The next day, the atmosphere in Class 2-B felt far more suffocating than usual. Since the morning bell rang, I could feel Shirayuki Madoka's sharp gaze landing on my back every now and then.
Usually, at hours like this, we'd be exchanging LINE messages or just laughing about the TV show from last night. But this morning, my phone was silent. No notifications from the group. Silent.
Every second ticking on the classroom clock felt like the tick of a time bomb. I tried to focus on the History lesson at the front, but Nakamura-kun's words kept echoing in my head: "Eat there, in silence."
Kring!
The break bell rang. Usually, this was the sound I looked forward to most. But this time, it sounded like a gong signaling the start of a fight.
"Minami."
The voice came from beside me. Madoka stood there, one hand on her hip, the other holding her small wallet. Haruna-san stood behind her, looking a bit awkward and pretending to be busy with her phone.
"Let's go. Cafeteria. They have a lasagna special today," Madoka said. Her voice was flat, but carried a strong note of command. This was the test. This was Madoka's way of seeing if I was still "loyal" or still wanted to "rebel" like yesterday afternoon.
My heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my own ears. My hand under the desk squeezed the lunch box I'd prepared since morning.
"Sorry, Madoka..." my voice shook. I took a deep breath, trying to remember Kurokawa's cold gaze and Nakamura-kun's weary eyes that seemed to say the world wouldn't end just because of this. "Today I... I want to eat in the garden."
Silence immediately enveloped the area around our desks. Some students who were getting ready to leave suddenly slowed down. They wanted to see what would happen to "Obedient Minami."
"The garden?" Madoka raised an eyebrow, her eyes narrowing with suspicion. "Since when do you like eating in that dusty garden? And you brought lunch? Didn't you say you hate washing lunch boxes?"
"I just... want to try a new atmosphere," I said, trying my hardest not to let my voice break. "Just for today."
Madoka was silent for a long time. Her gaze felt like it was peeling away every layer of my defense. In this class, doing something different was a declaration of war against group harmony.
"I see," Madoka looked away, her voice now truly cold—the kind of cold that makes your skin crawl. "Let's go, Haruna. Turns out Minami prefers being alone over being with us now."
"Madoka, wait..." Haruna-san caught a glimpse of me with a worried look, but Madoka had already grabbed her arm and walked out of the classroom without looking back once.
I stayed in my seat for a few moments, while people in class began to whisper. I felt like an island suddenly separated from the main land. it was terrifying. It felt as if I'd just lost my only place in this world.
I walked toward the back garden with a heavy gait. Every student I passed felt like they were staring and judging my decision. I reached the wooden garden bench with peeling paint, a place far from the noise of the cafeteria or the popular school rooftop.
I sat alone. There was only the sound of the wind through the leaves and, far off, the faint shouts from the ball field.
I opened my floral lunch box. The rice and tamagoyaki I'd cooked this morning looked delicious, but when I took a bite, it tasted bland. My throat felt tight.
This really hurts, I thought. Why does speaking honestly have to hurt this much?
Suddenly, a shadow fell over my lunch box. I looked up, hoping it was Madoka coming to make peace, but it was someone far more unexpected.
Nakamura Izumi stood there, bag slung over one shoulder, a warm can of coffee in his hand.
"You're not crying, are you?" he asked flatly. He didn't sit next to me, but leaned against the tree in front of the bench.
"Nakamura-kun..." I quickly wiped the corner of my eye. "I... I did it. I refused Madoka's invitation."
"I see. Congratulations. You just destroyed your social status in less than five minutes," he said cynically, but there was a note of acknowledgment in it.
"It doesn't feel as cool as I imagined," I whispered, poking at my rice. "It feels horrible. I feel like a bad person."
"That's because you still care," Nakamura-kun sipped his canned coffee, staring at the sky with his signature weary eyes. "People like you are raised to feel guilty if you don't please others. But think about it: Madoka is mad not because she lost a friend, but because she lost control. In her world, you're a property that must always be in its place. By sitting here, you're proving you don't belong to her."
I stared at Nakamura-kun's back, which looked so solid even though he was always alone. "Do you always feel like this? Alone without feeling guilty?"
"I didn't say I don't feel anything," he answered softly, almost inaudibly. "I just prefer the pain of loneliness over the pain of having to lie every day. At least this loneliness is honest."
I was silent. His words soaked into my heart. All this time I thought being alone was the ultimate failure, but seeing him stand there, I realized there was dignity behind that solitude.
"Tomorrow will be harder, Minami," he added before starting to walk away. "They'll start ignoring you, or maybe worse. But if you can survive just one week, you'll realize the air in this garden is much fresher than the air at Madoka's table."
"Nakamura-kun!" I called out.
He stopped without turning.
"Thank you. And... I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Because all this time, I was also one of those who just watched you from a distance without doing anything."
Nakamura-kun was silent for a moment. "Don't worry about it. I prefer not being watched at all."
After he left, I looked back at my lunch. This time, when I took a mouthful of rice, it tasted a little better. Still bitter, still scary, but there was a tiny sweet taste of courage starting to emerge.
I might have ruined the "mood" in Class 2-B, but for the first time, I didn't ruin my own feelings.