The Curious Mayor
Mayor G Goblin sat in his ornate office, fingers steepled beneath his chin. Sunlight streamed through stained glass windows, casting colorful patterns across his mahogany desk. Before him lay two names, written on a piece of parchment:
Mm
Qwertyrocky
His daughter's words echoed in his mind: "My crush likes someone else... a girl named Mm... she's prettier than me..."
The Mayor had seen many things in his long life. He had survived assassination attempts, negotiated peace between warring tribes, and once talked down an angry dragon by offering it tax exemptions. But nothing—nothing—prepared him for raising a three-year-old transgender daughter with an attitude problem and a crush on someone named after a keyboard.
Mayor (internal thought): Qwertyrocky. What kind of parent names their child after typing?
He shook his head slowly and pressed a button on his desk. A soft chime echoed through the building.
---
The Mission
Moments later, the door opened.
The Rock stepped in.
All 6'9" of muscle and barely concealed exhaustion. His superhero physique filled the doorway, shoulders so broad they seemed to enter the room before the rest of him. Dark circles hung under his eyes like permanent accessories. He moved with the heavy gait of a man who had seen too much and slept too little.
Mayor gestured to the chair before his desk.
"Rock. I have a job for you."
The Rock sat. The chair groaned in protest beneath his weight.
Mayor slid the parchment across the desk.
"Find two children for me. Mm and Qwertyrocky. I want to see their faces. I am curious how attractive they really are."
The Rock blinked. He picked up the parchment, scanning the names.
"You are paying me—a gang leader—to find children so you can judge their attractiveness?"
Mayor nodded, a small smile playing on his lips.
"Two coins."
The Rock's eyes widened.
The Rock (internal thought): Two coins. That is enough to feed the family for a month. Enough to buy Honey something nice, maybe calm her down about our runaway son.
He looked up.
"Should we beat them up or not?"
Mayor raised a hand firmly.
"Do not hurt them. They are just children."
The Rock tilted his head.
"How old are they?"
Mayor stroked his chin thoughtfully.
"Hmm... probably around Princess Bayot's age. Three years old or a bit older. Do not hurt them because you might break their faces. I am really curious how attractive they are."
The Rock nodded slowly. He folded the parchment and tucked it into his pocket. Then he stood and turned to his gang members who had gathered outside the door.
The Rock raised his voice.
"Boys, did you hear that? We should not hurt them because they are children. Did you also hear the reward? Two coins! So teamwork plus hard work equals two coins, okay?"
Gang Members 1 through 111 answered in thunderous unison:
"YES, SIR MANAGER!"
The Rock grinned.
"Good. Let us go find that crap."
Mayor watched them leave, his internal thought drifting:
"Let's go find that crap." Did I just think that? I am spending too much time around gangsters. Oh shie—Minecraft.
---
The Search Begins
The G Goblin gangsters scattered across the city like ants released from a jar.
They searched everywhere.
Schools. Markets. Alleyways. Hidden corners. Abandoned buildings. Underground tunnels.
Hours passed.
Dust settled. Feet grew tired. Hope began to fade.
Then—
Gang Member 1's voice crackled through the communication stone.
"Boss! I found one of the targets! Qwertyrocky! He is boxing in an underground fight in G Goblin City!"
The Rock grabbed the stone, his grip tight.
"What? Where?"
Gang Member 1's voice was breathless with excitement.
"He is at the underground fighting ring, boss! And he is amazing! He is four years old but he has so much potential!"
The Rock's eyebrow rose.
"Really? He has potential? What kind of movements? Fast or powerful?"
Gang Member 1's voice crackled with enthusiasm.
"Boss, his movements combine both fast and powerful! From what I am seeing, his idols must be the top notch boxers from history. His movements look like Ippo Makanochi G Goblin mixed with Manny Pacquiao G Goblin, mixed with Floyd Mayweather G Goblin, mixed with Mike Tyson G Goblin, mixed with Jake Paul G Goblin, mixed with Muhammad Ali G Goblin! He copies them perfectly, boss! You should come here because round one is just starting and he is already dominating!"
---
The Rock's Realization
The Rock reached into his pocket and pulled out a worn photograph.
A picture of his two-year-old son.
Werty D. Rocky.
The Rock (internal thought): The movements are top notch boxer style. Interesting. It is like he is a genius copycat, just like me. That boy probably loves watching boxing movies. Just like my son.
His eyes narrowed.
The Rock (internal thought): Damn it. If I see my son there, I will definitely ground him. He ran away from home to box. Damn it. And because of him, Mommy D. Honey beat me up. Shit, I am scared of my wife. Every time I go home, she sucks the life out of me constantly. Damn it.
He shook his head violently, forcing the memories away.
The Rock spoke into the stone.
"Okay, we are going there now. Where is the location?"
Gang Member 1: "At One Piece Island Street, Barangay 15, Phase 2 location! Bring the Batmobiles, boss, so you can get here in time for the fight!"
The Rock nodded.
"Oh yeah, noted."
He turned to his gang, voice booming.
"Boys, prepare the Batmobiles! We are riding to One Piece Island!"
The gang members scrambled into action.
Gang Members: "Boss, the Batmobiles are ready!"
---
The Batmobiles
The Batmobiles were massive bats with wheels instead of feet and large wings folded against their bodies. Their fuel was eating meat, and the gang had named them Batmobiles because... well, because they could.
The Rock mounted the largest one, gripping its fur.
"Very good, Batman Gs. Let us go find that Minecraft!"
The swarm of Batmobiles took flight, their massive wings beating in unison as they soared toward One Piece Island.
---
Back to the Fight
Gang Member 1 continued watching, his eyes fixed on the ring below.
In the ring, Qwertyrocky fought.
He was four years old.
Four.
But he stood six feet one inch tall—impossibly tall for his age. His body was slim but muscled, a superhero V-taper already forming, perfect muscle definition visible under his skin. His appearance was super handsome—platinum blonde hair, golden-brown eyes, bone structure that could cut glass.
His goal was aura farming. His talent was copycat—he could mimic any fighting style he watched. But right now, his love was boxing.
His opponent—a larger, older G Goblin—stood across the ring, ready to fight.
The crowd roared.
The bell rang.
And Qwertyrocky moved.
---
The Rock and Honey — Flashback Begins
As The Rock rode toward the fight on his Batmobile, the wind whipped past his face. His eyes grew distant.
Memories flooded back.
Four years ago.
---
The Rock was a handsome G Goblin with a superhero body—6'9" tall, muscles stacked like armor plates. His stick dagger size was 16 cm resting, 25 cm fully extended. Monster bulk, they called it. Top notch.
But he was poor.
A construction worker. Mixing cement. Hauling beams. Counting every coin, every scrap, every chance to survive.
Then he saw her.
Honey.
She drove a monster truck—a disaster-level dragon named Disaster. She was a super strong woman, class: Monster Tamer x Necromancer x Summoner x Dragon Tamer. Because of her, the G Goblin City lived in peace. No monsters could invade.
Her title was The Guardian.
And she was also the number one ranked beauty in the city—goddess type, big baddie build, 7'7" tall.
Her only goal was to find a strong G Goblin male because no one could penetrate her block holes and pink holes. They were too tight. Too compressed. Centuries of accumulated power had made them impossible to enter.
Until she saw The Rock working construction.
---
The Rock (internal thought, seeing her approach): My goddess. I need to leave here. Shit. She definitely has plans for me.
He straightened, trying to look busy.
The Rock (out loud, nervously): "Hello, ma'am. What can I do for you?"
Honey's eyes roamed over his body. A slow smile spread across her perfect features.
Honey (internal thought): Oh my gosh. He is the one.
Honey: "Hey, poor guy. What is your name? And show me your stick dagger size."
The Rock (internal thought): Shit. Oh god. I am dead. I will definitely lose weight because of this. She has plans for my body. Ah, not my body! I worked so long as a construction worker to build this superhero physique. Is this the end of my muscles?
The Rock: "Ma'am, this is private property. I have papers here allowing me to work as a construction worker."
Honey tilted her head, amused.
"Handsome, do not change the subject. I asked for your name and your stick dagger size."
Behind him, the construction workers whispered among themselves.
Worker 1: "Poor Rock. He will definitely lose weight later."
Worker 2: "You said it. And that is Honey, the Guardian. I heard in the news she has been searching for a top notch monster stick dagger because she said in an interview that no one can penetrate her block holes."
Worker 3: "Is that true?"
Worker 2: "Yes, I heard it myself. That is why poor Rock is in trouble."
Worker 4: "Why?"
Worker 2: "Look at Rock's muscles. He worked hard for those. And he will definitely lose weight because of... child support."
Worker 5: "Oh, right. He will lose weight because he will have a child to support. Feeding a family means he cannot eat enough himself. That is where the weight loss comes from."
Worker 4 nodded sagely.
"Very good, Albert G. Einstein."
Worker 6: "I observed this with my own eyes. My observation haki sees everything. Nikola G. Tesla."
Nikola G. Tesla and Albert G. Einstein laughed together.
---
The Rock, desperate, tried a different approach.
The Rock: "Ah, sorry, ma'am. You want to know my name and stick dagger size? Is that all you came here for?"
Honey's smile widened.
"Yes, daddy."
The Rock (internal thought): Oh shit. She called me daddy. Shit. I am saying goodbye to my muscles now. Ahhh, I do not want to lose weight.
The Rock: "Ma'am, my name is Jorge D. Tilap. And my stick dagger size is average—3 cm resting, 5 cm full. Very skinny."
Honey (internal thought): Liar. Hahaha. Idiot. Why are you lying? I will sue you for fake news. Yay.
Honey: "Oh? Just average?"
The Rock (internal thought): Hahaha. I think she believed me. Oh yeah.
The Rock: "Ah, yes, ma'am. Average."
The workers whispered again.
Worker 1: "Idiot. Why is he lying about being average when he is so big? Who will believe that?"
Worker 2: "Yeah. Rock is in trouble. Advanced happy condolences to you, Rock."
Honey laughed—a villainess laugh, dramatic and theatrical.
Honey: "HAHAHAHA!"
The Rock laughed along nervously. "HAHAHAHA!"
Honey: "Shot up, bad daddy. You are lying. You are so big but claim your stick dagger is average? Idiot."
She turned to her dragon.
Honey: "Disaster! Teleport Lawyer G and Father G here. We are getting married."
Disaster the dragon grinned, smoke curling from its nostrils.
"Yes, ma'am! Hahaha, you are so stupid, handsome G Goblin. Lying about your size? Idiot. Look at your shorts—it is obvious you are big even when hidden. Hahaha! Based on my dragon eye vision, your stick dagger is 16 cm, not even fully extended. Definitely monster grade, hahaha!"
Honey's eyes widened.
"Damn it, Disaster! You are not getting dinner tonight! Why did you only tell me now that his stick is monster size?"
Disaster shrugged its massive wings.
"I wanted to see how this played out. Hahaha! Also, you will be busy later."
Honey: "How do you know we will be busy later?"
Disaster: "Master, I know your block holes and pink holes are top notch tight. No one has ever penetrated them."
Honey: "Bad girl, Disaster. Hahaha. Okay, teleport them now."
Disaster cast dragon magic teleportation.
POOF.
Lawyer G appeared, stumbling forward, nearly falling.
Lawyer G: "Shit! I was playing G Box Roblox! The battle there was intense! Why was I teleported here?!"
Honey waved a dismissive hand.
"Shot up, Lawyer. I will give you Robux later. Just be patient. I need you here, okay?"
Lawyer G straightened his robes, adjusting his glasses.
"GG. So what is the problem, Guardian?"
Honey pointed at The Rock.
"Lawyer G, please sue this G Goblin. He lied and gave fake information about his stick dagger size."
The Rock (internal thought): Ahhh. There is no escape now.
Lawyer G approached The Rock, circling him like a vulture.
"Hey, handsome G Goblin. Why did you lie? That is against Republic G Act 18+. If you lie about stick dagger information, you can become the slave of the person who sues you. So you probably know your fate now, G handsome man."
The Rock hung his head.
"Yes, your honor. I am guilty. I lied to protect my body. Look at this woman—she is so beautiful, a big bang theory. My life is in danger. If she penetrates my stick even once, I might die from losing all my life force."
Honey (internal thought): Hahaha. Just wait until later.
Honey began crying—acting, but convincing. Tears streamed down her perfect cheeks.
"Lawyer G, he is so mean. He does not want me. Am I not top notch enough for him? He should be proud to be my slave because I am number one in beauty in the G Goblin City! I am also suing him for G Goblin discrimination of beauty!"
The Rock (internal thought): What a bad girl. I am really trapped here. Just wait. I know your body is what you want from me. Just wait until I spank that big booty theory of yours, hard, until the white truth comes out.
Lawyer G stroked his chin.
"You are going too far, handsome G man. You violated the G Goblin Act of Discrimination, captured in 24k. It is illegal to discriminate against top notch beauty. Why did you do that? Because of this, your case gets worse. You are now a certified slave of Guardian."
Honey (internal thought): Ahhh, I am so happy. Shit. After all this time, I finally found a top notch monster stick. This G Goblin male is the first one lucky enough to penetrate my block holes and pink holes. My holes are so tight, average cannot handle it. I need a monster stick. Shit, I am excited.
Honey clapped her hands together.
"Yay!"
Lawyer G (internal thought): Sorry, handsome G. Advanced happy condolences.
The workers watched in stunned silence.
Worker 1: "Shit. Poor Rock. His stick dagger is definitely rock hard."
Worker 2: "Literally."
Honey turned to The Rock, her eyes gleaming.
"Handsome, wait. You might leave me, so we should get married. Hahaha!"
She spun back to her dragon.
"Honey: Disaster, teleport Father G."
Disaster nodded.
"Yes, future mommy."
Disaster used teleport magic.
POOF.
Father G appeared, blinking in confusion.
Father G: "What? Am I in heaven already?"
Honey: "Idiot."
Father G looked around, then sighed.
"Ah, it is you, Guardian. I thought I was going to heaven, but I am just here. So Guardian, why did you call me?"
Honey clasped her hands together.
"Father, I am getting married. Please bless our union."
Father G shrugged.
"Sure, no problem."
The Rock (internal thought): No! I cannot escape her now. If she sucks my stick, I will lose weight. Then she can abuse my body because with the blessing, my body will heal faster. Damn it!
The Rock grabbed Father G's robe.
"Father, help me! Do not let me marry her, please!"
Father G pushed him away gently.
"Quiet. You should be happy because your wife is top notch."
Father G (internal thought): Sorry, G man. I cannot help you. Guardian is the biggest sponsor of the church. And she is kind, except when she wants something—like your body. GG.
Honey beamed.
"Thank you, Father. Hurry, I am excited."
Father G raised his hands and began to chant.
Father G cast the Marriage of Life and Death.
"No more delays. The Light of Heal heals bad thoughts. The Light of Heal heals bad memories. The Light of Heal heals the body. The bond between these two G Goblins, male and female, becomes one. They become a family. Help each other. Fulfill the Light. And if one of you cheats, automatic death. I thank you."
He lowered his hands.
"You may now kiss your spouse."
Rock and Honey kissed.
The Rock (internal thought): Ahhh shit. She is sucking my saliva. I will die from dehydration. Ahhh, help!
Honey (internal thought): Yam yam. I was right. He is top notch. His saliva is sweet like sugar.
The workers watched, wincing.
Worker 1: "Ahh shit. I do not want to watch. I might feel sorry for Rock."
Worker 2: "Look, Rock looks dehydrated already. So pitiful."
Rock and Honey boarded the dragon. Rock drove. Honey hugged him from behind.
Rock looked back at the workers.
"Guys, I am leaving now. I am about to face the gira. Please pray for me. I thank you."
The workers waved.
Workers: "Good luck, Rock. Do your best."
Worker 3: "Rock, your muscles... they might disappear."
Rock forced a smile.
"Do not worry. We are married now. And if I lose weight, she can heal me with the blessings Father gave."
Worker 4: "Nice one."
Honey (internal thought): You think I will heal you? Hahaha. Idiot. I will not heal you. Your stick dagger is what I will heal later. Hahahaha.
Rock raised a fist.
"Virginia hatdog!"
Honey giggled behind him.
"Yes, Virginia holes!"
The Rock (internal thought): NOOOOOOOOO! I am dead! Oh Creator, give me strength to fight the disaster holes!
Honey rested her chin on his shoulder, her voice soft.
"I wish your monster stick can penetrate my holes. I am tired of being alone. Goblins see me as the Guardian, not as a female G Goblin. I am so jealous of all the G women who have families. I hope you can give me a child."
The Rock's voice softened slightly.
"Do not worry. I will stand by you. Truthfully, I really like top notch big theory women."
Honey (internal thought): Hahaha. Oily.
---
Four Years Later
After four years of marriage and... enthusiastic activity...
Honey sat across from The Rock at their dining table, arms crossed.
"Rock, your son is always aura farming. He is good in school. He is good at fighting. So give me another child. If you do not come home tonight, I will suck you constantly."
The Rock's face paled.
"Honey, I cannot handle the tightness of your black holes. My stick dagger keeps running out of white water because your black holes suck so strongly. Honey, please understand. I want to live. You know the stick dagger is the life force of all males. Please understand what I feel for you."
Honey's eyes narrowed.
"I do not care. I want another child. You only use my pink holes now. I am bored. I want a new child. If you do not, you cannot come home. And remember this—when you come back, I will suck you until you lose weight."
The Rock's shoulders slumped.
"Honey, do not be like that. I really cannot handle your beauty. It is amazing. And if I penetrate your black holes, I will die from happiness."
Honey (internal thought): It is true. You will die from happiness. With my beauty, no one can match my body type. I am top notch. I am the number one ranked beauty in the G Goblin City.
Honey: "Sos, flatterer."
The Rock leaned forward, his voice earnest.
"It is true. Your beauty is so captivating. And because of that, you gave me a great sickness. A sickness that flows in my heart. And when I penetrate your black holes, my heart—the one you captivated—will hurt even more."
Honey stood, pointing at the door.
"You are going too far, Rock. Leave. Damn it, sugar daddy mouth."
The Rock stood slowly.
"Yes, mommy."
Honey: "Eating sugar?"
Rock: "No, mommy."
Honey: "Telling lies?"
Rock: "No, mommy."
Honey: "Open your mouth."
Rock grinned.
"Hahaha!"
Honey kicked him out of the house.
The Rock landed on the ground outside, then stood, brushing off his clothes.
The Rock (internal thought): Yes, sir! Mission successful! I survived!
He walked away, whistling.
---
Back to the Present
The Rock shook his head violently, the memories fading.
The Rock (internal thought): Shit. Why did I remember that?
Gang Member 1's voice crackled through the stone again.
"Boss, hurry! The fight is starting!"
The Rock gripped the stone tightly.
"We are coming. Stay there."
He urged his Batmobile forward, faster, faster.
I'm coming, kid. Whoever you are.
---
[END OF CHAPTER 8]