crack of thunder, Gray immediately reversed her grip on the twin knives and dropped into the battle stance her body knew best.
Little by little, the bloodshot madness in her eyes receded enough for her reason to return. She stared at the blades in her hands, her expression still twisted.
Lightning flashed across the sky and, in that instant, illuminated the twin knives in her grasp.
She looked at the cold steel, at her own reflection faintly mirrored in it—
And in the next second, the face in the blade began to change.
One face after another rolled across its surface.
She knew them.
They were the mercenaries who had died by her knives.
And along with them came a continuous murmur at her ears—
Like wailing. Like begging. Like roaring.
And like—laughter.
"Hahahahaha… hahahaha…"
"Urgh…"
Gray clutched her head, a pained growl escaping her throat.
"You've all been dead for so damn long. Can't you shut up already?"
[Abandon your old life? What a beautiful lie. Perfect for deceiving yourself.]
[Hahaha… haha…]
"Damn it all! I'm dying! Do you hear me? I didn't die at your hands, but now I'm about to die from Oripathy of all things!"
"I'm already about to die! At the very end, can't you at least let me try living like an ordinary person for once?"
[No.]
[Of course not.]
[What makes you think you can?]
[Once a mercenary, always a mercenary.]
[Look at you—you don't even know what to do at a dinner table.]
[Look at you—you can't even manage something as simple as washing a plate.]
[Look at you—you panic if your weapon isn't within arm's reach when you sleep.]
Gray pressed a hand to her head, her eyes savage.
"Shut up…"
[What makes you think you can ever get used to an ordinary life?]
[You are nothing but a blade wielded by others—a blade that can do nothing except kill. A killing blade is meant to be broken in battle, not left in a corner to rust.]
[Why not admit it? You were never made for that kind of life. Killing is the only thing you know, and the only reason you still have to keep living on this land.]
[So what if you die?]
[The moment you became a mercenary, you already knew what your future would be.]
[A mercenary born of slaughter can only die by slaughter.]
[Of course you must keep killing. Only then can you call yourself alive.]
[Keep killing, keep killing, until death itself comes and stops you.]
Then, suddenly, the voices vanished, as if they had never existed at all.
Gray stood there in a daze, lowering her gaze to the pair of knives that—no matter how much agony wracked her skull—her hands had never loosened their grip on for even an instant.
After a long while, she let out a bitter, self-mocking laugh and murmured,
"…This land really is unfair."
The mercenary with little time left had made her choice as well.
At that moment, there came a knock at the door.
Gray turned sharply, old habits honed through a lifetime of killing returning to her body in an instant.
She hid the twin blades behind her back and slowly opened the door.
But the moment she saw who stood outside, she put on a deliberately easy smile and said,
"Oh? Young lady, it's you."
Eblana stood at the doorway, her face cold and expressionless as she looked at the woman before her.
"Let's talk. About the proposal you mentioned before."
Clearly, both of them had made their choice.
....
My Patreon : patreon/RuneA
If you want to read the novel in advance, you can subscribe for early access. I also have many more novels in my collection that you might be interested in
I upload ten novels a day, with 3 to 4 chapters per title depending on the length. If you're following a particular series, please wait your turn a little
If there's a particular novel you're enjoying on Patron, please give it a 'like' so I know to focus on it