"Is a god entitled to any feeling other than pity?"
© Strugatsky Brothers
Shisui left the Hokage's Residence and wandered aimlessly through the streets. Passersby still stared at him, and now it was clear why. All of Konoha knew the Uchiha clan was gone, and suddenly a black-haired young man with the Uchiha crest on his sleeve appears on the street. Only the Hokage and some shinobi knew Shisui was on a mission and expected his return. But how were the civilians supposed to know? Naturally, they were surprised.
Feeling those curious stares was too unpleasant, and Shisui hurried from the crowded streets into the thickets of trees. He was still in deep shock.
"Uchiha Itachi destroyed the clan," he recalled Hiruzen's words. "Maybe you didn't lie, but Itachi... What did you do to him to make him do something like that?"
The situation had cleared up, but not completely. Shisui knew Itachi better than anyone. They understood each other without words, practically reading each other's minds. That stubborn kid had always dreamed of peace. How could someone like him do that to his own clan? Something was off in this whole story. Either the Hokage was hiding something, or Itachi himself had changed.
His feet carried Shisui to the familiar cliff.
Listed in the Bingo Book as an S-rank rogue ninja. He has unparalleled potential, but... he couldn't have handled the whole clan alone. They would have stopped him. Had he really become that strong in such a short time?
He emerged from the thickets and froze. On the rock sat a figure in a black cloak adorned with red clouds. No one knew about this place except him and Itachi, and Shisui immediately knew who was waiting for him at the cliff. He approached the rock slowly, as if afraid that Itachi would vanish at the sound of footsteps.
A skinny black ponytail, strands of hair falling over his cheeks. A dulled gaze, a tired face with shadows under his eyes, and the unchanging lines slashing across his cheeks from the bridge of his nose—they had grown even larger.
"Did you really do it?"
Say no. Say they forced you, threatened Sasuke, tortured you. Say it, please.
"Yes."
There was no continuation. Shisui choked.
"Who put you up to it?" he asked harshly.
"No one."
"How did you come to this?"
"You missed a lot, Shisui."
A calm, cold voice, low and adult.
"As soon as you left on your mission—they removed Father. Yashiro was elected leader."
Shisui shook his head. A lump rose in his throat.
The "best" option. What I feared most.
"The Uchiha went completely mad. They threatened Sasuke and Sarada, attacked right on the street steps from home. I thought about it for a long time, tried to talk them out of it. Sent a crow to you back then, but you didn't return."
His throat clenched in a spasm.
"I didn't get the crow," Shisui forced out with difficulty.
Itachi fell silent and continued:
"One fine day, I just asked myself: what am I even trying for? They were repulsive and... insignificant."
"Itachi," Shisui's tone boded nothing good. "Do you realize what you're saying? Yashiro, Inabi, Tekka, the others... I can maybe understand that, but you killed everyone! Your parents, my mother. That girl, Izumi... Idiot, she loved you! You were so blind you didn't even notice."
"Shut up," Itachi hissed.
He closed his eyes, and in the light of the setting sun, long shadows from his thick lashes fell across his cheeks.
It hurts him after all.
"Everyone thinks I've gone mad. Only this legend could Konoha believe. If other Uchiha had survived, my parents, your... your mother..."
Shisui's face twisted in pain.
"...it would have been immediately clear it was the government's doing. And now peace has come to the Leaf."
"Everyone thinks... Itachi, do you really believe you made the foolish villagers buy the legend? Didn't it occur to you that it's no longer a legend, but the truth? That you really are a monster?"
Itachi looked at him sharply.
"If I hadn't done it, there would have been far more victims. You were always too kind... Shisui. But there were no other options. Sorry, I couldn't protect both the Uchiha and the Leaf. I had to choose."
"That doesn't happen, Itachi. There's always a choice! I thought you were ordered to. Thought they blackmailed you. Threatened Sasuke. Wasn't that it?"
Itachi stared at the ground in silence.
"It was my choice," he replied after a moment.
"Because you thought the men of our clan were insignificant and repulsive?"
"Yes."
"People like that couldn't be trusted with the future," Itachi added.
"Damn it... Itachi! Yes, those idiots were always weak and arrogant. But you. You could disrespect them, despise them—you were always smarter, more farsighted, and you had every right. I already told the Hokage, and now I'm telling you: you were responsible for our clan and had to protect them. The foolish, the pompous. Anyone! Just because you can't feel anything for them but pity, and you allowed yourself to hate those beneath you. You said: 'What for?' Not for them, fine, but for your loved ones. There were good people in the clan who wanted peace and harm to no one. There were children. It was worth fighting for every such person, finding an alternative. And you just wrote them off."
Itachi said nothing in response to his speech.
"And Sarada... Your niece, whom you protected from me so fiercely. You killed her too?"
Uchiha Itachi squeezed his eyes shut, exhaled, and opened them again.
"No. It wasn't me who killed her."
Shisui laughed hysterically.
"That's new. So there was someone else?"
"Yes."
Silence hung over the cliff. Things were taking an unexpected turn.
"Who? You said it wasn't an order. So someone helped you after all? Root?"
"No. It was Uchiha Madara. He helped me wipe out the clan."
"What nonsense? Madara died over a century ago in battle with..."
"I don't know how he survived, but I'm telling the truth. You yelled at me about options and alternatives," Itachi continued in a lifeless voice. "Well, there were none. Your Kotoamatsukami would have helped, everything would have been fine—if not for Madara. He incited Yashiro, wanted to destroy both the Uchiha and the Leaf. I managed to save Konoha in exchange for the lives of the Uchiha. At least something..."
"So that's it," Shisui muttered, and after a pause added: "But even so. It doesn't justify you at all."
"I'm not trying to justify myself."
"That's exactly what you're trying to do, Itachi. I never wanted this. You feel guilty because I trusted you, and you betrayed me. No matter how logical your arguments, I'll never forgive you or accept any excuses. No matter what you say, we're no longer friends. I hope you understand."
"Yes."
Shisui, breathing heavily from indignation, sank into the grass.
"Why don't you kill me?" Itachi asked calmly.
"It's just a clone anyway."
"So you figured it out? Fine. Going after the original?"
"No. I'll leave that honor to Sasuke."
"Thanks."
Shisui rocked back and forth, hugging his knees.
"God... God... Is this really happening?"
"I've been asking myself that for a week and a half."
Shisui looked at him doubtfully. Black cloak with red clouds, dark nails, ring on the ring finger...
"What happened to your hands?"
"Rule of the organization I joined."
"What organization?" Shisui asked seriously, all ears.
"Akatsuki. They recruit S-rank rogue ninja. Orochimaru's among them."
"Right. You're S-rank now. Care to share when you managed to go from Chunin to such a high-class criminal?"
"While you were gone," Itachi replied a bit bitterly, venom for venom. "I was promoted to Anbu captain. So I wasn't just a Chunin."
Shisui frowned.
"They couldn't have. You're only twelve."
Itachi just shrugged.
"Grew two years in one. It happens sometimes."
In the months I was gone, you seem to have aged a lifetime.
"Shisui. I awakened Mangekyo."
"So that's it. No wonder. After killing your parents?"
"No, before."
Shisui eyed him suspiciously.
"But then whose death awakened your Mangekyo?"
Itachi closed his eyes again.
"Izumi's."
Shisui turned away.
"So you did love her," he said quietly. "Couldn't you have tried at least for her..."
"Enough," Itachi cut him off. "There was no other way."
"We could argue about that forever. Seems impossible to change your mind. Even if I'm right, you'd never admit it—it would drive you insane."
"Maybe. But you're wrong."
Shisui sighed.
"Please, take care of Sasuke."
"That's not something to ask. Of course. For his own sake, not because you asked, Itachi."
"I don't care. Just... he's innocent."
"I know."
"Shisui," Itachi remembered suddenly. "About Sarada. I have suspicions."
"What?"
"After Madara killed her—her body disappeared."
"You mean she time-traveled?" Shisui clarified skeptically.
"Most likely. Just keep an eye on the district. You never know."
"Fine."
Itachi's clone slid off the rock to the ground. The fabric of his cloak swayed in the wind.
"I have to go. Goodbye."
Shisui didn't reply. Itachi's body dissolved into a flock of crows that cawed and scattered across the area.
I left another Itachi, but this man—I really don't know him at all.
Talking to Itachi had felt hard because his presence stirred too many memories, negative emotions, and rage. But when his former friend vanished—it got even worse.
Loneliness weighed on Shisui's shoulders. The pain from the news of the Uchiha clan's fall and the talk with Itachi had been churning in his soul into a thick, heavy mass all this time, and as soon as the clone self-destructed—it burst outward. Trembling in his whole body, tears, sobs he couldn't hold back. Though why hold them back—no one was around on the cliff anyway. His brows drew together over the bridge of his nose, his lower lip quivered. His eyes burned from salt and chakra surging back into them, just like the day he first activated Sharingan. A power that decided for itself when to awaken, heedless of its master's will.
Too thick a pain, too much of it inside. Trembling and tears weren't enough for it, squeezed from a young, strong guy. It burst out in sobs, almost childish. Like a tantrum from a young child offended at the whole world for their personal reasons—the most serious reasons in the world—but the voice was low, masculine, making the sobs sound unnatural, even eerie.
He had nothing left. No clan, no mother. No friend. Not even a home.
"They'll give you an apartment..."
Until they do, Shisui, don't go back to the district. Sleep somewhere. On the street.
Though what was he thinking. He wouldn't voluntarily return to live in the former Uchiha district anyway. The walls of houses, the pavement, fences, crests painted on plaster and fabric awnings, flags—all soaked in death. The place was cursed forever. Even if the Hokage ordered the district razed and a new one built—it would stay empty.
****
Kirei's window was wide open as always. Shisui carefully perched on the sill and slipped his shoulder with a small backpack into the room. He had stopped by the district after all to grab some things, but still hadn't figured out where to sleep.
No matter. He'd crash somewhere. But first, he wanted to see Kirei. Shisui felt that if he stayed alone with his thoughts even a little longer, he'd go mad for sure. He needed a distraction, somehow. Anything. He'd dreamed of meeting Kirei all those long months on the Mist border. Thought about what would become of them after that farewell, pushed away heavy thoughts about the clan's fate with memories and dreams of the girl. Kirei was the last thread tying him to the past.
If she pushes me away now too...
The room was empty, and the door to the corridor was open. Clattering dishes came from the kitchen.
Last thing he needed was to run into her mom.
Shisui activated Sharingan and discerned two chakra signatures—one from the young she-wolf, the other from a girl. No one else in the apartment. He silently dropped from the sill to the floor and tiptoed into the corridor. He'd studied Kirei's room thoroughly, but never been in the rest of her place. A bright corridor with paintings—kanji on mats and cranes; tufts of fur on the clean wooden floor. Shisui cautiously peeked into the kitchen. Kirei was cooking on the stove. Food smelled delicious.
"Hey, Shisui."
Not scared, not surprised. They'd told her he was back in the village. She was waiting?
"You alone?"
He felt like a burglar who'd broken in without permission. Eiga approached and sniffed his leg, smearing his pant leg with her wet nose.
"Mom went to Aunt Tsume's. They're having a party, birthday."
"Why didn't you go?"
"Got certification soon. Need to study."
"Sorry, I interrupted," Shisui sighed heavily.
But Kirei quickly replied:
"No. Stay. Just, um," she eyed his shoes disapprovingly. "Take 'em off and wash your hands."
"Uh. Right."
Shisui found the corridor, kicked off his sandals, returned to the kitchen, and rinsed his hands.
"Eat?"
"Can I?"
"Uchiha, since when are you modest?"
"Dunno," Shisui replied glumly. "Feels like I shouldn't be here and... I don't belong here at all. Your mom will be back soon. Don't want more trouble."
"Oh, they'll party till morning. Relax," Kirei set a plate of food on the table. "Lucky you hit Tsume-auntie's birthday bash. Her parties always turn half the village upside down."
"Whose birthday?" Shisui asked, digging in.
"Like you care."
Kirei suddenly narrowed her eyes.
"Look at me."
Shisui met her gaze and felt a tremor awaken in his hands, the one he'd barely quelled after the breakdown on the cliff. Only this time the reason for the nervous shiver was different.
Kirei studied him intently.
"What's with your eyes?"
"What's wrong with them?"
"All red, burst vessels. Sharingan?"
"You asked, you answered," Shisui said dryly.
No way was he telling her about Mangekyo.
Kirei leaned back against the sill, arms crossed over her chest.
"You always use Sharingan, but never like this. And your face is all puffy."
"Can we not talk about it?"
"Fine," Kirei agreed reluctantly.
She sat across the table.
"Where you crashing?"
"Dunno," Shisui said, staring at his plate. "Somewhere."
His eyes really hurt. Were they that red? No, this wasn't how he'd imagined their reunion all those months. Not at all. He'd expected more. Even if it was all stupid fantasies, the hope that at least one would come true never left him.
"Stay here."
Shisui choked.
"W-what?"
"You got nowhere to go, right?"
"Yeah, but..."
"Then stay," Kirei declared in a tone brooking no argument and rose from the table. "I'm going to study. Wash your plate."
It was well past midnight, and Shisui had calmed a bit. He'd showered, changed into clean clothes, and lay in Kirei's bed, vainly trying to sleep. Nasty thoughts and memories crept back into his head. Shisui closed his still-aching eyes from overstrain and saw the same scenes cycling: bloodstain on the kitchen floor in his house, the Third's face, Uchiha crests all over the dead district, Itachi's face—too tormented and adult for a kid his age, the icy dead gaze of black eyes, hands with dark nails and a ring on the ring finger, and again the stain, again the damned fans.
Shisui rolled over. Kirei in glasses sat at her desk, one leg tucked under her, absorbed in a book under the desk lamp, lips moving. He admired her muscular legs, focused face, curly chestnut hair. Feeling his gaze, Kirei looked up from the book.
"Not sleeping tonight?" Shisui asked.
She shrugged.
"We'll see."
"I'm taking your bed."
"Uchiha," Kirei said threateningly. "I warned you—another word, and I'll throw you out the window you so rudely climbed through."
Shisui smiled.
"Every time I drop by—you're in the same pose, at this desk with your books and scrolls. What do you read at night? Year after year."
"Normal for wanting to be a good medic. Why can't you sleep? Light bothering you?"
"No. Bad thoughts creeping in."
From her look, Kirei guessed what thoughts. Return from a long mission to find your entire clan—including friends and family—wiped out. Wouldn't wish that on an enemy.
She took off her glasses and turned off the lamp.
"Study session over?"
Kirei silently sat on the bed's edge, back to him, and slipped her feet under the blanket. Shisui listened to her steady breathing, watched her hair spilled across the pillow in the dark, and felt better. Now his thoughts held only Kirei's image. She fell asleep without a second thought, and Shisui didn't know how he ended up beside her. Where had all his nobility gone—the refusal of her bed, insistence that the sofa with Eiga would be fine.
Shisui gently touched her shoulder with his fingers. Afraid she'd yell and snap again, but Kirei didn't stir. Maybe asleep and didn't feel? He brushed her shoulder with his nose tip, inhaling her skin's scent with delight, and kissed her hand.
No, she wasn't asleep. Kirei felt everything.
You don't mind? You like it?
Shisui kissed higher. Pushed aside the thick hair and lips brushed her neck. Kirei twitched faintly. She turned to face him, fingers tracing his cheek, then pressed her lips to his. Shisui grew hot. Minutes ago, even touching Kirei had seemed unattainable, forbidden—but now his hand freely slid along her waist to her back.
How good it was with her. Wasn't this what he'd dreamed of for so long? Yes. But Shisui hadn't realized the long-awaited intimacy with his beloved would numb the soul pain driving him mad.
He needed Kirei. Right now, more than ever. The last close person, the only survivor who hadn't betrayed him. She didn't know his secrets. Shisui never told her about his problems, the clan's criminal plans, his best friend's betrayal—and was glad Kirei knew nothing and didn't pry. She didn't try to shoulder his pain, share it—instead, she wanted him to cope alone. Her feminine intuition sensed exactly what he needed. She knew he'd come and skipped the party. Opened the window, made dinner. Shisui realized even now Kirei had sensed his pain from afar and set aside her wise scrolls for it. He never thought this sharp, strong-willed girl could be so open, so tender. And not with just anyone—with him, Uchiha Shisui.
Gasping, he pulled from her lips and exhaled:
"Kirei... I'll leave at dawn."
Kirei stroked his neck tenderly.
"Why?"
"Your mom will come back. And I..."
He still felt like a criminal, utterly dishonorable. But... she wanted it too.
"You're not going anywhere," Kirei stated firmly. "Pointless. Mom'll smell you were here anyway—her nose is sharp. Hey, hey, easy—your pulse spiked?"
Her finger, with a medic's habit, pressed his neck where the pulse throbbed clearly.
"Can't get higher," Shisui grumbled. "I'm an idiot. Couldn't say sooner?"
"That you're an idiot?" Kirei smiled and slowly kissed his lips. "Could've. Didn't want to."
She ran fingers through Shisui's unruly hair, forehead to forehead, and whispered:
"Relax. She'll understand, won't get mad. You really got nowhere to go. Besides... she doesn't need to know everything."