In sixth grade, under the national flag and in front of the entire school, Xun Yuming mispronounced "great maternal love" as something clumsy and wrong. Laughter rippled across the courtyard. He lifted his head and met his homeroom teacher's steady, disappointed gaze. The red flower pinned to her chest seemed to fade in that instant.
From then on, he prepared for everything in advance. Whenever laziness crept in, that look would return to him. Now, years later, another pair of eyes had begun to overlap with it in his mind, clear, restrained, and far more dangerous. The thought of seeing disappointment in Zhuang Yi's eyes again unsettled him more than he cared to admit.
After dinner by the river, he reviewed Qin Xueyan's case once more in his dormitory. Medical history, medication, imaging, surgical plan, he checked each detail carefully. The procedure was not complex for him, but it was still brain surgery. There was no margin for carelessness.
As he worked, a sentence from that night resurfaced: better than keeping it in your heart. Until recently, he had believed their past had been mutual. Now he wasn't certain. The doubt irritated him. He shut the laptop, rolled over, and told himself to stop overthinking. Whether Zhuang Yi had loved him or not no longer mattered. What mattered was the surgery.
A few days later, after morning rounds, he went to the restroom and heard a familiar voice. When he stepped inside, he recognized Dr. Sun from the corridor gossip earlier that week. The implication was obvious. People were talking.
Another young doctor emerged from a stall, smiling brightly. "Professor Xun, you've come in person?" he joked.
Xun Yuming ignored the outdated sarcasm and washed his hands. The young man introduced himself as Cen Ji and spoke quickly, with open enthusiasm.
"I've followed your research for years. I want to specialize in neurosurgery. Can I study under you?"
Xun Yuming glanced at him. "Are you an intern?"
"Third-year resident," Cen Ji corrected cheerfully. "People are waiting for you to slip up, you know. You're famous, the director values you, and you arrived out of nowhere. Some are envious. Especially with the department head retiring."
"I'm not here to compete for administrative roles," Xun Yuming said calmly. "I'm here to operate."
Cen Ji nodded but didn't retreat. "Still, you need allies."
Before Xun Yuming could respond, he saw Zhuang Yi step out of the elevator carrying two paper bags. The sight distracted him instantly.
He dismissed Cen Ji with a brief decision. "You'll assist in today's surgery. Second assistant."
Cen Ji's grin widened. "Understood!"
Xun Yuming walked toward Zhuang Yi. "Are those for me?" The question came out too quickly.
Zhuang Yi handed him a bag. "I suppose."
Inside were two pairs of slip-on surgical shoes. No laces.
"They're expensive," Xun Yuming said. "I can't accept them."
"Do you want them?" Zhuang Yi asked.
"Yes," he admitted.
"Then you bought them." Zhuang Yi held out his hand.
Xun Yuming searched his coat pocket and produced a single crumpled coin. Zhuang Yi took it seriously and pocketed it.
"They're yours," he said. "No laces. You nearly tripped the other day."
The practical explanation cooled whatever warmth had risen in Xun Yuming's chest. "I understand," he replied.
In Ward 1612, Qin Xueyan was ready for surgery. Her head had been shaved clean. She avoided looking in the mirror.
"It's just hair," Zhuang Yi told her lightly. "It will grow back."
She laughed despite herself, tension easing.
Xun Yuming reassured her once more before heading to the operating room. He changed into surgical attire, reviewed the films, and confirmed positioning. Cen Ji stood back as instructed. The first assistant, Zhou Rong, prepared quietly.
Anesthesia was induced. Qin Xueyan's breathing stabilized. The scalp was marked; cerebrospinal fluid drainage was established; the field was sterilized and draped.
Xun Yuming took the scalpel.
As he positioned the blade, he noticed movement through the observation window opposite. Zhuang Yi had entered the viewing room.
Without looking up, Xun Yuming spoke through the surgical microphone.
"Why is he here?"