Chapter 3: Light in the Notebook
After Su Yang left, Lin Xiao held the notebook and stared blankly for a long time. On the cover, three characters "Feng Guang Ji" (Gathering Light Through Gaps) were written in black marker, their strokes crooked and twisted as if penned with great effort.
She gently flipped to the first page. The edges of the paper had turned yellow with age, and it read: "Today, sunlight fell on the back of my hand. It was a little warm, like how Mom used to pat my head when I was little—but my heart still felt empty, as if a piece had been gouged out."
Turning page after page, she read about the difficult days Su Yang had endured: how he'd sat in the hospital corridor for two hours before mustering the courage to register; how he'd clenched a tissue to shreds during his first psychotherapy session; how medication made him drowsy, keeping him from playing basketball—the sport he loved most; and how his sister had quit her job in another city just to stay by his side...
Tucked between the pages was a photo—Su Yang standing in a sunflower field, smiling so wide his eyes crinkled, with bright sunlight shining behind him. On the back of the photo were the words: "Day 128. The doctor said my medication could be reduced. My sister brought me here to see this field. Turns out, sunlight really can find its way into the heart."
Lin Xiao suddenly thought of the transparent balloon tied to her bedpost, still swaying gently. She got up and walked over to it, noticing a thin layer of dust on its surface, yet it remained plump and full. When she touched it, the texture under her fingertips was more solid than she'd imagined.
The next morning, Lin Xiao pulled open all the curtains for the first time in ages. Sunlight flooded the room, brightening even the gaps between floorboards. She stared at the bare plane tree outside the window for a long while and spotted tiny green buds peeking out from its branches.
After much hesitation, she dialed Su Yang's number: "Um... I finished reading the notebook. Could you... take me to see that doctor you mentioned?"
Su Yang's voice was warm with a smile on the other end: "Of course! I'll come pick you up right away, and I'll treat you to that wonton shop I always go to—their soup base is incredibly fresh!"
After hanging up, Lin Xiao slowly began to tidy the room. As she threw out empty takeout boxes, she found her crumpled dismissal letter by the trash can. She stared at it for a few seconds, then carefully smoothed it out and placed it in a drawer—it was proof she'd stumbled, but also a mark of her new beginning.
Chapter 4: The First Consultation
The hospital Su Yang took Lin Xiao to was in the old town, flanked by two rows of tall camphor trees. Lin Xiao clutched her bag strap, walking slowly and deliberately softening her breaths.
"Don't be scared—I was even more nervous than you on my first visit," Su Yang patted her shoulder reassuringly. "Dr. Chen inside is really nice; she never puts labels on people."
The waiting area wasn't crowded. Everyone sat quietly—some reading magazines, others lost in thought. The atmosphere was far less heavy than Lin Xiao had feared. When her name was called, her palms were slick with sweat, and her heart pounded as she pushed open the door.
Dr. Chen was a woman in her forties with a gentle smile. A small succulent sat on her desk. She gestured for Lin Xiao to sit and handed her a cup of warm water: "Have a drink first. Take your time—no need to rush."
Lin Xiao opened her mouth but didn't know where to start. After a long pause, she managed to squeeze out a sentence: "I feel like... I can't do anything right, and I don't want to talk to anyone..."
Dr. Chen didn't interrupt, listening quietly and nodding occasionally. Once Lin Xiao had finished speaking in fits and starts, Dr. Chen looked over the assessment form in her hand and said softly: "Let's first do a professional evaluation, then work out a treatment plan tailored to you. Depression isn't your fault—like a cold or fever, it can get better with proper treatment."
The evaluation showed Lin Xiao was suffering from moderate depression. Dr. Chen recommended medication combined with weekly psychotherapy sessions. As she walked out of the consulting room with a prescription in hand, Lin Xiao felt an indescribable sense of relief—she realized she wasn't "worthless" or "difficult," she was just unwell.
Su Yang was already waiting at the door, holding a bag of hot wontons: "Eat while it's warm. Afterward, I'll take you somewhere."
They went to a small community farm on the edge of the city, where various vegetables, flowers, and a few gentle lambs were kept. The farm owner was an elderly woman who smiled when she saw Su Yang: "You're here, Xiao Su? Is this your friend?"
"Grandma, this is Lin Xiao," Su Yang said, taking a small hoe from her. "We'll come help out every week from now on, okay?"
Lin Xiao looked at the lush green seedlings in the field, then at the smiles on Su Yang and Grandma's faces, and nodded slightly. She squatted down and carefully pulled weeds around the seedlings. When her fingertips touched the soil, she felt a steady, warm sensation.