Wed, 13 March
11:40 PM
Dear Diary,
Today I tried something different.
I didn't say "I'm fine."
It felt strange. Like I was breaking a habit that protected me for years.
When someone asked, "Are you okay?"
I paused.
That pause felt louder than my silence ever did.
I wanted to say everything.
How my chest feels heavy sometimes.
How I smile so people don't ask questions.
How I'm scared that if I start talking… I might not stop.
But instead, I said, "I don't know."
And maybe that was the most honest answer I've ever given.
I've realized something.
Maybe I'm not heartless.
Maybe I'm just tired of explaining feelings that even I don't understand.
Sometimes I think sadness isn't loud.
It's quiet.
It sits next to you.
It watches you pretend.
Today I looked at myself in the mirror for a long time.
Not to check how I look.
But to check if I still recognize the person staring back at me.
For a second…
I didn't.
And that scared me.
Because if I don't know who I am…
Then who has been living my life all this time?