Is all this a gift from God or are we actually in a huge cage?Since her disappearance, I asked myself her question at least once a day.
I can't say if it was because at some point I too wanted to give myself an answer like Sasyashi tried to do, or simply it was a way to still feel her close and present in my days.About a year had passed since her disappearance and my days had become emptier.
We attended the same institute and lived in the same neighborhood. It was logical, I'd almost say natural, to find ourselves spending a lot of time together given the places we had in common.
Sometimes we happened to find ourselves studying together. She was much more gifted than me in studying and often helped me. In short, at least a couple of hours a day I spent with her.Seen from outside, for the huge amount of time we spent together, perhaps we could easily be mistaken for a couple.
〈Better not. It wouldn't have been the case for her.〉
The road I was walking that morning I walked with her, with my gaze always turned upward.Instead, I found myself walking it alone like the previous days of the last year.
Not much news had been given about her disappearance.
Simply her family had announced her disappearance with a poster.
Exactly. A simple poster that glorified her disappearance with an act of eternal devotion to our God and His magnificent feat entrusted to us in ancient times, namely the reconquest of His lands.Incidentally, the term "disappearance" was for me open to interpretation.It could have two distinct meanings.
Disappearance meaning lost in the unexplored lands governed by the Demon King and his followers, or disappearance meaning her departure.
Which of the two meanings was reality?For the people of Luminis, this differentiation was non-existent.
Getting lost in the lands beyond Luminis' borders was also synonymous with death, that is, on the same level as a lifeless body with a heart that has stopped beating.I, on the other hand, asked myself this problem.
Perhaps it was due to all those heretical discussions I had with her, but without realizing it, I was asking myself many questions on my own initiative that I wouldn't have even remotely imagined before.
Why does the human being exist?
Who is God?
What is beyond Luminis?
Does God really exist?
What is beyond death?
The Demon King?
All the people who have existed in Luminis and then died, regardless of whether from old age or something else, have they seen one of the two entities?
Since the Demon King is synonymous with death, it's more likely that after a human's departure there is him and not God.They were all questions that cast doubt on our God's work and the religious belief of Luminis.
Questions that normally other people would never have asked themselves.From her family's announcement, I had never managed to actually see her lifeless body.
I had gone to their home several times to get more information than the rest of the neighborhood.
I relied on the fact that, being a person she was particularly attached to or anyway a person with whom she spent a good part of her time, I could get some more information about what happened.
Well, they were useless attempts. I showed up several times and each time I was chased away rudely.
Comparing the parents' characters with the daughter's, I found it hard to believe they were the ones who educated her.Without even realizing it, I had arrived at the institute or as it is formally called "Religious and Community Training Center of Luminis".
As inferred from the name, it was a sort of educational center for the dissemination of religious belief and how to live in the Luminis community after certification issued by the institute itself. In short, school.
After passing its entrance, I headed to the first floor, the location of my classroom, entering it. My seat was at the back in the corner with a full view outside the window. There wasn't some great panorama where I could stare blankly.
Only the houses and dilapidated buildings of Luminis. Small homes of maximum three floors with mold grown on their walls.Dilapidated and moldy like the school after all. It was very difficult to find a residence, if not a building in more sober conditions. Thinking about it, perhaps the only ones saved from this dilapidated aspect were those strictly connected to the Church.Not even my orphanage, which was run by nuns, was exempt from this situation.
I sat down immediately, like the rest of the class, ready to welcome the teacher who would appear shortly.
Shortly after, his arrival preceded by the noise of the sliding door opening.
What can I say about this man if not an authentic assh... that is, a flat man. Almost without personality.I had him as a teacher for almost three years, that is, the time since I started attending the institute.In three years I haven't managed to understand his personality. He wasn't married nor had children. From what I could understand, he was a man tied only to the institute's activities and his role as a teacher.
From his way of doing things, I couldn't perceive any desire to live or at least commit to spending the days to the fullest.Sure, life wasn't easy, but he didn't even try to live it with grit and energy.
I only have one anecdote of him with a pleased expression in my memories.
During a lunch break I saw him reading a religious book behind the school courtyard. It was the only time I saw his lips form the shape of a smile on his face.
Not that there was a vast choice of narrative books to aim for.The easily available literary material was limited to poetry collections or old articles related to some work by Luminis inhabitants most likely deceased, updates on the city's status, or anyway books focused on the church and works that exalted the magnificence of our creation and the cruelty of the Demon King.
Hence my deduction. A church enthusiast.
A man devoted only to what concerns the religious cult of Luminis with zero interests that went beyond this context.Far be it from me to criticize other people's pastimes and passions, but I found all this rather sad.Since birth, we are raised and formed under the religious lines of Luminis and the immensity of our Lord. I'd almost say forcedly raised towards this path. Using additional time and energy to dabble in that context seemed excessive to me. Almost as if to say "I have nothing else in life but this".
Hence my conviction of a sad and enthusiastic man. Perhaps even this way of seeing people so devoted to the cult had arisen from the conversations with Sasyashi.Every person is born, grows, and lives by virtue of Luminis' existence. So it was normal to center one's life on professing and putting into practice what we have been educated for.I'm not saying that by now I saw life in a totally different way, but I was no longer so tied to this concept of faith that others aimed for.
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We give thanks to our God, for having granted us also this day and those to come.
We give thanks to our God, because You have given us Luminis.
We give thanks to our God, for having allowed us to live in this light surrounded by darkness.
We give thanks to our God, for having allowed humankind to be His disciples.
We give thanks to our God.
It was a ritual to recite the prayer together. The end marked the beginning of the lesson.