Ezra woke up face down in sand, ass planted up and arms splayed in uneven angles.
His mouth was full of the same sand, specks of seashells even.
The coughs came unwilling, his body ridding the throat from the very things that had tried to drown him: seawater and then some more.
He finally rolled over and caught his breath.
He remembered the flight. The sudden turbulence, emergency masks deploying. Flight attendants assuring everyone everything would be okay. Ezra believed it too.
Until he realized trees shouldn't be that close to the windows.
'I died. And now I'm here. Where the fuck is here?'
His legs found footing in the sand, chiseled brown skin and feet wider than he remembered. He naturally brought his gaze to his full body.
'Holy shit.'
Where a normal stomach should be, were eight-pack abs that seemed to have been carved upon his body. He was taller too, four inches taller in fact.
He'd dreamt of going under surgery for extra inches, but maybe that wasn't needed anymore—not that he had the money anyway.
His newfound glee quickly faded as he took in his surroundings for the first time.
He was standing on a beach, and not just any beach.
Palm trees grew as tall as buildings, holding coconuts twice the size of any that he'd ever seen. Stranger yet, boulders the size of cars lined along the outer clearing as if to deter what would crawl out of the waters.
Ezra took a step and tripped over himself. His long legs would need some practice before he could confidently walk.
A sudden realization crossed his mind then.
'Did I die or did I wash ashore?'
His phone was gone. His bag was gone too, and with it his gaming laptop. $2000 in total.
He cursed under his breath.
And there was no plane in sight, no bodies either. That was a relief though, as the thought of it made his spine crawl.
Ezra stared at his toes sinking into the sand. He definitely remembered the trees, the forest wherever the plane had been flying over. No water in sight for hours. So how was it he came to be adrift on a shore?
Behind him, the waters stretched to the horizon, and ahead, the jungles grew more entangled the longer he held its gaze.
'There can only be one conclusion.'
That was when golden text appeared in front of his eyes.
[ Ping! ]
[ System initializing... ]
'Okay, scratch that conclusion. Did I get fucking isekai'd?'
[ Analyzing soul... ]
'Bingo-ooo-oo.'
[ Class assigned based on soul affinity ]
'Give me something good, System.'
[ Class: Frontier Chef ]
He stared at the words.
'Frontier Chef? What the hell is this?'
He read them again.
They didn't change.
'I died on a plane and came back as a cook?!'
[ Starting skill supplemented: Appraisal ]
[ System will fully activate after host is deemed worthy ]
[ Current objective: survive ]
The text disappeared just as quickly as it came.
He stood there for a long moment, mouth half open, waiting for more. But the System had gone, replaced by the slow moan of the ocean waves.
'Could things get any worse?'
His stomach growled in response, loud enough that one of the crabs down the waterline actually stopped and looked at him.
It was the size of a dog, claws raised like it had something to prove.
Or squeeze.
'Yeah, no. You are not squeezing my balls today.'
The coconuts, though.
Those he could work with.
One had already fallen near the base of the closest palm. He'd spotted it earlier—hard to miss, given it was the size of his entire torso.
He walked over to it, stumbling twice on the way because his new legs still wanted to forget its owner.
He crouched down.
Same hair (wait, do coconuts have hair?) as a regular coconut, same shape even. Just absurdly, unreasonably large.
A beetle the size of his thumb crawled across it and he flicked it off.
'High oxygen. The trees, the big ass crabs, these giant nuts, that's the only logical explanation.'
He'd watched a few videos about it once—prehistoric Earth, higher oxygen levels, dragonflies with two-foot wingspans. What-if brain rot videos on how large insects would grow if Earth was tuned to max.
'Then again, the theory's a work-in-progress.'
The air did feel different. Every breath went deeper than it should.
That he had to thank for his newfound lungs.
Still, he needed to crack this thing open.
He first tried picking it up by holding it with his arms at the base, legs planted for leverage against the overgrown nut. His posture looked more like he was about to take a shit.
The sand under his weight gave way and his ass met the sand.
He tried to kick it but his bare toes ate most of the impact.
'This hurts more than stubbing my toe against a chair. F—'
He cursed again.
'This nut weighs a ton. I can't just lift it up. The sand here doesn't help any better with planting my feet either.
This is fucking annoying. If I had received any other class, I could cut it up or burn it to ash, something.
Can I get a damn re-do?!'
His frustration transferred to his arm without thinking, fist already balled and elbow winded behind him.
He struck the coconut right in the middle.
Crack!
'Okay... So the muscles aren't for show.'
The liquid came squirting out in a familiar way he did not want to name just yet. He fell to his knees, dry tongue against the leaking liquid. Now wasn't the time for decency.
It was coconut water but better. Sweeter and richer than it had any right to be.
Like the real version of what they sold in marketplaces when the blazing sun was out.
Which even then he preferred the liquid cold, not so warm.
He drank anyway until it stopped leaking.
[ Reminder: Appraisal skill available ]
Ezra nearly spit out the coconut water.
The Golden text formed before his face again.
He focused on the coconut he just sucked from.
Nothing happened.
Ezra tried again, this time caressing the hairy texture of the coconut. That did nothing as well.
'Maybe it's voice recognition.'
"Appraisal."
[ Giant Coconut — Common ]
> High caloric density.
> Restorative when fresh.
The information came at once. But that's not what Ezra was concerned for. His fingers were wrapped around his throat, testing his Adam's apple.
'I sound like I went through puberty three times over.'
Rubbing his throat, Ezra reread the golden text.
'So Appraisal catalogues whatever I want to identify. Details, rarity... etcetera. That still doesn't help with combat though...'
He turned his head toward the ferns growing along the tree line.
Focused the way he did with the coconut.
[ Bzzt ]
[ Not within reach ]
'So I have to be within range at least.'
Ezra punched a bigger hole into the same coconut, still surprised at what little strength he had to muster. The old Ezra would have broken his knuckles. He carved out a chunk of the white flesh with his fingers and bit into it.
He made a sound that was drowned out by the crashing of more water.
The sun was directly overhead and the heat was brutal. Shade from the palm helped, but not nearly enough. His bare skin was already starting to burn.
He glanced back at the crab on the waterline.
It was still watching him, closer now. It had been gaining ground slowly since he'd woken up.
'You sly bastard.'
"Appraisal."
[ Coastal Pincer Crab — ★ ]
> Dense meat. Claw meat is the best cut, juiciest too.
> Aggressive, territorial nature. Can break finger bones.
'There's one thing I'll admit. I love crab meat.'
Ezra stood up, dusting the sand from his butt. The crab halted in its assassination, its slug-like eyes glossing over Ezra. It even fucking blinked.
They stared at each other for a long moment, the way two people do when neither wants to throw the first punch.
The crab moved first. It scuttled sideways, claws raised, circling him like it had done this before.
Every time Ezra stepped forward it snapped at the air hard enough that the crack echoed off the boulders.
He tried kicking sand at it, but the crab took it like nothing.
'Something's coating its eyes. And it each of its ugly sockets can focus on two things at once. That means it'll spot my intents before I make them.
Fuck it, I have a new body. I'll try and break through that shell.'
He tried stomping near its face. It lunged and he stumbled back so fast he nearly fell over his own feet again.
'Fuck, it's fast though. Fighting it head-on is out of the question.'
Ezra regained his balance and created a meter distance to think.
The Appraisal said it could break finger bones. The shell looked thick on top, hard and ridged like armor plating. But crabs had soft undersides.
He knew that much from eating them.
'If I can flip it somehow, I'll actually have a chance.'
He put his hands between the gaping hole in the coconut, tearing it in half and kicking away the larger half. No way he was gonna be able to lift that one up.
The other half he held was big enough to use as a shield, or at least something to shove with.
The crab was already lunging. Ezra side-stepped and swung the shell low, catching it right along the side. It skidded across the sand and landed on its back, legs scrambling in the air.
There it was: the belly. Unlike the reinforced orange armor on its back, the underside was a pale, almost pale cream. It was segmented and soft, pulsing with the creature's frantic breathing.
It was simple really. After three hours of watching 'How to Kill a Crab' videos, he knew that impaling it up the anal cavity would render it useless.
Ezra didn't hesitate. He inserted his hand into its ass, driving his full weight through the hole. He pulled out as quickly as he went in, holding bits of grey and black organs crushed within his palm.
'Now I just wait for it to die.'
The crab twitched once, claw snapping at Ezra's exposed nuts. "I knew you'd try something like that," Ezra cursed, stepping back at the last second. "Can't blame you though. I'd do the same shit."
He waited until it stopped moving.
He sat back in the sand, breaths coming out in slow pulls. Even through that, he was unusually calm. Actually, a smile had drawn across his face.
'I just killed something. A crab bigger than a fucking dog, no less.'
[ Ping! ]
[ You have proven your worth ]
'That easy?!'
[ Skill unlocked: Culling Arts ]
[ Skill unlocked: Ember Arts ]
[ Skill unlocked: Palate Arts ]
[ Would you like to fully activate your System? ]
Ezra stood straighter now, standing with his chest high and shoulders down. His right arm was still covered in crab goo. But that was the least of his worries.
He still didn't know where he was, or why any of this was happening.
But then again, this was much better than going to nursing school.
"Yes."