Middleton's subterranean geography was a closely guarded secret—mostly because Lexi Possible had rewritten the municipal maps to show nothing but "stable tectonic density" where her four-thousand-level laboratory actually hummed with the power of a captured star. It was a space that defied the laws of physics, zoning regulations, and occasionally, the Magical Council's decrees on forbidden biological alchemy.
"Level -732 is experiencing a 0.08 percent increase in humidity," Lexi murmured, her eyes flickering with data as she adjusted the atmospheric scrubbers on her main console. "The feathered raptors are becoming restless. They require... professional stimulation."
Monique, sitting in a hovering ergonomic chair that Lexi had 'optimized' to massage precisely 42 pressure points, looked up from her tablet. "Lexi, when you say 'professional stimulation,' you usually mean someone is about to get chased by a dinosaur."
"I prefer the term 'kinetic environmental engagement,' Monique," Lexi replied, her "Cheerfully Terrifying" smile broadening. She tapped a holographic file on her screen. "And I have found the perfect candidate for the position of Sublevel Security Liaison. She has extensive experience in high-energy plasma containment, a proven track record of athletic maneuverability, and a documented history of being chronically undercompensated by a blue-skinned megalomaniac."
Kim Possible, who was currently practicing her balance-beam routine on a localized gravity-filament, nearly fell off. "Lexi, you are not hiring Shego."
"Subject 1-A, your assessment is based on a binary 'Hero-Villain' social construct," Lexi said, her voice a calm, clinical lilt. "From a logistical standpoint, Shego is a redundant asset in Dr. Drakken's organization. Her talent for destruction is being wasted on 'Take Over the World' schemes that have a 99.4 percent failure rate. In my lab, she would have full autonomy, a comprehensive dental plan recognized by the Galactic Council, and a 'No Cape' clause that is legally binding in seventeen star systems."
"She tried to melt my locker last week, Lexi!" Kim protested.
"She was merely testing the thermal resistance of the school's infrastructure," Lexi chirped. "Besides, I have already sent her the contract via an untraceable, encrypted quantum-burst. She is currently standing outside the 'Hidden Maintenance Hatch' behind Bueno Nacho, contemplating her life choices."
Outside the "Hidden Maintenance Hatch" (which looked remarkably like a dumpster to the uninitiated), Shego was indeed contemplating her life choices. She was holding a small, glowing data-pad that had materialized in her hand three minutes ago.
"Full autonomy... Hazard pay in intergalactic credits... Unlimited access to the high-yield espresso machine," Shego read aloud, her eyes narrowing. "And I get to punch anyone who tries to touch the 'Forbidden Flora'?"
"Shego!" Drakken's voice shrieked from a nearby hovercraft. "What are you doing? We have a dam to sing to! Or a volcano to poke! Or... something involving magnetized seagulls!"
Shego looked at the dumpster. She looked at Drakken, who was currently tangled in a bunch of magnets. She looked back at the data-pad, which was now projecting a 4D image of Lexi Possible looking cheerful and holding a clipboard.
"The Justice League has already approved the security clearance, Shego," the hologram chirped. "And the Plumbers have agreed to ignore your prior criminal record in exchange for a 'Voluntary Resource Allocation' agreement. Do you wish to remain a henchwoman, or do you wish to be an 'Autonomous Security Consultant'?"
Shego didn't hesitate. She kicked the dumpster, a secret hatch hissed open, and she vanished into a beam of neon-violet light.
"SHEGO!" Drakken wailed as the dumpster turned into a solid block of titanium and sank into the pavement. "MY SENSE OF DRAMATIC FLAIR IS HURT!"
The transition was instantaneous. Shego materialized in Sublevel -001, where Lexi, Kim, Ron, and Monique were waiting.
"Welcome to the Possible Protocol: Deep-Lab Division," Lexi said, her lab coat shimmering with excitement. "You are now officially a 'Recognized Entity' of the laboratory. Your first task is to manage the 'Containment Anomaly' currently occurring on Level -732."
Shego stretched, her hands glowing with a faint green plasma. "Fine. But if I see a sentient stapler, I'm melting it."
"The staplers are in the Galactic Council's archives, Shego," Lexi assured her. "Today, we are dealing with a localized breach of the Mesozoic Menagerie. The feathered theropods have discovered how to manipulate the biometric locks using their vocal mimicry."
"Wait, dinosaurs can talk?" Ron Stoppable asked, his eyes wide as he clutched a bag of Nacos.
"They can mimic frequencies, Ron," Lexi explained. "Specifically, they have been mimicking your voice to request 'extra nacho cheese' from the automated feeders."
Suddenly, the lab's red lights began to pulse. A calm, synthetic voice echoed through the halls.
"Warning: Containment Failure on Level -732. Prehistoric predators have reached the 'Low-Stakes Comedy' zone. Please secure all snacks."
The "Low-Stakes Comedy" zone was a sprawling, subterranean jungle-biome that Lexi used for her "Genetic Diversity Tests." It was lush, humid, and currently full of three very fast, very feathered dinosaurs that looked like a cross between a turkey and a nightmare.
"Okay, there they are!" Kim shouted, her grappling hook at the ready as they vaulted over a prehistoric fern. "Lexi, why are they wearing tiny hats?"
"It was an experiment in 'Visual Identity Recognition,' Kim," Lexi said, her eyes glowing as she tracked the dinosaurs' vitals. "The hats signify their hierarchical status within the pack."
Shego smirked, her hands bursting with green energy. "I got this. Hey, Big Bird! Back in the cage!"
She launched a bolt of plasma. The lead raptor—the one wearing a tiny, knit beanie—ducked with a grace that suggested it had been trained by the Infinite Realms' best combatants. It chirped a perfect imitation of Ron's scream and lunged toward the espresso machine.
"Hey! Not the coffee!" Shego yelled, diving into the fray.
While Shego and Kim were engaged in a high-speed chase involving plasma blasts and gymnastics, Ron Stoppable found himself separated from the group. He stumbled into a clearing where a smaller dinosaur—a fluffy, blue-feathered creature wearing a miniature sombrero—was staring at him with tilted curiosity.
"Uh... hi there, little guy," Ron said, holding out a hand. "I'm Ron. And this is Rufus."
Rufus popped out of Ron's pocket, wearing his own tiny grass skirt. He squeaked a greeting.
The dinosaur chirped, a soft, melodic sound. It stepped closer and sniffed Ron's bag of Nacos.
"Oh, you want a chip?" Ron asked, pulling out a cheese-covered tortilla. "Here. It's the good stuff. Not the 'optimized' protein-pellets Lexi makes."
The dinosaur took the chip, its beak clicking with satisfaction. It began to nuzzle Ron's hand, its feathers feeling soft like a very expensive pillow.
"Ron! Get away from there!" Kim shouted, swinging down from a vine. "That's a Deinonychus! It can disembowel you in three seconds!"
"No, no, he's cool!" Ron insisted, scratching the dinosaur behind its frilled ears. "His name is... Nacho. And look, Rufus is teaching him the 'Hick-a-bicka-boo'!"
Indeed, Rufus and the sombrero-wearing dinosaur were currently performing a synchronized dance move. The dinosaur seemed to be purring.
"Subject 2-B is exhibiting 'Cross-Species Emotional Bonding,'" Lexi murmured, taking notes on a holographic pad. "This confirms my theory that the 'Stoppable Factor' is a localized anomaly that can bypass predatory instincts. This will be very useful for my upcoming summit with the Magical Council regarding 'Domesticated Chimeras.'"
Shego landed nearby, looking slightly singed but triumphant. She had the other two raptors—the beanie-wearer and one with a tiny bow-tie—tangled in a specialized "Neutralization Net" that Lexi had designed.
"The beanie-one tried to bite my head off," Shego grumbled, wiping soot from her face. "But the one with the bow-tie... he's got style."
"They are 'Cheerfully Terrifying,' are they not?" Lexi asked. "Shego, your performance was 14 percent more efficient than my initial projections. You have earned a 'Commendation for Tactical Containment' from Star Command."
"Whatever," Shego said, though she looked secretly pleased. "Just tell me the espresso machine survived."
"It is 100 percent functional, Shego," Lexi said. "And I have added a 'Liquid Plasma' setting just for you."
The "Containment Anomaly" was eventually resolved. The dinosaurs were led back to their habitat, but not before Ron had promised Nacho that he would bring more cheese-powder next week.
"You can't just keep befriending the prehistoric predators, Ron," Kim said as they ascended back to the surface in the violet-light elevator. "What if they follow you home?"
"They can't follow him home, Kim," Lexi said, her voice dropping into its authoritative, "Sovereign Entity" tone. "I have already installed 'Stoppable-Frequency' biometric locks on the lab's exits. Ron is the only human—besides the Justice League's oversight committee—who has 'Universal Access' to the menagerie."
"Universal Access?" Monique asked, raising an eyebrow.
"It keeps him busy, Monique," Lexi whispered. "And it provides me with excellent data on 'Low-Stakes Interpersonal Chaos.'"
They stepped out into the backyard, where the sun was setting over Middleton. Shego was already leaning against the fence, a cup of green-glowing espresso in her hand.
"Drakken's gonna be pissed," Shego remarked, looking toward the distant volcano lair.
"I have already sent Dr. Drakken a 'Cease and Desist' order from the Galactic Council's labor board," Lexi said cheerfully. "And I have replaced his 'Magnitized Seagulls' with bioengineered pigeons that only sing show tunes. He will be distracted for months."
Monique walked over to Lexi and kissed her on the forehead. "Hiring Shego, befriending dinosaurs, and annoying the cosmic bureaucrats... just another day in the life of Lexi Possible."
Lexi smiled, her green eyes glowing with a faint, internal light. "Efficiency is its own reward, Monique. But the look on Barkin's face when he sees the 'Prehistoric Sturgeon' I've planned for the school's aquarium... that will be 'Cheerfully Terrifying' perfection."
As they headed inside for dinner, a soft ping echoed on Lexi's secret Genius Coalition channel.
Barry Eisenberg: Lexi, Naldo wants to know if you can send him one of the dinosaurs with a tiny hat. He says it would make the RV look more 'professional'.
Lexi: I will send a 'Holographic Projection' of Nacho, Barry. Real theropods require a level of 'Stoppable-Factor' that your laboratory currently lacks.
Lexi Possible was happy. The lab was secure, her sister was safe, her girlfriend was happy, and the universe was exactly 12 percent more organized than it had been this morning.
And for now, that was the ultimate "low-stakes" win.