"Wow."
Darius stood among the wood fragments, both hands in his pockets, looking down at the door panel that had just undergone "physical purification."
"Yukinoshita-san, did you just concentrate Chakra at your fingertips? It seems I can no longer call you a prospective mental patient, I must respectfully address you as 'Apocalypse Witch'."
"That's not it!"
Yukino released her grip as if electrocuted, stepped back two paces, trying to maintain distance from the "corpse" on the floor.
Her face was pale, speaking very rapidly:
"This is because of metal fatigue! Rusted door hinges plus jamming, the load's fulcrum shifted, this completely conforms to mechanical principles..."
"Ssst."
Darius raised a finger in front of his lips, cutting off the conversation with a flat face:
"Explanation is the disguise of denial. Look, even the eyewitness has become stupid, mesmerized by your dominant aura. According to the Villain Handbook, you should silence that witness right now."
At the doorway, Yui clutching her school bag froze like a vegetable chicken.
Yukino's chest felt tight, she turned stiffly, trying to force a smile: "Yuigahama-san, this is just... an accident."
"Yu-Yukinon..." Yui swallowed, carefully stepping over the door ruins, "So your stress pressure is that great? Dismantling doors to release stress... I understand! High school girls really do have it hard!"
Yukino: "😐"
(No, you don't understand at all.)
"It seems this pink-haired NPC has high comprehension." Darius nodded, his gaze suddenly locking onto the bun atop Yui's head.
He approached like a meticulous neurosurgeon heading to the operating table. His expression was serious and professional, without the slightest hint of frivolity, only concern for a damaged machine.
Yui shrank her neck in fear: "Wh-who are you?"
"Don't move."
Darius suddenly pulled out his phone, turned on the flashlight, then quickly scanned Yui's hair bun from top to bottom. His mouth even produced "beep-beep-beep" detection sound effects, as if disarming a highly unstable nuclear bomb trigger.
"Just as I thought, the signal frequency band doesn't match."
"Huh? What signal?" Yui was dazzled by the phone's light and couldn't open her eyes, unconsciously protecting her head.
"Stop acting, the Earth Defense Force has been watching you for a long time."
While staring at the phone screen that actually showed no numbers whatsoever, Darius lowered his voice, his tone so confident it made hair stand on end:
"Yukinoshita's rampage earlier was because when you entered, the alpha waves emitted by this antenna interfered with her prefrontal cortex, causing her logic circuits to overload and forcing her to switch to 'Hulk Mode'."
Yui blinked, staring at Darius's face that was so serious as if declaring "the earth is round." Her brain's CPU started heating up, her pupils slowly transforming into mosquito coil spirals.
(Antenna? Interference? Yukinon went berserk because of me?)
"I-is that true?" Yui covered her mouth in horror, "I hurt Yukinon?"
"It's not your fault, it's the sunspots' fault." Darius put away his phone, then gave instructions in a professional manner, "Now, rotate the antenna 30 degrees to the left, switch it to 'Civilian Radio Channel'."
"30 degrees to the left... like this?" Yui actually grabbed her hair bun and twisted it hard.
*CLICK!*
As if a mechanical locking sound could actually be heard in the air.
Yukino, witnessing this entire process, felt her intelligence being trampled on the floor.
(Why is she actually rotating it? Why am I also hallucinating hearing sound effects?!)
"Enough!" Yukino shouted to stop them, feeling her worldview beginning to shake, "Yuigahama-san, that's hair! And you... newly discharged mental patient, please stop your nonsense!"
"Eh? So it was a lie?" Yui released her hand, feeling a bit embarrassed, the mosquito coil spirals in her eyes not yet completely gone, "But he looked so professional..."
"Professional?" Yukino sneered, "Professional at bluffing."
"Just being modest." Darius waved his hand, his eyes lowering to look at the bag in Yui's arms, "As a meeting gift, what did you bring? A new type of biochemical weapon?"
Yui opened her bag as if showing off treasure: "These are cookies! Although they're a bit burnt..."
A pungent warm aroma mixed with a strange sweetness instantly exploded. She pulled out an object as black as coal and hard as coral reef.
The corner of Yukino's eye twitched violently. (This is no longer in the "a bit" category, this is a pure crystal of carbon element.)
"Yuigahama-san..." Yukino tried to refuse tactfully, "Excessive consumption of carcinogens for the human body—"
"My god!"
Darius screamed in shock, instantly jumping to the corner of the room, tightly covering his nose and mouth with his sleeve: "Put it down quickly! That's an anti-matter grenade!"
"Eh? Grenade?!" Yui's hand trembled, the cookie nearly falling.
"Look at its color, this is a 'Perfect Black Body' that can absorb all light! Look at its hardness, even air would break bones hitting it! Did you bake this using a particle accelerator oven?"
Darius spoke very rapidly, each word piercing the heart, "If this thing is swallowed it will trigger nuclear fusion in your stomach, and turn you into a walking Godzilla!"
Yui stared at the black charcoal in her hand, her pupils trembling.
(So actually I'm not bad at cooking, but I'm a hidden Weapon Queen?)
"Then... can it still be eaten?"
"If you want to die don't drag us along."
"ENOUGH!!"
Yukino's logic string snapped. For the sake of science's honor, to destroy this crazy person's delusion domain, she stepped forward and snatched the cookie.
"This is just a burnt cookie! The laws of physics won't change because of your nonsense!"
With tragic courage as if heading to the gallows, she opened her mouth and bit down hard.
*CRACK!*
That wasn't the sound of food crumbling, that was the sound of granite screaming under a hydraulic press.
Instant silence.
Yukino's expression froze in an instant.
Her originally calm facial features began to physically distort, the mole at the corner of her eye trembling violently from jaw muscle spasms, her soul seemingly floating halfway out of her mouth and spinning above her head.
"See." Darius commented coldly from the corner of the room, "I told you this is armor-piercing bullet class, your tooth enamel is destroyed."
Right after he spoke, a crumb fell from Yukino's trembling lips.
As if to prove Darius's "Weapon Theory," when that crumb touched the wooden floor, thin smoke actually appeared, and a charred black hole was burned there.
Yui's mouth formed an O shape.
Yukino held her cheek, with pooling tears, she stared at the black hole in the floor. Her worldview was completely shattered.
(Could it be... I was actually wrong? This really is a weapon?)
"Report! High-temperature plasma leak!" Darius immediately retreated and saluted, his face very solemn, "My suggestion is to immediately seal and send it to the SCP Foundation for containment."
Yui stared at the burn mark on the floor, her gaze appearing very mature beyond her years: "So... I really am a weapons expert..."
Just at that moment, hurried footsteps were heard at the door.
Shizuka came in a rush, reflexively extending her hand to push the club room door.
"You all, think of a good excuse for me..."
Her hand pushed empty air, her body lurched forward from inertia, nearly spraining her waist.
"Eh?"
Before Shizuka could react, her high heel stepped on something hard beneath her foot.
*CRACK!*
That was the sound of wood screaming as it broke.
She looked down, seeing the door panel that should have been standing upright in its frame but was now lying on the floor as a doormat. The nerve in her temple began pulsing madly.
She raised her head, seeing Yukino covering her face crying and doubting life, Yui with a "I am an arms dealer" face after awakening a strange talent, and Darius standing in the middle of the ruins saluting.
There was no angry shouting as expected.
Shizuka with a flat face pulled out her phone from her pocket, then pressed a number.
"Hello, Aoyama Hospital? Yes, it's me again."
She took a deep breath, looking at the chaotic scene in the room, her voice sounding very tired:
"Please prepare three beds. One for the old patient, the other two... are family members who were infected by him."